Prompt: A character (preferably an attorney, since they might be famous) discovers that body pillows of them are being manufactured. Bonus if somebody they know has a body pillow of them.


Klavier arrived home whistling. It had been a good day; his cases had all gone well, the weather was great and his lunch had been delicious, and he'd even had a lovely conversation with Trucy on the possibility of his involvement in her next magic show. She'd definitely inherited some of her father's skill with words; he was tempted by the idea.

Best of all, though, the love of his life had called him just as he was leaving work, and urged him home for a 'special surprise'. Klavier couldn't think of any occasion, so she must just feel like showing him some affection, and honestly the thought alone was already the feather in the cap to his day.

"I'm home!" he sang, dropping his bag on the hall table and rounding the corner into the living room. "I've been thinking about that surprise all the... way... here..."

"Oh, hey," Ema glanced up and grinned at the sight of him. She was dressed in her work-out gear, consisting of a pair of shorts and a tank top which showed off her muscular arms, usually hidden beneath her lab coat. She was sweating, hair pulled back and cheeks flushed. She looked vividly alive and strong, exhilarating and beautiful.

She was also punching Klavier repeatedly in the face.

Not - not the real Klavier. It looked like she'd tied a pillow to her usual punching bag, but the pillow was huge and printed on it was a life-size image of Klavier, dressed in a typical concert outfit and winking slyly at - well, in this case, at the fists flying towards his face. Klavier, the real one, winced as his stuffed double's nose indented in again.

"Whuh-? The schiesse...?" he mumbled. "Ach - Ema dear, please, not my face!"

"Sure," she agreed, then aimed a wicked kick right at his stuffed crotch. His cry of alarm was completely instinctual, and it made her laugh.

"Heya," she said again, finally turning away from the improvised target to come kiss Klavier hello. Her lips tasted vaguely of sweat, and frankly knowing how that sweat had gotten there was making the kiss a bit of a mixed message. He leaned back a little, glancing at the battered pillow over her shoulder.

"Are you... mad at me?"

"What? No! Look," Ema grabbed his hand and tugged him over to the punching pillow. She yanked at the top corner, pulling down a tag. "Check this out, this company is making this you merch. Isn't that disgusting?"

"I'm disgusting?" Klavier echoed, dismayed. He glanced at the pillow again. The wink did look a little ridiculous - but surely that was because the stuffing was distorted, not how he usually looked...?

"No, these guys, they make all these celebrity body pillows, look - this is called the Gazin' Gavin." She shuddered, smacking the pillow roughly on the shoulder. Klavier shook off his sudden hankering for a mirror to focus fully on his girlfriend. "It's so creepy."

"So... you found a pillow of me, and hated it," He slowly reasoned out: "So you bought it. To beat it up."

Ema nodded with an innocent smile.

"And you called me, telling me to hurry home for a special surprise - so I could see you punching me?"

"Your creepy exploitative pillow, yeah," Ema continued to smile. Klavier was... fairly certain she knew what she was doing.

"Well," he said, only to find himself somewhat at a loss for words. "That's... surprising, yeah."

"What, would you rather I sleep with it?" He opened his mouth to reply in the affirmative, thought about it a little more, then made a face. Ema laughed again.

"Alright," Klavier conceded, smiling a bit now too as he began to fully process just how ridiculous this entire scenario was. "Still, though-"

"I wasn't planning to beat up on pillow-you," Ema admitted. "It was just a joke, but then it actually got here, and it's just so gross, I can't stop thinking about pervs actually cuddling up to this. I mean, the other side has a sexy swimsuit," she gestured at the pillow with clear disdain. "Sure, they pretty clearly photoshopped your abs for that one, but - I don't like it, at all. Punching it made me feel better."

Klavier's smile softened, steadily growing wider as she spoke. He never would have thought that his girlfriend kickboxing any effigy of himself would be endearing, but - there it was. Ema's insistence on treating Klavier as a person and not a rockstar had always been charming, but moments when she got defensive over his right to privacy always made him swoon a little. A few months back she'd nearly arrested a fan making crude comments, and Klavier had definitely felt his knees go a bit weak.

It wasn't so much the protectiveness - more the fact that for Ema, such a display was proof of her regard. She made Klavier feel valued for himself. She reminded him that it was okay to be selfish, to not be in the mood, or not bend over backwards to appeal to people who only ever saw a shallow reflection of who he really was. Sure, Klavier didn't see his kindness to fans that way, but sometimes he didn't put himself first when he should, even he could admit that. And Ema's fierce defense of him, her anger at people who couldn't see him as the flawed, real person he was - it always made him feel so loved.

"You're sweet," Klavier said, and kissed her.

"Well you're weird," she murmured back, but twined her fingers into his braid and pulled him down to kiss back more deeply. It took them a while to resurface. "You should sue them, or something."

"Mm," Klavier said, and picked her up. He began stumbling towards the bedroom, extremely distracted by Ema's warm hands on his back, her lips on his neck. "Let's burn it later."

Her head jerked up, startling him enough that he bounced painfully into the doorknob as he knocked the door open.

"Really?" Ema gasped, eyes bright. She looked absolutely overjoyed at the prospect of immolating his uncanny likeness. Klavier felt warm all over.

"It was really creepy," he told her as they finally arrived at the bed. At her delighted giggle, he couldn't help a firm kiss and an, "I love you."

Ema lifted up a hand and stroked his cheek.

"You know, I wouldn't buy a life-size body pillow of anyone else," she told him gently, a clear reciprocation.

Then she grabbed him by the lapels and tugged him back down to her. Klavier went more than willingly, dazzled and at her mercy as usual. Ema was never what he expected - she was always better, even if sometimes it came in odd ways. Really, if anything, she was the only surprise Klavier needed, and the most special one at that. He'd never trade this for anything else.

He'd never burn a life-size body pillow of himself with anyone else, either.


(I know they aren't actually of real people, but I did some googling before writing this prompt, and these creep me out.)