Title: Moving On
Author: Raven Shadowrose
Rating: M
Pairing:?/?
Summary: Dixie has been left broken hearted by Cyd's departure from the Holby team, what happens when Cyd is replaced by Hannah Darbyshire and Dixie takes a liking to her. Will she end up with even more of a broken heart or will she find the happiness that she has been searching for?
Disclaimer: I do not know or own any of the characters from Casualty, all original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.
Author's Note: This story will contain will contain some femslash, if you do not wish to read it then by all means back away slowly the way you came, other than that enjoy the story and reviews are appreciated :)
Thank you to chan. nelson444, olivia. c. king1 and beethovenRIP for your comments. Polly is up next, enjoy :)
Chapter Fifty-Two... Pauline 'Polly' Emmerson.
My hands settle into the chord positions on the neck of my guitar, I'm playing my favourite song and Hannah is listening to me. She's been pushing me harder and giving me more difficult chords to play. I am glad that she is pushing me and believes that I am capable of playing harder and more complicated chords. I can see that Hannah has a smile on her face as she listens to me, she is clearly
happy with my progress. It is nice of Hannah to teach me for free, I've always wanted to learn to play a musical instrument but never had the chance to do so. Chances have been hard to come by in my life, as I grew up I wanted to make a difference in the world and becoming a paramedic meant that I could make that difference. I worked hard and eventually I got the chance to make the difference in the world that I'd always wanted to, I've achieved my dream of helping people. Coming to Holby was my chance to start again and get away from my memories of times in the past that I would rather forget about.
I rest my hand on the neck of the guitar that my friends bought me for my birthday; I am still touched by their gift. I hadn't expected them to get me a guitar, I thought I would get a few little presents and I would have been happy with that. I was content with spending the day with the people that I call my friends, eating Chinese and watching a film with lots of junk food. I remember snuggling up to Jeff, it was nice to be held; Jeff was warm and his arm around me was comforting. There wasn't anything romantic about it, it was just a friendly hug. They're not just my friends, I think of them as my family, Jeff and Dixie have always looked out for me and taken care of me from the minute that I joined the team as a technician. I don't want to find the people that gave me up and put me into care, they've never come looking for me so I'm assuming that they don't want to know me or have me in their life. It doesn't bother me now; I have made peace with the fact that I will never know my birth parents. I have good people around me and I love them all. They care for me and I think that they love me too, I hope they do anyway.
I don't regret telling Hannah that I was in care for all of my life, she hasn't told anyone and she didn't judge me or treat me differently when I told her. Something always stops me from telling Dixie and Jeff about my past, I don't know why, maybe I don't want to make them sad. 'Polly, do you think that you will ever tell Jeff and Dixie about your life and being in care?' There are times I think that Hannah can read my mind, maybe it comes from working with her all of the time. I am pleased to have such a nice person as my friend and partner, I know that she will look out for me when we're working and I do the same for her.
'I don't know, if they knew then I think it would make them sad and I don't want that.'
'I understand.'
'Dixie cares for the people closest to her and when bad things have happened to them it makes her feel sad.'
'I know, I saw how she was when my dad was in hospital. She was sad because I was hurting over what happened to him.'
'I should tell them, over the years I have come to think of them as family, I know that if I need anything then they will do their best to help me. They are the most caring people that I've ever met. I probably should tell them that, I want them to know what they mean to me.'
'Then tell them, I bet they think of you as family too.'
'I know, if I tell them will you back me up? I think I need some support.'
'Yes, I will, just as I always do.'
'Thanks Hannah.'
'You're welcome.' I hugged Hannah and she hugged me back, I know that she will always back me up no matter what situation we are in.
I remember the day that Hannah arrived at Holby, I was so pleased to have someone my own age on the team and who looked as if she was into the same music as me. I couldn't wait to get to know Hannah and as I did, I realised that she was exactly the type of person that I wanted to be friends with. Hannah being here has made so many people happy and I wish that there were more people like her in the world. 'Hannah, what did you think of me when you first saw me?'
'I thought that you looked like a very nice person and cool too.'
'Did you really think that about me?'
'Yes, I still think that, if anything I think it more these days. I know just how nice you are and I am glad that I know you Polly.'
'That's sweet, thank you.'
'You're welcome.' I hugged Hannah and then stood back. 'I'm happy that I came to Holby, I hoped that I would be happy here but I didn't expect to be as happy as I am now.'
'Let me guess, you met the woman of your dreams and got engaged to her.' Hannah smiled and I knew that my instinct was spot on, Dixie was definitely the woman of Hannah's dreams.
