3

3

'Please forgive me,' it read, 'I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd be there. The woman I was with has been my friend for a long time. I used to think we would marry. I just had to be sure she wasn't the one, the one I was supposed to marry. Forgive me. Please.'

Lily took the letter, written in Scorpius's cramped script, and burned it. She didn't want his excuses. She knew what he did. He became physically engaged with another woman. It was bad enough he was eating dinner with her, but snogging her…feeling her up…it was too much. And he had lied. Obviously, he wasn't in Norway. He had violated her trust. He had crossed a line and she wasn't sure if it was one he could cross back over. Something had been broken, and Lily knew it couldn't be put back together.

"Lily?"

She looked up from her desk. Vicky stood in the doorway, a sandwich with her. "I brought you lunch."

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat something."

"I don't want to."

Vicky sat on the bed and put the sandwich next to Lily on the desk.

"Do you want to talk?" she asked gently.

"He wasn't supposed to do that," Lily said. "He wasn't supposed to be in Diagon Alley and he wasn't supposed to do that with another girl. He…he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with me..."

"Do you think he might still want to?"

"If he had wanted to, then he certainly failed at it. He told me he was in Norway. He wasn't supposed to be in England. It's more than he just cheated on me. He lied to me so he didn't have to see me. He doesn't…he doesn't want to be with me."

But she still wanted to be with him. Her heart still reached out to him, yearned for the pressure of his body against hers, hungered for the taste of his lips, thirsted for his conversation. All of it was out of her reach.

"Do you want to come downstairs? We're starting up a quidditch game."

"No," Lily replied. "I…I don't."

"Ok."

3

Lily stared out her window. She didn't want to do anything. She couldn't do anything. Sleep eluded her. Peace eluded her. She wished she could stop thinking about him. She wondered if he was up thinking about her. She wondered if he was as agonized by their separation as she was. There was another woman for him, though, someone else to take her place.

She had to get out of her room. She stood up and went downstairs. Her father was in the kitchen, limping across the floor in a circular pattern. Lily sat down in one of the kitchen chairs, silent.

"Is it still just a scratch?" she asked.

"What?" he stopped limping and looked at her, surprised to see her.

"Your leg -- is it still just scratched?"

"It's just stiff. It'll loosen again in the warm weather."

"It got cut open pretty bad, huh?"

"You know far too much for your own good," he said, settling down into chair.

"Sometimes," she admitted.

"I'm sorry about Scorpius."

A knot settled in her throat. There was nothing she could say to that.

"Sometimes, people aren't what they seem to be."

"You just…you just need to be careful with Slytherins…and I just…I just trusted him like he was…like he was a Hufflepuff," Lily whispered.

Upstairs, one of the babies cried. Neither of them moved.

"Trust is a good asset to have," her father said gently. "It allows you to rely on other people and put pressure on them. And with that pressure, you get to glimpse who they really are. It's just that…sometimes, people aren't who they seem to be. You put pressure on Scorpius, Lily, and…and he didn't live up to his word…he cracked. Trusting someone is the best test of their character."

Lily lowered her head and rubbed her face with her hands. She couldn't believe he was saying this. She drew a shuddering breath and looked up again.

"I should go help your mother," he said, gently squeezing her shoulder. He went upstairs to the nursery, limping all the while.

3

"What am I supposed to do now?" Lily asked, resting her head on the counter of the Godric's Hollow joke shop. She had hoped Rose was on duty -- she had more experience in these matters -- but she was stuck with Fred and Jim.

"You can't get back together with him," Fred said. "He's been misleading you. Don't trust him again."

"I know, but…"

"No buts," James said forcefully. "You cannot go crawling back to him, ok? He betrayed your trust, your confidence. That's not something you give back willingly."

"It'll be hard, to be sure," Fred said. "But you need to do it."

"I know what I can't do, but what can I do?"

