Chapter 53:

Conrart bit back a curse as Yozak's hand encircled his ankle. He just managed to twist his body and roll with the momentum of the larger man's throw, rather than land in an undignified and painful heap. He sprang to his feet in a well-practiced move, contemplating the ridiculousness of the issue. He'd been studying the martial arts since before his father had died, more than 80 years ago now. He would live for centuries, provided something didn't take pains to kill him prematurely. He'd kept his body well-conditioned and at the height physical prowess, long before he'd ever donned a uniform of any color, though he had admittedly been a slight youth. Yet this last season had stripped him of that hard earned conditioning.

That may have been an exaggeration, but still his current condition was somewhat galling. The fact that Yozak found his frustration amusing, was maddening. Although the other man's particular brand of hubris was soothing to his frazzled nerves, in its very familiarity. Still he knew from long experience that with effort, it wouldn't take him long to regain what he had lost. It didn't change the fact that he was out of condition. Being out of condition made him vulnerable. It stripped him of his edge and made him less useful, leaving him feeling bare and exposed as a new born, even as it sundered his hard earned sense of self-worth.

He would not, could not be weak.

Not again.

It left him raw and vulnerable, but worse than that it made him worthless to those around him. How was he to protect them, when he couldn't protect himself?

: Your military prowess, physical conditioning and even your considerable skill with a blade, have little to no bearing on your worth Chosen: Vanyel's tone was exasperated. : You would still have value and worth to me were you the most languid fop I had ever met and bearing a deadly case of halitosis. You are and always shall be my Chosen, and I would not have another. It is not your physical character that matters, not here, but the character of your heart.:

Vanyel's statement was accompanied by a flood of warmth and love that, still took him quite by surprise. That coupled by the ridiculous mental image that accompanied the word halitosis distracted him. Yozak took full advantage of his inattention, and he found himself, face first on the sille floor. He shifted, squirmed and tried to find a weakness he could exploit to free himself. There were none, the pin Yozak was using, was designed to hold down a rival Rutting male, with as little effort as possible. It was far from comfortable.

He heaved himself upwards and twisted his shoulder, arm and hand slightly, testing the hold one last time. Yozak simply shifted his weight and applied a little bit more force to the hold binding Conrart's left wrist. Conrart hissed with pain and annoyance, as the pad of Yozak's thumb rotated the delicate bone in his hand. He could get out of this hold if he really had to, but practice wasn't worth the sheer number of bones he'd have to dislocate.

In a calm clear voice he uttered a string of profanities, in six languages, involving colorful imagery, creative and anatomically improbable positioning, and the infamous Francian Powder Pink Ground Squirrel. Conceding victory to his much amused mate, he tapped the floor sharply with his right hand.

"You got distracted." Yozak's reproach was mild.

"Van," Conrart replied, sitting up and proceeding to rub feeling back into the abused limb.

Yozak arched an eyebrow and gave him a look demanded to know how he'd managed to survive the last few years and not become accustomed to his companion popping into his head at random intervals. Conrart offered Yozak a soft smile and gave him the memory.

"He's right." Yozak commented, lips twitching as he refrained from snickering, he reached out and helped Conrart back to his feet.

Mischief flashed in Yozak's beautiful blue eyes, and he snatched his hand, spun him into his arms, dipped him back and pulled him against his chest in a parody of the ballroom dance steps, his lady mother spent decades drilling into both of their heads. His mindvoice was heady with lust as he licked the shell of Conrart's ear, and pulled him closer. The soft caress of his mind was as alluring as his words, Conrart felt his blood and his face heating, the light flush becoming a roaring inferno of mingled pleasure and embarrassment at the innuendoes, which painted him Bardic Scarlet from head to toe.

Even his ears felt hot.

He tucked his head and attempted to hide his flushed face in Yozak's shoulder.

Yozak chuckled and massaged his scalp with deft fingers. "Never doubt that I love you." He breathed, his voice a gentle caress.

Conrart nuzzled his neck, and breathed in the warm spice and faint musk of Yozak's unique scent. He closed his eyes and reveled in the sense of comfort and security that washed over him. Even out of season, Yozak's scent did things to him, made him think of the sound of small feet. He longed for the day when they would truly be a family, yet the very idea terrified him. Not because the idea of parenting scared him, but because the idea of being that vulnerable scared him senseless.

He clung to his mate, basking in the warmth and safety, and tried to forget the reasons why he'd decided to never be intimate, never marry, and never have children. Memory flashed and he tried and failed to block out the sound of Gwilherm's voice, and the threats he'd leveled so long ago. That man would never let him go, never let him forget what a worthless creature he really was. If he couldn't even protect himself from that, that megalomaniac, sociopathic, foppish cretin, how was he supposed to protect his family? Worse yet how was he to protect his children? He'd surrendered that dream long ago, after Gwilherm made it clear that he would never let him go. He also had no desire to relive the pain and humiliation of sex.