Dixie and Hannah's love for each other is so beautiful, they are genuinely in love with each other. 'Dixie is the most wonderful woman that I've ever met, she loves me and isn't shy about telling me how she feels about me. I love her so much.'
'You're not the only one that loves Dixie.'
'I know, Jeff loves Dixie, it is obvious and I can see that she loves him too. Their friendship is so close and I think they're more like brother and sister than friends. It is sweet that they're so close and they love each other the way that they do.'
'I know, I see it too. Jeff loves you Hannah, you gave Dixie your love when she needed it the most.'
'I needed her love just as much as she needed mine.'
'You did?'
'Yes, she came along at the right time for me too.'
'That is so sweet.' Hannah smiled at me and I smiled back at her.
'If you want to tell Jeff and Dixie then they're just next door.'
'Do you think that I can tell them?'
'That is up to you, I know that Jeff and Dixie won't feel different about you Polly.'
'I know, I've carried this secret around with me for a long time.'
'Perhaps it has been too long and you need to share it, get things out into the open.'
'Maybe you're right, come with me.'
'I will.' I stood up and went into the kitchen, I had to do this before I changed my mind.
Jeff and Dixie looked up as I went into the kitchen, they were sat at the table and drinking mugs of hot chocolate. Little Abs was lying at their feet and was quietly dozing, he was always happy when Dixie came to visit. 'Is the guitar lesson over?' Dixie smiled at us.
'I need to talk to you.'
'That doesn't sound good, are you all right Polly?'
'Yeah,' Dixie sounded confused and worried. 'I'd say sit down but you already are.'
'Polly?' Jeff sounded worried too.
'I don't know how to tell you this so I'm just going to come out and say it.'
'Say what?' I noticed that Jeff and Dixie looked at each other and then at me, they were waiting expectantly for me to start talking. I knew that Hannah was stood near me and if I needed her then she would help me.
'I was put into care when I was a baby, I stayed there until the age of eighteen because nobody adopted me. I don't have a family, the people that were my family never came to find me or tried to make contact. I was alone until I came here and met both of you. I think of all of you as my family, I've come to love you as family. I hope you don't think less of me now that you know or because I didn't tell you.' I watched as Jeff and Dixie absorbed what I had told them and wondered what they thought of me now.
Dixie stood up first, she came over to me and wrapped her arms around me. 'My dear Polly, you do have a family, you have us and that isn't going to change.'
'Thank you Dixie, I am glad you feel that way. It is nice that someone wants to take care of me.'
'Of course we do, you are a wonderful woman Polly, the people that gave you up are missing out on a beautiful and talented young woman as their daughter.' I smiled and felt another pair of arms encircle me from behind, it was Jeff, I felt the same warmth and comfort that I had on my birthday when he had held me.
'Dixie is right Polly, you have us, we are your family. We love you and we will take care of you.'
'Thanks Jeff, it means so much to me to hear you say those things to me.'
'I mean it, you are like a daughter me to Polly, I care about you. When the time comes and you get a boyfriend, you can be sure that I will be there and giving him the talk about looking after you and treating you right. If any man doesn't treat you right then he will answer to me.' I smiled, Jeff always had a protective side for those he cared about the most, it was nice that I was on his list as one of the people that he wanted to protect and look after. I was quite willing to bet that Dixie and Hannah were on his list too.
Hannah came over to us and joined in our little group hug, she was right, telling Dixie and Jeff had gone well and if anything it had brought us all closer. I liked being surrounded by my little family, the people that were with me genuinely cared about me and wanted me around. My heart felt a lot lighter now that Jeff and Dixie knew about my life and past. What Dixie and Jeff said about me made me feel so much better and I believed them. I really loved living with Jeff, he made me smile. He is my friend and he loves me unconditionally.
Our hug broke up a few minutes later and I turned to Hannah while Jeff and Dixie were hugging and saying goodnight. 'Thank you.'
'What for?'
'Encouraging me to tell Jeff and Dixie about my life.'
'It all turned out well, I knew that it would.'
'I feel better for it.'
'Good.' I hugged Hannah. 'I'll see you tomorrow Polly.'
'See you tomorrow. Hannah?'
'Yes.'
'I think of you as a sister and one of my best friends.'
'That's lovely Polly, I think of you as a sister too.' I hugged Hannah again and stood with Jeff at the door, his arm was around my shoulders as we waved goodbye to Hannah and Dixie. I still felt the warm glow in my heart from the hug and closeness I had shared with the people I love the most. I had found the family that I had spent my life looking for, they love me and care for me and I have never been happier.
