Disclaimer: This is AU. I do not own any of the characters from Grey's Anatomy. I just manipulate them to my will. Also, any line or phrase or setting that seems remotely familiar from any other show, movie or book, also not mine. I borrow… But any original characters are mine. Hands off.

AN: Wooo….8 hours on the road, all alone in a car sure takes it out of you. But I made it, and thank you to all those who wished me safe travels. Now, I whipped up a little to hold you guys over. I know some of you are jonesing for your next score so…next chapter is up! Enjoy!


Chapter 52

Arizona's POV:

think about it…think about it… fucking think about it? What does she think I have been doing since Vegas! When I'm not thinking about her, im thinking about riding. And usually, when I'm thinking about riding…I'm thinking about how she would react if I did ride again. ….Prove myself…to myself? I know I won, I earned it. But…

So, tonight obviously didn't go like I expected. For one, I never would have dreamed that I would have proposed tonight, but I did and what's even better is that she said yes. Yay! Right? That's what I thought but then Calliope dropped a fricking bomb on me. 'You should ride again.' …yeah, I blew up. But why shouldn't i? I know she had a near death…thing, but… jesus!

I've been lying in the guest bedroom for about an hour. This isn't my bed, my sheets, my room…so I can't sleep. All I can do is 'think about it.' …what the fuck am I going to do? I was sure…100% sure that I was done. I had finished my career, my ride was over. And it was a good ride. I went out on top, whatever anyone else said, I know it is the truth. But now…. Callie's little game changer was a spark. My mind was like a grassland that had gone without water for a year. And Callie's words were a spark. Now my whole fucking head is on fire.

After tossing and turning for a few more minutes I decide that enough is enough. I'm not fooling anyone into thinking I would be able to get to sleep. Not when I'm not in my own bed…not when I yelled at Callie. …yes, I yelled but..was it too much? I have lost the ability to judge acceptable anger from all out rage. Right now, to me…everything wrong deserves to be cussed out then knocked out. I roll out of bed and grab my phone. …213am. Awesome. I decide to send Mark a quick text.

Let's talk…today. –Z …couldn't hurt, right?

I stumble downstairs in my night clothes that I grabbed from the bedroom before locking myself in the guest room when I turned in. Its dark save for the one security light we leave on. Flipping on the TV and putting it on mute with subtitles …she has trouble enough sleeping right now I go and cruise our liquor cabinet. Grabbing a glass, I select an old friend. …bourbon sounds right. I pour two fingers full, then pause and end up adding another two fingers full.

Plopping down on the couch, I flip to ESPN. I've got the package that seems to show every single sporting event ever created in the history of man. I just sit for a couple minutes, looking at the pictures, not really caring about understanding what is going on. Then the PBR logo flashes across the screen. My head perks up and I start to read, next Alex Karevs photo is being shown next to Burkes. At this I turn up the sound.

"…Karev has beaten back opponent Preston Burke for the second straight week. The two have been trading leads for the past 8 tournaments, and there seems to be no end in sight." …you go Karev.

Then a picture of me from last season, with the golden cup in my hand, is plastered on the screen. "In related news, sources say PBR star Arizona Robbins is still recovering from her injuries that occurred during the shooting at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital in Seattle, Washington. The latest intel reveals that her casts are off and through the help of her personal trainer, Theodora Altman, she is getting stronger every day. A personal friend of hers was even quoted as saying 'Z is a hero … a fighter… of course she wouldn't let a couple bullets and a few broken bones keep her down for long.'"

The news caster continues with "When asked if Arizona Robbins was still planning on continuing her career with the PBR, the reply was 'That's still up in the air at this point. But…Arizona isn't a quitter.'"

sources? Friends? I know I've let Mark give some details about my recovery but…no quotes. I can feel the rage bubbling beneath the surface again and I flick the TV off. …no, Z. No, throwing the remote at the TV may feel good, but you'll have to buy another one. Taking a swig of my very stiff drink, I grab my old guitar from the stand under the TV. Positioning myself on the floor, back against the couch, and a nice fire going, I start strumming the strings of my old friend. Just like at the bar, the music I create soothes me. My fingers move over the neck as if it were second nature. I play softly and hum along with the lyrics of the song in my head. A love song, what else?

The song pauses as I hear the footfalls of another make their way slowly down the stairs, but I continue on. My head falls back against the cushions of the couch, eyes closed and my humming grows a little in volume. When I sense that she is watching me, close to me, I open my eyes and find hers, they are tired and sad.

"Hey…" She whispers as she plays with the edge of one of the cushions of the couch. …anxious.

"Hey yourself…" I reply. She shifts from foot to foot, not really knowing what to do. Not knowing if she is welcome or not.

"H-how long have you been down here?"

I shrug my shoulders and take sip of my drink. "Half hour maybe." My fingers return to their work on the strings.

"Couldn't sleep?" She asks, a little hopeful.

"Nope… you?" I'm actually curious if she could sleep after the argument we'd had. If something can keep her from sleeping, it's a big deal.

"No, I couldn't. …I uhh, I actually checked all the rooms, looking for you…" She says.

"Well, you found me." My tone accented by the missing of a note and my fingers running across the strings a little harder than needed.

"Sorry… I'll-" Her voice thick with hurt and held in tears.

I cut her off "No, Calliope. I don't…I don't want you to go. Stay, please." Looking in her eyes, showing I truly mean it. She gives a small smile then takes a seat next to me against the couch as I put aside the guitar. She takes my now mostly empty glass of bourbon and smells it.

