I blink rapidly, trying to get the feeling of smoke out of my eyes. I remember seeing the Dark One make people disappear in a cloud of red smoke, but I've never had it done to me. It wasn't anything hard, aside from a strange pull in my stomach.
When my eyes stop watering, I look around. We're at some sort of campsite, most likely the Dark One's. Bae is laying Henry down on a cot by a fire, while the Dark One is looking around, no doubt surveying the area. I can still sense the darkness inside him, but it's less intense, especially now that he's not near Pan. The combination of the two...I didn't realize how terrible it felt until we were away from Pan.
Pan...the lying bastard. Even though we're well away from him, I still feel like I'm boiling inside from what I found out.
He was about to have me befriend and kill the son of my best friend. I'm still not sure if he liked to me because he knew I would be against it if I knew, or because it was giving him some sort of sick pleasure, seeing me build Henry's trust, knowing I was betraying Bae's son. Now that I think about it, with the way Pan would watch us, the way his looks were like a predator, the more I think he enjoyed watching me be with Henry, knowing I would kill him.
It doesn't matter, I tell myself. He's frozen, and you're well away from him. For now, focus on keeping that last part true.
Speaking of being away from him...I recognize this place.
"Other side of the island?" I ask, turning to the Dark One.
He looks at me in surprise, but nods.
"Good choice," I comment, before feeling out for Pan's shadow. I can't sense it, so I guess that means Pan hasn't sent it out yet. Or, maybe he has, and it hasn't found us yet.
But, the other side of the island is a good choice. We're well away from Pan, and anyone else who wants to track us. If they were there when we were at Pan's camp, they would have to trek all the way across the island to reach us. Even Pan's shadow would take time trying to find us.
It also makes it easier for the Dark One to trap Henry if he wants...no, that won't happen. If I have to pull out the dagger to stop it, I won't let that happen.
That was the one thing of Pan's threat that I did not care about. The Dark One may try to hurt Henry, or me, but that doesn't matter. I have his dagger. He wouldn't be able to harm me, even if he wanted too. Henry on the other hand...well, I just have to hope I don't have to pull out the dagger at all.
Funny...less than ten minutes ago, I was feeling guilt about killing him, and now I'm talking about defending him against the bloody Dark One. All because he was Bae's son.
Bae…
I look over to Bae, who is now standing after laying Henry down.
He meets my eyes, and I feel a churning inside.
He's here. Baelfire. He's here, and he remembers me. He...he never forgot.
"So," I say, trying to keep my voice casual. "You're back."
I don't know if he realizes how much that means to me. I thought when he was gone, that it was the last time I would see him. Forever. But he's back. He's grown up, and he looks different, yet I can still see the traces of the boy I spent years living with in a cave.
"Yeah," he replies, softly, and I can tell he's trying to keep his voice casual. "Yeah, I am."
I nod, as if this is perfectly normal, looking away.
So much time...for me it's been longer, for him it's been ages too. He's still the same boy. And he remembers me. He kept his promise.
I look up at him again, and meet his eyes. Then, as if by silent agreement, we reach out and wrap one another in a hug.
Neither of say a word, because we don't have too. Just this one movement tells the other all we need to know. That we've missed each other, that we thought the other was lost forever, that no matter how bad it seems right now, none of that matters, because we've seen each other after all these years, and we're never letting go of that.
He's back...he's...Bae. My friend...my brother...my savior. The one who kept me going, the one who kept me sane for all those years. The one who gave me a reason not to break. The one who stretched out a hand when I had sunk to my lowest point. He's here.
"I thought that…" I whisper. "That you were…"
"I know," Bae murmurs in response. "I know. But it's okay. I'm back. I'm back, and I'm not leaving you."
Not leaving me. After all that time we spent together, that seemed to be our only agreement. No matter what happens, don't leave each other. And we didn't. Not really. Not until I had to save him.
Because we were more than two people, trying to survive in a cave together. We were each other's rocks. We were the ones who were always there for each other, no matter how hard it was. We kept each other going, we were what the other needed us to be. A shoulder to cry on, support when things were rough, the one who was funny when the other needed to laugh.
I'm not sure how long we hold each other. It could be a few short seconds, or maybe long minutes. Maybe even an hour. But when we part, we do it at the same time. Because neither of us wants to be the first to let go.
Even when we do part, though, I still hold him by the sleeves, and I look him up and down. He's gotten taller since I last saw him. His hair is shorter, and he isn't as thin as he was when I got him out. If anything, he seems to have gotten stronger, healthier since I last saw him.
That's good. It means he was able to make it out there. Somehow, he made his way, and took care of himself. He's done well.
"You grew a moustache," I say fondly, a small smile making it's way on my face, as I reach out to touch it.
No sooner do my fingers touch his face, than a shock suddenly hits my fingertips. Both Bae and I pull away at the same time, with identical cries of pain. The Dark One, who has been looking at us silently, but with a questioning look on his face, suddenly becomes more alert, and looks at his son with concern.
That's right...oh, gods, Pan placed a spell on us. We can't touch each other. Not without hurting ourselves.
"I forgot about that," Bae mutters, rubbing the place I touched gingerly.
I did too. It was Pan's many ways of separating us. And it is the only thing we weren't able to solve. I stayed with Pan, but I still would sneak out to see Bae. I thought we were separated forever when he got out, but here he is. But still, we can't touch each other without pain. Pan's way of keeping us apart, after everything that has happened, still stands.
"I hate him," I whisper vehemently. "I hate him."
The Dark One looks between us, and I can tell he's figured it out. that there is something Pan put on us, so that we can't touch.
"How long has that spell been on you two?" he asks.
Bae and I share a look, before Bae shrugs.
"Ages," he replies, not knowing the answer himself. "We kind of lost track of time here. It's easier than you would think. Before I got out, though. One of Pan's little games."
Little games? That's one word for it. It really was something more than that. It was him trying to isolate Bae and I, so that I would fall, and break.
Bae, however, looks sharply up at his father, as if something has suddenly occurred to him.
"Speaking of Pan," he starts. "What the hell was he talking about?"
The Dark One quickly looks away to tend to the fire, even though it's still burning well.
"Don't mind him," he says casually. Too casually.
Normally, I would agree that ignoring Pan's words would be the smartest option, if the Dark One wasn't so keen on avoiding the question.
