Updated: March 2008.

Usual Disclaimer

This hasn't been beta-read so I apologise before hand for the following many and varied spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. ;-)


Senga looked around her room sadly. The Quidditch posters were still on the wall, the players waving their hands and whizzing from side to side. Her Ravenclaw Scarf and tie still hung from the hook on the back of the door.

She looked up and drew the soft scarf down from the hook; she'd never wear it again. She'd never walk the halls of Hogwarts between classes. Never fly through the air on her broomstick. She dropped the scarf to the floor and turned away abruptly; tears pricking her eyes. The pain that clenched around her heart made her feel physically sick.

She crossed to her bed and sank down her head dropping forwards as she closed her eyes. She had known exactly what she was doing. Had known what the outcome would be.

She knew that if she succeeded her magic would be stripped from her. What she hadn't known was the feeling that would be left. She felt as if half of her was missing. As if half of her had been ripped clean away, leaving a raw wound that would never heal, never stop hurting. She hadn't realised that she would look like a freak. Her hands went to her white hair and she tugged it painfully, but not even that pain was enough to cover the pain inside her.

She clenched her fists at the growing pain in her chest. Both her uncle and the Medi-Wizards had explained to her that she might experience headaches, but they hadn't said anything about the lost feeling that seemed to swirl around inside her. As if she had lost something and had to search for it.

She jumped to her feet fighting the urge to cry out; still with clenched fists she looked around her room once again. The Quidditch posters stared down at her, mocking her, showing her what she'd never again have. But then she hadn't wanted it, had willing given it all up. How many times had she wished she had been born a squib or born to Muggles? She had hated her magic; and when she realised that her ability for magic had put Clarity in danger she had willing given it all up. So why did she feel this way now? Why did she feel as if it had been better if she'd died?

She rushed to the walls and began to tear the posters down ripping them to shreds and dropping them on the floor. Silent tears streamed down her face as she crossed to her desk and tore away the pile of parchments that held her homework. She picked up each text book and threw them at the wall; she shouted hex after hex as each book hit the wall and fell to the floor. Not even the slightest effect of magic working.

The door was flung open; Snape came in and stared at her as the last book fell from her fingers. She looked at him and screamed at him, rushing at him full tilt; all her emotions let loose and completely beyond her control.

She barrelled into him but he didn't even stepped backwards. Her fists came up and she tried to hit him, but he caught her wrists easily and held her tightly against him. He moved them forwards and kicked the door shut behind him.

Senga began to shake as once more she cried against him.

He didn't speak as he drew her to the bed and sat down pulling her onto his lap. He didn't whisper comforting words or meaningless phrases. He just held her until the storm passed and she sobbed quietly against him, her stiff body relaxing into him.

"Will I always feel like this?" she hic-cupped quietly.

He stared at the pile of books with dark unreadable eyes. Her head was tucked under his chin, her cheek rested on his chest.

"How do you feel?" he asked her, his voice deep and gently.

"As if half of me is missing; as if I have this hole inside me and I can't fill it and it threatens to fill me…." Her voice began to rise in panic again. He stroked the white hair back from her forehead, keeping his eyes trained on the pile of books.

"Ssh," he spoke softly. "I don't know what to tell you, Senga," he said finally.

"Why do I feel like this?" She sobbed. "I hated my magic for so long, hated how it made them look at me. I don't know what I am anymore. I don't know who I am."

Snape sighed deeply. He had no answers for her. He had nothing that would make her feel any better. He could tell her what she had done, tell her that by cleaving the magic from her soul she had effectively split herself in two and destroyed one half of her. He could tell her that she would never be the Senga she was. But what good would his words do? It would only serve to push her further into the darkness of misery.

Once again he felt utterly helpless and completely out of control.

A movement at the door brought his eyes up quickly. Meg stood there her eyes reflecting his own desolation.

"Senga," she spoke softly and crossed to kneel beside them. "I should have taken all this away from your room." She waved her hand airily over the mess. "But I didn't know how that would make you feel. I should have…" she kicked herself mentally. She had thought about clearing it all up, but she had been unsure how Senga would react to having everything stripped away; all her possessions taken away. But now she wished she had done just that.

Senga looked at her and her pale eyes showed nothing of the emotion that Meg knew was boiling under the surface.

"Would you like to re-decorate the room?" she asked her and was aware of Snape's sneer at the idea, but she didn't make eye contact with him.

Senga lifted her head and shrugged.

"We could do it whatever way you want it." Meg knew that just by offering to change the room it wouldn't really make things better. But it might help her to focus on something other than her internal pain and loss.

"I really don't think that's a good…" Senga cut off Snape by looking directly at him.

"Can I?" she asked him.

"Of course," he said instantly and nodded. "You choose what you want and we'll do it," he said quietly.

