Wolfie: Okay, a forenote, which is on a slightly serious tone, it has come to my attention that certain unknown individuals have been going on YouTube, and making reports against Vocaloid videos, primarily Miku videos, of false copyright infringement. I will not stand for these affronts on mai waifu, and for further information on what everyone can do to help, see the message in my profile. If they want to take her down, then they'll have to get through us first!

Now, on with the chapter:

End of the Writer! Ch9

Luka and Gakupo run in the direction they think that the others went in.

Luka: "Why did we have to get split up from the others, and how come we got split up into our pairings?"

Gakupo: "Well we were holding hands as we jumped, and fiction probability bears 0 resemblance to actual probability anyway."

Luka: "What do you mean?"

Gakupo: "Look, suppose I have to fight to protect you, and my sword is sufficiently damaged that after one more hit, it will break. Suppose that, also, there is an enemy who has a weak point in his armour, and if I hit that point, it will kill him. Now, suppose that my sword covers an area of 10cm^3, and the area I'm targeting comprises 1cm^3 out of 100cm^3 I may hit when aiming, with the weak point somewhere random, what are the chances that, knowing the location of that weak point, I will hit it?"

Luka: "1/10?"

Gakupo: "Wrong! It's either 1 or 0, depending on whether I am meant, by the plot, to survive the battle, and save you. Usually, it's 1, so in the general case, I have about a 99/100 chance of successfully hitting the weak spot."

Luka: "That's... worryingly true..."

Gakupo: "I know, that's the First Law of Fiction Probability: the chance of something happening in a story bears no resemblance to the chance of it happening in real life."

Luka: "So what's the second law?"

Gakupo: "Probability is a bitch, and she just slapped you."

Luka: "...Okay..."

Gakupo: "Don't even get me started on fiction physics."

Luka: "No, I wasn't going to."

Gakupo: "Oh, really? Okay."

Luka: Sighing, "Oh well, at least things couldn't get worse."

Gakupo: "NO! Don't you know the Third Law of Fiction Probability: things can always get worse?"

Luka: "Ah... oh shit..."

Rei Ayanami: "Oh, yes, shit would describe your current situation very well."

Luka: "You? But weren't you taken away to MI:H to be violated for eternity."

Rei: "Yes, but I managed to beat the crap out of all the monsters, and came to take revenge upon Misty."

Luka: "Wait... so there's a villain who doesn't want to take revenge on Wolfie?"

Gakupo: "That's... amazing."

Rei: "Meh, no skin off my nose."

Luka: "Hey, aren't you meant to have no personality?"

Rei: "Yeah, well tell that to Wolfie, he can't write people without personalities very well."

Luka: "Right... that totally makes sense."

Gakupo: "The worrying thing is that it does."

Luka: "Yes, I know, I was just trying to convince myself that it didn't."

Rei: "Anyway, it is time for my lack of personality to absorb your personalities! I will devour you both!"

Luka: "Not if I have anything to do with it!"

Rei: "And how would you have the power to stop me?"

Gakupo: "I dunno, maybe..."

Luka: "...just maybe you should..."

Luka & Gakupo: "Go Google it!"

Flashes of purple and pink light rises around the pair, and then fades, leaving them... looking rather like they did before.

Rei: "Um... what was the light-show about?"

Luka: "Go Google it!"

Rei: "Er... why won't you answer my question?"

Gakupo: "Go Google it!"

Rei: "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!"

Luka & Gakupo: Pointing their fingers in a Phoenix Wright-style point, "GO GOOGLE IT!"

Rei: "NO! Stop saying that!" Glares, then something rises from the ground behind her, "Ah... my transport!" Eva Unit 00 rises up, and Rei leaps onto its back, and gets into the plug, before it inserts itself, and the eva activates.

Luka: "What the hell are we meant to do against that thing?"

Gakupo: "Run?"

Luka: "That sounds like a sound strategy!"

Gakupo and Luka start fleeing, but of course, a 50ft tall bio-robot is slightly faster. I mean, it must qualify as a gargantuan creature, that's about 60ft per round base land speed.

Gakupo: "Shit!"

Luka: "How the hell are we going to get out of this one?"

Misty: "Rei! You won't touch them!" Flies at Rei,slashing with a blade of mist.

Luka: "Misty? You came!"

Misty: "Yeah, this bitch is my responsibility!"

Gakupo: "Speaking of responsibility, weren't you responsible for flying the plane?"

Misty: "Oh come on, I didn't do a Wolfie, I got Kiyoteru to take over first."

Luka: "Oh... cool, then we'll just let you have your little battle." Runs away with Gakupo.

Rei: "Misty! I've found you! Now I get to kill you!"

Misty: "Rei... I'm wondering why I didn't kill you earlier, and now I really wish I had. So I'll remedy my mistake now!" Charges at Rei.


Miku: "Derrick, DIE!" Fires the BRS gun at Derrick.

Derrick: "Why so bitchy today?"

Miku: "Some twats have been getting my videos deleted! That's what's putting me on my period early!" Shoots him again.

Derrick: "Okay... I'm going to have to finish this quickly!" Starts chanting, "I who stand in the full light of the yaoi..."

Miku: "Too slow!" Shoots straight at Derrick.

Derrick: Dodging, but breaking his chant, "Damn... time for plan B."

Miku: "Run away?"

Derrick: "No," Draws a sword, "Beat the crap out of you!" Leaps at Miku.

Miku leaps away, and fires again. The pair dance around the area, attacking each other, but neither hits.

Spectator Fangirl 1: "Wow, they're good... kinda."

Spectator Fangirl 2: "They keep missing."

SF1: "They also keep dodging."

SF2: "I suppose, but fights are boring when they're this good."

SF1: "I suppose."

Derrick leaps at Miku, and Miku dodges, then fires again, Derrick dodging the shot, which this time flies straight at the two spectating fangirls.

SF1: "Oh shit!" Crushed along with SF2.

Derrick: "Finally, they would not shut up."

Miku: "I know that feeling, now I think it's time I ended this!" Rushes at Derrick, "Have a taste of my power!"

Derrick: "Yeah, yeah, you used your mystic arte on me before, and at the time, it wasn't half bad, but now it'll just be weak."

Miku: "That's why it's time for the second one!"

Derrick: "Oh shit... I didn't think of that..."

Miku: "Now... fall before... My Supercell!"

Miku glows green.


Laws of Fiction Probability:

1. The probability of an occurrence in fiction is in no way related to its probability of happening in the real world.

2. For all stories, probability is a bitch. As a piece of fiction approaches completion, the probability that the bitch has slapped you approaches 1.

3. Regardless of the implausibility of a situation getting worse, there is always a chance that it will.

4. Should the words 'things couldn't get worse' or words to that effect be uttered by any character, the situation will get worse with probability 1.

5. The author may ignore the effects of real world science for his own convenience. What goes up will not come down unless the story dictates it is so.

6. In a large sample, there is always the one person who will attempt to screw with these rules just for the hell of it. This is not possible, as it is dictated within the rules that it is so. In fact, the only way to screw with the rules is now not to screw with them, or attempt to do so. In so doing, you have screwed with this rule, but if anybody points it out, then the rules have no longer been screwed with. Therefore, you cannot deny these rules.


Bis Bald

BW