CHAPTER FIFTY.
Half-watching a documentary on snow leopards, Naomi switched it off when she heard the key in the door. She braced herself for Rob's enthusiasm and his fucking shakes, but was surprised when Emily appeared, flopping down on the one-seater near the television. Emily was staring at her saying nothing, making Naomi's squirm.
"Okay, you going to bore holes in me or something?" Naomi couldn't help but be sarcastic; Emily was making her fucking nervous.
"I don't know what to do," Emily admitted, her hands clenched together tightly.
Naomi had no solution either, so she laid there and waited.
"I want to hate you. I kind of do hate you. But I can't stop thinking about you," Emily shook her head, she had rehearsed a speech on the way over, but it all seemed so fucking stupid now. "I want something that will probably destroy me, leave me feeling even worse than I do now. I want to give you another chance but I don't trust you."
Naomi knew she had broken her trust twice in a week, so she wasn't able to plea a very good track record.
"But when I think of you, all I do is cry, and then get angry. I have your powerful words, but your actions, Naomi, they are much more real. They cut deeper."
"I'm not running anymore," Naomi used Effy's words to boost her confidence, knowing she was right.
"I'm supposed to believe you?" Emily replied sarcastically.
"I guess you have to want to trust me again," Naomi replied, shrugging at Emily's choice.
"So we get back to trust," Emily rubbed her hand over her face in frustration.
"Emily, I'm just saying – "
"No! I don't want you to play the fucking martyr," Emily shouted, getting up and storming out of the room.
"Well it's not like I can follow her," Naomi muttered frustrated.
"Things haven't been the same, since you entered my life," Emily returned with a salad, startling a dozing Naomi.
"Same for me," Naomi took the salad, smiling.
"I love you, Naomi," Emily admitted, sitting on the floor near Naomi's feet.
"But?"
Emily looked up sharply, finally realising what it was that was missing. Not once had Naomi told her she was in love with her. She had used long eloquent speeches to dodge the entire thing, but she was still hiding. Fuck, Naomi was still holding herself back, waiting for Emily to do all the work. No. No, that wasn't right. Naomi needed to tell her. Now.
"Do you love me?" Emily had to ask, she had to know. Before making a decision, she had to know.
"Emily," Naomi felt herself trapped, not sure how she could answer that question.
"It's pretty simple," Emily knelt in front of Naomi's head, almost begging for an answer.
"Not as simple as you think," Naomi tried sitting up, to get away from Emily's penetrating stare.
"You've fucking floundered around it, all your grand fucking words, did you think I wouldn't notice that you've managed to fucking ignore that?"
"I can't answer you, not like this," Naomi implored Emily to understand, but the redhead was intent on receiving an answer. Naomi just wasn't sure how to do that.
"You said you weren't running anymore. Here's your chance, Naomi." Emily challenged her.
"No, not like this," Naomi felt an air of challenge, and she knew Emily had gone from genuine interest in the answer to almost provoking her, gaining the upper hand by forcing an admission out of her.
"Why not, Naomi, scared?" Emily ran her hand up Naomi's arm, running her fingers across her chest.
"Stop it Emily," Naomi grabbed her wrist, sitting up.
Emily pushed Naomi back onto the couch, attacking her lips. Naomi squirmed, trying to push the redhead off.
"Emily, please," Naomi was crying, distraught that Emily was so angry with her. Pulling Emily's head away, she noticed tears on her cheeks too, and knew this was breaking them both.
"Do you love me?" Emily whispered, choking on her sobs.
"Emily please, baby, please," Naomi was broken. She carried Emily's pain on her shoulders; she couldn't bear how Emily was so distressed. This wasn't how she wanted her to be, this was all fucking wrong. This was so fucking messed up, and she knew it was her, all her.
Emily fell into Naomi's chest, Naomi positioning them a bit better so she could take the redhead completely into her embrace. Rocking her softly, Naomi let Emily cry until through exhaustion she fell asleep, wiping away her own tears in the process. This was fucking shit and Naomi had no answers, she had no idea how this could be fucking fixed.
Emily began stirring, Naomi letting go of her as soon as she felt the redhead waking. Emily looked as though she had let down that final piece that was hurting her, while Naomi was feeling the exact opposite. She longed to say 'I love you', but she didn't know how. It was ridiculous, given, as Emily correctly stated, she had skirted around those three words with so much fucking dialogue yet balked when she tried to admit her feelings. But it was hard, she knew once those words were said, she would be an equal which meant Emily then had the power to fucking destroy her, leave her heartbroken, an unsalvageable wreck.
"I'm so sorry," Naomi whispered.
Emily said nothing, pulling herself off Naomi. She didn't even once look back, collecting her jacket and closing the front door softly. Naomi had no idea what was happening, no idea if Emily was going to come back.
Cursing usually helped, but not this time. Naomi had nothing, she was hollow.
Katie stormed in several hours later with some random chap in tow, talking about some club like it meant something to Naomi, while Emily changed into her work suit for a meeting with some of the people who would be involved in the Bristol gym. Naomi sighed as the bloke whose name she hadn't caught leered at her as Katie made everyone a drink.
"Yes?" Naomi wasn't in the mood to have some half-stoned loser staring at her tits.
"Hi," he literally made that one tiny word stretch out into about ten seconds of speech, causing Naomi to wince at his horrible breath.
"Hey, stay away from her," Katie pulled him away.
"So, you the twin?" He asked Naomi as Katie handed over a tea to both of them.
Katie and Naomi exchanged looks before Katie responded.
"Do we look like twins?"
"No, not really," he shook his head, tea splashing on his jacket.
"He's a keeper," Naomi remarked sarcastically.
Emily entered, making Naomi smile and then stare a little. She couldn't help it. Emily was wearing a black skirt, fitted to sit just below her knees, a black business shirt and black blazer. Her hair was pulled back, something Naomi was growing to like, and she wore small black earrings. Her legs were bare, and her shoes carried about half an inch of heel. Simply put: she was stunning.
"Whoa! Is she your twin?"
Emily's look of disgust caused Naomi to giggle, earning a glare from Katie.
"You're super hot," Katie's date remarked.
"Okay, we're going," Katie announced, almost yanking the mug from his hands.
"But we were going to eat," he whined.
"We'll eat later babe," Katie pushed him towards the door, coming back to give Emily a kiss on the cheek. "Good luck."
Seconds after she closed the door, both Emily and Naomi burst into a fit of giggles.
"He asked me if I was her twin," Naomi snorted.
"Katie would have been horrified," Emily laughed with her.
"You look amazing," Naomi admitted. "You'll wow them all tonight."
"Thanks," Emily blushed at Naomi's open praise. She had no fucking idea what had changed since she had taunted Naomi into admitting she loved her, but they were flirting, and it felt weird.
"Good luck." Naomi dropped her head, staring into her tea. She knew her eyes had given away too much.
Emily was struggling to set boundaries with the blonde here and so vulnerable. It was hard to sit in the middle of friendship and being more, she wasn't sure how they would manage that. But Naomi still had the power to make her feel better about things, where she would happily offer her own confidence as some kind of extra reserve for when Emily faltered. She had to be near Naomi right now, to feel that support. The dinner tonight was going to be one big fucking bore.
Naomi seemed to sense that, standing gingerly, pulling Emily in for a stiff hug. Emily felt herself snuggling into Naomi's embrace, asking for more, and Naomi hesitantly refused. This didn't feel right, Naomi thought.
Emily pushed herself away, muttering a goodnight before hurrying out the door. Naomi just flopped to the couch, wishing she had one tiny fucking idea what was going on.
TBC ...
Thank you.
