Grace walked around the clubhouse two times, but he was nowhere to be seen. Assuming that he needed some time alone, just like she had, she walked to his room and knocked on the door. "Juice?"

Juice was close to his orgasm, letting out another grunt. He froze as he heard Grace's voice and he quickly pushed the croweater away, pulling up his pants.

"Get out of here," he said to the woman, even opening the door for her and waiting until she left, kinda frustrated. His eyes met Grace's. Shit, he already felt guilty, but didn't show it. "Yeah?"

Grace stared with wide eyes at the girl who left the room. Tears jumped in her eyes. "Never mind," she muttered, feeling so shocked that she couldn't add another word. She however didn't want to cry, not because of such an asshole, and she turned around, desperately trying to control her breathing.

And then he felt horribly guilty when he saw the tears in her eyes. "Grace I'm... I'm sorry," he whispered, grabbing her arm and dragging her into his room. "I was so angry and frustrated, and I still am but this shouldn't have happened." No apology in the world could probably make her feel better now.

Grace wiped her eyes. "Maybe it's for the best. Now you have no restrictions anymore."

"No, this was a stupid mistake. Maybe I'm not the guy you thought I'd be," he bent his head and shoved his hands into his pockets. "I can never be the guy you want me to be and maybe your dad was right - I can't give you the life you deserve. But I fuckin' love everything about you and I still did... this..."

"I just realized that I love you, Juice," she said softly, wiping a tear from her cheek. "I wanted to tell you that." Her lips started to quiver and she took a deep breath. "But I guess you came to another important conclusion." She turned toward the door, she felt so hurt she couldn't even bear to look at him any longer.

Now he was shocked - and hating himself. "No, wait!" he grabbed her arm again, this time way more determining. "I love you too, Grace. I don't know why I was so stupid. I... wanted you to be my Old Lady, I told you before!" His voice sounded fragile, broken. "Just give me another chance."

She tore away her arm. "Please don't touch me," she whispered. "It... it makes me feel sick. Your hand has just been on another woman's body." His words were racing through her head. He loved her? He wanted another chance? She didn't even know what hurt her more; the fact that he had cheated on her, that he was calling that love or that he thought that she could act like this had never happened. A painful feeling spread through her chest and she leaned against the wall for support. Slowly tears were dripping down her cheeks. She didn't understand it, she just couldn't get her head around what had just happened. Their fight hadn't even been that heated. Sure, they had been angry, but they had not even yelled at each other. How long had he planned on sleeping with another woman to get his release? How could he just throw everything away for a cheap fuck? What kind of man did such a thing? It took a while before she controlled her breathing again, while his words were continuously racing through her mind. "What is it you call love, Juice? For I really can't see it in having sex with someone else while the one who you are supposed to love is just a few feet away."

Juice let go of her, but he stayed close. That he fucked it up again annoyed him, hurt him. Why couldn't he be the boyfriend she wanted? She deserved so much better than this shit. He cheated on her because of a stupid argument, not even a real fight. Seeing her teary eyes, the tears running down her cheeks... he didn't want that. "I haven't slept with her, Grace. She just gave me a blow job. I understand if you don't want to give me another chance. I know I owe you more than a apology, but I don't even know what to say. I can't wait years to finally have sex again, it's an important part in a relationship for me. Yeah, you offered me some things we could do instead but it's not the same", he said, sighing. Why should he even lie to her? Grace knew exactly that he was a guy with needs. Juice sat down on the bed, running his hands over his head.

Grace swallowed the tears. There was no point in crying now, she didn't want to look weak. She would allow her pain later, when she was alone. "Just a blow job?" she asked, still in a tiny voice. "That's... that's even worse. I could have done that for you, but instead of asking me you just go to a random girl." She wiped her eyes, understanding him even less than before. "What kind of relationship is that, Juice? How is that love? I - I just don't understand. I would never want anyone but you touching me. That's... that's why I know love you. Loved you, at least."

