"Children of the Universe"

 


"Don't Make Me Hurt You!"

Chapter 48

XLVIII

 

Max and Michael were out making the rounds, as they often did, keeping morale up in the kingdom, checking to see what might be needed, making sure that the kingdom ran smoothly and everyone was happy. Liz and Maria were preparing lunch for Kyle, Jeliya, Dan, Diane, their children, and themselves in the palace, and Diane began to relate the details of what had happened to her and Dan on Earth. Liz stopped momentarily and put her hand over her mouth…

"Omigosh! You mean… you looked up and he was just right there… in front of you?"

"Yeah," Diane said, her voice trembling. "The President! The President was in Dan's office!"

"What did you do?"

"I didn't have time to think. I made a hasty retreat. When I got back here, my legs were like jelly. You can imagine! I wasn't sure I would be able to stand up. I thought, Omigod, Dan is just going to kill me when he sees me again… and how is he going to explain this to… you know, him?"

"Oh, Diane," Liz said in a hushed tone. "What did he do? What did YOU do?"

"I used the Sphere of Visions to see what Dan would say."

"Well don't keep me in suspense!" Liz said.

"He handled it pretty well. He kind of tried to make a joke out of it, you know… then he just told the President that it was a portal, and when the President pushed for information about it, Dan told me to come on back. He knew I would be watching with the sphere."

"You went back? Weren't you scared?"

"I was jelly, Liz! I thought I would die! You can't imagine. I didn't know what was going to happen! But it was my own fault. I should have checked first. It's just that nobody ever came to see Dan before when he was in his office."

"Did he… Did he ask about the portal," Liz wanted to know.

"Oh yeah! He was very persistent!"

"What did you tell him?"

"That it was like a doorway between two places… in this case, our planets."

"Did he, like, freak? I mean… he didn't call out the secret service or alien task force or something…?"

"No. That would be Dan. Dan's in charge of all that now. I thought Dan would kill me, though. Well, not literally, but I thought I would probably wish that he had after he finished with me. You know what he said?"

Liz shook her head, her eyes opening wider than usual.

"He just said, "Mister President, meet my fiancée, Diane Casey."

Liz was prepared for something -she didn't know what- more traumatic. She fumbled the spoon she was stirring with and dropped it into the Grelligo soup. As she tried to fish it back out, she asked…

"What did the President say?"

"He just said, 'It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Casey…' Then he told Dan that he was moving really fast on this project."

"What project?"

"Something about seeking out other life in the universe and trying to make friends with them if they found any. He told Dan that he didn't mean he had to marry them."

Liz laughed. "What did Dan say?"

"He told the President he'd invite him to the wedding."

"Ooh, well, Diane, maybe they'll give you a nice wedding gift."

"Yeah, well… I assure you that's not what I had on my mind!"

Liz laughed again. "I'm sure it's not."

"Did the President ask how the portal worked or anything about Antar," Maria wanted to know.

"No… Well, he asked a lot of questions, but mostly about what the spheres would do. And he asked me where I was from. I told him Texas."

Maria and Liz both laughed. "Yeah, and he believed that?" Maria asked, "…after you came in through the portal? He probably thought you were an alien!"

"Oh, he did! He said they don't have anything like that in Texas, and I told him I was born in Texas, but I don't live there anymore… I live on Antar now."

"And I suppose he knew where that was," Kyle interjected with a laugh.

"No. And he didn't ask me to point it out either… not that I could have… It's too far away to be seen from Earth. He wanted to know if the Sphere of Searches could locate O s a m a  b i n  L a d e n  for him."

Liz fumbled the spoon again and dropped it back into the Grelligo soup.

"What did you do?" all three seemed to want to know at the same time.

"I… I thought you might kill me for misusing the spheres, but it seemed like it was a humanitarian gesture, you know… not like a terrible request, so I gave it a try, but it didn't work."

Liz looked concerned. "What do you mean it didn't work?"

"Well, the sphere said that a long time ago… millennia ago… the universe was mapped by… what was it called? Crystal… quadrangle… systematic… something or other…"

"Systematic Crystal Benthuric Quatrilation," Liz said. "SCBQ."

"You know about it?" Diane asked, amazed.

"I read about it in the history books somewhere… or maybe it was one of Varec's science books in the lab."

"I wish I had your memory, Liz! Anyway, yeah, that's exactly what it was. But the sphere said that Earth was never mapped that way, so it couldn't pinpoint a location. Anyway, apparently, the other spheres don't have that problem."

"Oh?"

"We used the Sphere of Visions, and it showed us  b i n  L a d e n   in a cave somewhere. Then the President wanted to use the portal to go there…"

For the third time, Liz found herself fishing the spoon out of the Grelligo soup, but she finally realized she had been stirring the soup the whole time they had been talking and it didn't need to be stirred anymore. She rinsed the spoon and put it in a pot.

"My God, Diane, what did you do?"

"I sent him to  b i n   L a d e n ."

Fortunately, Liz had already put the spoon down.

"You didn't!"

