Self Insertion
Chapter 51
Old Habits And New Responsibilities... That Come With Great Powers... He He
Evan smiled as he blasted the aliens with lazer fire. "Take that! You filthy alien scum... of the
universe."
Josh sighed as he stood nearby. "Evan. Stop playing that game. You've already put in 3 dollars
worth. That's three dollars that we could be using to buy Bruce lee movies... and books.
Besides... it's only Space Invaders."
"Pah. You can't buy a movie with three dollars... clearly this comes out of your book fund... I
mean.. Books. What are you going to do? Learn them to death?" Evan said as he got his ass kick
pixellated style. "DAMMIT ALL TO HELL!"
Josh shrugged. "Yeah. I'm going to learn them to death. Let's go!"
"Excellent. Then you have fallen to my will.. We must kill them now while they don't know that
we are coming." Evan said raising a clenched fist in the air.
Josh then turned around and noticed a shock of red hair pass by the arcade that they were in at
that moment. "Ranko." He stated under his breath.
Evan frowned as Josh went running after the red head. Evan smirked and sang a ditty to the tune
of 'Sugar Crisp'. "Can't get enough of that fire crotch!"
Josh gasped for breath as he pushed his way through the crowds of Japanese people on the streets
of Nerima. He saw the red hair again and then doubled his pace. The moment he was upon the girl
he latched onto her. "I'm sorry for what I did. I don't know what it was but whatever it was that I
did to make you stop talking to me please I was wrong! Take me back. I love you!" He
desperately pleaded.
"Huh?" Came the voice of the girl he was hugging.
Josh knew that voice... But it wasn't the voice he was looking to hear. He then let go of the girl
and noticed she wore a blue kimono with a white floral pattern... and a katana.
"Oh. Mrs. Saotome. I'm sorry. I mistook you for someone else." He said bowing deeply in
appology.
The woman turned around and smiled. "It's quite all right son. I haven't been that surprised in a
long time. Who did you mistake me for?" She asked. "And how do you know my name?"
"Sorry. I'm Ranko's boyfriend. We've been having a bit of a rough time lately." Josh then thought
about that for a moment. He had no idea whether or not Nodoka knew about the curse or not yet.
I may have made another big mistake just now. Josh thought to himself.
Nodoka frowned at this. "Ranko the girl who shares a body with my son?" She asked.
Josh frowned at that. Ah Crap. "Uhm... Mrs. Saotome... I know you probably think ill of the
situation.. But Ranko IS a completely different person and feels she should be able to live a fairly
normal life of her own. So we've been dating." Josh then cringed getting a distinct feeling that he
was going to miss the feeling of having a head.
Nodoka smiled a small smile and nodded. "Very well. I am on my way to the Tendo's house now.
If you wish you can stop by and we can discuss this all together."
Josh frowned. I don't want to do that. "Uhm.. I can do so another day... I have another
pressing engagement to attend to." He said. "It was an honor meeting you Mrs. Saotome." He
said before running back to the arcade.
Nodoka stared off at the strange Gaijin in wonder. "He still didn't tell me how he knew my
name..." She muttered before continuing on.
Josh stopped in his tracks as he started to smell smoke. "The fuck did he do now?" He asked
himself as he approached the arcade. As he reached the entrance the neon sign that had read
'Arcade Fun Goodness of Arcade' creaked and fell breaking on the ground and sending sparks
everywhere. Josh covered his eyes for a second and noticed that only one thing was really
standing in the arcade and it was most definitely Evan. Evan was standing with his back to Josh
and looking over his shoulder as a fan blew a ripped cloth that was substituting for a head band as
Evan looked into the wind with a look of determination.
Evan didn't break his pose as he noticed Josh walk in. "The street fighter machine is an excellent
training machine." He said as he fully morphed into Ryu.
"So um how'd you kick the fuck out of the place? You didn't just use your fist did you?"
Evan/Ryu smirked and started bringing his hands together in a circular motion and somehow
gathering a light blue energy at the same time.
"No fucking way..." Josh said as Evan continued to gather energy.
"HADOKEN MUTHA FUCKA!" Evan cried out as he shot the ball of energy across the street
slamming it into a car that had been parked there and flipping it as well as ripping the shit out of
the driver side door.
Josh smiled. "Maybe I should just get you a playstation and some fighting games eh?" They both
then laughed and walked away from the carnage to acquire the books and videos that they
planned on getting so that they could start becoming a force to be reckoned with in this world.
Obiwan sighed as he ducked behind the hull of the cruiser. "I don't think I like this world." Obi
Wan said. "They may be primitive but their weapons are effective beyond what we're used to."
He noted as he looked as his bullet wound.
"Should we take off and find another location?" Anakin asked. "Perhaps we could find a safer,
more friendly place to land."