He was surprised that she stayed so calm. Not completely calm but he had expected more yelling. Maybe she was just done with him. Alone the thought made him feel sick. "Yeah, you could have... but I'm not sure if you'd even wanted to," he muttered under his breath, tears itching in his eyes now, too. "Just because one mistake I made doesn't mean I don't love you. That girl and the blow job didn't mean anything to me, but you? You mean a lot to me." No matter how different they were, he still wanted this to work, but her words showed him that she probably didn't want to. "So what do you want me to do? As it seems you already stopped loving me. You won't forgive me anyway, right?"

With a sigh, Grace sat down next to him, but with some space between them. "I don't know how I feel about you right now," she admitted. "My head's a mess. I never thought you would hurt me like this. I thought you would at least have the decency to break up with me before you let others blow you." She sighed, blinking away the tears that were piling up again. "I just... I don't understand how you can think that me blowing you is worse than someone else doing it. I thought..." her voice started to shake, tears slipped her eyes again. "I thought we were exclusive. Building a future."

For a moment he really wanted to grab her hand, caress her cheek or whatever but he didn't dare. "The thing is that I don't want to break up. I never had such strong feelings for a girl before, I've told you that many times." Sighing, he came a little closer but he still couldn't look her in the eye. "It's not worse. Man, I love it when you touch me, when you would blow me, but I always want more when you do it. I can't take that much longer." Now he turned his head, took her chin between his fingers and forced her to look at him. "I still want a future with you, but we have to find a solution."

"I don't think there is a solution," she muttered. "You clearly can't live without sex. The only thing that might work is an open relationship where you sleep with other girls, but I don't think I can do that, no matter how much I like you." Her lips started to tremble. "I'm sorry. You have to decide what you love more: me or sex, and I think you've found the answer today, for you knew that we would be over, the moment you let that girl into your room."

"I don't want a relationship like that. An open relationship never ends good. I let her blow me, but I didn't even think about to sleep with her. Sure, I miss it, but I couldn't do it." Slowly, he pulled her into his arms, not too close. "You're more important to me, but I also want sex, but with you and not some random girl. Don't you think you can do it before a marriage? I won't force you now, but I also won't marry you right away just because of sex."

"No, Juice, I don't want that before marriage and I neither want that to be the reason that you want to marry me. It should be the greatest wedding gift, not a reason to marry." His arms around her called up mixed feelings, but it was too soon. That she wasn't screaming bloody murder didn't mean that she was okay and gently she let his arms slide off her.

"Then I really don't know what to do. I'm sorry, Grace. I want to be the perfect man for you, but I can't." And he was tired of this shit. They'd always end up in a fight because of this and a relationship shouldn't be like that. "I won't break up with you, it's your choice what you're going to do now."

"If I wanted a perfect man, I never would have fallen in love with you, Juice." Taking a deep breath, she looked at him. "I don't think it's fair to leave the choice to me, for you are the one who can't go on like this and now you make it sound like I'm the one who should take the blame." She breathed in deeply, trying to keep herself in control for it all sounded very unfair. "But okay, despite the fact that you're saying it isn't true, I have a strong feeling that sex is still more important to you than having me as your girlfriend if you had to choose, and you have to, so I guess that's it then." As he looked up, she gave him a sad smile. "It's not a snark and I even think that you'd want it the other way around, but apparently that's just your... deepest desire." Sadly, she took his hand and pressed a kiss against the back of it. "Despite the ending you were a great first boyfriend, Juice. I always loved being around you and I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss you." Pressing her lips together, she quickly wiped away a tear with her shoulder. "I just... I hope you find a girl who calls up the same feelings that I do, but who's also sexually at the same wavelength as you are."

