Other ways? While that thought had provoked her curiosity, Hunter felt as if that was just Kenny's attempt at getting her to give him a bj, which she had staunchly refused from the very beginning. What, the girl had more moral than that, and besides being uncomfortable with the very idea, she was afraid that she would put too much teeth into it and would wind up in the emergency room, having to answer to a lot of judgmental looks. Urgh, and having to explain that to her father... Plus Avery would never let her live it down, not even on her deathbed...

Sensing the reservation and easily surmising its source, Kenny assured her that it wasn't what she was thinking, although he was still holding out hope that it wasn't completely off the table. "It doesn't have to be that, although it's always an option."

So was taking it up the Kardashian, but that didn't mean that she was willing to do that either. "Let's just see what else there is first, ok?" She patted his shoulder. "And even if we can't come up with something else, that doesn't mean an automatic win for your idea."

"So what you're saying is that you might, if we can't find a way around not having sex? A way to do it with without doing it? A way of expressing our interests without stepping completely on the other's toes? Man, there has to be an easier way to say that we should be able to work this out as a couple, a way that will do its best to appease both sides. Some kind of a word we can use..." Kenny screwed up his eyes in concentration. "How about we call it a hobbelwoopleded-gook?"

Being toted by some as a smart person - and very inaccurately at that - Hunter had a better word for it, one already in common usage. "Or we could call it a compromise."

Spoilsport. Well, at least now Hunter was willing to hear out some of his ideas. "We could get a sex doll, and in our desperation pretend that it's alive. Naturally it would better looking than either of us-" That Hunter doubted, since she found few people she'd compare to her boyfriend. "-and we could take it on dates with us."

Glossing over the strange looks they'd get from passersby, there was only one issue that came to her mind. "But what if you start to love her more than me and you end up getting married in a shot-gun wedding so she can keep her visa and stay in the real world? Then you'd have to apologize to her on the Hoover Dam, or you'd have to chase her all the way to way to the high school gym where you would go through a time barrier, and only you and your friends would know what happened, while she'll only have a guess that never gets fully explained but she totally accepts."

Kenny had already thought of that; that was why there was more than one option to consider. "Only one idea of five. We could lend each other a hand, or if that's too much contact for you, we could just watch."

Mutual masturbation? Wasn't that the kind of thing you did with a same-gendered sibling or really good friend that you just didn't go down that road with? And if they were getting the other off, that was kind of like her giving him a hand job, right? "A handy is only this much better than a foot job in public." Hunter held her hand rather low at first, shooting it higher rather rapidly to prove her point.

"My dad has a friend who once gave his wife a toe-snub at some restaurant in New York in front of a crowd of people." It was more carrying on a conversation at that point than trying to work something out with his girlfriend.

Hunter had no idea what Kenny was talking about. "Toe-snub? What's a toe-snub?"

Putting it frankly, Kenny explained it in a way that made it clear it was fairly far down on his wish list, and rather high on his chart of deal-breakers. "It's a reverse foot job." Seeing that she still wasn't comprehending the concept, the blond continued. "A toe-snub is when a guy pets his girlfriend's-"

"I got it!" The idea was equally displeasing to Hunter, now that she knew what he was on about.

Although, if it was using parts of her own body to pleasure him that was causing this issue, there were a couple alternatives to that. "Well if we go the route of touching ourselves, we don't have to use our hands - we could use other things. I have a fake vagina-"

Wait, what?! "Why do you have a fake vagina?! You're not some kind of sick psycho that's going to kill me, are you? It's not made of the stitched together skins of your exes, is it?"

Yeah, because if that was the case, he was so going to be upfront about it and just blurt out his intentions. "I stole it from health class. It's actually not a bad substitute... As I was saying, I have other things we can use instead. I have my fake vagina, and I think my mom bought some of those Smucker's sandwich-pie things, so I can just heat that up. I can also just use your jacket or something." At least that way it was cheap and cottony, and if he aimed it in the right place, no one would even know what happened, unless they decided to lick the coat - then he'd have some explaining to do.

Disturbing as that last suggestion was, Kenny was on to something with this idea. "That's all fine and all, but what about me? What if I also want to try something a little more advanced?"