Obi wan looked skeptical. "No. I believe that they had taken out our core with those heavy
artillery weapons of theirs."
"So what do we do?" Anakin asked. "Their weapon's ammunition just goes through our light
sabers. We can't deflect them. They just turns to slag and hits anyway."
"Well I'm certainly not going out there." Obi Wan said. "Close the hatch. We'll just have to stay
in here and wait it out. Maybe they'll give up."
Anakin nodded and did so. After the hatch closed they leaned against the walls and both sighed.
"This planet's shoot first and ask questions later policy is quite bothersome." Anakin stated. Obi
Wan chuckled at that.
Later that night Evan and Josh felt read up and watched up enough to take a break. "So... alien
killing?" Evan offered.
"No.. I think I'll get some sleep now if you don't mind." Josh said. "You should do the same. 12
hours of movie can never be good."
"WhatchutalkinaboutWillus?" Evan said. "I'm ready to kick some alien asshole. Like right up the
asshole..."
Josh shuddered. "That's gross dude... sides. How are you going to get past the military."
Evan smirked. "Kick the fuck out of them. I'm thinking going all Jet Li, Shao Khan on them.
Heh... if their lucky I'll throw in a bicycle kick so they can tell the kids or something."
"Well I say we sleep on it tonight, then we get even better tomorrow, and THEN we go save the
aliens." Josh supplied.
Evan was about to nod and then stopped. He paused... then he paused again... "Did you say
save?"
Josh nodded. "Yup. Probably a good idea to get on technologically advanced alien's good sides.
Y'know?" He then took the bed of the hotel and went to bed. "Good night Evan."
Evan sighed and nodded. "Fine... Good night." He said as he went into the bathroom which
Mee'Yaow was currently using for a shower.
Evan and Mee'Yaow then had sex in the shower.
The next morning Evan woke up and almost instantly popped in a Zatoichi tape. "Swordy sword
sword sword." he sang as he fast forwarded to all the fighting scenes trying to absorb as much as
possible. "Soon.. Soon my precious."
Evan then looked over to the bed after pausing the movie and noticed Josh was currently reading
through three books or so at once. "Have you been up all night?" He asked.
Josh just nodded. "I just started reading and couldn't stop. I believe I've mastered Karate, Jiu
Jitsu, Kempo 1 through 3 aaaand Ninjitsu. I found out that looking at pictures in books also
counts as the book learning skill so I've been able to cut back on time." He said as he turned the
pages of the books he was on.
"Nice." Evan said. "What you reading now?"
"Sun Szu's The Art of War, Kempo 4, and Muay Thai. Almost half way through." He said with a
smile. "I also just came to a realization."
"Which is?"
"We're still weak and scrawny. We have the skills... but we're going to have to spar with each
other a bit to toughen up." Josh said.
Evan nodded. "Perhaps we could visit the dojo for training purposes?" He suggested.
Josh nodded. "I have to go there later anyway."
With that the two boys continued their studying.
The next day.
Josh smiled as he and Evan walked into the Tendo Dojo. "So..." Evan started. "What are we
doing here?"
Josh just continued to smile as he knocked on the door. Nabiki was the one to answer. "Oh. The
midnight rapist returns. I didn't think the sequel would be out so soon. Here for the guy half this
time?"
Josh just smiled. "I wish to speak with Soun Tendo."
Evan looked confused. "But you don't want to rape him do you?"
Josh stared at Evan, he stared really hard... and long... with evil in his eyeballs. "No." He said as
he shook his head. "God, I hate you."
Nabiki smiled and walked back into the house. "Sure I'll get him for you. You'll have to wait here
though... Ranma's inside watching TV and I DON'T think he'd be happy to see you... Actually I
think he'd probably break all your limbs."
Josh smiled. "That's cool." he said with a smile.
A few minutes later Soun came to the door and glared at the two boys. "You defiled the heir of
the Saotome school of martial arts." He said with a growl. "How dare you have the gall to come
back here at all."
Josh shrugged... he then took a step back, and then all of a sudden leapt into a dramatic pose. "I
CHALLENGE YOU!" He yelled as he pointed at the mustache clad martial arts instructor.
Soun looked confused. "On what grounds?" He asked.
"That if I win... I will be allowed to stay here with my beloved Ranma...chan. The girl half." Josh
then punched Evan who muttered "Homo" while he was stuttering that last part.
Soun thought for a second and turned, walked back into the house, closed the door and said:
"Challenge denied."
Josh looked confused. He then smirked and crossed his arms. "He'll be back."
"I say we burn the place down." Evan suggested.
Josh looked at Evan in utter confusion. "WHAT!... no... WHAT?"