"But it's your choice because I don't want this to end. So why should I break up then?" It made sense to him, he wanted her, but he wasn't sure if she still wanted him. Maybe it was a bit unfair, but he wouldn't give up on her. Juice listened to her words carefully, and damn, they hurt - every single word. But what did he expect? That she'd forgive him and just forget what happened? He squeezed her hand, a tear ran down his cheek and he didn't care at all if he seemed weak right now. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be the boyfriend you deserved, baby. I still hope you can somehow forgive me one day, that we'll have another chance, because I won't give you up so fast. There will never be a girl like you", he muttered, his voice cracked at the last few words.

A lump appeared in her throat as tears slipped down his cheeks. She had never seen him cry, and it showed her how much he cared about her. "It depends on you," she said softly. "I know I can forgive you, eventually. But I lost faith in you, Juice, and I honestly don't know how to restore it, especially as long as you don't know a solution either. Then it can happen any moment again. I think that we just have to accept that we can't give each other what we need; I need a boyfriend that I can trust, that doesn't cheat on me after the slightest fight and you need a girl who can please you in bed and has no boundaries."

It sounded like all of this was his fault. Well, it kinda was, but he really felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. She couldn't trust him anymore and he had no idea how to fix this again. "You know what? Maybe it's better this way. You should find a guy like Adrian. Your mom wants him as your boyfriend anyway. He is like you, he can wait with sex, which I still don't understand. But I think he could make you happy," he shrugged, wiping away his tears. "Believe me, all I want is you, but I also want you to be happy. I don't know how to prove you that you can trust me." She was right, she needed a faithful, christian man. Juice pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. "Just don't forget about me."

"I won't," she said. "If you find a way to deal with your... sex drive... we can always talk about it again, but I think it's just in your nature and that I have to accept that." She briefly kissed his lips, just a last taste, and stood up.

"And we can talk again if you change your mind. It's not just me, Grace. You have to understand that it's not normal to wait so long. No one else except a christian guy would do this, so I think I have to accept that too. But I enjoyed the time with you, I really did." Juice caressed her cheek as she kissed him for the last time. "Take care of yourself."

"If you say so..." Grace knew it wasn't true, she knew plenty of stories of people whose partners had respected their wishes, but the way people thought about sex here, wasn't exactly normal. It however was useless to discuss it. She just nodded at his last words, but felt horrible about the fact that he hadn't enjoyed it so much that he'd managed to keep his stuff in his pants. Suddenly she felt that she was very close to an emotional breakdown and she quickly reached for the door handle. "Please wait until I'm gone before you go to the clubhouse," she whispered. Then she slipped through the door. As soon as it closed behind her, she lost it and started to cry uncontrollably. She could no longer breathe, could no longer stand and she glided down on the ground, her back against the wall. She had lost him. She had wanted to surprise him today and she had lost him. And because of what? Only because of a stupid discussion about making out in public. Sobbing, she pulled up her knees, no longer caring about the people who might see her. She wasn't coming back here anyway.

. . .

Leonie was holding Chibs' hand as he took her to his room. Before they reached that, their path crossed that of Grace who was sitting on the ground, crying, next to the door to Juice's dorm.

"Ah shit," she sighed, looking pitifully at the girl. "That poor girl. She must have found out that she was just his toy instead of his girl."

"Doubt that, love. He's really nuts about that girl," Chibs said.

"I'm going to talk to her. Other time for us, okay?" She kissed his cheek and gave him a wink.

"Sure, baby."

Leonie walked up to the girl, sat down next to her and pulled her in her arms. "Hey honey. Come here, nobody cries alone in this place."

Through a blur of tears Grace saw Leonie's face. She felt so lost that she was glad with a hug from anyone and she leaned into her embrace.

"What happened?" Leonie asked.

Grace couldn't answer immediately and kept sniffing for a while. The door went open and Grace tensed. Leonie pushed the girl's head against her shoulder so she wouldn't have to see him, pressing a kiss into her hair. She looked up and saw the hurt look on Juice's face, that became ten times worse when he caught the two girls. With her eyes she motioned him to leave, giving him a sad smile convincing him that she would take care of Grace. As the man had disappeared from sight, she brushed her long curls. She was a really pretty girl, she could see why Juice had an interest in her. "You wanna tell me what happened honey?" she asked after a while.