"He said that you were going to murder Henry," snaps Bae, seeing the same thing I did.
The Dark One turns to Bae, his arms spread.
"He plays games," he says, as if that explains everything. "Mind games. The important thing is we got the boy, we got your friend, and we got away."
I doubt getting me was ever an important part. The Dark One seemed pretty surprised when Bae asked me to come with them.
Still, the Dark One is right. Pan does play games, usually mind games. I should know, I spent years dodging those games. But because of that, I know how he plays them. He doesn't make you distrust others, he makes you distrust yourself. What he said about the Dark One abandoning Bae, that was a mind game. This...this doesn't feel like that. It's too blunt. The Dark One is avoiding the question too much. Pan might be lying, but there is something the Dark One isn't telling his son.
"Who is your friend, anyway?" asks the Dark One, gesturing to me.
Bae looks over to me, and gives a small smile.
"This is Jess," he replies, looking from me to his father. "She and I...well…"
I can tell he's trying to find some other way to say 'lived together' without making it seem like we were lovers.
"Your son found me when I first came to Neverland," I explain. "He and I took care of each other until he got out of Neverland."
The Dark One looks me over, and I can tell what he's thinking. A girl dressed as a Lost One, who was at Pan's camp, even defended the boys when they went down. Not exactly the actions of someone who supposedly took care of his son while he was trying to escape Pan.
"And you trust her?" he asks, looking at Bae. "She was with the Lost Ones. Pan didn't even call the girl 'Jess.'"
Oh, he had to bring that up, didn't he? What, does he think I'm some sort of imposter? Or maybe Jess had an evil twin who works for Pan…
"The girl is right here, you know," I point out, trying to keep my voice calm. "And I think the fact that Pan just lied to me, as you saw, should tell you which side I'm on."
"No offense," the Dark One replies, "but the last person my son trusted ended up not only working for Pan, but also taking my grandson to Pan in the first place, and still ended up a pawn in Pan's plan. You were lied to as well. What does that make you?"
Whoa, wait a second. He did not just compare me to the two people that brought Henry to Neverland. Not Greg and Tamara. Sure, Pan might have lied to me, but those two were complete idiots.
I open my mouth, ready to retort, but Bae beats me too it.
"It makes her the one who got me off of Neverland," he says bluntly. "Who helped me escape when Pan was planning to kill me. So, call me crazy, but I trust Jess more than anyone else here on this island."
I don't know what my expression is, but I assume it is the same stunned one as the Dark One's.
He...wow...I'm touched. He saw me in Pan's camp. He heard that I was planning to kill Henry. Yet out of everyone in this entire island, he trusts me the most. More than Emma, Henry's mother, more than his own father. He trusts me.
Which is perhaps why his father looks so hurt. Hearing from his son that he trusts a Lost One over his own father can't be easy. However, my sympathy is limited. He wasn't there when Bae was in the cave, needing help. I was. He didn't hear Bae's shouts when he had nightmares of being abandoned. I did. I know how much Bae was hurt by his father abandoning him. I know how much I still hurt from my own father abandoning me. And now he may be planning on killing his own grandson. I can see why Bae would not trust his father.
Bae gives his father a look that says the conversation is over, before turning and crouching down beside his son.
"Hey, Henry," he says, gently shaking him. "Hey, it's your dad…"
"No, no, no, no, he can't hear you," the Dark One says, cutting off Bae's attempts to wake him up.
Bae looks up, and any gentleness he had with his son is gone.
"Then wake him up," he says flatly.
"Pulling him out of the spell could be dangerous," the Dark One replies. "He'll wake naturally in a few hours. He'll be fine."
A few hours. A few hours until the boys wake up and...and realize that I've gone. Oh, damn, this is not going to look good. I just left them while they slept, to go with Baelfire, the boy they hate, because I didn't want to hurt his son.
I can see Pan spinning it now. 'Vin betrayed us. She never cared. She abandoned you for Baelfire, as she has done again and again. It is time to make her pay.'
But then again, isn't that what happened? I left them, yes, but I wasn't trying to leave the boys. I just...I had to get away from Pan. I couldn't be near him, not after learning what he had done to me. But the boys...they need Henry's heart to survive...I can't just leave them to die.
No, I will figure this out later. For now, I have to focus on keeping Bae and Henry safe. Whether from Pan or the Dark One, I don't know. I just have to keep them safe.
"Well, why did you put a spell on him in the first place?" Bae asks. "You were able to avoid Jess and Pan-"
"Pan's magic is too powerful," the Dark One replies. "It shielded him. As for your friend...well, I can only assume Pan has some sort of protection on her, so that she wouldn't be affected."
What does he...oh…
He doesn't know I have the dagger. So, he can't hurt me, even involuntarily. His magic avoided me by nature, and he doesn't understand why.
Don't tell him just yet, I think to myself. Not yet. You don't know how he'll react, just as you don't know how Pan's going to react.
Bae, however, seems to accept it, and moves on, standing up.
"Alright," he says. "then you can explain to me what the hell Pan meant. This prophecy he's talking about. Why would he say you were going to kill Henry?"
The Dark One looks away, and I can tell he's avoiding the question again.
Oh boy, this is not going to end well.
"I don't know," the Dark One says. "To create a wedge between us?"
Not bad, except there are so many other ways he could do that, and you would probably just laugh it off. Like with his threat that the Dark One can kill me. Something to make me fear the Dark One, when it just confirms he doesn't know the truth about the dagger.
"That's not a denial," I point out, and the Dark One shoots me a look telling me to shut my mouth.
Deal with it. I might have been in Pan's camp, but I'm still going to protect the kid.
Almost instinctively, I sit down beside Henry, as if I'm still watching out for him, like I did back at camp.
"She's right," Bae agrees. "No, this has something to do with what happened when I found you. You thought I was a hallucination. You said that you had to do the right thing and save Henry. What does that even mean?"
"Baelfire-" the Dark One says in protest, but Bae cuts him off.
"It's Neal!" he shouts. "Now stop dodging and tell me what's going on."
I blink in surprise. I don't think Bae raised his voice to anyone but Pan, for as long as I knew him. Seeing him shouting, angry, frustrated...I never thought his father would make him feel the same things that Pan did. And yet, the way he presses his father, the way he shouts...it's not so different from when I was shouting at Pan only moments ago.