Still, he was free of Gwilherm now, the man couldn't hurt him anymore. Perhaps it was time to move on? But could he? Could he set aside his fears enough to let Yozak … do that to him? Did he trust the man enough to willingly let him abuse his body in such an intimate and painful manor? Vanyel had once told him that sex was not about humiliation, not about hurting your partner, had nothing to do with what one party gained through the subjugation and pain of the other.

:Chosen, there is a line between sex, molestation and rape. I don't think you understand the difference.: Van's mental voice was kind, but laced with sorrow. : I wish you would talk to someone, your mate, Herald Tiykir, another mindhealer.:

: I do not need a mindhealer.: Conrart replied firmly. : And I know what rape is.:

He groaned when Vanyel sent him the mental equivalent of a raised eyebrow. : Forced sex.: He clarified, irritated by his Companion's obtuse behavior.

: Alright Chosen,: He could feel Van's exasperation as the stallion retorted, :What's sex?:

Conrart ignored him, knowing full well that Vanyel would not like his answer. Pain, humiliation, subjugation, brutalization, violation, terror. None of those answers would appease his Companion, despite the fact that they were all true. Theoretically he could give the stallion the mechanical or legal definition yet he doubted Vanyel would find that amusing.

Yozak deftly massaging the base of his neck drew his attention away from Vanyel and he made a snap decision. It was time to stop cowering, time to set aside his fears and move on with his life. Gwilherm and his friends would never hurt him again, he was free of them, and Yozak would never hurt him. Yozak would make sure not to hurt him anymore then the fundamentally brutal act of copulation demanded. So the time had come to let go of his fears and began to heal.

"You okay Conrart? You're shaking." Yozak noted

Conrart breathed in Yozak's scent one more time and stepped back. Looking up at Yozak he offered the other man a small smile, "just thinking."

"Care to share?"

Conrart shook his head, "just glad to be through with my Heat." He replied, when Yozak's expression turned mulish.

He emitted a soft almost purring noise as the other man made exquisite use of his nimble fingers and knowledge of pressure points. "Do you think… I'll ever be forced to endure Odalis's presence again?" he enquired softly.

Yozak's paused in the act of messaging his neck. "I wish you would tell me why that man scares you so much. Don't bother to deny it Conrart, you walk on eggshells whenever any member of your former guard take up residence at the palace. That's alarming enough, combine it with the fact that you suddenly developed self-esteem issues after dating that man and nearly 55 years after the fact have trouble hearing his name without starting to tremble." He sighed and began to gently caress Conrart's neck again. "No," he said after a moment's awkward silence. "I don't think you will have to see that man again, not unless we go back to Shin Makoku. I love my country…"

"But Valdemar is home now, aye, I feel it to." Conrart finished when Yozak fell silent, he pulled away and made his way over to one of the wooden benches that stood against the far wall. He sat down with a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. "More home then Shin Makoku has ever been."

The truth of that statement hurt.

He loved Shin Makoku, loved his people, his family and his godson. But everyday life in Shin Makoku was an uphill battle, just to be treated as a person and not something even the poorest citizen living in the dirtiest most dilapidated box in the slums of the capital city might scrape off the bottom of his boot. He worried for his godson, the boy was a magnet for trouble, but in the relatively short time he'd been in Valdemar, it had become home. He'd never been able to see himself settling down and raising a family in Shin Makoku, part of that was Gwilherm and what the man had sworn to do to his children. A larger part was the laws that made the lives of half demons hell. They had no rights and were essentially the playthings of even the lowest citizen.

"Do you want children?" he enquired after a moment's hesitation.

Yozak simply stared at him. After a moment the larger man came over and sat next to him. "You know I do." He replied. "We used to talk about it when we were younger. Hell, we used to play house."

Conrart chuckled at the reminder. "And somehow I always wound up the mother."

"And might I say that you looked positively ravishing with a cushion stuffed down your tunic." Yozak quipped.

An amused snort drew both of their attentions away from the serious conversation masquerading as playful banter. Kero stood in the doorway, out of uniform as usual. "Why is it that I have no problem imagining you with a pillow stuffed down your tunic Daemonling?"

"Because you're a sick twisted woman," Yozak retorted, and feigned pain at Kero's mimed blow.

Conrart rolled his eyes at their antics. "Did you need something Kero?"

"Lose track of time Daemonling?" She replied, "I have a class to teach in a quarter of a mark, as does he."

Conrart sighed, "No, we were just in the middle of an important conversation. Yozak, if we can't wrap this up in the next few minutes would you be willing to continue it at a later date?"

"Of course," Yozak replied. "How about I walk you home?"