Grace stared at the ground, silent tears running down her cheeks. "He asked me to be his old lady tonight," she said quietly, wiping her eyes. "Everything felt so good and we started to kiss, but then his hand slipped underneath my dress and... I don't want that in public," she muttered, almost ashamed.

Leonie kissed her temple. "That's okay, Grace. You should never do something you feel uncomfortable about. I know we Croweaters don't mind about things like that, but like you said, you're not like us. So I guess Juice wasn't too happy about that?"

She sighed. "It's a subject that's coming back time and time again. I want to stay virgin until my Wedding Day. I already gave him so much in a short time, but it just never seems to be enough for him. I thought it was a good compromise, doing pretty much everything but the deed itself. But I guess I was wrong, for after our argument he took another girl to his room to blow him."

"And you caught him?"

Grace nodded, sighing. "I went to his room, I thought he was just cooling off just like I had done." She let out a bitter laugh. "And then this girl came out. I was just about to tell him that I loved him," she muttered. "That we could try things again, for we stopped doing that when he could no longer control himself. It was frustrating him, the not touching, but he didn't tell me and it seems that he found using another girl a better solution."

"I'm sorry girl." Leonie kissed her cheek. She smelled really good, she would love to take her to a room to give her some love, but she knew Grace would find no comfort in that. "And you two broke up after that?"

Grace nodded, sighing. "Yeah," she sniffed. "He said he couldn't do this anymore, not having sex, so I didn't have much of a choice, even if I would have wanted to give him a second chance. He had to choose between having sex and being with me and he couldn't live without the first. So yeah, it's over."

"Why is it that you don't want sex?" Leonie asked carefully, wondering if there was some abuse in her history.

"Because I'm a Christian, I want to save myself for the one I want to share my life with," she muttered, much to Leonie's surprise; it was hard to believe that here were still people so old-fashioned like that. She twisted the ring around her finger and explained: "When two people become one, they are married in God's eyes. That means we can only have one partner. If I sleep with Juice and it doesn't end well between us, I can't be with anyone else after that." She bent her head. "And I know I love him, but we're not in that stage at all; to decide if we want to spend the rest of our lives together." She bit her lip, breathing deeply. "For him, for many of you, sex is just a great way to spend time; he was used to sleep with girls he didn't care about. It's just for fun. But not for me, it means so much more. Maybe it was stupid, but I kinda hoped that it would be special for him too if we waited. That we both had something to look forward to, something that would one day be the crown of our love." She wiped her eyes. "But his pleasure is all that counts. He thinks that I'm the abnormal one, but the free sex that is promoted here isn't exactly normal, not even for not-Christians. And I don't judge you; if you enjoy it, it's up to you, but it's... conflicting."

Leonie took her hand and squeezed. "I think it's a beautiful thought, it's sounds very romantic. I'm sorry he disagrees with you. I can see why it's hard for him, but if he really loves you, he would have waited for you, just like you want to wait for him." She brushed the skin of her thumb in a soothing way. "Maybe he'll change his mind. I know these guys; they all make stupid mistakes like this, the moment it gets serious. He tried to live without sex and he missed it too much, but if he lives without you after today, he might discover that it's even harder to live without you than without sex. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't realize yet how much you mean to him. Guys just need more time for that; they have to experience the lack of something to know its value."

Grace raked a hand through her curls. She didn't dare to hope that Juice would change his mind, getting disappointed again would only hurt her. Even if he changed his mind, he had still cheated on her. That hurt and that wouldn't go away. Things just wouldn't be the same anymore after today, even if he really regretted his behavior. "Thanks for listening," she said to Leonie, giving her a grateful smile. Summarizing her feelings, her believes, had created some clarity in her head. She still stood behind her choice to wait, with whoever she would be in a relationship. That was how things were supposed to be, how the least people were hurt.

