PART THE FORTY-FIRST
IN WHICH A BURGLAR WAS UNLAWFULLY DISMISSED
Bilbo looked out from the lounge of Miss Mamiya's place into the paved road outside.
He was there seeing many wondrous things, in a certain fashion of speech.
He saw many soldiers going to and fro, carrying stuff from various places to various other places: baskets of vegetables of all kinds, some queer items of queerer material, and sometimes completely mundane mops and brooms and pails. The place seemed well-run to his eyes; because as far as he saw nobody was idling. They laughed, they joked, they sang incomprehensible (but catchy) sounds in that high-pitched language of theirs, as they went about their frankly arcane business.
"Ah, Baggins-san?"
Bilbo turned around to find Miss Mamiya standing by the short-curtain over the door frame separating the kitchen and the not-kitchen. She was smiling with her eyes closed like a kindly grandmother, though her countenance was far too youthful and energetic for that role.
"You've come early!" she said cheerfully. "Eager to learn some more of Japanese cuisine, no?"
"Not today, my dear miss," said Bilbo. "Trying to enjoy a lazy noon without dwarves arguing, thank you very much!"
Miss Mamiya nodded understandingly. "Must be quite hard on you, having to handle that much rowdiness," she said, and Bilbo only frowned. The dwarves were growing ever more contemplating and anxious, and Balin and Gloin departing did not seem to placate their worries any. He had not spoken to Thorin at all for a few days now, or Kili and Fili at that; and it was in a sense a mixed blessing.
"Not as much as you and a kitchen for a throng and a half!" said Bilbo, to which Miss Mamiya only smiled.
She walked off her place at the threshold, and found her way to Bilbo's table, and dropped down next to him in one sweeping movement. The woman, not-quite-so-young-yet-not-quite-so-old, was mostly idling during those times she was not tending to the kitchen or the passers-by asking for a salad or a plate of sliced raw fish. She was not, as Bilbo had found out, a scholar, or a philosopher, or a poet, or even a purveyor of fine maps. No, her strength was only in cooking, in confectionery and in pleasing the sense of taste.
But she was caring enough, in appearance and in gesture, and in some way reminded Bilbo of his late mother. Or what she had been like during those tender years of his: the perfect mother and the model hobbit lady for quite a time.
"I've just got a new batch of daikon in!" she declared cheerfully. "Care for some river-trout sashimi for dinner, Baggins-san?"
Her cheerfulness spread well to Bilbo, and not entirely because of the prospect for a most exotic and excellent dinner. No, it was the kind of joy for any Hobbit of Bilbo's time, who had lived through an episode of famine, to see a community of people picking themselves up and starting to grow things again.
"My pleasure!" said Baggins, and grinned heartily.
And why wouldn't they? The naval district's place in the wilds had good water, good wind, good rain and good sunshine too, or so Bilbo thought anyway; and were it not for the looming trolls and ominous ruins from afar would be a country as rich for the growing of wholesome things as the Shire itself. With not a few trolls blown to smithereens and the rest frightened off in a fashion, it was only natural for the soldier-folk of the district to start venturing away from the safety of its redoubts and start farming, and hunting, and fishing. They'd set up, too, a place or two for the little hens and chickens that the two young misses Ikazuchi and Inazuma had cradled in their arms all the way from Rivendell up: hens and chicken that were used to elves, at any rate, who might have understood the language spoken by Men enough to stay quite calm along the hundred-mile journey.
"If you'd still be around when we'd set up some rice fields," said the diner-keeper, "you've got to try my omurice, and sushi, and okonomiyaki, and so many other things I can make!"
"The only thing I fear," said Bilbo, and now he was grinning ear-to-ear, "is my appetite would grow indeed too great for your kitchen, or my girth too broad for your doorframes!"
Bilbo could well expect the chat of that afternoon to entirely revolve around food, and eating, and the more simple and healthy pleasures any Hobbit can well agree with. And Miss Mamiya looked like she would be well pleased with such a conversation, too.
That, however, was not to be.
"Ah, there you are, Baggins-san."
