Author's Note: Well, that took longer than I expected. Thank you for waiting so patiently for this chapter. Also, thank you to Vorcha Girl, spacecats, Jules Hawk, Kateriel79, katiecav, and Kirsah for the reviews on the last chapter. If I didn't reply personally, I am so sorry. I have been busier than I thought I was going to be over the last few weeks and have barely had time to sleep, which is why this chapter took so long. I certainly hope you like it.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I have to thank Vorcha Girl for your constant support. Seriously. You should bereading her work.
I guess that's all ... Enjoy! - TLC
Chapter Fifty-One
Kaidan made his way to the side of the stage. He looked out over the crowd and was surprised by the number of people who had come to see him named a Spectre. He knew enough to know, however, that most of them were there for the party to follow. It was just another way to pretend there wasn't a war on. He swallowed hard, wiping his hands on his pants as stage fright suddenly washed over him. He turned to look for Hackett or Udina, to see exactly what the plan was and froze when he saw Shepard speaking with the Admiral. She was wearing her dress blues, with the skirt, and short heels. Her hair was pulled up exposing her elegant neck and her make-up was just enough to catch his attention but still remain professional.
They turned towards him as he made his way over, "Major," Hackett greeted extending his hand, which Kaidan accepted in a firm shake. Kaidan turned his eyes to Shepard, and felt himself pause when she snapped to attention and saluted him.
She saluted him.
He nearly stuttered as he returned the salute, and she fell into a relaxed attention. He couldn't help but notice the mirth in her eyes. Kaidan glanced at Hackett who had clearly not missed his reaction to the Commander and the switch in power within their working relationship. "Shepard and I were just discussing the Normandy and her upgrades," Hackett explained, and Shepard nodded.
"I haven't gotten a good look at her, not since her return to the Alliance," Kaidan admitted, having regained his composure after his slip. "Hopefully, I'll get a chance to soon." He added, meeting Shepard's eyes. When he noticed her raised eyebrow, he realized what he had said, and smirked. Sure, he had been talking about the Normandy, but the words could easily be applied to someone else. Before any more could be said, a certain weasely voice rang out behind Kaidan, and he cringed.
"Commander Shepard?" Councilor Udina's voice echoed in his ears and he turned towards the approaching man, allowing him into their circle.
"Councilor," She greeted with a cold nod in his direction. Kaidan and Hackett glanced at each other briefly as he approached. Kaidan was glad to see some of his own irritation in the Admiral's stare as well. Udina's eyes narrowed as they moved from Shepard to Kaidan and back. His shoulders seemed tense and his eyes were hard.
"I didn't expect to see you here," He said, folding his hands behind his back and rocking, almost nervously, on his heels. His eyes darted between the three Alliance soldiers before him. "I thought you would be off… fighting a war," He added and Kaidan could feel the annoyance from Shepard. It was in the way she crossed her arms over her chest, and nearly rolled her eyes.
"Warships need to be restocked, and crews need time off. Wars are lost by tired soldiers," She shot back. "Not to mention, the first human Spectre should be there when they name the second," She added, and caught Kaidan's eyes only briefly. He felt the warmth spread across his chest at the eye contact and held on to the thought that they would have a few moments alone at some point before the night was over.
"Well, of course, yes, that's right," He added, absently as he looked towards the stage. "I guess I just assumed you would be busy," He explained and Shepard dropped her eyes, in an effort to avoid rolling them. "It's just about time to start. Major, if you would take your spot on the stage. Commander, Admiral," Udina nodded at the pair before scurrying off towards the side of the stage.
Kaidan exchanged a glace with Hackett and Shepard before he turned to walk towards his chair on the stage. He had been given a brief overview of the events. Hackett would speak first, followed by Udina before the rest of the Council would join them on stage to read over the official declaration. As he sat in the stiff chair, his throat dried and his collar felt too tight. His palms were damp, and the bright lights aggravated his eyes. He hadn't expected the nerves, but he wasn't used to the pomp and circumstance surrounding him. It was usually focused on someone else.