Evan shrugged. "Meh.. It would've worked... he would have definitely challenged you then."
Soun sighed as he walked into the kitchen where Genma was raiding the cupboards for snacks.
"Who was at the door Tendo?" He asked as he snagged a mostly hidden bag of chips from deep in
the cupboard.
"Just a challenge." Tendo muttered. "Nothing important."
Saotome chuckled. "BWA ha ha! So when will this challenge be held?" He asked.
"It won't." Soun said as he grabbed a glass from another cupboard. "I denied the challenge." He
then proceeded to pour himself a drink from the tap.
"WHAT?" Genma screamed at his friend grabbing
him by the shoulder and pulling him close. This caused Soun however to spill his drink on his
friend and Genma changed into a Panda... as usual he didn't notice. "GROWF MUMBLE
BLORGGA BLOO BLAH GRRR ARR MWAAAAAAA!" He yelled at Soun as he repeatedly
shook him.
"Saotome..." Soun started. "You're a panda. I don't understand what you are saying."
Genma just continued to shake him while making funny panda sounds.
"BALLAKA:AALWALALALAPPOWOPWPPOWPWOWPWOBWA BWEA BWA
BWABBWA!" He screamed in extreme agitation did. Soun quickly poured a glass of hot
water from the same tap and splashed Genma... "Now." He started. "What were you yelling
about?"
Genma growled. "SOUN YOU IDIOT! IT IS THE ANYTHING GOES SCHOOL OF
MARTIAL ARTS CODE THAT ALL CHALLENGES MUST BE ACCEPTED! DON'T YOU
REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE DOING?"
Soun sighed and sweated a bit as he realized that he had just defiled his sacred schools LAW.
"Well... I didn't like the conditions!"
"FORGET THE CONDITIONS! You also get to come up with a condition for if YOU win!
Don't forget rule number 87 of the School of anything goes..." Genma started.
"Always win a fight, never accept defeat, even if defeated..." Soun sighed and hung his head. "I'll
go accept the challenge." He stated.
Soun then walked out to the front door and was prepared to go out looking for Josh and Evan but
was surprised to see that they were still waiting at the front door where he had left them.
"But seriously, if I rub these sticks together hard enough..." Evan was saying as Soun came out
the front door. "Oh... um... you don't have a match do you?" Evan asked the Martial arts master.
"Um no... you.. Rapist... I accept your challenge." Soun said his head hanging unnaturally low.
"Excellent." Josh said. "Prepare some rooms, cause you are going DOWN!"
At that Soun seemed to perk up. "HARDLY! It shall be your defeat. And speaking of which. I
have a condition of my own."
Josh cocked an eyebrow. "Which is?"
"You must be castrated publically and wear your freshly cut off testicles as a necklace till they rot
off the chain." Soun said proudly as he listed his demands.
Josh looked a little taken aback by that. "SAY WHAT?" Josh then looked down at the ground in
fear. Wasn't expecting a response like that from Soun Tendo... Well... here goes nothing, don't
fail me now book reading. Josh then lifted his head and smiled. "I ACCEPT!" His chi then
flared all super saiyan like and he screamed like a classic anime character for style.
Soun frowned. Damn! I was hoping he'd back down with a condition like that. "Very well lets
get this done.
Moments later in the Dojo...
Josh and Soun Tendo faced off with Evan at the side. "Last time to back down raper man." Tendo
said.
Josh smirked and just stood there confidently as Soun Dropped into a stance. "Right well lets get
moving on this then." He then turned to Evan and smiled as he pointed at Soun. "GET HIM!"
Evan looked confused for a second and then shrugged, walked up to Soun and hoofed him in the
nuts.
Caught completely off guard Soun dropped and let out a small yelp of pain as his testicles started
an upward climb into his stomach. "ERP!" He exclaimed.
Evan stood over the fallen man and thrust his pelvis violently. "YEAH! YOU LIKE THAT!
YOU LIKE THAT!" He screamed over and over as he pumped his fists in the air to add to the
strangeness of the scene.
Josh winced... "hmmm... I guess he thought he was going to fight me." He then shrugged and
walked out. "Guess we're living here from now on. COME ON EVAN! Let's move our stuff into
the guest room!"
Evan smiled "YEAH! Now NO ONE can stop you from having sex with boys!" He called out
happily in response.
Evan then recieved a rock in the face. "SHE'S A GIRL! Until hit with hot water... you ass
hole."
Ranma sighed as he slammed the bottle down onto the counter of the Uuchan where his best
friend was currently working. He was quite obviously drunk. "I was the man!" He said. "He
DidN'T kNow me! I diDn'T know! I was VILaTeed! I'Ws VilateEd!"