Conrart nodded, rose to his feet and the two fell into step side by side.

"So what's with the question about children? You're not pregnant are you?" Yozak asked cheekily in Mazoku-Jin.

Conrart smacked his arm lightly. "No I'm not." He replied forcibly in the same language.

"Good because Immaculate Conception creeps me out." Yozak replied flippantly, "but seriously Conrart, why the sudden interest in a question you've known the answer to since we were brats?"

Conrart sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I know the boy wanted children, but what of the man? Does he still want children? The boy wanted a family, and I wanted to be the one to give him that family. We were children then, and everything was simple. What of the here and now, do you still want to bring children into this world, to go through the manure we did?"

Yozak paused, "Our children won't go through the things we did Conrart, we'll be there to protect them."

Conrart looked down, "What if I can't give you children? Worse, what if we have children but can't protect them?"

"We can always adopt, and any child we have will be safe. Because you would never let our child be hurt-"

"What if I can't? Shinou, I can't, I couldn't, damn it Yozak! My skill with a sword, hell even my rank didn't protect me. It didn't stop Odalis from -" he froze as the increasingly shrill tone of his own voice penetrated his panic fogged mind. He couldn't believe what he'd almost said, what he'd almost admitted to. "Never mind." He said quietly, dragging himself back under control. Yozak didn't need to know that detail of his sex life. "What if I can't protect them?" He asked in a perfectly normal tone of voice, ignoring Yozak's raised eyebrow.

Yozak turned, and crossed his arms. "Didn't stop Odalis from what?" he demanded all levity gone from his voice.

Conrart gulped, it was very rare to see Yozak this serious, and it never ended well for the reason behind that seriousness. "Just let it go Yozak." He breathed.

Yozak didn't budge an inch. Conrart sighed, "Beating me alright. I couldn't protect myself, what if I fail our children too?"

"Conrart," Yozak pulled him into his arms. "Any children we have will be safe. We will keep them safe, and we will do it together. Valdemar has different laws. That sort of behavior won't be allowed here."

Conrart nodded. "I know, but it doesn't change the fact that -"

"You're afraid? No it doesn't, but things are different here. You know it as well as I, and you never have to see that ass again." Yozak replied and squeezed his shoulder before continuing on down the corridor.

Conrart considered his mate's words, things were different here in Valdemar, where the laws protecting the citizens applied to all citizens, not just these of a specific race or bloodline.

"You know I only recently accepted the fact that Valdemar truly does believe there is room in the world for every way." He said softly.

Yozak smiled, "I know what you mean, I was so sure they'd take one look at us in season and freak out."

Conrart nodded, "but they didn't. Hell the worse we got were a few raised eyebrows and a lightened work load in my case."

"Are you ready to make your decision then?" Yozak enquired. "Or do you still need information?" he flicked his wrist silently enquiring if Conrart wanted him to investigate the matter further.

"Yes, I believe I will." Conrart replied making a small negating motion with his fingers. "I was honestly only waiting to see how they reacted to Rutting Season before I started working on that."

"Worried Valdemar would take one look at us and react like the Shinazoku or the humans?" Yozak enquired.

"Not to put too fine a point on the matter, yes." Conrart replied.

Yozak sighed, "Both species are intolerant of Mazoku in general." He replied, "Even our allies have trouble understanding Hanshoku-kii, particularly when it comes to dō "

Conrart ran a hand through his hair, in what was quickly becoming a nervous gesture. "It's always been worse for the Uke." He stated calmly.

"Hai," Yozak agreed. "It's particularly hard on the ninshin sainō."

"The Shinzoku, still kill them." Conrart stated in a soft tone.

Yozak sighed, "I will never understand the human tribe or the Shinzoku." He confided, the words coming out as a snarl. "They arrest Half Mazoku in their territories for the crime of being half mazoku; abuse our women and few uke men when they go into season; then turn around and burn the ninshin saino at the stake when they conceive."

"It makes me what to do something extremely un-heraldic" Conrart replied in a deadly calm voice.

: I might be convinced to help, Chosen.: Vanyel informed him, mental voice sharp edged and cool with suppressed rage.

By this time they had come to the door of Yozak's quarters and Conrart spared a brief second to be amused by the fact that he had for the most part ceased using his own rooms as anything beyond a closet, and even his clothing had been gradually migrating over the course of the last few weeks. "I just need to figure out the best way to handle the situation." He said simply. "There are too many paths that lead to similar places."

Yozak inclined his head, and kissed him before replying. "I am sure you will figure it out. You always do."