His father looks at him, and seems to consider for a moment.
Come on, tell him the truth. Make it right. Let me know if I have to pull out the dagger from my mindbox.
"There was a Seer," the Dark One finally says. "And she told me of a prophecy. That a boy would help me reunite with you. And that boy would be my undoing."
I can't help but look at the two in surprise. I'm not sure what happened between the two of them. I'm not sure how Bae reunited with his father, or how a boy caused it.
But if that boy reunited father and son, who better than the grandson. Who better than Henry? But if that's the case then...Henry is the Dark One's undoing.
Bae stares at his father, as he puts it together too.
"Henry," he murmurs, the look on his face a combination of surprise and revulsion.
"I didn't know he was going to be my own grandson," explains the Dark One. "Until I discovered you in New York, and realized that you were his father."
New York...so Bae did make it to my world. He settled down in New York. He obviously met Emma, had Henry...he started a life away from Neverland.
I smile, until I see the look on Bae's face.
I didn't know he was going to be my own grandson...why would that matter. Why would he care unless...unless...oh, gods…
"You were planning on getting rid of him," Bae mutters, coming to the same conclusion as me. "Whoever he was, weren't you? To try to cheat fate. To get around the prophecy, you cold blooded son of a bitch. You were going to kill him."
Bae's father looks at him, his expression pleading, as he nods.
"Yes," he says, confirming everything Bae has said.
For a second, I feel as disgusted as Bae sounds, until I realize something sick.
I'm doing the same thing. Planning on killing someone, no matter who they were. Guilty murderer, or innocent child, I was planning to kill so that my brothers could live. I didn't care who died in the end, because I wanted my brothers to live.
So maybe there wasn't some prophecy I was trying to avoid. Maybe I was doing it for my brothers. But, now that I look at it...I'm no different from Bae's father. I was planning to help kill an innocent boy, Bae's son or not. I was going to befriend him, and trick him, to save the people I love. The people I left behind, not because it was wrong, but because he was Bae's son.
How does that make me any different from Bae's father?
Bae, however, hasn't noticed this. He just stares at his father, as if he is the most horrible person on the planet. I wonder if this is how I look at Pan sometimes. He steps back, and points at his father.
"Get back," he says...no, commands. "You stay away from him."
His father tries to step forward, to explain, but if I know Bae, he won't have any of it. So what will he do when he figures out that I'm just as bad as his father?
"That was then," protests the Dark One. "Things have changed. I didn't come to Neverland to hurt Henry. I came here to save him."
If that's true then I am worse than him. Because I was the one who was helping Pan kill an innocent boy. I didn't try to save him, I tried to save my brothers.
"After what you just said, I'm supposed to believe you?" asks Bae, angrily.
Maybe he would. Maybe he would if he knew what I was doing. That what Pan and I were planning...I can't keep this from him. I won't. I never hid anything from him, and I won't do it now.
"Bae-" I start, but Bae cuts me off.
"Stay out of this, Jess," he orders.
He doesn't understand. I'm worse than his father, as bad as Pan. Doesn't he get that?
"Bae, I-"
"No, Jess," Bae says sharply. "This isn't your fight. It's between me and my father."
He's right. But I may just be the only one who can make him see the truth.
Before I can open my mouth, though, the Dark One pushes on.
"I won't lie to you, Bae," he says, his voice almost pleading. "Self-preservation has always been a nasty habit I've had my whole life. But I came here to break it, and to do the right thing. To save your son, even if that meant sacrificing my own life. You have to trust me."
Bae just raises his eyebrows in disbelief, and his expression shows that he is no closer to trusting his father than before.
Yet he trusts me with everything. Like father, like son, I guess. But neither Bae or Henry see that I'm as bad as Pan, and that might make me more dangerous than Pan or the Dark One ever was.
"How can I?" Bae asks simply.
It's not a bad question. Under any other circumstances, it wouldn't be a bad question. His father did abandon him after all, and spent years torturing and killing other people. But the truth is that I'm worse than the Dark One, and Bae has yet to see that.
The Dark One looks at his son for a moment, a pained expression on his face. Then, ever so slowly, he turns to me.
Oh, come on...don't do that.
"How can you trust her?" he asks, gesturing to me.
Bae rolls his eyes, while I hold up my hands defensively.
"Leave her out of this," Bae says, sounding frustrated, but the Dark One pushes on.
"She was with Pan when we came into camp," the Dark One says. "She said that she was going to murder Henry. That they were going to kill him. The only reason she has helped us is because she knows that you are the boy's father. But she was still going to help Pan kill an innocent child if she hadn't known. She might have saved your life, but you heard her. She was ready to help kill an innocent boy, regardless of his parentage."
Wow...he understood it. He saw what I've been trying to explain to Bae during this entire conversation. That I'm working with Pan, and I was ready to help kill an innocent boy. It wasn't until I learned who his parents were, not who the boy himself was, that I turned from Pan.
Bae looks at me, and for a second, our eyes meet. In that second, I see a flash of something. Something that questions me. That asks if what he says is true. If I'm truly the monster that I see myself as.
Then, he shakes his head, and turns back to his father.
"I know I can trust her," he replies. "because while self-preservation is a nasty habit of yours, the last thing Jess will do is save herself. She'll always put someone's needs before her own, no matter what the cost is for her. If she says she was going to help Pan kill Henry, then she had a damn good reason to do it. She wouldn't do it to save herself. She would do it because she thought she was saving someone."
I think my heart skips a beat at his words.
Is that really how he sees me? As someone who puts the needs of others before her own? His words...they make me seem like some sort of hero. One who might have to make a bad decision, but had a good reason for doing so.
I realize when he shared the glance with me, just a minute ago, it wasn't asking me if it was true. It was seeing it was true, and forgiving me. It was looking, seeing that what I was doing was wrong, but forgiving me for doing it anyway.
Why? I think. Why would he forgive me? I was ready to help kill his son, and he forgives me out of the blue? Why?
I don't know, but then again, does it matter? His father just layed out who I am in front of him. And he forgave me without a second thought...I don't think he even thought about it. He just knew, and forgave me, saying he could trust me. He didn't even hesitate.