Someone else was sitting just behind him, to his right, and he was glad for her presence.
Hackett went to the microphone first. Kaidan and been slightly surprised to realize the Admiral would be speaking for him. He had respected the Admiral since before he enlisted, it was humbling to listen to him as he praised Kaidan. As the Admiral spoke, first referencing his time at BAaT, without going into detail, of course, Kaidan had the strange sense that he was outside of himself looking in. It was like he was speaking about someone else as he recounted the early years of his career. The missions that ended up earning him his spot on the Normandy in the first place. He felt the burn of embarrassment in his ears as the Admiral continued.
There was a pause in his speech when he mentioned the Normandy's destruction. Flashes of light accompanying photos blinded him momentarily, and he realized the press were taking their pictures of Shepard. He glanced at her over his shoulder, glad he didn't have to turn too far to see her. Her eyes were down on her hands; not allowing them a picture of her face. The lights stopped when Hackett started again, and her eyes lifted and met his. As Hackett spoke about his leadership and the quick thinking that ensured the surviving crew were safe until the morning, Kaidan saw the pride shining in Shepard's eyes and he felt all the nerves almost melt away. His back straightened slightly, and a sense of calm washed over him. She offered him a sad smile and Kaidan returned it before turning forward again.
He could feel her eyes on his back.
Hackett continued, and Kaidan thought back on the missions as he spoke of them. After Shepard had died, he had gone on a bit of a bender – but not the chemical kind. Adrenaline. He had needed the rush of a suicide mission to remember what it had been like to be in her arms. As he fought on the battlefield, whether it was geth, Cerberus, or Rachni, it was almost as if she were still there with him. More than once he would look over expecting to see her, only to see some faceless marine whose name he couldn't remember now staring back at him with fear in his eyes. Kaidan would swallow hard, close his eyes and push forward.
He was lucky to have survived – or maybe there was some kind of Angel watching over him. He glanced back at Shepard. Her eyes were down on her hands, twisting in her lap. Her brow was creased, and she chewed her lip as she listened as Hackett started to list the Commendations that had ended up earning him his promotion to Major. Kaidan turned back towards the audience as Hackett finished, "It is not every day a Marine as deserving as Major Alenko receives the recognition he should. It is difficult to put into words the pride the Alliance, or humanity really, has in this occasion today. I have no question Major Alenko will serve the Council as well as he has served the Alliance. We're all lucky he's on our side," The Admiral finished, and nodded at Kaidan before taking his seat.
Kaidan's ears were buzzing at the Admiral's words. It all sounded so much better when someone else spoke of that time in his life. He only remembered the emptiness, he hadn't realized how he was being viewed by everyone else, until now at least. Udina moved to the podium next, and Kaidan shifted uncomfortably. The Councilor cleared his throat and the microphone squeaked with feedback. Kaidan shook his head softly, and grinned when he heard the soft snort of Shepard's laugh behind him.
"Major Alenko is everything a Spectre should be. He is a leader, his subordinates are comfortable and confident following his Command. He is a soldier, with abilities no one else can come close to matching. He is the strongest, most controlled L2 Biotic Humanity has ever produced. His tactical skills have served the Alliance well over his career, ensuring success where defeat was expected," Kaidan felt his brow crease at Udina's words. "A Spectre is the right hand of the Council. A Spectre is charged with protecting the Council," there was a brief pause in his speech before he continued, and that pause made Kaidan's gut clench with apprehension, "protecting the galaxy as our last line of defense. A Spectre is expected to take orders from the Council and follow them without question, something Major Alenko has always shown an ability to do."