"Well, actually…" Meg began and they both looked at her. "I was thinking of going down to the local DIY shop and picking out what you want and then we can do it ourselves. It'll be a lot of hard work but it will be worth it in the end."

Snape looked at her as if she'd suddenly gone mad.

"Really?" asked Senga and then she slumped down defeated. "I can't," she whispered.

"Why not?" asked Snape carefully.

"I look like a freak," she whispered and scrubbed at her face with her hands "Everyone will stare at me."

"Well, actually I've been thinking about that. Look, come with me." Meg got to her feet and held her hand out to Senga. Senga looked at her strangely and stood up taking her hand. Meg lead her from the room and down the stairs to the kitchen.

Jack was sat at the kitchen table reading the newspaper. He looked up when they came in and winked at Senga.

"Hi ya, kiddo," he said and went back to his paper, he had seen her face red from crying but he made no deal out of it and Meg was grateful.

"Hey, Jack," Senga replied and she sat down in the chair Meg pointed to. Meg could see Snape standing in the doorway puzzlement written all over his face.

Meg took a booklet from the side drawer and opening it laid it on the table for Senga to see.

"Which one do you think?"

Senga stared down at the pictures. There were four rows holding seven pictures of one woman, but in each picture her hair was a different colour. The word L'Oreal was emblazoned above the pictures of the happy women.

"You have a choice," Meg said and pushed Jack's feet off the other chair and sat down. He grunted, closed the paper and stood up.

He looked up at Snape and shrugged placing the paper on the table.

"I have to meet Hillary in a minute. I've moved most of our stuff out now and I've just finished up your last rice pudding but I know you don't mind." He grinned at Meg wickedly. "I won't be back here till next Monday," he added and crossed to stand looking over Senga's shoulder at the pictures.

"I'd go for the Plum Breeze," he said conversationally as he dropped a kiss on her head. "Of course any colour would look exceptional on such a good looking chap as myself."

He stood up and winked at Meg, hearing the tiny snort Senga gave.

He let the room and as he past Snape he rolled his eyes.

"Good luck," he said and swept down the hallway, grabbing his leather jacket from the hall stand and banging out the front door whistling cheerfully as he went.

Senga stared down at the pictures as Snape took the seat Jack had vacated.

"You can choose, Senga. You can keep the colour you are now or you can die it one of these colours."

Senga looked at the pictures, her eyes settling on the one that was closest to her original black.

"I could look just as I was," she said and pointed at the picture. "But my eyes…"

"Can be covered with contacts if you want." Meg said, she was aware of Snape scowling darkly at her but she ignored it.

"But you have to remember something, Senga," Meg said softly and reached out to grip her hand. "You can change your hair colour and make your eyes seem like they were. But you won't be going back to what you were. It won't change anything inside of you; it just might make it easier for you to cope."

"I want to do it," Senga said, her eyes still on the picture of the pretty woman smiling.

"Okay then, we'll do it." Meg said suddenly. "I'll get changed and go and pick up the hair colour."

Senga stood up and left the kitchen without a look backwards. Snape waited till she had left the room and then turned to Meg.

"What do you think you will accomplish by doing this, Megan?" he demanded. "You can change what you will but she'll always be white haired underneath. How is she going to come to terms with what she'd done if she hides behind a mask?"

Meg sighed and looked at him rubbing a hand over her face.

"Senga is going to have to go to a Muggle school when she's ready to start her education again. How do you think they will react to her? Children can be extremely cruel and it won't help her to accept what has happened if she has to deal with forty children staring and jeering at her. Colouring her hair won't fool her into thinking she's back to norma… how she was…" She stopped as Clarity began to cry in the other room, she stood up and looked down at him. "I heard what she said, Severus. The pain inside her will remind her for the rest of her life what she has done. She won't need everyone else reminding her as well when they see her hair."

She moved to cross to the living room.

"Megan." She turned as he called her name. He was looking at her intently.

"She's going to be grumpy, Severus. She's just woken up." Meg shrugged and dropping her eyes from his left the room.

Snape scowled and slapped his hand down on the table. She had been right, he knew that, but it wasn't her words that had annoyed him. He had wanted to reach out to her, they had things that needed sorting out and he knew it. But there were so many things that seemed to come first. She was slowly slipping away from him. Not even at night could he talk to her. She was either fast asleep when he went to their room or she was in with Clarity and feeding her. He just needed some time when they could sit together, alone and work things through. But when would they get that.

Suddenly Meg appeared back round the doorway Clarity firmly in her arms.

"Oh by the way, the Ministry were back… again," she said and with every word he heard her disapproval loud and clear. She swept back out of the room. She was damning him again and he wasn't even sure why.

He snarled and sent the paper sliding across the table in a fit of anger.


