A/N: This interlude is named after the song 'If You Hate Me' by Summer Camp, and it is from Scorpius' POV. My poor angsty son ((but also, like, get a grip))

Interlude 5: If You Hate Me

"Now I'm looking at you, and it's tearing me up that you won't be mine"

If there was anything that Scorpius hated right now, more than anything else in the whole damn world, it was himself. It was a deep, intense loathing, one that seemed to permeate every aspect of his life, everything he did or said or thought about, and never more than right now, after Albus had so selflessly saved his life.

He hadn't asked for him to, had never wanted him to, but that was just Albus. He was selfless, he was goodness personified, and Scorpius hated that, too, almost as much as he still loved him. That one glimpse he had had of him in the hospital bed, swamped by sheets and looking so small, had nearly destroyed him, especially when Albus had seen him and started sobbing uncontrollably.

These past few months had been the worst of his life, which was really saying something, considering all that had happened in his life, but he didn't regret what he had done. He had done it to keep Albus safe, to protect him from the knowledge that Scorpius simply couldn't reveal under any circumstances.

They had also been the loneliest, but that was nothing he wasn't already used to. As an only child, he had had plenty of time to himself, and he had adjusted back to it easily. It was always too easy for him to find comfort in solitude, no matter how much he sometimes wished fervently that he had never said what he had, that he had just said the rumours were false, and left it at that.

But Scorpius had never been the best at rational decision making, something which was becoming ever more abundantly clear.

While Albus had been in the hospital, and Scorpius had spent his time moping around the house and trying not to feel to guilty for being the one to cause him to be in that position, Rose and Lily had of course taken it upon themselves to talk some sense into them, but it just wasn't going to happen, no matter how much they fluttered their eyelashes or threatened to hex him into oblivion.

"But he obviously still cares about you!" Lily whined as the two of them sat at the breakfast table one day. Scorpius glared at her above his cup of tea.

"Then that's his own fault," He muttered darkly.

"You still love him, though," She said softly. Scorpius glanced around to make sure they were alone, which somewhat surprisingly and unfortunately, they were.

"Who cares?" He asked, grimacing and regretting having ever gotten out of bed. He could definitely wait for Albus to return, as sharing a room with him had been perhaps the worst experience of his entire life, one he didn't wish to repeat.

"I care!" Lily hissed, "And you should care, too. In fact, I know you do. You wouldn't have Apparated him out of there, otherwise."

"I Apparated him out of there because I'm not a terrible person," Scorpius defended, getting to his feet and storming out of the room before Lily had another chance to make him feel bad, to make him try and evaluate his feelings. Yes, of course he had rescued Albus because he cared about him, but he could almost convince himself that it had just been self-preservation. He didn't think Harry Potter would thank him for having one of his sons killed, after all.

Rose was no better, of course. She made it quite clear that she didn't hold Scorpius in much regard, and she had no qualms at all about trying to make his life a living hell at all times, popping up unexpectedly to try and convince him to listen to her, which he had stupidly agreed to do just once. Never again.

"You're an idiot, Scorpius Malfoy," She said, whacking him over the head with the heavy tome she just happened to have in her hand at that moment. They were in the corner of the living room, and no one even noticed when she hit him. Of course.

"Ouch – Rose, what the hell?" Scorpius demanded, rubbing at his head.

"I just thought since I couldn't talk sense into you, a good head injury might do the trick," She shrugged, "Clearly I was wrong."

"Well, I'm sorry," Scorpius replied, his tone dripping with sarcasm, "You know I don't want to talk about this."

"Tough," She said harshly, "You forfeited any right not to 'talk about this' when you decided to break off the best friendship my cousin had ever had and is probably ever going to have, just because you're a stubborn fool and you think you know best, which recent events are telling me you clearly don't!"

"I don't know what you want me to say," Scorpius said, "How many times can I say I'm sorry?"

"As many times as it takes you to fix this bloody situation!" She crossed her arms then and glared at him, as the rest of the room continued to pay them no mind, "And you're going to fix it, if I have anything to do with it."