Bilbo turned around. Into the lounge stepped the grey-haired woman that Bilbo could swear he had seen around Miss Hiei, and on one occasion with Thorin and his cousins and nephews. Lady Kirishima was her name, Thorin had said, and she apparently was a Very Important Person – for a reason he had not quite elaborated very well.
Now she drove herself quickly into the hall in long strides, and stopped just in front of Bilbo's table with a smile and both hands on her hips.
"Oh, Kirishima-san?" said Miss Mamiya. "Done so early today?" Her half-closed eyes were now quite open.
"Mamiya-san," said Lady Kirishima. "Could I-" she raised her hands in an air-quote, "-borrow Baggins-san for a moment?"
"S-sure, I guess," said Miss Mamiya. "Did something happen?"
"Something," she said cryptically. "Baggins-san? Could I have a minute or a hundred with you?"
What else could Bilbo, impeccably polite as he was, say but "I... think I should be fine-"
And before Bilbo knew what was happening, he had found himself on his hairy feet again, desperately dragged behind the Very Important Woman all the way across the naval district. Soldiers, housing, trees, even the light of the sun seemed to blur behind him; he was dragged on just that fast. He did remember being pulled past a very large yard at some point, then a correspondingly large foyer, and then a wooden corridor with many sliding-door with paper pasted over the frame.
Before he could catch a glimpse or five of the surrounding, he had found himself hauled up a stairway, along a wood-tiled corridor, and then dumped – not without some decorum, to be fair – onto a sofa inside a small sitting-room overlooking the river-bend.
Lady Kirishima plomped herself down opposite to him from the drinking table. "Cold water?" she asked. "Or lukewarm water?"
Bilbo coughed. "Not at the moment, thank you!" although in fact he was not quite thankful at all, from how he'd been quite so man-handled!
"Well, Baggins-san, let's not hide it – you've been quite a surprise from day one," she said. "For someone to juggle all of the Sixth Destroyer Division and my sister in such a good show of coordination, I'd... thought you were someone bigger." Then she waved both hands, in a rather flustered manner. "No offense, no offense, of course!"
To this Bilbo only shrugged. Ah, the ignorance of Big Folks at its finest. But his anxiousness had now taken the fore, and he began to shudder. Because poor Mr. Baggins wouldn't be taken clear cross the district to a quiet room in a manner not unlike kidnapping for no reason, no sir!
"Well, big or small, I am here at your behest, my dear lady; and I should like to know what the business is all about, if it would not be too much to ask?" he said, not without crossness.
Now Lady Kirishima gathered herself into a more comfortable sitting posture, crossing her (indeed quite long) legs. She smiled, and closed her eyes, and in a blink opened them right away.
"On to business at once?" she said. "Just the way I'd like it, Baggins-san. I was going to ask you several things about your adventure... and what you want with it. Or from it."
"I'm not quite sure I get the question," said Bilbo. "I have signed a contract with Thorin's Company, if that is what you meant, and I should not like to break it."
"We've discussed the matter of you with Thorin Oakenshield himself," said Lady Kirishima. "He seems to be doubtful of your capacity as a member of the Company, much less as a burglar; and in fact has asked me to give you this." She gave him a scroll; sealed with wax and dwarf-runes.
With shaking hands Bilbo took the scroll. And yet he had known what was in it before he even broke the seal and unfurled the scroll.
And indeed, this was what it said, in the same handwriting as the contract he'd signed a month ago.
"Thorin and Company to Burglar Bilbo greeting!
We regret to inform you that, given the current situation and unforeseen developments, your service as Burglar to our Company is no longer required, and hereby release you from the contract we have signed.
We are grateful for your service over the last month, and shall provide you with recompense of a sum equivalent to your funeral expenses (that have been agreed upon in case of your untimely demise); which shall be payable to your respected person or representative if any, by a representative of our Company, who should be present at your esteemed homestead as soon as can be arranged.
We hope to have the occasion to require your honoured service again in the future.
Yours deeply,
Thorin and Co."
And from the look on Lady Kirishima's face, she had known it too.
