When I woke up, the sun was starting to rise. I had no idea how long I slept for. A few hours? Over a day? No idea.
I thought back to what had happened with Nik in the barn.
He saved me.
It was incredible. He was angry and he killed every werewolf in sight. But I didn't see the fury or the wrath that he inflicted as I'm sure others would have seen, had they been there. I only saw the pain and the fear that screamed out from every fiber of his body. I wanted to run to him and hug him. I wanted to take that pain away from him.
But I couldn't.
I had actually been terrified that I would die in that barn. Seeing Nik was amazing, and felt too good to be true. I was sure it was a hybrid-bite-induced hallucination. And I was more than willing to let it fully consume me. What better way to die than in the arms of the man I loved? Even if I was only imagining those arms, it was better than being all alone in that barn.
When I had first opened my eyes this morning, before I had even noted that it was dawn, I immediately noticed that Nik wasn't beside me. He was here when I went to sleep, but I knew he had planned to leave.
I didn't know how long I slept for, so I was unsure if I should be concerned about his whereabouts. But of course, I already was concerned about him.
I heard someone's breathing coming from the other side of the room. I lifted my head up and was shocked to discover who the source of the sound was: if it wasn't Nik, I was expecting Bekah; but instead, I found C.
I sat up slowly and saw Caroline sitting in a chair on the other side of the room. It was wonderful to see her, but odd to see her in Nik's bedroom.
She looked upset; sad. And scared, maybe? And tired. I watched her for a few moments before she noticed I was awake. "Ri, hey."
"Hi."
"I'm so glad you're okay." She stood and came over to sit on the bed beside me. "I nearly had a heart attack when Klaus told me you were missing."
"Can a vampire actually have a heart attack? I mean, unless someone is actually attacking his or her heart…" She laughed and I realized that I hadn't heard that sound in what felt like a really long time. "I've missed you, C."
She pulled me in for a hug. "Me too. I never get to see you when you spend all your time here."
"No one would stop you if you came over for a visit. Well, Bekah might try." I chuckled at that probability.
C pulled away from our hug and I saw fear in her eyes. "I don't want you to stay here anymore, Ri."
I rolled my eyes at her and pulled away further. "Please don't try to tell me what to do, C. I'm not in the mood for an argument."
"Klaus killed a lot of people last night."
"I know. I was there; I saw it. But I wouldn't say four werewolves, plus whoever may have been standing guard outside, would quantify as 'a lot.' "
C shook her head. "I'm not talking about that. I guess after he saved you and brought you here, Klaus went after the hybrids. He killed them all, even the two who were being held here in the basement, according to Tyler. Klaus killed every single one of them. Then he went looking for Tyler. Maybe Hayley, too, since she was helping the hybrids to break their sire bonds. While he never found Tyler, he did find Tyler's mother, Carol, the mayor of Mystic Falls. He drowned her in the town fountain, taking away the only family Tyler had left."
"He killed the mayor?" It was easier to refer to her as the mayor than as Tyler's mother.
"We're pretty sure. I mean, who else would have?"
I was shocked and stunned. I hadn't realized I had tears in my eyes until one made its way down my cheek. I couldn't look at C as I spoke. "So Tyler and Nik are the only hybrids left?"
"Yes."
I heard myself sniffle and decided that I needed to get a better handle on the situation. "Where is he now?"
"Tyler's at home, preparing things for a memorial service. She was the mayor, after all."
"What?" I shook my head. "Not Tyler." As if I would care about Tyler at a time like this. "Where's Nik?"
"I don't know." Her 'I don't know' sounded more like an 'I don't care.' I guess I couldn't really blame her. "Rebekah was just leaving to search for him when I arrived. Apparently no one has seen him since the bodies were discovered."
"Last night," I murmured. "No one has seen him since last night?"
"That's right. Tyler rushed over to the Old Lockwood Plantation site, but the hybrids were already dead. A police officer found Mrs Lockwood early this morning."
I didn't know what to say.
C spoke again, breaking the silence. "I'm going over to the Lockwood mansion now, but I can drop you off at home first."
I shook my head, never lifting my eyes up from the bed I was sitting on. "No thanks, C. I'm not going anywhere."
"Ri, no, you can't stay here."
I finally turned to face her. "I'm not leaving."
"Ri—" C started, but I cut her off.