"Ranchan" Ukyo started in concern as she leaned over the counter. "Are you sure you should be
drinking that? What on earth happened to you?"
"VALATED!" Ranma screamed. "I'S DA MAN! I IS! HE RUINED ME UuCHAN! FirsST
TiiMe too." Ranma then began to cry.
After his drunken fit had ended Ranma stumbled his way home... somehow losing his pants along
the way. He crashed through one of the rice paper walls in the house till he had ripped his way
into the living room where he stumbled and fell onto the floor and started snoring.
Kasumi, alerted by the noise, walked into the living room where Ranma was passed out.
"Ranma?" She asked.
Ranma snapped to attention and was on his feet instantly. "I IS A MAN! I MAN!" He yelled
at Kasumi while pointing mostly at himself and somehow at the ceiling. Ranma's angry face
calmed for a second as he stared blankly at Kasumi's boobs. "YOU'S A WOMON!" He cried
out in a sudden realization. "I don't like boys..." He said quietly. He started stumbling towards
Kasumi with his arms out zombie style like he wanted to either eat her or get a hug.
Kasumi looked confused and a little scared. "Uhm... Ranma? Are you okay?"
Ranma put one hand almost in her mouth. "Shshssshshssss. Quiet nah... Magicalish
momonentassd..." He said as he started puckering his lips and drooling all over Kasumi.
She recoiled in horror and stopped supporting Ranma's weight making him topple to the floor,
where he started to snore again.
"Man." He mumbled in his sleep.
Kasumi blushed and wiped her mouth where Ranma had VERY sloppily planted a kiss. "Ew." She
then noticed the boy was definitely not wearing pants. "Oh my." She stated as she covered her
mouth... she then covered Ranma's lower half with a blanket.
At that moment Ranma's eyes shot open. "You's is a fast womon... I likes that... but I DON'T
LIKES BOYS!" He said as he tried to drag Kasumi under the blanket with him.
Reacting out of instinct Kasumi slapped Ranma as hard as she could, making him release his death
grip on her arm.
"You's is violent... like kaner...She's like a boy... I DON'T LIKES BOYS! LIKE KANER!
DoON'T LIKES IT! bum..." Ranma hollered as he started to rub his sore cheek. "I likes yous..."
He said, blushing.
Kasumi nodded and hurried out of the room.
Ranma Ran after her but lost her after she ran up the stairs. "WHERE'D YAH GOES!" He cried
out after her. He then tried to go up the stairs and failed horribly falling over himself after the first
step. "They are flat... but they goes upwards... doesn't make sense..." He said as he remained in
a semi-fetal position on the floor.
Josh smiled as he set up his futon immediately next to Ranma's and put them just so close enough
together that it looked like one big futon. "I can move it if he turns into a boy... or just splash him
with water... So easy."
Evan looked disgusted at Josh. "Now what would you think if you were a guy who changed into
a girl who slept with boys sexually?"
Josh shrugged. "I'd be pissed... I'd want to kill all the people she'd have sleep with."
Evan nodded "right... and do you understand how that might relate to your current situation?"
Josh shook his head. "Nah.. It'll be fine... I can kick his ass after all my book learning."
"Yup.. Learn him to death... anywho bought you a present." Evan said as he tossed Josh a super
soaker.
Josh smiled... "Aww. That's the nicest thing you've done for me since we first read that spell all
those years ago." He said. "...It is cold water right?"
Evan smiled darkly. "Yes... cold water... lots of it... not hot at all."
Josh slowly pumped the super soaker while glaring at Evan.
Evan looked shocked. "You wouldn't."
Josh nodded as he kept pumping the gun and slowly brought it to face Evan at chest level.
"Bastard." Evan said as he readied himself.
Josh then emptied the super soaker tank on Evan, turning him into his girl form.
"NOW I HAVE TITTIES!" Evan screamed in despair.
Josh shook his head. "You and I both know that that's not a bad thing." He said with a smirk.
Evan smiled and grabbed her boobs. "I missed you guys." She said as she fondled herself. She
then walked out the door and was about to leave when she came back into the room and said:
"Hey Josh there's a pant less Ranma on the bottom of the stairs unconscious."
Josh smiled and cocked the super soaker.
TBC
Author's Notes: Oh sweet Jesus.
(I second that.)
speaking of jesus... cameos... speaking of cameos. Mark Malow will be showing up in SI soon...
keep an eye out SI readers. You probably won't care anyway.
( How very true... how very very true... I mean... I don't care... and I'm half of the writing force
here at SI studios... where we make pornos... I lying... I IS DRUNK! I IS RANMA! I DON'T
LIKES BOYS! I got nothing. Bye.)
Morden Night: Ishano: dog smells of poo. No foolin.
(My dog is losing his teeth... No foolin.)