Lucius beamed at the man at his feet. He loved it when people grovelled. It fairly made him glow. Oh how he missed the good old days when he used to do this sort of thing regularly and with no real risk of getting caught.

"I am sorry. I didn't quite catch that. Could you speak up a bit please?" he asked the man at his feet.

Lucifer was leaning against the door in front of them, his legs crossed at the ankles. He was absently flicking his wand as he stared lazily at the whimpering man at his brothers feet.

"I think he'll find that rather difficult actually, Lucius. Broken jaws are such a nuisance when it comes to speaking," he said casually and pointed his wand at the man and muttered a healing spell.

The man groaned in relief as the pain lifted from his face instantly.

"Spoil sport." Lucius grinned at his brother who merely smirked back.

"Now where were we? Ah yes. Where is Odile?"

"I told you sir, I have absolutely no idea. She left here not three days ago with your nephew in tow." The man was on all fours and trembling with fear. He had been butler to the family for more years than he cared to remember and he knew just how cruel Lucifer could be; but he knew that Lucius was by far the more dangerous of the two brothers.

"And why did it take you so long to inform us?" Lucifer asked him and the man swivelled on his knees slightly, rising to clasp his hands together in sign of submission.

"I did inform you, sir. I sent young Jones to you, as soon as she left with the young master."

"But he only saw us this morning." Lucifer said with an air of puzzlement. "How could that be Banks, when you say you sent him three days ago."

"I have no idea, sir," he replied and his face went even paler.

"Oh, curse it all brother, he doesn't know where she is," Lucifer said impatiently and raised his wand to the man.

"Go ahead, kill him and I'll have the body disposed off, he knows nothing," Lucius said and moved away with a dismissive gesture.

"NO! Wait stop!" Banks clasped his hands tighter together. "Please don't kill me. Alright I'll tell you. I heard her talking to the young master. She said she was going to take him to Knockturn Alley." His voice was high pitched and rushed as he spoke.

Lucifer smiled at him softly and came to stand beside him. He took the man's head gently in his hands and pulled him in close to him. The man gripped his legs pleadingly.

"Please don't kill me," he sobbed. "She made me swear not to let you know she had taken the boy, she said she'd kill me if I told you." He voice grew stronger as Lucifer began to stroke his sweaty hair. "But I had to tell you eventually. I knew you'd want to know. I should have told you straight away, I realise that now sir. I'll never let you down again."

"Shh, it's alright." Lucifer said and he stood back from the man. He raised his wand and the look of sheer horror on the man's face almost made him laugh.

"Avada Kedavra," he whispered, almost loving and the green light shot from his wand and hit the man full in his chest. His eyes went wide and he fell over backwards lifeless.

"You'll never let me down again, will you?" asked Lucifer quietly and took a handkerchief from his pocket. He wiped his hands off and dropped the handkerchief on top of the lifeless man.

Lucifer turned to where Lucius was placing his cloak back around his shoulders.

"We shouldn't leave any loose tongues, Lucius," he said firmly.

Lucius looked up and blinked at him.

"Of course not. I assumed that you'd want to see to Jones as well."

"What and keep all the fun to myself?" he grinned and crossed to him taking the cloak back off him. "I wouldn't be so unkind."

Lucius headed to the door with a spring in his step. He looked back at his brother and smiled.

"It's almost like old times isn't it?" he asked happily and went out.

Lucifer looked down at the dead man and shook his head. It was like old times, but at the same time it wasn't. Back then, they hadn't had to worry about disposing of bodies and leaving no trace of their presence. Then they had Snape covering their backs as well.

He moved towards the man intending on getting rid of the evidence.

Of course Snape had been a different man back then, or had he? He'd been more than willing to enter into a less than legit arrangement with them over Senga. Maybe there was hope for the old boy yet?

He filed his thoughts away in his mind, making a mental note to talk to Lucius about him. Perhaps together they could find a way of bringing him back into the fold. Who knows?


Odile stared at the contents of the vial and smiled. It would do nicely. Now all she had to do was find away of getting it into Snape and her plan would be well on its way. It was finding a way of slipping it to him unnoticed that would be difficult. She knew that if she appeared within a hundred yards of him he'd be so alert to her that she couldn't even be able to breath without him knowing. No, the only way to administer the drug to him would be through someone else. She just had to work out who. And once he it had entered into his system and he was rendered completely in her power, then she'd pay him and his little cosy set-up a little visit. Oh how she longed for that. But she couldn't allow over eagerness to spoil her plans. She had to make sure that she made no mistakes; she would only have one chance and one chance only. It had to be perfect.

Her eyes fell on Damien who was sat on the chair opposite her sipping at a glass of milk. He was so like his father.

He looked up at her and raised one eyebrow in question. So like Lucifer… in fact so like him it made her blood boil. Why had he taken after that conniving hypocrite? Why couldn't he have her eyes and her features; why didn't he have her temperament and not the cold ice that ran through his father's veins.