"No. Thank you for keeping me informed. And do let me know if you learn any more. But I'm not coming with you."
"Ri…"
I shook my head. "Goodbye, C."
She didn't say another word. She stood up and walked out of the room. I listened to her steps on the stairs and out on the driveway before I moved again. I looked around the room and spotted my phone on the table beside the bed. I grabbed it. The screen had a huge crack in it, but it still worked. I called Nik. No answer.
I walked downstairs and went into the kitchen, where I grabbed two blood bags. Then I returned to Nik's room and called his phone again. Still no answer.
I was desperate to hear his voice, to make sure he was okay. I knew he would be terribly upset, but I needed to know that he wasn't hurt.
I paced in front of his bedroom window as I slowly sipped from the blood bags.
Stupid Tyler and stupid Hayley and their stupid stupidness that they couldn't see how sire bonds cannot be broken. This was all their fault! They forced Nik to kill his hybrids, the species he had created to be his family.
When I finished the blood bags, I threw them into the garbage can in the bathroom. As I did so, I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror. I still had blood caked on my cheek and neck, where I had been wounded by the hybrids and werewolves.
I started to wash it off, but that only seemed to make the mess larger. So I stripped off all my clothes and took a long, hot shower.
The steam felt good and the water pressure unkinked some of the knots in my muscles.
When I was absolutely certain all the blood was washed away, I turned the water off, dried myself, and redressed.
I returned to Nik's bed and sat with my back against the headboard and my hands laced around my knees. I stayed there for the remainder of the day, waiting for him to return home.
I tried his phone again, and when he didn't answer, I called Bekah.
"Have you found him, Bexs?"
"No. But I won't stop looking until I do, Ri. I promise. Let me know if you hear from him."
"Of course."
It was well after dark when I heard the front door open and close.
It wasn't until I heard his slow, heavy footsteps on the stairs that I knew he was home. They certainly weren't Rebekah's footsteps, but they sounded heavier than Nik's usual steps.
Oh gosh, I know what his steps sound like now?! What a pathetic dork I've become.
His steps led him straight to his bedroom.
"Nik." I nearly gasped when I took in his appearance. He was covered in blood. Day-old hybrid blood. Why would he not have cleaned himself off? That had to have been nearly as torturous as having to actually kill them. "Nik?"
He never looked at me, never even lifted his eyes — he was nearly catatonic — but he did acknowledge my presence by flinching, just barely, as I spoke. He walked straight into the bathroom, dropped his clothes by the sound of things, and stepped into the shower.
Once the water started running, I moved from my seated position on his bed and walked to the still-open bathroom door. His clothes, which left a small trail from the door to the shower, were covered in blood.
I picked them up and took them downstairs to the study. I had only been in the study two or three times, but I remembered enough of the layout of the house to easily find my way back there. I chose that room because it had the largest fireplace. And luckily — even despite the warm, summer heat — a fire was burning in it today. I tossed his clothes into the flame. They weren't salvageable; the blood left its permanent mark.
I sent a quick text to Bekah:
Nik's home, but he's bad. Don't worry; I'm not going to leave him alone. -Ri
I headed back upstairs to see what else had been damaged by the bloodshed.
I opened a few drawers and found fresh clothes for him to put on once he left the shower. I placed them on the counter in the bathroom before resuming my previous position, sitting on his bed with my back against the middle of his headboard. My hands were laced around my knees.
Eventually, the water stopped. And eventually after that, Nik came out of the bathroom.
Throughout that entire time, I sat still on his bed, barely moving.
"I'm surprised you're still here, love. I had expected that you would have left." His voice was low and gravelly.
"I was worried about you." My voice came out as a whisper.
He sat down on the edge of the bed, next to my legs. He was very close to me, but he still wouldn't look into my eyes.
"My clothes?"
"Gone. On their way to becoming ashes. You should know better than to wear a white shirt," I tried to joke.
"I killed them." He sounded lost. He spoke in a voice barely above a whisper.
I moved just enough to be able to lay my palm against his cheek. My fingers toyed with the hair behind his ear. "I know."
He didn't say anything, but for the brief moment when his eyes met mine, the question in them spoke louder than any words ever could.
"Caroline told me. I know your hybrids were supposed to be your new, loyal family. And Tyler's stupidity took that away from you."