I realize that on the verge of tears, and I have to look away from the two to hide it. Slowly, I sit beside Henry, as he still sleeps, trying not to focus on how touching Bae's words were.
He won't even forgive his own father, but he forgave me without hesitation.
I don't know what happens between the Dark One and Bae, only that Bae must have silently ended the conversation, because he sits down next to me without a word.
He forgave me...it didn't matter what I was doing, he forgave me.
I would open my mouth, tell him thanks, ask him why he forgave me so easily, but the tension between him and his father is so great I can almost reach out and touch it. The last thing I need is to make things worse by pointing out that Bae forgave me, not his father. Instead, I imagine a glove over my hand, and I take his hand, so that we can touch without being shocked. Bae glances down, before giving my hand a small squeeze.
Just something. Just something small to let me know that he's here. That my brother is back, and he doesn't care what I've done.
But...he doesn't know. He doesn't know the full truth. That I joined Pan. That I really joined him. And when I tell him...it'll be Hook all over again.
He doesn't know that I was playing Henry. That I was manipulating him, that I was ready to kill him. He doesn't understand that even though my intentions may seem fine to him, I have done things to get there. Things that...should never have to happen to an ordinary kid.
He wouldn't forgive me if he knew. If he truly knew. I'm as bad as his father. Maybe worse. His father has the decency to suck people into deals, to trap them. But me? I manipulate people without them realizing it. I pretended to be Henry's friend so that he would see me as someone worth saving. When the truth is I don't need saving at all.
We sit there, me and him, not looking or saying a word. Just sitting, side by side, as if waiting for him or his father to make a move. The silence is almost suffocating, and I would say something if I thought it was my place. But Bae...he told me to stay out. I'll regard his request.
For what feels like an hour, no one says anything. Everyone just seems to be waiting for the other. Eventually, the Dark One breaks the silence.
"Tell me what I have to do to regain your trust," he says, looking at his son. "And I'll do it."
Bae looks up at him, but doesn't move.
But I pause, and listen. Because it's Bae. And if his father finds someway to regain his trust, then I will have to do the same, once he realizes everything he has done.
"Give me the Dark One dagger," he replies.
Both the Dark One and I stare at him, and I know why we do it. The Dark One knows he hid the dagger. He doesn't know it's hidden with me. He couldn't return it if he wanted too.
The one thing Bae asks for is the one thing that his father cannot give. But I can. I can give it to him, show that his father is trustworthy, and that I'm with him.
Right? I'm with him? Even though my brothers are all back at camp, unaware that I've just betrayed them...no, I can't think about that. Not now.
"I know you," Bae goes on, still looking at his father. "I know you wouldn't come all the way to Neverland without it. It's the only thing that can control you. It's the only thing that can stop you. You wouldn't take any chances with it."
Exactly. He wouldn't. Which is why it's in my hands, the one person he probably trusts the least, after Pan, and he doesn't even know it. And once again, I'm the one standing in the way between Neal and his father.
But I can't give it up. The Dark One was able to knock out the boys even though I hold the dagger. And Pan was right. If the Dark One was ever planning to murder his own grandson, he wouldn't blink to get rid of me. He already distrusts me for being a Lost Girl. What would he do without me holding onto the dagger? He would kill me and every one of my brothers. Toodles, Nibs, all the young ones would be killed without a second thought.
No, I hold onto the dagger. For now. If Bae truly needs it, then I will give it, but for now I hold onto it.
"I don't have it," protests the Dark One, being honest for once.
"Why are you lying?" Bae asks, and I can see his anger at his father coming back with new life.
"I'm not lying to you, Bae," the Dark One replies, and I suddenly feel a pang of guilt. "I hid it, so Pan couldn't get it. So he couldn't stop me."
He isn't lying. And maybe he does want to make amends with Bae. But he can't, because I have the dagger. I'm the one who is keeping them apart.
But I need it. It's the only thing ensuring that my brothers don't get hurt.
Yet I still abandoned them for-no, I won't think about that!
"Then unhide it!" snaps Bae, clearly becoming more and more frustrated.
The Dark One looks at him for a brief second, before shaking his head.
"My shadow took it," he replies.
The look on his face tells me he knows how pathetic that sounds. That he sounds like a kid who is caught acting up, and blames someone else for the thing he obviously did.
But in this case he's being honest. He truly hid it. He doesn't know where it is, or else he would have approached me about it. For once, I believe the Dark One, and it makes me feel guilty. All I would have to do is say something, pull out the dagger, and Bae would know the truth.
Bae lets out a dry chuckle at his father's reply.
"Your shadow?" he repeats, standing up. "Man, you have an answer for everything, don't you?"
But this answer is right. It's right, and he doesn't believe him.
"I'm telling you the truth, I swear," says the Dark One, desperately. He sees it too. He sees that with every word he says, his son gets farther, and farther away.
Dammit, I can't do this!
"Bae, he's telling the truth," I say, unable to hold back any longer.
Both men look at he, and I stand up.
What am I doing? I can't reveal the dagger. It's the one thing I have that ensures my brothers' safety. No, I have to hold onto it. But, I can try to make things easier. I can still try to amend things between the two. I owe Bae that much.
"Pan told me about it," I say, the lie coming out all too easily. "He says that he sent his shadow to search for the dagger, but it isn't here. He doesn't know where it is. There's no way your father could have left Neverland without Pan realizing it, so it must have been his shadow that hid it."
The Dark One shoots me a look that's almost grateful, before his eyes harden as he remembers what I am. That I'm the one his son forgave, instead of him. The one who his son trusts over him.
Bae shakes his head, and I feel my heart sink.
He doesn't believe me. Or if he does, it doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything.
"Maybe he did hide it," he replies. "Maybe he does want to do the right thing, but that's today. What about tomorrow?"
"I've changed," the Dark One murmurs, his expression almost pleading as he looks at his son. He wants his son to believe him. To trust him. And that's the one thing he won't give.
He has done this too many times, I realize. He abandoned his son. He was ready to kill his grandson. That is why Bae can't forgive him. It would be like me forgiving my father, or Pan's son forgiving him. Perhaps his father wants to do the right thing, but Bae will never be able to trust him. Because he left his own son, and that is the greatest sin a father can commit. Nothing else is too low for him, even killing Henry.
And yet I wanted the same thing, and Bae trusts me all the same.
