DISCLAIMER: The characters do not belong to me…they are all the creations of the wonderful Stephenie Meyer.
I'm so sorry, Edward! Bella made me do it!!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is what Edward goes through during the three days that Bella is missing.
Missing Bella – Day 2
As soon as the first faint rays of a new day showed in the sky, I dialed Bella's number. It was time to talk to her voicemail again. I could only hope she was listening to the messages.
"Bella. Carlisle told me you spoke with Esme last night. Thank for calling to say you're safe. I wish you could have called me, but I understand why you didn't. I'd really like to talk to you, to have the chance to apologize to your voice and not to your phone. Just think about it, okay? I love you and I miss you very much. I really hope you'll believe me and call me soon."
I dialed Alice next. "Alice. I just need a few minutes of your time. I just need to make sure Bella's really okay. I don't know if she's called you or not, but she's left the house and won't say where she's gone. She called Esme last night to let her know she was safe, but that's it. I haven't been able to talk to her or get her to return any of my calls. If you could just check on her and let me know, I'd really appreciate it."
I put my phone in my pocket and headed downstairs to find Jasper. Emmett was the only one in the living room. "Have you seen Jasper?"
"He took off."
"Where to?"
"Just the woods. He said he needed a break from you. Something about too many negative emotions combined with a particular type of frustration. Have you heard anymore from Squirt?"
"No. Not since she called Esme last night. Would you happen to have the number to the spa Rose and Alice are staying at?"
"I did, but I lost it. Sorry. Jazz should be back in about an hour if you want to ask him."
I sat down on the sofa. "I really messed up this time."
"You think?" Emmett chuckled.
"Not helping," I muttered, folding my arms over my chest.
"Do you want some advice?" he asked.
"It couldn't hurt at this point."
"Leave her alone. Call her phone and leave all the lovey-dovey voicemails you want to. But stop trying to find her. You'll only make things worse."
"Emmett, could you actually do that if it was Rose instead of Bella?"
"I would have to. If Rose needed space, as hard as it would be for me, I would give it to her. Especially if it was my fault that she needed it."
"Couldn't she have gotten her space right here? I would have stayed in the guest room if she had asked."
"No, you wouldn't have," Emmett snorted. "You laughed at her anger, to her face!"
"I just don't understand what made her so damn mad in the first place."
Emmett stopped his game and turned to stare at me. "Did you hit your head recently?" I just glared at him. "Edward, for someone so smart … think for just a second. What's one thing that Bella has always had trouble with?"
I pinched the bridge of my nose as I leaned my head further into the sofa cushions. "Emmett, I'm tired. Just tell me already."
"Fine! Bella has always had trouble seeing herself as your equal. When she was human, she was convinced she wasn't pretty enough to be with you. Now that she's a kick-ass vamp, she's closer, but she knows she'll never catch up. She feels much more accepted, but still different."
"How do you know this?"
Emmett shrugged. "We wrestle. We talk. Anyway! When you tell her she can't do something, you just make her feel like you're still excluding her from parts of your life because you don't think her capable. How do you think that makes her feel, Edward? She gave up everything to be your equal, to share this life with you. She asks for something so simple, to drive your car and not even right then at that moment! Just someday! And you totally crushed her, then turned around and laughed at her."
"I was only laughing because she was acting so childish and stubborn. I wasn't trying to hurt her."
Emmett lifted an eyebrow at me. "First of all, you have no room to call anyone stubborn. Secondly, it doesn't matter if you weren't trying to hurt her, you did it anyway! She was sitting in that bathroom upstairs clutching at happy straws to deal with Demetri being here. And low and behold, the almighty Edward Cullen comes along and kicks her while she's down. You're just lucky I didn't kick your ass for hurting my little sister."
"How the hell do you know all this?"
"It's called listening, Edward! You might want to try it sometime. Not everything Rose and Alice talk about pertains to clothing." Emmett took a deep breath and stared hard at me for a moment. "Look. Just think about leaving Bella alone, okay? I know it won't be easy, but if you can give her some space, she'll appreciate it. And you should also start thinking about what you'll do to make all of this up to her."
"I doubt anything will be good enough," I muttered.
"I have an idea." Emmett held up his hand and I help back my comment. "Just hear me out first. I'm trying to help you. I heard something on the radio last week and it made me think of you and Bella."
"I sense a very big 'but' here, Emmett."
"But you would have to be open-minded. It's technically country, but not the twangy stuff that you hate! I swear! Anyway! I know Bella likes gifts that don't cost anything. If you could learn the song and sing it to her, I bet she would like it."
"Let's hear it then."
"Seriously?"
"Emmett, do I look like I'm in a position to turn down help? I haven't touched my wife in sixteen days, and forty-two minutes. I don't know where in the world she is and she's ignoring my phone calls. And apparently, I'm a huge ass and a horrible husband."
"Stay right here!" Emmett said, jumping up. "Let me just get my laptop." I waited patiently. Emmett came down a few minutes later carrying his computer. He sat next to me and cranked up the volume. I looked at the screen. He was on The video he pulled up was for a song called 'A Little More You' by a group named Little Big Town. It wasn't so bad. It opened with an acoustic guitar. It was a steady rhythm.
Don't
you wanna dive on in, yeah the water feels right I'm here fallin' for you You're teasin' me with a touch and the whole
world shakes
Dancin' on the
edge of the love you're a beautiful sight
So why're you still
standin' there in the half moonlight
Come on, baby, give me a
little more you
Your battin' those baby blue eyes and, honey i
swear
The way you got me needing you girl, it just ain't
fair
You've given me a little bit yeah, but don't stop there
Come
on, baby, give me a little more you
Come on, baby, give me a
little more you
My hearts callin'
for you
I know I never can get enough
Don't hold back one bit
of your love
Strong and steady for you
I'm all ready
Come
on, baby, give me a little more you
Come on, baby, give me a
little more you
Keep holdin' that river back and the levee may
break
There's only so much that this ol' boy can take
Come on,
baby, give me a little more you
Come on, baby, give me a little
more you
"So what do you think?" Emmett asked, looking hopefully at me.