His eyes shot up to mine. "So you know what else happened?"
I nodded. "You killed the mayor." I took a deep breath before pressing the issue. "What happens now?"
"I don't know. But you should leave. It's not safe for you to be with me."
I scoffed slightly. "That hasn't sent me running yet; it won't now."
He seemed to have emerged from his nearly catatonic state; he was becoming chattier. "Riley, please. You need to leave. It has never been safe for you with me, but who knows who will come after me now. Or how. You must leave."
I gritted my teeth together. "No."
He sighed. "I never expected you to be here when I came home, Riley. I had expected you to go to your Aunt's. And when I found you were here, I figured would you be angry with me, at the very least. But I found neither. Somehow, you always surprise me. You stayed here, waiting for me. You stayed awake all night, waiting for my return."
"Of course I did." I was confused by the flow of his conversation; he wanted me to leave, but then he said all those lovely things about me.
He brought his hand up to his own face and placed it over mine, which was still lying against his cheek. "And I am grateful that you are choosing to stand by my side now. But you shouldn't. Not through this, Riley. You should leave."
"Do you want me to leave?"
He seemed to struggle with his words. "I want you to want to leave."
I narrowed my gaze. "That's not an answer to my question."
He groaned and dropped the hand that was covering mine. "No, I don't want you to leave. But you should. You should leave and never return."
I tilted my head and gave him a look. "Is that what this is about? You think I should be with someone else?"
"You deserve better, Riley. Now more than ever, I've been thinking about that Friday afternoon when I saw you sitting on the bench in the town square, reading. When I found out you had kept the truth about sire bonds to yourself… I should have walked away from you then, when I had the chance."
I placed my free hand on the other side of his face, forcing his eyes to meet mine. "Don't be stupid, Nik. I had the chance to walk away too. Several chances. But I didn't. I'm here because I cannot image wanting to be anywhere else. I'm here because I want to be.
"And most importantly," I continued, "I'm here because I need to be. You didn't know me before I came to Mystic Falls — Caroline barely knew me then, so she can't really tell you much either — but when I was still human, I didn't have much of a life." I let go of his hand; my hands dropped and began fiddling with the ends of my sleeves. I looked anywhere except at his face. "I pushed everyone away. I walked around as if I were invisible. Like I told you; I was alone and I didn't realize it at the time, but I was really lonely. I feel like I barely existed until I came here." I caught his gaze again; I wanted — needed — him to see the truth of what I was saying. "And I've never felt more alive than I do when I'm with you."
Part of me felt like I was rambling and maybe I should shut up. But another, larger part of me felt that he needed to hear this. He needed to know this. So I continued.
"I chose you, and I would absolutely do it again. I'd do everything the exact same way — I'd relive every hardship and ever horrible moment again — if it meant I would still end up here, with you. Please don't doubt this and please don't let those doubts destroy you."
I felt the tears in my eyes, and I tried to stop them from falling, but it seemed the more I willed them to stay put, the easier they flowed down my cheeks.
His hand moved to the back of my neck and he brought my face closer to his, resting his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes and he cupped my cheek.
"You are truly remarkable, Riley. I love you."
I opened my eyes slowly. He had spoken in tones that were hushed, even to my vampire hearing.
Did I just hallucinate that?
The look in his eyes when I met them told me no. He really had said that. Now it hung there, out in the open.
I opened my mouth to speak, to somehow respond, but words escaped me.
I was completely in shock. I had never imagined that he could care that much about me. And even on the completely wild and off chance that he did, I certainly never expected him to admit to it first.
Since I couldn't express myself with words, I decided to show him what I was feeling. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned forward as I brought my lips to his. I poured everything I had, every emotion and feeling that was coursing through my body, into his lips. I needed him to understand me, even though I couldn't properly process it myself. I was hoping he could somehow understand.
His hand was gentle as it caressed my face before tucking my hair behind my ear; his other arm dropped down and wrapped securely and protectively around my waist. I sighed into the kiss.
He answered my kiss in the most intimate way. His mouth was soft and warm and moved perfectly with mine. The kiss was full of passion but it wasn't rushed.
I'm not sure who broke the kiss, but the kiss did end. We stayed close; I caught his eyes and I was unable to look away from the sea-blue depths of them.