Kaidan couldn't help the chill that traced his spine at Udina's words. Why had the Councilor pushed his Spectre status so hard? He sat forward in his chair, just barely, as he felt his defenses shoot up and mentally reviewed every conversation he had with Udina. He had always insisted it had to be Kaidan who was the next Spectre; but why? He didn't have time to consider the line of thought as the rest of the Council joined Udina on stage and he was called to stand and face them.
The Asari Councilor, Tevos, spoke first, "It is the decision of this Council that you be granted all the powers and privileges of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance of the Citadel." Her voice was soft, and smooth, as it had always been but still held the authority her position demanded. Yet, there was a hint of anxiety behind it. It was clear the galaxy was at war, and it seemed as if it was finally taking its toll on those who had managed to remain removed from it.
"Spectres are not trained but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle, those whose actions elevate them above the rank and file," Valern added, his tone firm and commanding, but distracted, as if there was something else on the Salarian's mind. Kaidan noticed his large black eyes move to Shepard briefly before moving back to Kaidan.
"Spectres are an idea, a symbol. The embodiment of courage, determination and self-reliance. They are the right hand of the Council, instruments of our will," Udina added his part, his nasally voice echoed lightly in the area and bounced around inside Kaidan's head. He tried to lock onto his beady gaze, but his eyes darted around the room, making Kaidan uneasy.
"Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of galactic peace, both our first and last line of defense. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold," Sparatus finished, he sounded proud of the words he was speaking, but it was clear his thoughts were elsewhere. Most likely on his burning planet and the countless Turian lives being lost every day.
"I am honored, Councilors. I will do my best," Kaidan responded and the Council nodded their assent before taking a step back. Lights flashed around the room as it erupted in applause. It was bizarre, to stand here on the Citadel and hear the same words that had seemed to start the amazing journey he had been on over the last three years. The roller coaster his life had been had started when he stood behind Shepard and listened as she became the first human Spectre. At the time, he had never imagined he would be the second. As his eyes moved over the crowd before him, he felt the emptiness hit him like a punch to the gut.
He wished his parents were here. Under any other circumstances, they would have been front and center. His father beaming proudly; his mom clapping and crying. Goddamn it, he missed them. He could do no more than hope and pray they were okay. It had to be enough. After a moment, he took a step backwards and followed the crowd off the stage, pulled from his somber thoughts by the press requesting photo ops with the Council and the Alliance Brass. His eyes moved over the area, passed the flashing lights just catching Shepard's back as she left the room. He sighed, and let his attention be pulled to the journalist in front of him.
He was grateful the press weren't allowed access for the reception. Though, that didn't stop his attention from being held most of the evening by the Council and Alliance dignitaries who insisted on occupying his time while it was available. He had been tempted to fake a migraine and leave, the only thing stopping him was the fact that Shepard hadn't left yet. He hadn't had an opportunity to talk to her since before the ceremony, but he held on to hope that he would have a chance before the night was over.
Before long, music started playing through their corner of the Presidium. It was digital, and had an odd sound to it, but it was apparent they were trying to imitate the brass bands that usually played at Alliance events. Kaidan was oddly grateful for the attempt at something that would be familiar to the humans in attendance. Kaidan looked passed the wall of people in front of him and found Shepard, sitting at a table alone. It was strange that he was the one being bombarded and she was sitting in a dark corner looking almost bored. Her legs crossed, and the heel hanging off her toes as she sipped her drink. Even at this distance, he noticed the way her eyes sparkled when the stray light caught them.
He took a moment and listened to the music playing before placing his hand on the shoulder of the Turians who was standing immediately in front of him. "Excuse me," He said and the alien moved at his urging, giving him enough room to escape the people surrounding him. He walked a direct path to the Commander, his heart pounding harder with every step. He'd lost an opportunity once. With the galaxy crumbling around them, he wouldn't miss another one. Her eyes met his as he approached, and a smile tugged at her lips and his step faltered slightly. She was stunning.
"Major," She greeted when he reached her, and he shook his head gently while smirking.