"I think it just might work. Can I borrow your laptop for a while since you've already got the page pulled up?"
"Sure! And if you need any help or costumes, let me know."
"No," I chuckled. "I think I'll be fine just learning the words."
"You can look up the lyrics on the net if you want. I do that sometimes. You'd be surprised how many times I think the singer is saying something other than what they're really saying," Emmett chuckled.
"You know, Emmett, I don't think I'd be surprised at all," I teased. He shoved me over on my side and I laughed with him. I sat up and looked at him. "Thank you, Emmett."
"Tell anyone I was nice to you, and Bella will never find your face pretty again. Got it?"
"Understood," I said, nodding at him. I headed upstairs to think more about how I would work this song into an apology for Bella. I ended up looking up the lyrics as Emmett had suggested.
I stared at the lyric The way you got me needing you girl, it just ain't fair. "That certainly covers the last week with Bella," I muttered.
I'm here fallin' for you - My hearts callin' for you - I know I never can get enough - Don't hold back one bit of your love Did I ever fall for her! And the ache in my heart is definitely crying out to her. I smiled and shook my head. Bella thought I had trouble letting her go before! Just wait until she gets home this time. She had to be coming home. I would convince her to come home at least one more time. And finally the line about not holding back your love … if only I could be so lucky as to have her still love me when and if she came home.
You're teasin' me with a touch and the whole world shakes - Keep holdin' that river back and the levee may break - There's only so much that this ol' boy can take I laughed out loud at those lines! They pretty accurately described why Jasper was out in the woods right now.
"EDWARD!" Jasper screamed. Okay, so he wasn't in the woods anymore. "For the love of all that is holy! Would you please go far away until you calm yourself? I'm begging here! Just two or three hours would be a miracle!"
I sighed and got up off the bed. I made my way down the stairs. Jasper was glaring at me from the love seat. "Sorry." I handed Emmett his laptop and took off out of the house.
I went up to the cliff where I had taken Bella to see the stars. I pulled out my phone and called her, hoping and praying to hear the real her and not just her taped voice. No such luck.
I sighed and got ready to leave another message. "Bella, I hope you are having a good day. I'm still very sorry and I still miss you very much, but if you're happy at the moment, then I'm happy for you. I guess I'm not nearly as good at being a husband as I thought I was." I laughed sadly. "Emmett and Jasper tried to tell me married life was more complicated. But I'm pretty sure I'm the one who's currently complicating things. Bella, I'm not sure what to say here. This would be so much easier if I could just talk to you and not your phone. I hope you are hearing these messages and that you can hear how much I love you and how very sorry I am for hurting you. Please come home as soon as you can."
I hung up the phone. I pulled my legs up under my chin and wrapped my arms around them. I'd watched Bella sit in this position a million times. My sweet beautiful Bella! What have I done to you? How could I be so stupid? I hurt that wonderful, tender heart of yours and forced you to run away from me. I wondered if this act made me more of a monster than being a vampire ever had. I had hurt the most pure, innocent, angelic thing ever put on this Earth. I deserved to die a thousand painful deaths for every ounce of hurt I had caused her gentle soul.
Sitting here and feeling sorry for myself wouldn't make things better for Bella. This wouldn't show her how sorry I was for my behavior. I pictured the lyrics from the webpage and pull up my memory of the rhythm of the music. I practiced the song in soft murmurs as I watched the day go by.
It was close to twilight before I called her phone again. I was resigned to getting her voicemail this time. "Hello, love. I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. I'm watching twilight descend here. The soft colors are beautiful, but they pale in comparison to your angelic face. I hope you are safe and happy wherever you are this night. Maybe I will be lucky enough to see you tomorrow. If not, I'll just call and leave you more messages. I love you so much, Bella. Please believe me and come home soon. Until then, love. Goodnight." I closed the phone and decided to stay out for a while longer. I was sure Jasper wouldn't mind.
It was after nine before I made my way back home. My parents and brothers were in the living room watching a movie.
"Edward, would you like to join us?" Esme asked, patting the spot next to her.
"I think it would be easier on Jasper if I go to my room," I said. Jasper nodded his thanks to me. "Has Bella called?"
Esme looked at me with pity. "Yes, dear. Just a little while ago. She's still safe. I tried to get her to talk to you, but she's just not ready yet."
"I understand. Thank you for trying, Esme." I kissed her cheek and headed up to my room.
I closed the door gently and went over to her dresser. I picked up the picture she kept there. She was in the middle of Alice and I with her arms around our necks. I flipped it over, staring at her messy handwriting. My two favorite people in all the world. I ran my finger over the words, feeling the slight indentations the tip of her pen had made. I turned the picture back over and stared at Bella's smiling face.
I got down on my knees. This was something I hadn't done since I was human and very young. I stared at the picture as I made my silent prayer. 'I don't know if you can hear the prayer of someone like me. Bella swears I have a soul, but I can't be sure. God, if you are hearing me, please take pity on me. She's everything to me and I never meant to take your angel for granted. If you could please return her to me whole and safe, I would be eternally grateful to you. I love her so completely and I will do everything I can to never hurt her again. If for any reason, you chose to ignore me, please take good care of her and keep her safe. Thank You.'
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Thanks to Nothingleft for the song suggestion. It seems to be just perfect for what I needed for this chapter and the final Edward POV chapter.