"Have you?" Bae asks, turning to round on his father.
"Yes!" insists the Dark One.
"The prophecy still stands," Bae replies, shaking his head. "Henry is still your undoing."
The Dark One draws himself up, and he looks Bae straight in the eye.
"I'm still willing to die for him," he replies, his tone dead serious.
Anyone else might believe him. Gods, I almost believe him. But not Bae. Because Bae can never trust him again.
"What happens when we get back?" he asks. "And you're reunited with Belle? And you realize that the only thing standing between you and your happy ending is my son. And suddenly 'undoing' doesn't sound so great."
The Dark One looks at him, before shaking his head. The look he gives him...I wish I could say I recognize it. Maybe I do. Maybe that's how my father used to look at me before he left. Because the look on the Dark One's face is so loving and tender...at this moment, I don't see the Dark One. I see a father who loves his son more than anything.
"You're my happy ending," he replies.
Bae's face is nothing but surprise, and he doesn't say a word.
"This is," the Dark One continues. "Because it is my redemption. I can be strong, son, if you have faith in me."
Bae looks down, then looks at me. I can see it in his eyes. The torment. He wants to forgive his father, but he can't. Because his father has done too much. His father has become his enemy, because he is willing to hurt his son.
Just as Hook has become my enemy.
There's nothing more I can do. Even if I did show the dagger, it wouldn't make a difference. It would just drive the wedge even further, because Bae would trust me more than his father.
He wrings his hands, and I almost miss it. The small leaf that sticks to the palm of his hand. I wouldn't have seen it if I hadn't been looking.
Then, he takes his father's hand, and presses the leaf against him.
No...wait a second...this is what I did. I tricked Pan into kissing me to freeze him. Bae...he's doing the same thing. He's going to run. Because there is no way he can trust the man who abandoned him. If I were him...I wouldn't either.
"You know when I was living here," Bae whispers. "And sleeping in a cave, I used to dream of you coming to rescue me. To get me and Jess out of here, and back home."
I see a brief flicker of a smile on the Dark One's face, and I look away.
Because I remember those dreams. I remember how Bae would wake up, screaming for his father to save him, to not abandon him. How it tortured him, knowing his father was never going to save him, because he had left him behind for power.
And his father comes back, back into his life, planning to kill his grandson. Even if things changed, he left Bae, and was ready to kill his grandson. For what? For his own gain. So he could not be defeated by anyone.
All those years in the cave with Bae, I've come to realize just how far his father had let him down. And he's doing it again. And now...the Dark One knows Pan is planning to kill Henry. What's to stop him from allying with Pan, and letting Pan do his dirty work? Nothing. Except his son, and a Lost Girl with his magic knife.
"But then I would wake up," Bae goes on, and for a second, I have to close my eyes as I remember Bae when he was tortured.
How his fever dreams haunted him. How terrified he was. And how I had to take care of him. How I would hold his hand until he slept.
The Dark One never took care of Bae, I realize. I did. I was the one who was there for him. The one who looked after him, who protected him, who got him out. That's why he trusts me. Because I had the option of abandoning him, and I never did.
"And I'd remember how you left me behind," Bae continues.
The Dark One's smile fades, and he shakes his head pleadingly at his son.
"You left your own son behind for the power of that dagger," Bae says, driving the nail further. "How can I think that things will ever be any different?"
With that, he pulls away, and the Dark One looks down, finally seeing the leaf. His expression goes from confused, to understanding, to terrified as he shakes off the leaf and sees the ink on the palm of his hand, and the purple glow encompasses him.
"Neal," he says, and for once he sounds scared. For himself or Bae, I don't know. "What are you doing?"
Bae turns, and grabs Henry, slinging him over his shoulder again. He only has to look at me, and I get to my feet.
Of course I'm coming with him. I made that decision to look after him, and if he is truly set on abandoning his father, then I may be the only person who can protect him. Just as I used to.
"I'm going to find Emma," he replies, giving his father a look of clear distrust. "And the others, find away to break Pan's spell on Jess and I, and get the hell off this island. And I'm going to get my family back home."
He starts to walk, and I walk with him, silently. I may know this island better, but I can't say that now. I can lead him to safety, or back to Emma and her group when the time comes, but not when the Dark One is still here.
"You can't go into the jungle alone," the Dark One insists. "Without my power to protect you, Pan will capture you both, and take back the girl. Who is going to protect you from Pan if I'm gone?"
I know I should stay silent. That I shouldn't say a word. But I have too. Because he wasn't there when Bae was tortured. He wasn't the one who looked after him. Who joined Pan to save him, and who gave him a chance at a life by getting him off of Neverland. I did.
"I will," I reply, looking over at Bae's father. "I always have."
Bae looks at me, and gives me a small smile, before turning back to his father.
"Sorry," he replies, his smile vanishing. "But I have no choice. Good-bye, papa."
With that, he turns around, and walks away with me, leaving his father behind, just as I left Pan and the boys behind earlier.
We don't say anything as we go. We just walk in silence, neither of us ready to talk about what has just taken place.
I don't know what the Dark One's intentions were. Maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he was trying to save Henry. But...he's the Dark One.
No matter how much he pleads with Bae that he's changed, I can only think about all the things I watched him do in my dreams. He was the one who suggested the curse. The one who made Snow White and her prince send away their baby. He killed so many for his own gain. And he abandoned his own son for power. I may be worse than him, but I still can't trust him.
And, if he was lying, then I've had enough of lies for one night. First Pan lied that it was a kid. Then he lied about Hook, then about Henry being Bae's son. Lies. All for what? To protect me? I'm not sure what he thought he was protecting me from, but I can't think of anywhere I'd be in more danger than with him.
He's still playing his games. After all this time, he played a game with me so that I would play along with Henry. He played the game again with Bae. He didn't say a word, so that I would go through with his plan, and help kill Henry. He would watch me kill the son of the boy I cared about, probably just to enjoy the irony of it all.
And I would have done it. I would have killed Henry. I would do it to save my brothers.
Yet here I am now, helping him get away because of who his father is. Not because he's a kid, but because his father is someone I care about. Not Henry himself.
And my brothers are still at camp, probably thinking that I've betrayed them.