I gulped down at the intensity of the moment and touched his chest. My hand came to rest over his undead heart. "I will never leave you." I sort of blurted that out — I hadn't intended to say that — but my words were true, nonetheless. "Not willingly. I know that's not something you're used to; it's not something I'm used to either — people always leave me. But I'm here now. And I'm not leaving, not even if you force me to. I chose you, and I'll never waver on that decision."
He smiled and gave me one another soft, quick kiss. "We're in this together, Riley. You and me."
I nodded. "Good. So I guess that means you don't get to leave me because I won't leave you." I laced my hands around his neck again and he held me tighter. "I love you, Nik."
And there it was. We had both come forward with our feelings. It felt overwhelming, but I held onto Nik even tighter. He kept me anchored, so it wouldn't feel like it was too much for me.
He caressed my face with his hands before bringing his hand to my hair and brushing it away from my face. The delicate touch stopped my breathing, made my heart skip a beat, and left me momentarily unable to move. He pulled my face closer to his and crashed his lips against mine. I quickly melted into the kiss.
I sighed when I felt his hand cup the back of my head slowly. Our lips moved in tandem as the kiss deepened. His lips opened with mine. I caught his lower lips between my teeth and heard a low, wild sound come from his throat.
I smirked as I released his lip and continued kissing him slowly. It was a tender and completely perfect kiss. His hands moved through my hair and down to caress the sides of my neck. My hands wrapped around his wrists, as if to hold his hands in place.
The kiss ended tenderly. He pulled away gently after placing a couple more light kisses on my lips.
I smiled as I placed my hands in his and said the words I had been thinking about for most of the day. "I don't want any more secrets between us."
Nik reacted in surprise. "What do you mean, love?"
I took a deep breath. "I want to know everything. I want you to tell me everything: the plans, where you go all day, everything."
"Why?" he simply asked; I couldn't see any sarcasm or mocking behind the question, not even anger; it was just a simple question.
"Because I'm with you now and I don't want to be in the dark anymore; even if I won't like it, I want you to tell me everything. I want you to let me in on everything."
I took a deep breath. I knew I was opening up myself to the side of Nik that I had previously decided to overlook — the dark part. I knew it was there, but I never had much to do with it. But if we were going to last for any length of time, I'd have to accept it too. If I didn't, I'd never truly accept Nik — I'd be only accepting part of him, and that would be wrong.
I was curious, too. I wanted to see where Nik met Klaus — where the guy I knew when we were alone met the one he let everyone else see. I could see the real man behind the façade that he showed the world. I could see behind everything he put up to keep people away; for some reason, he had let me in. I wanted to know it all, I wanted to know all of him, and I wanted all of him.
"And this applies to me too," I continued explaining. "I haven't always told you everything, or I've kept things from you that you should have known about immediately. Very recently, I have been very open with you, especially with regards to what I'm thinking. But I want more; I want us to be completely open and honest with each other."
"Okay," he answered again in his disarming honesty and simplicity.
I was momentarily stunned. "Really? 'Okay'? No lecture about how certain things are none of my business or that you want to protect me?"
He sighed and moved even closer to me; he took my hand and stroked it gently as he spoke calmly and seriously. "I've been waiting for this moment, Riley, when you would make this step towards me."
"You have?"
He nodded. "I knew from the night at the Grill, after Caroline and the witch left you alone — when we had dessert together and you were disgusted by the idea that my mere presence could force your cousin and her witchy friend to flee. I knew then that I wanted you by my side in everything. I knew then that you were the woman I wanted.
"It scared me at first; I'd never felt such an immediate connection to someone before. And I'd never imagined myself having someone by my side. So I tried to push you away. I tried to show you how dark and twisted I truly am."
I remembered. "That night in your dining room. With the humans."
He nodded, solemnly. "That was the first time I have ever been truly and genuinely appalled by my own actions. The look on your face when you ran into the woods was… heartbreaking, to say the least.
"I made an oath to myself: I promised that if I ever got back into your good graces, I would never push you into anything or force you to make any decisions; it would always have to be your choice, your own free will, and ultimately your decision in everything Riley. And I have kept that promise: every choice and every decision that has led you to this moment was made by you, not me."
I smiled and entwined my fingers with his. "I know; I've noticed. Thank you."
"You are the only thing keeping me here in Mystic Falls. If I didn't have you right now, I'd kill the Salvatores, take my doppelganger, and continue the search for the cure and eventually make my very own colony of hybrids."