"No problem. I'm glad you opened up to me. A broken heart is tough, especially when you can't vent to anyone." Leonie smiled at the girl. "I really like you, Grace. Would you like to hang out some time? Just a girl's day? I won't bring any of those hots Sons along," she winked.

Grace smiled lightly. "That sounds nice. Let's do that!"

. . .

Juice still couldn't believe what had just happened. Sure, her words had burned into his head, but he just didn't want it to be over. Never before had he told a girl that he loved her, he didn't even had had a real relationship - and the first he had, he messed up... twice. Grace meant so much to him and he was sorry that he had cheated on her. When he had heard Grace crying outside, he hadn't wanted her to be alone and opened the door, but she hadn't be alone. Great, of all people it was Leonie who was there for Grace now. But he had been glad she wasn't alone, and he didn't want to bother them either. He was probably the last person Grace wanted to see right now, and he understood that. Therefore, he had disappeared outside, sitting on the edge of the boxing ring and lighting a cigarette from which he first took some deep drags

Should he fight for Grace? Or should he give her the chance to be happy with a man who could give her what she needed? A happy relationship, marriage, a family. That was one thing he just couldn't decide right now, he needed a clear head for that. After he had extinguished the cigarette on the ground, he walked over to Faye. "If you have time later, I'm in my room. I could really need you right now," he said quietly and then he went inside again and in the direction of his room. He just wanted to be alone, but he still heard Grace and Leonie talking.

It might have been wrong, but he stayed behind the corner and listened to them. It sounded like he was the bad one just because he couldn't have a relationship without sex, which made him angry but sad too. Of course he loved Grace, but that didn't mean that he had to live like a saint, but apparently nobody understood that. Sighing, he lowered his head and went back to his room, looking briefly at the two women.

"If you talk about me, could you at least do that elsewhere?" he asked quietly, not even waiting for an answer and slamming the door behind him. He leaned against the door, slid to the floor and buried his face in his hands. Now that he was alone, he couldn't hold back his tears, it was as if all his emotions were going crazy and he hated that feeling of being weak. He had no one except the club and now he was sure this would never change - but at least he had them.

. . .

Leonie sighed as she watched Grace leave, feeling sorry for her. Softly she opened the door, feeling shocked as Juice was just a copy of Grace's sadness. "Hey," she said softly, knowing entering his room unasked was a risk but she felt that he needed someone. She crouched down before him. "I'm sorry it didn't work out."

Quickly, he wiped away the tears and cleared his throat. "It's okay. Everyone told us that it wouldn't work. Maybe we should've listened." He looked at the woman, trying to control his emotions.

There was a sad smile on her face. "You're a Son. You never care about what anyone says. Was it just the fact that she wants to stay a virgin or were there more reasons that you broke up?"

"Just the fact that she wants to stay virgin. And well, because there was another girl in my room," he muttered, looking at her almost desperately. "I love her, but I can't become a totally different person."

"She told me she wasn't exactly behaving like a nun in the beginning, so not doing the actual thing, doesn't change you into someone else..." She sat down next to him. For a really long time she had hoped to become his old lady, so she knew he never had had a girlfriend since he was a Son. "You know what love is? It's making sacrifices to make someone else happy. Every couple experiences things like these. But if you really love her, you make your sacrifice. And if she's not worth that sacrifice, it's not real love and you should indeed let her go. Which is also okay, honey."

"I never said she was behaving like a nun. She did many things and it helped for some time but why is it so hard to understand that I want all of her? She's fuckin' beautiful, I'm surprised I could hold myself back for so long." He looked at her, frowning. She had a point. "Yeah, you make sacrifices. She can't make one, she wants to stay a virgin, so I have to be the one? Man, I'm not a complete asshole, but y'all make me seem like one." He let out a deep sigh and ran a hand over his face. "Like I said, I love her. Maybe that's why I should let her go..."