"Do you?" It was an honest question.

Honest as the answer. "Not particularly, but what if I did? What if I was finally able to get myself to the place where I could want to experiment with you?"

Unlikely to happen anytime in high school, but why the fuck not answer her inquiry? "I have some toys that you could use, of course that would take some getting used to." Because they knew that her body was still learning to adjust to the size of him. "And since we'd have to go overboard with the protection, that could take some time..." Really, it would be faster to just order some wimpy beginner sets for her.

Yeah, time was an issue here, and very of the essence. "Right... Well in the meanwhile, we could work on figuring something else out. We could always go to two separate places and just listen to the other - a little Madonna/Britney action." Oh the lesbianism of that video/routine...

Girl-on-girl kissing was never a bad thing by any means, and this one time, it gave Kenny an idea of a different nature. "Well everyone thinks of you as a guy, right? So what if I were to be a girl? Dress up like a beautiful, intelligent, beloved princess from a far away place that one's ever heard of or checks on, and you could be my sexy English teacher, who like most teachers doesn't back away when you feel yourself getting too close to your students. We could be two completely different people having sex, and it wouldn't be us. That way, you wouldn't even have to lie to Garrison about what we did."

Oh God, now that was an appealing offer, but the entire point of this was to find a way to not have sex for ten dates, and however many days fell between. Maybe they should just give it up as a bad chapter and just go the fuck to sleep. The PG date was grossly underrated by today's youth, and anyways, all of this talking was beginning to make her tired. Maybe she could just fall asleep... Too bad that she wasn't at home in her father's massage chair, because that felt really nice to take a nap on and could usually send her right off...

"Fight. We could fight out our pent-up lust, pounding each other another way." Although he had to wonder how much more she could take before looking like Micky Rourke after all those botched surgeries...

"Or we could dance." Hunter cracked, yawning loudly as her head started to droop against Kenny's arm. "That's much less violent. Not as sexy, but so much better for the house. Poor house."

Just as worn out from sprinting for their lives and everything else that day, Kenny snuggled up closer to Hunter, pulling the covers up over their shoulders. He had one last idea, but they were both so sleepy when he said it. "It might sound crazy, but we could kill me, and then once I'm dead, you'd be having sex with my corpse, and not me, so it probably wouldn't count. But I'd be part dead, so sex might be hard."

Snorting, it was not long before that noise became a soft snore. Well it was no crazier than getting a bouquet of carrots or a period mix to listen to 'that time of the month'...


Because boyfriends and girlfriends talk to each other about sex stuff, Randal. Funny, I was thinking of things to try to satirize, and here it just falls on my head! The rom-com. Mind, while I love satire, this will be the first time I attempt at actually writing it, so please, just keep that in mind, since one side-effect of that includes taking extra liberties with the dialogue.. Thinking about it, I suppose that in a few ways, I already was making light of the rom-com, but now this chapter is deliberate. Truthfully, usage of Kardashian in place of ass came from the show Awkward. Like I always say, credit where credit is due. The definition of the word compromise, a dig at Twilight. Ok, so maybe Twilight isn't so much of a rom-com (depending on your kind of humor), but rom-com is easier to say than romance-related cinema/stories. Alright, also covered/mentioned are the movies Mannequin, The Proposal, Fool's Rush In, 17 Again, When Harry met Sally, The 40-Year Old Virgin, American Pie, That's My Boy, Bubble Boy, Never Been Kissed, Crazy, Stupid, Love., Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Warm Bodies, and No Strings Attached. Some of the parts are more developed than others, granted, so I'm not sure if one or two of them should be kept in or not. I have no idea if a toe-snub is a real thing or not, and frankly I'd rather not. Yeah no matter what gender your sibling is, you shouldn't fuck them. If you do, that's your own business, but seriously, da fuck?. As a last note for this chapter, I just have to say that I'm kind of proud of myself for how crass this chapter came out, and how easily. Seriously, I've never been able to write things like this before, so it means a lot to me that I'm finally able. And it frightens me a bit too, since some of the last few chapters were quite intense. Hehe, Sam...

I do not own South Park, that's all on Matt and Trey, but I do own Hunter and the rest of the Bloodworth clan!