Something fell in Bilbo's guts. It was not unexpected, but when it came from someone other than Thorin, and certainly other than Gandalf, it came as more of a shock. At once Bilbo wished he had his handkerchief with him; his forehead was dotted with sweat.
"So he did cancel my contract!" said Bilbo. "Well, I suppose that is understandable. There has been, after all, preciously few things to burgle in my place in the Shire, you see, and it's not like I have much made my living from that trade. I do hold some land to my name, a garden and then some more I would let you know; and- and I'd let you know too, that there's good herbs and good tomatoes and pumpkins and potatoes from my yard, you need only ask my good gardeners for that, and it could feed quite a few families in and out of Bagshot Row for a year in just a good harvest; and-"
Bilbo did not know what took him over; but it was a situation where he only needed to begin and he would be unable to stop. And in fact, had Lady Kirishima not raised her hand, he would have continued to promote himself and his indeed very splendid garden until the Sun came down behind the mountains.
"Baggins-san," she said, shaking her head lightly. "Beg your pardon, but your garden and its hypothetical yield are not very important, not to us. What is important, is what we should do with you now."
"I always thought that would be a matter of much importance," said Bilbo with a gulp. "I suppose, then, that you would send me home? To Bag End, and my garden and my crops and my pipe and pipe-weed and study?'
"That is an option, Baggins-san," said Lady Kirishima. "We could send you home, if you want. Safely and easily. It would take, what, three weeks? Probably less by waterway – in which case you'd better prep some sick-bags. But you'll be home in no time, and that's more I can do for you than literally every person on this base."
In hindsight, it was supposed to be such an easy choice, said Bilbo's Baggins half. Back to hearth and home and comfort at last, and begone with the nasty uncomfortable business of adventuring!
But his Tookish side would have none of it. In fact, it stirred and within him kindled a very hot and roaring flame, burning brighter than it had before. Once again he felt a thirst, now boiling and now insatiable, for an adventure, and not just any sight-seeing trip, but one in which he would be useful, and helpful, and living up to every trust that the wizard Gandalf might have vested in him.
He cleared his throat.
"Now, milady," he began. "I may just be a simple hobbit, and my place's in a candlelit room full of books and atlases and ten and five scores of wholesome thing to eat, but..." He was almost breathless. "But I've been quite thinking, my dear lady, and I thought... I thought perhaps there's enough of me for an adventure yet. I would love to be back home, to my comfortable hobbit-hole, make no mistake. All the same, if it would not be too much of a hassle, I should like to earn my keep in some way, because being dismissed from an adventure in this manner simply would not do at all!"
Now Lady Kirishima laughed. "That is what I thought I would hear, believe it or not," she said , folding her arms neatly below her bosom. "Now, then, would you like to 'earn your keep', Baggins-san?"
"Of course I do!" said Bilbo, now suddenly finding a courage he did not know he had. A very nifty turbine of a figurative sort began spinning in his head, and an answer came to him. "I suppose the wizard Gandalf might have had something to do with this?"
"Sharp analysis!" said Lady Kirishima. "I like that." Now she sighed, and leaned closer to Bilbo from across the table. "Let's not keep secrets between you and me on this matter: the wizard had told us we must keep you in the in." she said warily.
"Does Gandalf say that now?" said Bilbo – but it was a question to which the answer was already plain to see.
"Told us in very certain terms," said Lady Kirishima. "Now, I wouldn't put much stock in his so-called 'foresight' or whatever he calls it, but... he is quite convinced the adventure would end in failure with Thorin-kakka and all his heirs rotting in a ditch somewhere the sun doesn't shine, unless you are part of it." She clapped her hands hard. "And that possibility worries me. We're neck-deep in this kerfuffle already; and with Thorin-kakka being a head of state? We're in for the long haul. We want Thorin-kakka's quest to conclude, successfully and flawlessly."
"Indeed!" said Bilbo with a laugh. Perhaps this whole nasty uncomfortable thing about an adventure away from hearth and home had been planned from the beginning, long before Gandalf walked up his front porch with his walking-stick and pointed hat. "It is folk wisdom, you see, not to meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. I can't say if there's any truth to his words or not, that would be beyond me; but it might be quite unwise to discount them entirely." He inhaled deeply. Fainting again would be such a bad, bad impression. "How can I help?"