Then again, that's what I've done, isn't it? I've betrayed my brothers to save Henry. I'm helping their only hope of survival get away. I'm snatching away the only chance they have left, and all because it is Bae.
But Henry is Bae's son. I can't abandon him. I can't leave Bae. I can't let them die here. I worked too hard to get Bae out of here. I won't let him get trapped here, not if I can save him again.
That was years ago, though, I think. Things have changed. Bae, he's different now. So am I. How can I help him after all this time, when there is too much at stake. Like my brothers' lives?
Because he forgave me. He forgave me for everything, and he remembered me. He never forgot about me, not once.
But he doesn't know me. Not really. I've changed so much. I'm not the person I once was. How can he forgive me, knowing I was about to kill his son, even though we clearly are not the same people who said good-bye when he left Neverland? If he knew who I am now, he would abandon me like he did his father. Like Hook did with me.
Then tell him. He needs to know. He has the right to know that he has placed his trust in a different person. That...I'm still not sure which side I'm on. Because I still care about him, and I don't want to see him, or his son dead. But at the same time, Henry is their last chance. Without him, I lose my family. Without him dying, I lose them. All of them. Felix, Marcus, Perrin, Devon, Bryan. The younger ones...Toodles, Slightly, the Twins. All dead, unless Henry dies.
He has the right to know. He has the right to the choice to leave me.
"Thanks," I say, forcing the word out of my mouth.
Bae glances at me, but doesn't say anything, so I continue.
"For standing up for me back there. For saying those things. It meant...it meant a lot to me."
Bae shrugs as he keeps walking.
"Not sure why you're so surprised," he replies. "Every word I said was true."
And that's what is going to make this hurt even more, for the both of us. Knowing that he trusts me, and I'm going to break that trust...it's going to hurt. Because he may break off one of the few good things I had when I was running from Pan. He may end one of the few things that I know was true. Between Pan, and the Dark One, there have been so many secrets, so many lies. But what happened with Bae and I, what the two of us shared...that was real. That was true. And if he ends it, if it isn't real anymore, because of what I've become...it's going to hurt both of us more than any lie ever could. Because we'll have to throw away years of taking care of each other, of supporting one another, of loving each other, and not look back.
But he has to make the decision. I have to let him. Because Pan has already lied to me. Felix...he might have helped. Tink has betrayed Pan, and the Shadow was ready to kill my family to get me away from Pan. if I keep this from him, what makes me any different from them. I want to take care of my family, but I can't do that without telling Bae the truth.
Oh gods, I don't want to lose him too. But I may have to. I might have no other choice.
"Bae, there's something you need to know," I say, the words spilling out before I have the chance to stall or rethink this.
Bae turns and looks at me in surprise, as the two of us continue our trek through the jungle. I can tell that we are heading inward, towards the center of the island. It's the best we are going to be able to do until we find Emma and her group's trail.
"What is it?" he asks, readjusting his grip on Henry.
Gods, I'm going to lose him. I just got him back, and I'm going to lose him. He's going to see me for what I am, and walk away. Everything he and I were, gone with what I have to say.
I love him so much. And I've missed him so much. And I don't want to fight him. I won't fight him, if he walks away. But he needs to have that choice. He needs to have the choice to walk away.
"After you left," I start, even though each word is harder and harder to get out. "After you left, I fell into a hard place. I had nothing and...I didn't see anything that was good for me. I was alone, and I was terrified that he was going to break me."
Bae stops, and watches me intently. I stop too, and...gods, I can't look at him. I'm going to break his heart with this, I know it.
Bae doesn't ask me who "he" is. We both know. After all those years together, we know.
"And I...I realized that I had no reason to be so scared of him," I murmur, looking at the ground. "No reason to be afraid of him breaking me, of becoming Vin, because Vin was just a name. It was just what the Lost Boys called me, because that's who they saw me as. As their sister. And I realized that I was in no danger, that they needed me...so I...I…"
Gods, I can't do this. I can't say it. I can't do this to him, I can't hurt him like this. I can't, I won't do this to him.
"You what, Jess?" asks Bae, gently.
At his voice, my eyes involuntarily fly to him, and his expression is unreadable.
Gods, Bae, I love you. I hope you understand what I'm about to do.
"I joined them, Bae," I choke out. "I truly joined them. I realized there was no reason to fight them, so I chose to love them instead. I chose to become a Lost Girl, Bae. I had the choice to run, and instead I chose them."
There. I said it. Now he knows.
I haven't felt this nervous since I told Felix the truth about Sebastian. Worried about how someone's going to know the truth, now that it's out in the open. Worried that they are going to turn on me, or leave me. The same way that Hook has turned his back on me.
Bae looks at me for one moment, and I look away, mentally bracing myself for the storm that's going to follow. The same shouting that he gave his father. I get ready for him to turn his back, and walk away, and leave me on my own, and force me to choose a side.
"Good."
My eyes snap to him, and his expression isn't angry, or upset. It's not happy either. It's...it's as if his suspicions have been confirmed, something he knew was going to happen all along.
Good...he says good...why would he say that? Did he not understand what I just said?
"What?" I ask, my voice no more than a whisper.
Bae looks me in the eye, and...I don't remember the last time his eyes were this serious.
"I said 'good,'" he replies.
But that...that doesn't make any sense. All those years we fought the Lost Boys, all those years of running away from them, from hating them, and he is saying that it's good that I joined. That it's good that I stayed with them, instead of leaving when I had the chance.
I blink and shake my head, trying to wrap my head around what he is saying. It's as if Pan came out and told everyone the truth of how he came to Neverland. It would never happen. Bae would never say that it was good that I joined the Lost Boys.
"I...I don't understand," I say, looking at Bae in confusion. "How do you think that it's good that I joined the Lost Ones? You hate them."
Bae shrugs.
"Maybe," he replies.
Maybe? Maybe? He hates the Lost Ones. He spent years running from them, just like I did, and hated them because of how he had to live, like a hunted animal, because of them. He doesn't "maybe" hate the Lost Ones.
"It's Pan I hated," Bae goes on, seeing the look on my face. "Him, and those that wanted to hurt me. But you forget how well I know you, Jess. What I told my father, about you never try to save yourself? I meant every word of that. Because that's what you do. You find someone to look after. Someone to love, someone to fight for. Someone whose needs you put before your own. It's just who you are.