"You're not an asshole, Juice, but don't you see how much bigger her sacrifice is? She can give herself to only one man. Sexual intercourse is like a synonym for marriage, so if she gives her virginity to you and you two break up, she has to stay alone for the rest of her life. You really want her to make that sacrifice for you?" She shook her head. "Letting her go if you really love her is just stupid. You really want this to be the reason to miss on the potential love of your life?"

"But that's bullshit. She doesn't have to avoid sex for the rest of her life if we'd really break up after sleeping together. You're making such a big deal out of it. It's not like that God would come down to earth and kill her if she'd sleep with more than one man," he huffed. "So it's better that I'm frustrated all the time just to make her happy? I'm sure that's not the point of a relationship." But if this would really be the only way to keep her, maybe he should just do it.

"I don't think that will happen, but I guess she does." She looked at his frustrated face. "No sex isn't the end of the world if you find other ways to find intimacy. You know, my brother had a girlfriend who got cancer, and the last two years she was too weak to have sex. Some of his friends encouraged him to seek comfort within someone else, but he stayed loyal and fought that urge, even though the temptations were there. Of course that's a whole different situation... It just reminds me of their struggle. Waiting a year or something can be really hard, but maybe a life time without her is harder. But that's something you should decide for yourself. What she's worth."

"Woah, that's really a whole different thing, Leonie. I get what you want to say and I'd love to do that sacrifice for her, but that's just not me."

"It is and it isn't," she shrugged. "Same problem, different situation."

"And what if it's longer than a year? We won't get married just because of this one reason. I want her and I don't want to give her up, we went through some shit already", and he remembered very well all the struggles they had already. " But I guess you are right. We should decide for ourselves. But I won't bother her now with that, maybe I'll give her a call tomorrow."

She looked pensively at him. "Just keep in mind that you crushed her heart by cheating on her. That will take time to heal, even if she wants to give you another chance. And I think she will, if you can make that sacrifice. I know it sounds unfair, but it's really up to you to make things right and you should be sure that you really want it. Just take some time to figure out what you want; see what's like to be without her and if that's more frustrating than having her around but not being able to fuck."

"I'll think about it, but right now... my head is a complete mess."

He looked at Leonie again and studied her. "Why are you so nice to her? We both know that you wanted to become my old lady... and now you're helping another girl?" He was really curious about this.

She smiled. "There's just something I like about that girl. She's smart and kind, not judgmental, and beautiful... to be honest, Juice, I doubt you'll find a girl like her again. And you're right, I wanted to be your old lady, but I also want you to find some happiness in love." She winked.

He had to laugh briefly. "Sounds like you got a crush on my girl." Juice put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. "Thanks that you were there for her in that moment, really."

She grinned. "Well maybe I have," she chuckled. "But she's really into you." She kissed his cheek, despite everything enjoying the feel of his skin underneath her lips. "Yeah you just blew my chance on a hot night with Chibbies." She winked. "But I'm glad I could talk to her, I think she needed an outsider to talk to."

"Don't you dare to impress her too much," he grinned briefly. For a moment he closed his eyes when she kissed his cheek. He enjoyed it, too, not because he was into her but he needed this right now. "Well, the night is still young... so go get your hot night with Chibs," Juice chuckled softly and then nodded. "I think that too."

"Nah, he has someone else by now. I'll make up to him tomorrow," she winked.

"But I bet you don't want to spend the rest of the night with a mess and talking about relationship problems," he smiled sadly.

She rested her head on his shoulder. "I always love being around you. And lets be honest, we never talked much." She already felt the need to give him a good distraction but she knew it would hurt Grace and mess with Juice's head. But she had to admit it, his vulnerability was a turn on.

"True, we never talked much, I kinda regret that now", he answered honestly.

"Well, I just have a lot of different qualities," she winked.

"I'm sure about that," he winked. "But maybe it's better if you leave."

"Whatever you want baby." She patted his knee and stood up. "Hope you'll get some sleep. If you need anything, let me know okay?"

"I will, thanks again," he stood up too and sat down on the bed, she'd find the way out by herself.