"That's the purpose of this meeting," said Lady Kirishima. "With Thorin-kakka no longer wanting you as part of the Company, and the wizard pretty much demanding that you be part of it, I thought we would take a third option. The JSDF would like to sign a contract with you, if you wouldn't object to more complicated legalese?"
"At least there's one thing we can agree pretty much entirely!" exclaimed Bilbo. "There is no civilized discourse without enforceable contracts!"
"I'm glad you agree," said Kirishima. Then she produced from seemingly nowhere several sheets of paper. "Would you care to look this over?"
And so Bilbo did, in fact, look it over. It was written in an extremely neat font, and yet there were more than several grammatical mistakes littering the text, as if it had been written by someone who had just learnt how to read and write. But overlooking all of that, it was a contract, and if he'd put his signature down it would be valid before the Law as anything else.
The most important clause were two. One, Bilbo Baggins would starting today be a civilian contractor of the Yokosuka Fleet of the Japanese Maritime Self Defense Force, and will have to therefore uphold 'confidentiality' accordingly. And two, he would have to uphold the chain of command as best as he could – to pare down a frankly lengthy and grammatically clumsy clause.
"Normally you would be entitled to a salary," said Lady Kirishima as Bilbo finally set the contract down on the table, "but the situation being what it is, you'll have to accept army credit for now." She sighed. "Which is a way of saying 'we owe you, will pay later as soon as we make ourselves liquid'."
"Well, the terms aren't much worse than the stuff the dwarves had me sign a month ago," said Bilbo. "I don't see anything about laceration and evisceration and incineration or funeral arrangements due thereto!"
"That's because horrible death and dismemberment is part and parcel in any dealing with any armed forces," said Lady Kirishima, and her smile suddenly became more morbid and less ladylike. Bilbo thought his jaw was hanging open. "I'm kidding," she said again. "Without any undue... disclosure, let's just say we'll have a very angry wizard asking us very pointed questions were you to retire from our employment in anything less than one whole piece."
Her grin did not grow any more comfortable to look at, not given the implication. And yet, Bilbo's Tookish side was roaring in anticipation. What are you waiting for, foolish Bilbo Baggins? it cried.
And Bilbo... could only draw a stiff breath.
"Do I sign here?" he said, pointing at the dotted line at the end of the document.
No notes, so let's answer some comments:
First, Celestia's Paladin: "A female dwarf? Is she in the Legendarium?" She does. That is Dis, Fili and Kili's widowed mother and one of the only female dwarves to go down in their annals due to the bravery of her sons and the heroic circumstances of their deaths. Her husband was unnamed, nor the circumstance of his death specified in canon; and fanon goes everywhere and beyond on this matter - because after all, Kili and Fili's father's identity and circumstance of death would inevitable feature very heavily in their character development and we kind of need that for the dwarf-lads to become more rounded characters.
"And I don't remember an Yandere Nagato in "Blizzard of the Red Castle", then again she played second fiddle to Akagi, Fubuki, Honshou, and Kongou." She hasn't gone yandere, yes, but in the latest updates on the SB thread she's been skirting quite close to the 'I'm doing so much for you teitoku, why are you choosing Kongou over me' mindset.
"Pretty damn rare finding pure aluminum instead of an ore. But can't say that I am surprised. Funny part is that she probably can't explain how to refine bauxite without going to all the theory for electricity behind it." In fact, the exact topic of aluminum and refinement thereof and whether the naval district can do it and at what scale has been a point of contention in the SB thread. The consensus at the end of the day is yes, they probably can, but it's not going to be the most efficient or useful use of resources at present. It is an interesting and insightful discussion that went everywhere from renewable energies to turbines to the issue of a certain mineral mined commercially to exhaustion in Scandinavia.
And Brother of Kane: "A swing and a miss...good try, but I have a feeling it's not going to be that easy" Let's just say interesting development on this front has ensued. Watch this space!