"You looked after your sister until it was no longer possible. So you loved Hook and me until we were out of reach. If you hadn't found anyone, Pan would have gotten you. He would have been able to break you. Because you wouldn't have the thing that makes you the Jess we all know and love.
"I didn't think about it until after I had left, but if Pan was going to break you, he should have made his move as soon as I left Neverland. Because there was no one left for you to fight for. No one left for you to put above yourself. No one for you to love. You would just be a shell, and Pan could have filled you with whatever sick person he wanted you to be. If you chose to love the Lost Boys, to put them above yourself, that means you haven't changed. That Pan hasn't broken you. You're still the same girl who got me out of this place, who gave me a second chance at life. You're still my sister."
He doesn't say anything else. Because he said everything he had too. And I can only stare at him after that speech. But inside, I can't decide if I could fly or cry tears of joy.
Because what he said seems too good to be true. It almost feels wrong with how right it is.
He's forgiven me. He sees that I've joined Pan and yet...he doesn't care. More than that, he thinks that it is good for me. He thinks that I did the right thing with joining the Lost Ones.
And he's wrong.
"How?" I ask. "Just...how? I was going to kill your son, Bae. How can you just look at me and be alright with it?"
Bae blinks, evidently not expecting my reply.
Well, I don't know what he would be expecting. He made it sound like I was some self-sacrificing heroine from fairy tales, maybe the same as Snow White and the others. But I'm not. I never was.
"Yes, Bae," I say, taking in his stunned look. "I joined the boys, and I didn't break because I chose to love them. But what good did that do? Bae, I was ready to kill an innocent boy. The only reason things truly turned was because I realized Pan has lied too many times, and that Henry is your son. Pan might not have broken me, but that doesn't mean I'm still a good person."
I realized that a while ago. When I saw that I was trying to befriend Henry, only to kill him. That I was going down a path that might not hold any redemption for me.
But I had to do it. It was the only way. It still is. Bae's son or not, Henry is the only chance I have at saving my brothers. But if I take Henry, if I go back down that road...I'm still as bad as Pan. Even worse. Because I'll have betrayed Bae to do it. I'll have killed my best friend's son, no matter how good my intentions are.
"That's where you were wrong, Bae," I murmur when he doesn't say anything. "With your father. You said you could trust me because I wasn't about to kill Henry for my own good. You're right. If I was in your father's position, I would let Henry live. But I would kill him, nonetheless. I didn't break, Bae. I became a monster instead. "
And just like that, I've drawn the line. I've let him see me for what I am. Maybe I wouldn't kill Henry for me. Or maybe I would. If what he says is true, and I always need someone to fight for, then I could make the argument that the only reason I'm trying to save the boys is because I need someone to love. Either way, I've sunk to a level that only Pan is at. Because unlike Bae's father, I'm not looking for redemption. I'm looking to save the people I care about.
I force myself to look Bae in the eye, to face him. To get ready for him to say something that will change everything. Whether it's 'leave' like Hook, or it's something else deep and meaningful, I know him. He's going to do something to protect his son. It's what he should do. It's what any good parent should do. And I'll let him do it. I could never stop him. We shared so much, I could never hurt him.
But I could never hurt the Lost Boys either. So why am I not taking Henry and running back to camp?
I'm torn from my thoughts when Bae grabs my gloved hand, and squeezes it.
What?
"You listen to me, Jessica Lancaster," he says, and his tone is dead serious. The only time I heard him, or seen him like this, was when...when he made a promise to never forget me. To always remember me as Jess Lancaster.
He never forgot. I know that much. I never realized how deep that remembrance was.
"Yeah, I remembered your name," he says, catching the surprise on my face. "I made you a promise, didn't I? Well, do you know what? I kept it. For nineteen years, I've kept your promise. I remembered you as a girl who dreamt of fairy-tales, who gave herself up for her sister, who rescued me when Pan was planning to kill me. For nineteen years, I held onto that memory, and I would never let go of it, no matter where I was. And for ten years, when I closed my eyes, I would see you, and wonder if it was right to go while you were still trapped here. And for the next nine, the only thing that kept me holding on was the knowledge that you wouldn't have let Pan break you. You still were a good person, no matter what Pan said or did."
His grasp suddenly isn't a gentle squeeze. It almost feels like he's crushing my hand in his grip.
"So don't, don't," he continues forcefully. "say that you were going to kill my son, no matter what, and don't say that you are a monster. Because for nineteen years, no matter how hard it got, I would still keep going, because I thought 'Jess didn't get me out, just to throw my life away.' You say that you were going to kill my son? You wouldn't. Deep down, I think you know that. That's why you jumped on Pan when you knew the truth. Because you hated the path he was dragging you down, if he convinced you that you had to kill an innocent kid. You hated it so much, that you took the first chance you could to get out of it. You left Pan, and you were angry at him, not because he's my son, but because you don't want to kill Henry. You say you're a monster? Bullshit. I did not spend the last nineteen years of my life, believing you were unbeatable to come back and find you worse than Pan. You always struggled with the idea that you were like Pan, but the truth is you're nothing like him. So don't say that you're a monster, and don't believe it either, no matter what Pan makes you do. It's not fair to you, to me, or to Abby."
Wait...what? No way...he didn't…
For a second time tonight, everything seems to stop, as I replay those last words over and over again.
"Or to Abby...Or to Abby…"
"Bae...did you say…" I whisper, unable to believe it.
I know I asked him. I begged him...but I didn't think it was possible...finding a needle in a haystack, but if he did, after all these years.
Bae's eyes lose some of their hardness, and his grip slackens ever so slightly.
"Yes," he replies softly, nodding slightly. "Yes. I found Abby, Jess."
That's...oh gods...he found her. After all this time...he found her. He talked to her, by the sound of it. He...he...he found her.
It's as if a great weight is lifted off my shoulders, even though I never knew it was there. He found her. He found her. He found Abby. He kept his second promise to me. He found my sister.
How is it that moments ago I could only choke out words, but now it seems all my words are stumbling on each other to get out?
"What-how?" I ask. "When did you-where is she? Is she okay? How long ago? What happened-"
"It's alright," Bae says, quickly cutting me off. "She's fine. More than fine. She just had a birthday last month. She helps run a toy store now, but she also likes to draw. She's really good at it too, some people have started to pay her for her work."