"Dear god… at this hour?" She asks, and then gives that little laugh that I love. We sit in awkward silence for a couple minutes. Callie is playing with her hands in her lap, eyes down and I'm just staring off in space. Finally, I take her hand in mine and our eyes meet.

I take a deep breath and begin "I'm sorry…" She opens her mouth to say something but I cut her off "Please… let me say what I need to say." She nods and I continue "I'm sorry I blew up…like I did. But… I don't think my reaction was totally wrong. I still think that… ughhhh!" I give a frustrated laugh. "Honestly Cal… I don't know what I think." I look at her with pleading eyes, asking her to help me understand. Another tense silence, then Callie brings her hands up to my cheeks and pulls me in for a slow kiss.

"I have one question first…" She takes a deep breath, steeling herself. "Do you still want to marry me?" I can see her eyes glisten over at the thought of a possible answer.

"Of course I do… of course. There was never any question of that Calliope." I can't believe she would even consider that. A relieved smile crosses her face and she pulls me in for another kiss.

"Okay…whew… so now, for the other…thing." She sits up straight and prepares to give her spiel. "I don't…no I don't think I explained myself…enough, earlier. Let me say what I need to and if I am totally off base, please correct me." She looks directly at me and I nod. "Okay… I think you should ride again. For one season. To show everyone that you are good…not just a fluke, not just a pretty blonde, not just the PBR's trophy girl, but a skilled, talented rider. ….I know that people are now doubting whether you won on merit or because you where the favorite. I know YOU know you won on merit, but I think you are not liking other people questioning that. …Am I right so far?" I nod, still sitting in silence. "So… to shut everyone up, you just need to win again. That's all." A small smile crosses my face.

"that's all huh?" I play. …if only it was that easy.

She picks up on the humor in my voice. "Yep, that's it. …What? A superstar like you has tournament winnings coming out of her cute little butt right?" I let out a sigh that she takes as frustration. "I-I know it's… not that easy but, I really think that…that you need to do this. …To be happy in the long run, so you won't look back and see your amazing career tarnished by, by, by gossip."

"That's…that's what I tried to tell you before…"

"Yeah but Arizona, you didn't lay it out like this. You said 'I need to do this'. I-I didn't know why. All I knew is that you were doing something without talking to me about it, and it was something you KNEW my position on." Callie explains. She's right, I didn't get in to all that. I just figured she understood.

We sit in silence, just processing what each other said, then Callie asks a question that she has never asked me before. "Why…w-why don't you…believe?" She asks tentatively, not wanting to set me off again.

Taking a deep breath, I try to answer the oldest question ever asked. Why don't you believe in god? "I uhhh… I refuse to believe in something…some higher power… some all knowing being… that would make people like me…gay. ….Different, something that the rest of his followers cry wrong. ….If there is a 'god' then why would he make people like you and me and, and, and…tell everyone else that we are bad…that we are going to hell just for being the person we were made to be." She doesn't answer, just sits and listens. "I…I want to believe Callie…. I want to believe that there is something…out there. Something more than just this. …For my brother's sake more than anything, because he so deserves to be in heaven. But…to believe in heaven, you must also believe in hell and… that's not a place I want to believe in because I've been told….too many times to count… that that is where I am going." Again, she doesn't comment, just content that I had a somewhat comprehendible reason why.

Then she says "You know… I did see him. I can…understand why you would be doubtful but… I saw him, as plain as I see you now." Her hand brushes against my cheek. "You two look so much alike…" I smile at this, remembering all the times people thought we could be twins. "...he's so proud of you… you know that right? …He, he knows how hard you worked to win…win for him. Even though it wasn't possible for him to be even more proud than he already was…." My eyes start to tear, thinking about one of the last conversations I had with my brother. "He uhh…that picture, that one by your bed in Colorado…" I nod, telling her I know which one she is talking about, the one where I'm sitting on his shoulders. "…That was it, wasn't it? That was the win that uhhh…that pushed him into the marines?" She asks, already knowing the answer.

My mind starts racing. …I, I never told her that. And…my parents don't know about that. The bet, they don't know about that picture. There's just two copies of that picture. I have one, and the other is six feet below, with my brother. How… "How…" I wipe tears that have fallen from my eyes. "How did you know that?"

She smiles at me. "He told me babe… just like how he told me that you thought you could defy the laws of gravity and jump off a roof with bed sheets tied across a couple of broom sticks." I laugh at that memory.

"Yeah… not my brightest moment. But it sure made Tim laugh." My eyes are far off, thinking about the past, about my brother, and about how he will never get to meet Callie.

She reads my thoughts. "He approves…" She says with a cocky grin.

"Oh yeah? You think so?" I play. She nods and leans in for a kiss.

"I'm sorry…for blowing up…for not believing you about Tim…for being a complete mess lately." My eyes drop from hers. …I am…a complete mess. She puts a finger under my chin and lifts it until my eyes find hers again.

"You are my fiance' now, which means I have to put up with all your crap …and I wouldn't have it any other way." She leans in and gives me a passionate kiss, one I am very happy to return. She pushes me back onto the rug and moves over me. We start slow, just happy that we are no longer fighting, that we are back where we should be. But slowly, our kisses, our touches, our want become more. With pillows and blankets from the couch, on the floor in front of the fire place is where we celebrate our engagement, just like we both hoped we would.

now this is what I call an engagement night.


AN2: Alright, I fixed them. Everyone happy? …Good. Now, read and review. I'm off to go drink and make a complete fool of myself with the company of my brother. …Enjoy and I will see you all tomorrow. Until then, cheers!