Diane nodded. "…him and his two secret service agents. And Liz, I hope you'll forgive me, but… I used the Sphere of Protection to protect them."

"Well, Diane… What else could you do? Why wouldn't I want you to protect them?"

"Maybe you didn't vote for him," Kyle said wryly.

Liz threw a wet washcloth at Kyle, who didn't duck quite fast enough in spite of his football-honed reflexes. 

"Maybe I didn't vote at all, Kyle. Maybe you didn't either! We aren't exactly registered to vote on Earth! And if we were, I wouldn't tell you who I voted for!"

"Yeah, yeah! Don't get testy about it!" Kyle laughed. "I know… he's the President and all. I wouldn't want old Ben Lardo to get him whether I voted for him or the other guy."

Seeing her chance, Liz grinned, "and who would the 'other guy' be, Kyle?"

Kyle sat for a moment, thinking. "I don't know… Janet Reno?"

"Oh, Kyle!" Liz exclaimed exasperated, "You're worse than I thought!"

"Well, like you said, Liz, I don't vote there now. I don't really keep up with Earth politics. We've had our own problems."

Liz nodded. "Okay… truce?"

Kyle tossed the washcloth back. "Truce."

"So he actually went to where  b i n  L a d e n  was?" Kyle asked.

Diane nodded.

"I'll bet you would have given anything to be a fly on the wall of that cave and see what happened," Kyle said.

"Are you kidding! The first thing I did was call the Sphere of Visions back so I could watch! You don't think I would miss it, do you?"

Kyle laughed. "I'll give you points for thinking fast. What happened?"

"The President sneaked up on  O s a m a  sitting in an easy chair watching TV and said 'BOO!'"

Kyle choked and began to laugh. "You're kidding me! That's what he said?"

"I swear it Kyle… on all that's holy to me! He did!"

"I wish I could have seen that," Kyle said between fits of laughter.

Diane continued, "As soon as he said it, all Hell broke loose.  O s a m a  began screaming in Arabic or something, then all these bearded guys come running in shooting AK-47's…"

"How do you know they were AK-47's?" Kyle asked.

"I was in the FBI, remember Kyle? I know something about weapons!"

"Oh yeah, that's right. You would."

"How did they get away?" Liz asked.

"The Sphere of Protection," Diane said. "The bullets the terrorists fired just slowed down, melted, and fell to the floor of the cave in little lead puddles… all over  O s a m a ' s  Persian rugs."

"Oh, I'll bet he loved that," Kyle said.

"You could never imagine! Then the President leaned over his chair again and said, 'You know what, Sammy?' -He called him Sammy!- 'I made a mistake when I said, BOO! I meant BOOM!"

Maria giggled. "Did the secret service agents arrest  O s a m a ?"

Diane shook her head. "No, their weapons wouldn't work either while they were under the sphere's protection. After the President said BOOM, he and the secret service agents stepped back through the portal. I didn't understand everything the terrorists said in Arabic after they left, but I caught enough to know that  O s a m a  said something about needing a clean robe."

Kyle laughed until he had tears in his eyes.

"The President said that he was going to put Dan and me on the White House social list and he hoped to see me around again. And he said something about maybe coming here some time if he was invited.

"I'll hide the pretzels," Liz said.

Kyle looked at her and grinned. "Liz! You?"

Liz shook her head. "It… It was just a joke, Kyle! Forget I said it!" She turned somewhat red.

"I thought it was jellybeans he liked," Kyle said.

"No, that was his father, the other George Bush," Maria said.

"You mean there are two?" Kyle exclaimed. "I thought he got reelected."

"Kyle, I'm gonna throw this washcloth at you again…" Liz threatened. "And Maria, that was Reagan who liked jellybeans."

"Oh," Maria said. "I knew it was someone. Well what did Clinton like?"

Kyle smiled. Liz passed the washcloth through the water and held it up while shooting a threatening look in Kyle's direction. Kyle noticed…

"A good smoke, Maria. He liked a good smoke," Kyle said, grinning.

"What's a smoke?" JoLeesa asked, joining the conversation.

"You know," Zorel said… "You remember when we were on Earth and there were some people with little paper sticks in their mouths that were on fire?"

"Oh, that. Yeah, I remember you pulling that big brown one out of some big guy's mouth and stomping on it and telling him that his burrito was on fire."

"Well, I thought it was," Zorel said.

Kyle was laughing hysterically. "That was a cigar, Zorel… That's what Clinton likes."

"Kyle! Don't make me hurt you!" Liz said. "I can see where you're going!"

Kyle was grinning mischievously.

"Kids," Liz said, "Why don't you go over there and sit with your Uncle Kyle. If he says anything you need explained, he'll be glad to explain it."

Maya, Leesa, Andya, and the others all crowded around Kyle. Suddenly, he didn't seem to have much to say. Liz smiled.

"Well, guys," Maria said, "Lunch is ready! Anyone who wants to eat had better get to the table.

Everybody made their way to the dining room. Maria grinned and looked at Liz. "Sometimes you're awesome, Liz!"

--------------------------End of Chapter 48