The two young men exchanged glances. Neither of them knew. Lily knew she shouldn't have gone there. She needed a woman, another girl. They would understand better. Jim and Fred were distracted by their overprotective tendencies.

"I'm going for a walk," Lily said.

She wrapped her blue wool jacket over her pink sweater, precaution against the bitter cold. She trudged through the streets of Godric's Hollow, wishing she was in Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade, wishing she was somewhere she didn't yearn for Scorpius's presence so much. He had shown her this place first, directed her down the proper streets to see the memorials, been there when she first witnessed the sacrifice. He had seen her at her most vulnerable, and he didn't care.

Pushing the thoughts from her mind, she turned down a narrow alley. She needed a distraction right now, anything, really, to take her thoughts away from him. She didn't want to think of him anymore. She didn't want to fantasize about him. She didn't want to feel his hands running over her body. She didn't want to remember the euphoria of him claiming her as his own. She didn't want to be his own. Not now. Not anymore. She needed purpose, a goal, directed focus.

She bumped into someone.

"Sorry," she muttered and looked up.

The woman smiled warmly.

"It's quite all right, my dear. I wasn't paying as much attention as I ought to, either. This…this is quite an amazing sight. I remember the day when my son went off to fight. He made a noble sacrifice, he did. There's not a day goes by when I don't thank him for it. It's because of young men and women like him that we live like we do, you know. Some people think just because V-voldemort has died, that dark wizards do not roam the world. They're quite wrong, of course." The woman sighed and wrapped her arms around herself, a weak smile on her face, her eyes swelling with tears. "It's an honorable pursuit. Please excuse me, dear. I…he was still my son."

She turned away from Lily, bringing a handkerchief to her face, and started crying. Is this what it's like when someone dies in the battlefield? A confused combination of joy and happiness? Yes, she decided, it was. Her father had done something eerily similar when Teddy had died. Her mum was afraid of her dieing in the same way. Her father might die in the same way. Her eyes turned to the photos plastered on the Second War memorial. To look at them felt like a scab had been peeled back off a wound. All of them had died in the same way. Like Teddy. Like this woman's son. Like her father might. Their deaths had been noble deaths. Their lives, noble lives. Their purpose, noble purposes.

Nothing held her back, Lily realized with a cold shock of reality. Scorpius wasn't there to tell her that she wouldn't be able to have an adequate relationship with him if she did this. The prospect of motherhood didn't loom ominously overhead; whose children did she want to mother? Scorpius was the only one…and he had dashed those dreams. Lily was confident she would never feel the same way about anyone else, sure that Scorpius would be…had been…her one and only.

Aurorship was a possibility. It was in her grasp, glaring at her from the shelf. All she had to do was commit and take it. It was the distraction she needed, the exact recipe for getting over Scorpius. Everything she ever wanted was held in its hands -- life, death, purpose, honor. All of it was there. Nothing was missing.

Fear gripped her. She wanted it. But could she do it? Could she put everything aside and pick up the self-sacrificing torch? Could she put her life on the line, unsure of if she would ever see her children or be happily married? Could she go to work every day knowing that her family worried about her? And what if she wasn't good enough? What if she didn't have the magic, the experience, the cunning, the wit, the skills? What if she didn't pass her N.E.W.T. classes? What if?

She shook her head. She would do this. She was resolved to see this through. Studying needed to take a larger role in her schoolwork. Focus needed to be attained every day in order to achieve what she needed to achieve. Discipline needed to be learned. Everything she worried about, everything she questioned, was possible for her to achieve.

This was it, the only thing she could do, the thing she was made for.

3

"Are you sure?" Lily's father said.

"Yes," Lily replied.

"I don't know…"

"You said you thought I could."

"I'm not saying that because of you. I'm wondering if your mother is going to kick you out or not."

"She still has Flick."

Her father looked at her, his eyes narrowed.

"Flick could never replace you," he said seriously.

"If she does kick me out, then I'll go live with Rose and Greg."

