Tomorrow came too soon.
Lelouch busied himself with preparing tea for Genbu and Suzaku as he went over what to say. In the end, once he returned to the living room, he just decided to go with blunt matter-of-factness.
"I'll be leaving for Pendragon in August for Law School."
Genbu looked surprised, but pleased and oddly proud. Suzaku just stared.
"That's what my trip was for, to tie up loose ends and find a place to stay. I've talked to the superintendent and he'll let me out of the lease if I leave the apartment mostly furnished. It's a three year program, but I can come visit if you'll let me and…" Lelouch stopped before his voice could break. Suzaku was still just staring.
"Congratulations." Genbu finally smiled. "It's an impressive accomplishment Lelouch." He patted Lelouch's back somewhat awkwardly. "And of course you can come and stay with us, at any time."
Lelouch smiled back. "Thank you. I… I was hoping I could keep some personal items with you as well. Pictures and…" he gestured to the ceiling, "the cranes, of course."
Suzaku placed his tea cup down with a noisy clatter and stood up. Lelouch's smile wavered at the blank expression on Suzaku's face. "Suzaku…"
Suzaku slapped him.
"Suzaku!" Genbu yelled, shocked. Lelouch just felt stunned.
"I hate you!"
By the time Lelouch managed to raise his head, Suzaku had stormed out of the apartment. Genbu looked torn between racing after his son and tending to Lelouch.
"I… Lelouch I have no idea…"
"It's okay." Lelouch swallowed hard. It was no less than he deserved. "Don't be mad at him, he's… he's not wrong."
Genbu shook his head. "I understand that he's upset. Frankly, it's a little bittersweet for me too. But there's no excuse for what he did."
There was, though. It hadn't even been until Suzaku struck him that Lelouch realized what he was doing to him – abandoning him, just as things were getting complicated. Well. More complicated. Lelouch needed to work through his internal conflicts on his own, but by doing so he'd forced Suzaku to work through everything on his own as well. He knew Suzaku could handle it, he had great faith in Suzaku's resilience and abilities, but it was hard. And Lelouch had just, selfishly and unilaterally, made it harder.
Lelouch realized he must looked as ashamed as he felt when he felt Genbu's hand on his shoulder. "Come over after supper. I'm sure he'll talk to you then."
Even though Lelouch didn't necessarily agree that Suzaku would, he came over.
Genbu led Lelouch to Suzaku's room and wished him luck. Lelouch saw why as soon as he walked in to find Suzaku seated on the bed with his legs curled to his chest and his head resting on his knees, poised in a completely defensive posture.
He sat down beside him and waited.
"I'll be good."
Lelouch didn't answer Suzaku's soft promise, waiting for clarification.
"I'll stop pestering you and kissing you and sleeping over and everything that makes you uncomfortable. I'll get good marks and win awards and stuff… anything, Lelouch, please don't go."
"Suzaku…" Lelouch felt something caught in his throat. "I'm not leaving to punish you. You are good. You're a far better person than I am. I'm leaving because I have to go. It doesn't mean that I love you any less or that you did anything wrong."
Suzaku raised his head. His eyes were red and puffy. "That's not really true, is it?" He asked, despairingly.
Lelouch wrapped his arms around him. "Of course it is. I love you every bit as much as I always have, even if you hate me. I will miss you so much when I'm gone and I will always keep my promise."
He could feel the shudder that wracked Suzaku's body as he held back more tears. "I don't hate you."
"I know, sweetheart…" Lelouch allowed Suzaku to crawl into his lap and snuggle, holding him close as he cried quietly. "Shh… it's going to be okay, Suzaku."
"I'm going to miss you so much."
When Genbu poked his head in an hour later, Lelouch was lying on Suzaku's bed, with Suzaku still curled in his arms, asleep. Lelouch continued stroking Suzaku's hair as his and Genbu's eyes met. Lelouch wasn't sure what he was expecting, but the small smile and the quiet click of the door closing was both a relief and a bit of a let down. He wondered how Genbu would have reacted if Lelouch had been comforting Suzaku in a more active way…
Still, the feeling of comfort that Lelouch always had when sleeping with his arms around Suzaku led him off to sleep before he could examine that.