"Are you alright, Mother?" he asked in his little polite voice that was still the high tone of childhood.

"Perfectly, darling, perfectly." She replied and flashed him a tight smile.

"When are you taking me to Father?" he asked her quietly.

Her smile faded as she stared at him.

"You would rather be with your Father than with me?"

Damien regarded her for a moment.

"He promised me that he and Uncle Lucius would take me fishing," he replied. "He said he would show me the spell that makes only the very best fish catch the bait."

Odile's smile returned but it was tighter and bitter.

"Well, of course you can go darling. Soon, there's something you should know first."

"What's that Mother?"

"You need to see your sister. You'd like to do that wouldn't you?"

"What Moaning Morgana?" he quipped and pushed his now empty glass away. "I don't care really."

"Did I tell you that she has been… unwell."

"No. Really?" his ears almost pricked up and a wicked smile crossed his face. "Nothing that wasn't life-threatening I hope." He grinned at her.

"Really, Damien, she is your sister, dear." Odile dragged a false smile of indulgence up.

"So what's wrong with her now?"

"She had a slight accident with her wand." She said carefully.

Damien snorted and flicked his hand through his hair in a gesture very much like his fathers.

"She's actually been very poorly Damien, darling." Odile watched him carefully as she said her next words. "She almost died."

Damien looked up at her a little shocked.

"Died? What did she do?"

"It doesn't matter really now dear."

"But is she alright?" Odile saw the flicker of concern in his eyes and it pleased her.

"She is asking to see you actually," she lied smoothly and reached across to grip his cold hand.

"Where is she?" he asked.

"Staying with your Uncle Severus; do you remember we told you that he had married?"

"Yes." He snorted as he remembered his father's comments on the Mudblood he'd married.

"Well, she's staying with him there."

"Why does she not come back here?" he demanded.

"Because with your father so busy at the moment and with the move we plan to make, it just makes it easier for her to be there and not be upset by so much upheaval here."

Damien nodded and took his hand away from hers.

"So when can I go and see her?" he asked.

Odile really smiled at him now, resisting the urge to rub her hands together.

"Whenever you want my darling." She picked up her tea and sipped it happily.

A/N: Another chapter!

I hope that you all enjoy it.

Thank you for all your reviews, it really makes my day.

Lady of the Loch: Thank you so much, you made me smile. I hope you continue to enjoy it.

Anthony: Thank you blushes you made me very happy.

Elvensorceress: Thanks for the support. It came at the right time. Hope you enjoy this one too.

Coesius: You've been reviewing right from the word go and I can't thank you enough for the reviews you've left me. It gives me encouragement to keep going. As for Senga, she's a hard time of it and it'll be hard for her for awhile, but I have her entire life mapped out and I'm the happy ever after freak, so things will be fine… I think.

Elaine Lahey: I think I must have a split personality because one side of me sees exactly where Meg is coming from and even agree to a point, after all there has to be a line somewhere or the world will descend into anarchy, but another side of me also agrees with Jack. I think that Meg needs to come to terms with Snape, she thinks she's accepted him and even thought for awhile that it made no difference to her, but it does and she hasn't realised that yet.

Thank you for reviewing, it makes me glad to think you enjoy it.

Reflection of hope: Thanks. I love your name!

Chary: I will end it, I promise I will! Despite moonlighting with Captain Jack Sparrow (whose as irresistible to write about as Snape is!) I will finish this story. Jack will also be back again as I love writing him. Thanks for sticking with me, it means a lot.

AppleFreak: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Up until the point Senga woke up, no one knew how she'd be when she woke up. It could have swung either way, brain dead at worse, and as she was, minus her magic, at best. It hasn't really become apparent what kind of impact it's going to have on her and I'm still not sure either. The jury in my head is still out on that one. Thanks again though and I hope you continue to enjoy it.

Snape like Bxtch: Thank you, you made me happy.

Ducki1: I'm a Starlight8 now, I'm thinking of changing it as I never really liked it much anyway! Thanks for reviewing and I hope you continue to like it.

TheChicaChic: AWWW! I hope your family didn't forget!

Moldanubikum: Well, I hope you have a really great time! I'll be thinking of you, which much jealousy!

Rugi: I will finish it I promise! I'm just really, really slow! Thanks for sticking with me.

Frini: Thank you for being my buddy! Couldn't do it without you!

I hope I haven't forgotten anyone, but if I have, thank you.

WARNING!

Shameless Plug ahead:

I've broken my own unwritten law and started another fic. It's a Pirates of the Caribbean Story, because I found it virtually impossible to leave Captain Jack Sparrow alone (sighs unfortunately not literally). I won't beg… just hint. Thanks. ;-)

Have a great day whatever you are doing.