"I don't want to get in the way of your plans."
He smiled slightly. "You misunderstand me. I no longer need to create hybrids, love. They're mindless yes-men. I thought amassing an army would allow me to control everything. And maybe it could. But I no longer want to." He gripped my hand even tighter and used his other hand to push the hair out of my eyes, as if he wanted me to see the truth behind his words. "What I need is someone who isn't afraid to stand up to me, someone who can tell me when I'm being petty or stubborn or impulsive. I need you, Riley. Only you."
I loved the words he was saying, but they felt too good to be true. I remained guarded. "After everything? After all the centuries you've waited to break the curse and have the ability to create hybrids? How—"
"You're the only one I want — or need — Riley. You."
I closed my eyes and lowered my head, unable to look into his eyes anymore. "I don't want to be your weakness, Nik. That's why the hybrids took me— they couldn't get to you, so they took me. I've become your weak point. And I hate that." I clenched my jaw in frustration at that idea.
"I always thought love was a weakness." There was a brief moment of silence before he brought his index finger to my chin and tilted my head back to look up at him. He stared intently at me and I couldn't drag my eyes away from his. "But then I met you. I got to know you and I let you get to know me. And I realized that I never knew what love was. You taught me that love is so much more than a weakness. It is a form of bravery. It is much easier to push everyone away and keep everything locked inside. It takes bravery and courage to open up and let someone in."
I smiled at that. "Thank you for letting me in."
"Thank you, love, for giving me the chance. And the hybrids took you to spite me. They would have done so eventually anyway, since you won't let me keep you in my sight at all times."
I smiled softly at that. I went to argue again, but he spoke first.
"Do you trust me?" he asked and I gasped softly: I saw that human Niklaus that I so rarely caught glances of.
"Yes, of course."
I leaned forward, brushing my lips across his. Pulling him closer to me, I deepened the kiss. He moved his hands from my face up into my hair, threading his fingers through it, pulling me closer. I wound my hands around his neck; one hand moved up into his hair while the other one stayed put and played idly with his necklace.
His hands moved down the length of my hair and rested gently on my back. He ran kisses across my jaw and down my neck before kissing my collarbone as I cradled his head. I felt elation as he showered me with kisses. I knew I could stay this way and live like this forever. There were so many things I had been unsure of in my life, and so many mistakes I had made, but as he began to lightly massage my back, which forced a moan out of my lips, I knew this wasn't a mistake or an uncertainty.
He brought his face back up to mine and paused for a moment while staring into my eyes. "I love you," he whispered. It didn't sound weak or forced; it was meaningful and tender. And it was then that I knew for sure that I could trust him with my heart and that I could give myself to him completely.
I woke up in the middle of the night. It was still very dark out. I sighed contently because this time when I awoke, I knew exactly where I was — I was in Nik's bed, not imagining the being-saved part had been some kind of dream — but the smile faded from my face when I realized I was sleeping alone.
I felt panic, momentarily, until I sat up and found him sitting in the chair across the room. He had turned it so he could look out the window. His back was facing me. He seemed to be watching the night. Or was he waiting for something? Or was he on guard, maybe? Doing surveillance.
I got up from the bed and walked over to him. I reached out and touched his back, tracing it slowly as I stood behind him. Nik took my hand when it reached the top of his shoulder and brought it down along his chest, pulling me closer to him. I wrapped my other arm around him and he sighed.
I snuggled closer to him as I spoke. "What's wrong?"
"I couldn't sleep," he simply responded.
"You don't have to keep watch, Nik; I'm not going anywhere," I whispered. "So you can sleep."
He chuckled softly — I hoped it was because I had seen through his statement — before speaking seriously. "You've been taken from me twice now," he whispered. The sound almost echoed in the dark and silent room.
I rested my chin on his shoulder. "I haven't left because I wanted to."
"You went after Lewis."
I bit my lip before whispering, "To help C, not to leave you."
He swallowed audibly and spoke low. "Don't leave me again, Riley."
I couldn't promise that I would never leave; I could only promise that I would never leave willingly. And I had told him that already. So I closed my eyes and melted against his back. I held him as close as I could and he intertwined our fingers above his heart. I rested my cheek against his and we remained like this until the sky began to lighten with the rising sun.