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Yozak smirked at the very familiar sight of his mate, seated behind a desk, writing utensil in hand, and a small scowl of concentration on his face as he worked. True this was his little desk, tucked away in a neat corner by the window of his quarters at Haven; and not Conrart's desk in Covenant Castle. Utilitarian oak rather than the sprawling, beautifully carved, mahogany, behemoth that was Conrart's old desk. He set his hands down on Conrart's shoulders, being careful not to startle him, and began to massage the tension out of his neck and shoulders, absently noting that Conrart seemed to be writing up a petition for the Crown.

He blinked realizing that Conrart was petitioning for Valdmerian sanctuary and asylum on behalf of Shin Makoku's half human population. He ran a hand through his hair, he'd known that Conrart had been considering asking the crown to allow half-demons who wished to immigrate the right to do so, but he hadn't been expecting anything of this scale. Swallowing the lump in his throat at the thought of the mass exodus this was likely to result in, he tentatively picked up the small pile of paper. He thumbed through it, looking for the page listing the reasons behind the request, and found three. The first detailed the continuing prosecution their people suffered due to their mixed heritage. The second page detailed the opinion of Shin Makoku's general public and The Ten Noble Lords. The third detailed the opinions of the current Maou, the previous outcomes of his rule and the generally slow to change nature of Demons.

Yozak sighed, it was, every word of it, true.

Yuri was striving for change, but that didn't change the fact that there were still many abuses being heaped upon their people. Despite the status of their king as a much beloved monarch, even he was having trouble swaying the people on the subject of half demon treatment. When they'd left, half Mazoku were still in danger of being 'leashed.'

"You sure about this?" he asked softly, he hadn't thought Conrart would go so far as flat out moving the Nameless Village and any other half demon who wished to come into Valdemar as refugees.

Conrart rubbed his face in a manner that suggested he was anything but confident in this decision. "Van suggested it." He replied in a weary tone. "Yuri is trying. However every time he brings up half demon rights the council spins him around in that darned chair until he's physically ill. It's been illegal to 'leash mongrels' without legal cause, since mother held the throne. But that has never stopped the people. You know as well as I do that there have been 'mongrel lashings' for the most idiotic of offences. Like that poor child who was caught stealing bread after his father died. Sure Yuri made, outright murder -well murder in the eyes of the law - illegal, but how long is it going to take the soldiers and the lords to enforce those laws? Worse, how long will it be before people stop inventing arbitrary legal reasons to execute half-demons?" his brown eyes were dark and haunted.

"We are safe here, Yozak." Contact whispered after a rather pregnant pause. "I want that for our people. I trust that someday Shin Makoku will be safe. Yuri will see to it."

"But?" Yozak prompted gently, when the smaller man hesitated.

Conrart looked down and sighed, "How many of our people will die before we finally know equality?" he queried. "I know it seems like the cowards way out. But I have to give them the option. Even if Yuri changes the laws there won't be piece within our lifetime."

Yozak nodded his head and considered the problem. "We'll have to ask for land as similar to Weller land as possible." He commented. "It's what the majority of our people are used to. They work your lands by choice, see to the vineyards and the orchards, make the wine and help breed the horses the Weller family is famous for. "

Conrart blinked, "I hadn't thought of that." He admitted, "I've been stuck on what skills we bring to Valdemar. Everyone is different, it hadn't occurred to me to try and recreate The Nameless Villages."

"There is one problem you haven't thought of." Yozak remarked with careful neutrality. Conrart sent him a look that meant 'please enlighten me'; and he elaborated. "You may have forgotten your rank, but we haven't. You are our prince, and we would willingly follow you should you order us to march on the Shimaron territories, or worse Seisakoku, naked. If you send word that you have found somewhere safe, your people will follow, and they won't question it. No matter what you do, you could be whoring in the streets for your dinner, and our people will still look to you. Their loyalty is to you, not the crown. They will follow you and you alone. You are loyal to Valdemar, to Salenay. For that reason and that reason only they will follow her."

Conrart scoffed, "don't be silly, they trust Yuri. Those who choose to come, will come to trust Valdemar, and her Heralds."

Yozak raised an eyebrow and refrained from commenting on his friend's naiveté, or from informing him that when he'd turned traitor, as a ploy to liberate Chi no Hate from Belar, the only thing that had saved Shin Makoku from civil war was the fact that they did not announce his defection to the general public. Yuri had believed there had to be an explanation for Conrart's behavior, and Gwendal and Cecilia had been very much aware of the danger.

Conrart didn't need to know that his actions had come close to igniting a civil war twice. First when he'd defected, and again when the council gathered to decide what to do with him. Lady Ulrike's intervention had saved more than just Conrart's hide. Had the council made one false step the capital city would have erupted in violence.

Truth be told Yozak would have been right there with them, razing the capital city to the ground.

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i Hanshoku-ki - breeding season according to google

ii According to google dōseiaisha means homosexual, gay exc. But literally means "same sex love person"