His words seem so strange, and yet they are all too perfect.
She's fine. She just had a birthday. She runs a toy store, but likes to draw. She used to hate drawing, but now she's doing it for fun.
My sister. That's my little sister he's talking about. My baby sister, whom I last saw when I got her away from Pan, on one of the worst moments of my life. I got her out, I got her to safety.
And she's out there, living a life. She's fine. She's happy. She's done well, and she's happy.
But there is still so much. So much I'm missing. So much I still need to know.
"And?" I ask, eagerly. "What else? Is she married? Does she have kids? How old is she? Did she go to college? Is she still living in...in…"
Dammit, I forgot the name of that city. I spent seventeen years of my life there, but after all these years, it seems something small and unimportant.
"No, she didn't marry," Bae replies, and somehow he has lost the seriousness in his eyes. He's smiling, and somehow I'm smiling as well. "But she's been dating the same man for about five years now, and I hear things are getting really serious. She went to college, too. Some Ivy League, but I don't remember which one. But, yeah, she still lives in the same city. Same house, actually. She moved out for a while, but then your mom got too old, so Abby moved in to help her."
Each word makes my heart soar a little bit more. My sister is dating someone. Studied in an Ivy League school...she always was smart. Same city, moving in to take care of Mom.
My sister. That's my little sister, living that life I'll never lead. But that's okay. She's happy. She's happy. That's all that matters.
Bae's eyes light up, and he suddenly reaches into his pocket, fiddling with what looks like a small silver rectangular box.
"Here," he says, pressing something, causing the box to light up.
What is that? Something new I haven't seen? How long have I been gone?
"Of course there's no signal," Bae mutters, before holding the box over to me.
I can't tell what it is, but it looks like some sort of screen. I can only guess this is some sort of small television or camera that developed after I was brought here. But what really catches my eye is what's on the screen.
It's the picture of a woman. Maybe in her early thirties, but she doesn't seem to be old. Beautiful, with chestnut brown hair, and sparkling eyes. Smiling. Happy.
She looks like Mom, I realize, and I suddenly feel my eyes stinging. She looks like Mom, and she's beautiful.
That's my sister. My beautiful, wonderful, baby sister. Grown up. Happy. Still full of life as ever.
I feel something wet trickling down my cheek, and I realize I'm crying. But that's alright. It feels like nothing could take away from the euphoria I feel, seeing this image.
Abby. My sister. She's alright.
"When I found her," Bae says, softly. "She told me she believed that you were coming back, somehow. That you were going to make it out, magic water or not. She still believes in you, Jess. After all this time, she knows she'll see her big sister again. "
I tear my eyes from the picture, and I look back up to Bae. And I don't see someone I've betrayed. Not anymore. I see my brother. The boy whom I protected for years, and whom I still have to look after. Because he has believed in me all these years, and he has told me something greater.
Confirmation. He has reassured me that after all these years, my sister is still safe.
Bae meets my eyes, and the look in his eyes is firm, but pleading all the same.
"Don't say you're a monster, Jess," he says. "And don't say that you're a bad person, because you joined the Lost Ones, and worked with Pan. Because I still believe that you are the same girl who got me out of Neverland. And Abby? Abby still believes in you. She still believes that her big sister, the one who sacrificed herself without a second thought, is still here. Even if you can't leave...don't stop believing in yourself. Because we still do. Abby still believes in you."
What I feel...I didn't ever think it was possible to feel what I do. I don't know what it is, or what to call it. But I feel it.
I can't leave. That much is true. I can't see my sister, or talk to her again. I can't go back.
I can't leave Neverland without dying, and I've made a life here. I've made a life with my brothers, and I'm not about to leave it behind.
But in that moment, I forget all of that. I stop caring about Pan and his lies, Hook and how he turned his back on me, Henry and how he needs to die for the boys to live. All the conflict on Neverland...I don't care about it, just for this one moment.
Because my sister still believes in me. And maybe...maybe that means I'm still the girl who gave herself to Pan. The girl who was still strong enough to do what it took to save her family's life. The one who traded herself for her sister, the one who stayed with a dying boy in his last moments, the one who lived a lie to make sure her brother stayed safe, and then got him to safety when he was in danger. The one who will still do anything to save the people she loves.
I still don't know what I'm going to do about Henry, and the Lost Boys. I'll have to make a choice, and when I do, I have to stand by it. But for now, it doesn't matter.
Because my sister is alive and happy. And for now, that's everything.
A/N: Oh my gosh... I wrote this chapter, and I'm getting feels!
I know the wait was kind of long for this chapter, and I'm sorry for that. In the last month I've had to move to a different city, which was difficult for me. Plus I got a new computer, which wasn't so difficult, but it took some time for it to adjust with the story. There were some computer problems when editing this chapter, especially with getting it to my beta, but it's all set now, and everything is just peachy! I know I can't say it enough, but thank you so much, for y'all's patience with me!
A special thanks to Miss Lottie Rose, Asphodelia, LisbethMeglomania, HarryPotterGeek7-31, tommoissexy15, twitilda, UltimateFan-girl15, byakugone, the-first-beast, and Itellmyselfsecrets for putting this story on alert, and to Miss Lottie Rose, HarryPotterGeek7-31, tommoissexy15, UltimateFan-girl15, smilingliketheresnothingwrong, Long Live OutlawQueen, byakugone, the-first-beast, and Itellmyselfsecrets for favoriting it.
Also, a special thanks to sarah0406, Charmedhpgirl, Mokina, scorpiongirl92, Deadly Papegoja, ReginaQueenOfHogwarts, GiraffePanda2, Fangirl Moustache, LunaEvanna Longbottom, mercenary2.0, LyrisaLove, chinaluv, Giggles789, 8839, ChristineDaae-ThePrincess, The Wolf Who Writes, Taeniaea, REDROBIN007, Long Live OutlawQueen, Maeburke3, ColdHeartAngel, SilverFury01, songwriter16, meguhanu, Female whovian, katerinamak2015, UltimateFan-girl15, Ellimac1716, Lauren, and the many guests who left reviews that made me skip around my room.
Please follow, favorite, review, or whatever y'all want! Thoughts on Abby's reappearance, and Bae's reaction to Jess joining the Lost Ones are especially appreciated. :)