"I hate to inform you, Rose, but you don't have anything to do with it!" Scorpius hissed, trying to reign in the anger he was beginning to feel, "This is between Albus and me, and if I want to make things right, then I will. But I don't! I can't!"

"What are you going to do then, Scorpius?" She demanded, "Are you just going to keep ignoring the problem until it goes away? Because it isn't going to. When Albus comes back, you and him are going to have to live together and share a room for the rest of the summer, and you and I both know that that's not going to be easy for you. I know how hard it was after just a couple of days."

"I don't know what you expect me to do," Scorpius admitted. The guilt he had felt for the past week was back and fiercer than ever.

"I just wish you would at least consider talking to him, apologising," She said, "Before it's too late. No, I'm not suggesting you become best buddies again, I know how hard that would be on you, and I also know that how you feel is unlikely to go away anytime soon, but Albus is coming back tomorrow, remember, and if you apologise, then at least -"

"No." Scorpius said simply, getting to his feet, "I'm sorry, Rose, I just – I can't. Not right now. Maybe not ever."

With that he was gone, storming out of the room and heading upstairs. It was only once he reached Albus' room and sat down on the bed that he realised he would likely find no peace here, either. The room was like one constant, massive reminder of how much he had screwed up, of how irreversible his mistakes were. He remembered all of the promises he and Albus had made to each other of what they were going to do together that summer, and how all of those promises had simply gone to waste.

The next day Albus returned, and with it came all of Scorpius' self-loathing and bitter regret, and combined with a lack of sleep, he knew the day wasn't going to be easy. At Albus' return party, he stayed out of the way as much as possible, talking to his parents and trying his hardest to avoid Rose and Lily. He couldn't help the way his eyes seemed to drift automatically to Albus, to the wheelchair that was all his fault.

The Order meeting in the dining room was somehow worse, as he tried to clamp down the sheer terror that arose in him at the thought of the Pureblood Knights while also trying to avoid Albus, to try not to think of him, to think only of the mission at hand.

And when he went upstairs, hoping to avoid the world, and Albus was in there, in bed with a book in his hand, that really was too much to handle. In the brief glance Scorpius had of him, he looked tired, with deep bags under his eyes, his expression void of its usual brightness and happiness, and Scorpius just knew that it was all his fault.

"Hi," Albus said, in barely more than a whisper. Scorpius ignored him and went over to his own bed, clearing it of all the books and clothes that had accumulated there over the day.

From the other bed, Albus sighed. Scorpius continued to try his best to pretend that he didn't exist, that if he tried hard enough, he might be able to block out all thoughts of him.

"You can't keep ignoring me forever, you know." Albus said, his tone almost smug.

Scorpius decided that he could, and left, his heart aching with the longing he hardly ever dared to let himself feel as he did so.

He hid in the garden, away from sight, with a book, but he couldn't concentrate on it. He could only consider how terrible everything was, and how things couldn't get any better.

Albus might have been trying to act nonchalant, as if he wasn't bothered by the things Scorpius had said or done, but Scorpius knew, deep down, that it was too late to try and fix any rift between them, that some scars could simply never be healed. Albus was only trying to talk to him because that was simply the way he was.

He was unfailingly kind, and it broke Scorpius' heart. Because if Albus didn't hate Scorpius as much as Scorpius hated himself, then it would be a miracle. Albus would never be his, and that was the reality he was going to have to face, that he had already tried to face with disastrous consequences.

In the end, he stayed out until the sky began to darken, and when he returned to the room he shared with Albus, the other boy was fast asleep with the lights on, his book still half open across his chest. Scorpius allowed himself a second or two just to look at the planes and curves of his face, of the way his hair fell across the pillow, but no more.

If he was going to get through this summer unscathed, then he was just going to have to suppress those feelings. It wasn't an ideal solution, and Scorpius knew that the way he felt wasn't going to just fade away, but it was the only option he had left.

Next: Albus tries to deal with his feelings, and Scorpius and his parents receive some bad news.