A/N: From D.H. Spy: Blaine has been forced/made to go to a family party, that he doesn't want to go to. So he texts Kurt with the goings on and his boredom. Like he could text Kurt after talking to a great aunt or something who asks him whether or not he has a girlfriend, to which he doesn't know how to reply. :D

Hiya! I'm writing all sorts of things for you lately. :) I gather you enjoyed Excerpts, yes? Anyway, on with all of this. You probably don't even remember prompting that, to be honest, it was so long ago.

Also, Glee 4x14. lakdjflkajsdlfkjdasf.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Blaine: Hi Kurt.

Blaine: Hi Kurt.

Blaine: I really like you, Kurt.

Blaine: Like, a lot, Kurt.

Blaine: There isn't even any champagne here.

Blaine: Like, what party doesn't serve champagne?

Blaine: So what if every one of my aunts seems to have about three toddlers each?

Blaine: PARTIES NEED CHAMPAGNE.

Kurt: You're very adamant about that. Something you wish to share?

Blaine: Not in the slightest. I just think it's unfair depriving us of our rights not serving champagne at a party.

Kurt: In which part of the UN's Declaration of Human Rights does it say that you have the right to be served champagne at a party? Or even, that you have the right to be invited to parties?

Blaine: It's an amendment that needs to be made sooner rather than later.

Kurt: Yeah, I thought so too.

Blaine: Shhh. You're mean to me.

Kurt: That's highly doubtful.

Blaine: Actually, it is true. I did a poll, and everyone agreed with me.

Kurt: Who of? The animals in the pet shop? They all agree with you, Blaine, we've been over this. You always have food. They're animals. They follow primal needs of food, water, shelter and carnalities in certain species.

Blaine: The animals like me! You obviously don't.

Kurt: When did I ever say that? Anyway, isn't it really bad form to be texting while you're at a party?

Blaine: None of them here like me anyway, so it doesn't matter.

Kurt: You like children. I thought you said there were loads of toddlers running about?

Blaine: They're mean. I don't like them.

Kurt: Oh, God. What did they do now?

Blaine: Nothing. You'll say it's stupid.

Kurt: That's probably because you're acting like one of those children.

Blaine: I am not! You're so mean to me. Like them.

Kurt: Case in point.

Blaine: I am not being a child! I am just being reasonable.

Kurt: There are lots of things that you are being, Blaine, and let me the first to assure you that reasonable is at the bottom of the list.

Blaine: Why are you so mean to me? You never were before.

Kurt: Anywaaaay. This isn't the task in hand. The task in hand is the fact you are texting me when you are meant to be enjoying yourself at a party.

Blaine: But it's horrible!

Blaine: The children keep kicking me and then run away, cackling.

Blaine: The adults look at me condescendingly.

Kurt: I'm sure the children aren't cackling.

Blaine: I'm pretty sure my dad told Great-Aunt Winnie that I'm gay too. But she hasn't stopped glaring at me.

Blaine: I might have elbowed her at some point.

Kurt: Blaine.

Blaine: And the children ARE cackling. You haven't heard them! They sound like trainee warlocks.

Kurt: Blaine.

Blaine: They're sent from Satan. I don't understand who takes their mini-Satans to a party.

Blaine: Or, actually, who has one mini-Satan and then decides it would be a good idea to have two more. Isn't one enough?

Blaine: Isn't one enough, Kurt?

Kurt: OK, I know there's no champagne, but you may want to lay off the punch. It's been spiked.

Blaine: The punch has not been spiked. Who would spike it – there's no-one that irresponsible here.

Blaine: Apart from the mini-Satans. Though, I wouldn't put it past them.

Blaine: If they could reach the table.

Blaine: THEY'VE GOT A STOOL NOW.

Blaine: THEY'VE GOT A STOOL IT'S ALL GOING HORRIBLY WRONG MY PHONE IS CRYING

Blaine: They're throwing food at me and cackling and it's awful and come save me Kurt please Kurt please I will pay you Kurt Kurt Kurt help. :(

Kurt: Calm down Blaine. They're young children. They're probably able to sense your fear and they're using it to play. They don't understand what else to do with it.

Blaine: When did you become such a guru on children?

Kurt: When I started babysitting my younger cousins. Calm down and play with them. Anyway, isn't Cooper there? Mingle. Stop talking to me.

Blaine: No, he had this stupid ad to shoot.

Kurt: I know this may be a surprise to your darling pure heart, but there is such a thing as lying. Cooper has discovered it, and he has employed it to his advantage.

Blaine: Yes, but Cooper lives in LA where his parents can't moderate his every move, doesn't he.

Kurt: Yes, I know, but I did offer. I was more than willing to cover for you.

Blaine: And I was not willing at all to let you take my father's wrath for me.

Kurt: Well there you have it. Nothing I can do about that predicament. Enjoy the children.

Blaine: What? No! Where are you going?

Blaine: Kurt?

Blaine: Kurt?

Blaine: Kurt, come back.

Blaine: Please Kurt. I need you like the air I breathe.

Blaine: Not in the clichéd form. As in I actually will die if you don't come back and save me from this unending torture.

Blaine: Kurt.

Blaine: Kurt.

Blaine: Please Kurt please.

XxXxX

Kurt: Oh, my God, Blaine. It is not that hard. Just fake an illness or something.

Blaine: But childrennnnnnnnn.

Kurt: They are children, not mini-Satans. Get over it. It's not that bad.

Blaine: Oh look they like me now. Awww she's cute. She just gave me a hug.

Kurt: See? All you have to do is be nice.

Blaine: Yes, Kurt. You know all.

Kurt: Yes. Yes I do.

A/N: I have nothing to say, I don't think. Hit me up if you want to squeal/rant/whatever about anything Glee-related.

To CamWarbler, who was a guest and so I could not reply to privately: Thanks for your prompt! Unfortunately (and you may not have gotten to that point yet, I know your review was on Ch3) I did so many stealing prompts that I had a cut off and now am not doing any more stealing ones. But thank you, it really is appreciated!

Review & prompt?

Imogen x