Chapter 43 – Me First

BELLA

As the days passed and my body began to heal, I noticed Edward's mood did not improve. I thought he would be happy to see that I was truly fine, and he'd done no permanent damage to me, but it seemed he was upset about something on a deeper level.

It had been six weeks. Six weeks of bed rest, board (bored) games, card games, way too many movies to count, and a mess load of fancy meals, but I was finally cleared to try and walk. My hips had been broken, but they should have been healed by now, and with the high calcium diet Edward had me on, I would be amazed if they weren't stronger than they had been before.

Carlisle came in and began his exam, lifting my leg, watching for pain. He moved it to the side, watching to see if I would flinch, but I didn't. I was fine and anxious to get out of the house. My bruises were all gone, and my hips were dying for a walk.

Carlisle gave me a clean bill of health, and I threw myself into his arms and hugged him, sending the feather I had been harassing Mittens with shooting off the bed and floating away on a gust of air. Mittens, who had been lurking under the edge of the bed, waiting for me to put my hand within her reach again, went hopping sideways from under the bedskirt and skittered around the room, chasing said airborne feather. She had come to be a lot more trusting of the rest of the family and had even taken a liking to Emmett of all people. Who knew the huge teddy bear of a man would sit in the middle of the floor, holding the tiny kitten like spun glass, nuzzling her and cooing, while she batted at the curls on his forehead?

I was standing on the bed, as I turned to Edward. "You, Mr. Pouty Face, are taking me out for a picnic, now!" I demanded playfully, and he gave me a weak smile and nodded yes in agreement. He was out the door before I could say another word, and I grabbed Carlisle before he could do the same. "Hey, before you take off, can you tell me why Edward is still so upset? I'm fine," I said, jumping on the bed a little to prove my point.

Carlisle sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the space next to him. "Edward is from a different time, Bella, and so, to him, it was more than just physical pain he caused you. To him, he stole your virtue, and that's something that does not heal. He's ashamed of himself for taking it, and there's really nothing we can do to fix that. It was just the way he was raised. I'm sorry, dear."

Moments later, Edward came through the door, sporting his weak smile he had been wearing for the past six weeks, and I finally understood why. My heart ached for the sweet gentleman who cared for me so deeply. I doubted there was another man on the planet who would have reacted the same way and who would be feeling shame for such a thing. I would do my best to help him find his happiness again. I missed his crooked smile.

We walked out to the meadow, where I had first seen him sparkle, where I had fully realized how different he was, but I knew I truly didn't care. It was a very fitting place to be to cheer him up. He laid out the blanket and pulled out the food. I stretched out under the clouds, silently wishing for sun, so I could see him sparkle again. I could feel him watching me, so I rolled over and smiled.

"I wish I could see you sparkle again. You're so beautiful."

He looked down at his hands for a moment, and I crawled over to him, thrilled I could do so without pain. "What can I do to make it better?" I asked in a whisper, knowing he would hear.

He frowned a little. "Make what better?"

"You. You're so sad, honey, I know you don't think I notice, but I do. I don't like it when you're upset. I just wish I could make you truly smile again," I said, brushing his hair off his face, as I looked him straight in the eyes. I wanted him to know I meant business. I also noticed his eyes were more of a gold color like the others, instead of the red or burgundy they usually were.

"What I've done, you cannot fix," he said softly.

"What have you done? What hurts you so much that you can't feel happiness anymore, not even with me?"

He just shook his head at me. I was getting tired of his sad mood. I wanted my happy boy back.

Then, something popped into my head that Charlie had said once concerning Renee and Phil. They had been living together for a few years, before Phil finally married her, and Charlie had said that he was finally making an honest woman out of her. Maybe that was what Edward needed. I already knew I loved him. I knew he loved me, and I didn't see that changing any time soon. In fact, when I thought of the future, it all revolved around being with Edward. I wanted to be with him.

The decision was made, and so, I would make the move that would hopefully save my sweet boy from an eternity of self-flagellation. I had to work fast, while I still had the nerve. I grabbed his face and made him look me right in the eyes. "Edward, will you marry me?" I said. His brow furrowed, and he looked at me confused. "I want you to marry me," I repeated, a little less sure of myself.

He grabbed me and set me in his lap. I was about to ask him if he was going to answer me, when he covered my mouth with his finger, telling me to shush. He reached into the picnic basket and pulled out an old worn blue box and opened it, showing me a beautiful antique ring. "Now, will you let me do this the proper way?" he asked, and I smiled so big it hurt my face. I just nodded my head yes in return.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I've never met anyone like you in all my years, and I know I'll never meet anyone else like you again. You have me wrapped around your heart and at your beck and call, serving you has brought me the most happiness I've ever felt, and you never cease to amaze me. Would you please do me the honor of being my wife and my mate?"

"Yes," I whispered before kissing him thoroughly. I pulled back panting, with tears running down my face. He kissed them away softly, and then, he slipped the ring on my finger. "It's just beautiful."

"It was my mother's. It fits you perfectly. I think I like that."

I leaned up and kissed his cheek.

"So, I guess I took away the hard part of asking me when I asked you first, huh? I was pretty much a sure thing," I said, laughing at myself.

"I was surprised, that's for sure. I honestly don't understand why you'd want to marry me."

"Oh, Edward, you're so sweet, kind and wonderful. I've never felt so cared for, pampered or loved, until I met you. I know that, no matter what, you'll always be there for me, that you'll never do anything intentionally to hurt me."

He frowned, looking down at his hands, when I said the last part.

I grabbed his chin and made him look me in the eyes. "I know you don't want to hurt me, Edward, and that says a lot more about your character than anything else I named. I love you."

He inhaled sharply and pulled me tightly to him. I kissed his neck where my face was buried as he held me, and he did the same. "I love you, too," he whispered, "So much."