"No you won't. I'll help you get a flat. Rose is a bad influence."

Lily bit back laughter. Rose, a bad influence? Sure, she might be wayward compared to Lucy, but she was still a good person. Lucy was stricter than Aunt Hermione when it came to following rules, anyway, so of course Rose was going to be seen as a bad influence.

"Relax, dad; I'll find somewhere to live."

"Let me tell your mother after you've left for Hogwarts. Otherwise, I think she might do a bat boogey hex on you. Don't expect a warm welcome in May, though."

"Alright."

Lily grinned. It felt right, despite the fact that her mum was going to be pissed at her. This was what she was supposed to be doing, she knew.

3

Lily sat between Alexander and the wall in the train to Hogwarts. She was waiting to be asked why she wasn't pressed against Scorpius, but it seemed everyone knew or at least picked up on the cues. Scorpius sat on the other side of the compartment, near Tempest.

The compartment was actually rather quiet for a post-Christmas trip. There was no gloating about who got what new broom or the latest fashion or anything, really. There were brief mutterings from the fifth years about O.W.L.s, grumblings of N.E.W.T.s, and general negativity surrounding school.

"Lily," the fifth year girl asked casually, "what's your career path?"

"Auror," Lily replied simply, her voice strained.

What would Scorpius say? She glanced at him. His face was white, his jaw clenched, his eyes burning with anger. He didn't say anything. She knew he would at some point, though.

"That's so cool," the boy fifth-year said. "So you're going to work for your father?"

"Basically," Lily replied.

"Can we not talk about this?" Scorpius asked, his voice low and rumbling like thunder. He was angrier than Lily had ever seen him before. Everyone fell silent at the headboy's insinuation. The train screeched to a halt and the compartment emptied. Lily and Scorpius were the only two left.

"How could you do this?" Scorpius demaned. "I thought we..."

"You ruined that, Scorpius," Lily replied quickly. "There's nothing you can do to repair it."

"I'm sick of your attitude!" he yelled, his voice rattling Lily's bones. "You pretend like you're the only one who was wronged here! It's true, I may have slipped up a bit, but you're the one who won't let me get two words in. No, don't interrupt! I tried to be patient. I tried to be rational! You refused to return that civility! You're as much at fault here as I am, so stop pretending like this is all my fault, because it isn't! I'm sorry for trying to smooth things over with you. Evidently it was a waste of time. You're just as stubborn as your brothers. I'm sorry I ever even cared about you! Talk about a waste of time."

He left, leaving Lily standing still, dumbstruck, alone, unnerved. She grabbed her bag and slid it over her shoulder. A heaviness settled on her chest as she trekked up to the horseless carriages. She bowed her head and stared at the wooden floor.

That was it, then.

3

Lily stared at Professor Wolfe, her face impassive.

"I hear you've finally come to a decision?" he said, flipping open a file.

"Yes, sir."

"And what would that be?"

"Auror."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"You understand what you'll be giving up?"

"Everything I'm giving up is worth it. There are still dark wizards out there, and they need to be stopped. I want to be the one to stop them."

"Well, I can't say I expected any less. You'd better start applying yourself to your studies."

"Of course, sir."

"I believe dinner has started. You can go."

Lily slipped from his office, a feeling of solid determination settling into her stomach. She was committed, now. Nothing could derail her.

333

AN: Well, I hope y'all enjoyed the fic. Sorry for not coming up to the five chap estimation. The chaps didn't cut as cleanly as I thought they would (blame summer math). And thanks for reading. And uber thanks for reviewing: bigteddy, bookworm579, pheonix214, anna, Jessluvsharry, dangling.radishes, aqwatik faerie, supon, lupawulf, theladyathena, likewow5556, astra black, lexikins, englishgrlverity, tayloralexandra, a shadow revised, peygoodwin, rainclouddreamer, booklover757. I greatly appreciate your support and criticism. And thank you for forgiving (or maybe thinking about it) my short fallings in writing.