"May I?" He asked barely bending at the waist and holding his right hand out palm up. His left hand was resting behind him on his lower back. His gaze locked on her face as she looked from his hand to his eyes and back again. He noticed her blush slightly. She whispered his name, unsure, and he didn't move. He simply waited, hand held out. He watched her give in as she tossed back the last of her drink and set down the glass before letting her breath escape and sliding her hand in his. Her skin was warm, and soft as he wrapped his hand around her fingers and she stood. He took one step backwards before turning his back to her and leading her to the center of the room. When he turned to face her, and his eyes met hers, he smiled softly.
He brought her in closer and his hand went to her hip slowly sliding across her lower back. Her eyes moved to the closing space between him and her before looking up through her lashes and meeting his eyes. Her hand trailed up his arm and across his shoulders as he held her opposite hand out. His hand moved up her spine in a soft caress to rest across her shoulder blades. She shivered. It was a very appropriate ballroom hold. She chewed her lip and, thankfully, let him lead her around the room in a simple waltz. For only a moment, he could feel the eyes of those in the room on them as they danced, but when he caught her eyes again, everything around them was a little hazy.
They had never really danced together before, except that one night in their hotel room but that was, well, different. As they glided across the room, it was as if they had spent years training to dance together. Each step was natural and easy, and perfect in its placement and speed. They moved as one. The push and pull of the music guided them and they took their cues from the minute movement of their muscles.
He could feel her - everywhere. Where she was pressed against him in his hold, of course. In his hands and in his arms, obviously. He could feel the gentle hum of her biotics. Her new implant had changed it, but it was still her. It pulsed beneath the surface and ignited a desire in him he had thought dead. He could feel her breathing quicken under his hand. He could smell the sweet spearmint and almost whiskey she had been drinking as her breath brushed across his cheek. With her this close, he could feel her deep inside, where his heart beat and his stomach churned with excitement. The proximity made him dizzy. The subtle changes in her appearance didn't matter. This was Shepard, his Shepard.
As his eyes searched hers, he felt the tug of hope when he saw the heat he had been missing return to her gentle gaze. She chewed her lip and dropped her head looking away from him. In response, he pulled her closer, more snugly against his frame, and he felt her sharp intake of breath. Every sensation was heightened with her pressed so close to him. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears and could feel hers trying to jump out of her chest.
He felt her hand fist in his shirt as his collar tightened. She trembled slightly as his arm wrapped around her more firmly. She lifted her head slowly, and met his eyes. His body thrummed with anticipation. He pressed his forehead to hers, and she closed her eyes. He felt her body fill before she let out a deep sigh. His nose brushed lightly against hers, and her breath caught in her throat as her tongue darted out to wet her lips.
The music slowed and stopped, and the room was suddenly alive with noise as the crowd observing applauded. Her eyes flew open and she released his shirt and pressed her hands to his chest, trying to push away from him, to put some distance between them. Her eyes wide and cheeks red with embarrassment at their public display. He refused to release her, holding her tight against him. He whispered her name, "Shepard," and she stilled her struggle and allowed him to wrap both arms around her waist. She hesitated, but eventually she returned his embrace, her arms winding around his neck. Her face buried in his neck. He held her and he tried to memorize how she felt. He thought he remembered what she had felt like, but this was nothing close to the memories he had held on to for so long. After a brief eternity, he relaxed his hold on her.
He shivered as he released her and she pulled away. Her eyes darted around the room before she turned her back to him. Without saying anything she moved quickly through the space, towards the exit. Her hand covering her mouth as she went. As he moved to follow her, he was cut off by another group of alien higher-ups and knew it was his responsibility to stay. Suddenly cognizant of the scene they had created, his eyes moved over the crowd. He was eager to see who from the Alliance had been here to witness their transgressions first hand. Thankfully, Hackett was nowhere to be seen. Though, Kaidan's eyes landed on Udina.
The rat-faced Councilor looked less than enthused.
