Crowley had become accustomed to certain lifestyle, provided in part by being the King of Hell and in part by the fact that his meat-suit was a wealthy literature publisher. He wore expensive suits, drank expensive scotch and had lavish furnishings… Well, except that brief time when he was hiding in a mobile home during Castiel's attempt at playing God…
He now longed for that nasty, redneck dwelling… He'd stay there forever; he'd even drink Bobby's old rot-gut whiskey for eternity if it would free him from his current predicament.
After hours of being held captive and hours more of negotiating, Sam and Dean Winchester were offering him a vast kingdom... But, the concessions were many and his safety wasn't guaranteed, not even from them. The alternative was clear: They will kill him. If they couldn't smite him today, they'd keep working on a plan and he would most certainly get the smiting they want so badly to provide.
"So whatdda ya say? We kill you, or we'll try 'till we do. Hopefully it'll only take a few tries to get it done... or you become a King with a few rules." Sam's smile was making him want to cry and Dean clearly wanted him to choose death.
This evening had started with such promise. How was it ending like this?
How? Indeed...
His only solace was that he had killed the bastard who'd tricked him into going to Egypt. He went to the coordinates and found he was standing in a devil's trap. It would've only held him for a few minutes, but he hadn't had more than five seconds to notice his surroundings before two… ghosts (?) had grabbed him. In another few seconds, he was chained to a chair; bound in an iron room. Seriously? The whole room was clad in iron. He could sense it, the proximity made his meat-suit tingle. The smell of salt hung on the air and burned his nostrils… There was a devils trap on the floor... and the ceiling. Plus, other sigils everywhere… He tried desperately to figure out where he was.
The realization bitch-slapped him like he was a guest on the Jerry Springer show.. There was only one place on earth; only one paranoid bastard in history could devise such a place… This was Bobby Singer's old cellar. Crowley had heard tell of it; a panic room. He'd never had cause to think much about it… but… How did he get in? Bobby's place had burned to the ground; he'd personally overseen his minions possess a few firefighters in an attempt to salvage any surviving lore books and trinkets from the hunter's collection…
He was alone in the room. He was confident he could eventually escape, especially unguarded. However, this was going to require much more work. He suddenly questioned if he really was unguarded. It seems that old codger Bobby used ghosts to assail him. Were they still there? Crowley always knew Bobby was crafty, but he had to give credit to his adversary for taking a new, and completely unexpected, tack. The witches the Winchesters were cozying up to must have provided a spell or something…
The worst part: There was a bottle Craige sitting on a table, sporting a gold ribbon tied in a spectacular bow, taunting him. He couldn't move to have a drink, and the bindings were certainly ruining his suit.
He is the most powerful demon in Hell. He should not be expected to wait around patiently.
"BOBBY SINGGGERRRR! I know you're behind this, YOU DAMNED BLOODY WANKER! You know you can't keep me here forever! I'm the KING OF HELL!"
Zankou smugly stood over the coordinates he'd been given. He could feel the power of the nexus pulsing through the ground under him. He took a moment to revel in his victory. Soon all his aspirations would be realized. He ordered his minions to begin digging while he materialized a chair and a cocktail, sat down and proceeded to contentedly watch them work. He began a tirade, listing his upcoming victories as he sipped his martini, swirling the glass and clinking the ice.
"With this nexus, I shall be able to easily defeat the Charmed Ones and take in their nexus as well. Then I will overthrow Crowley! I needed his pathetic deal before, but no longer! Not now! Now I will simply erase his existence and take over Hell as easily as swatting a fly!"
He continued to drone on about his amazing plan; his servants providing vocalizations of 'Yay!', "Hail Zankou!' and 'It will all be yours!' etc. while they dug.
Unbeknownst to the lounging demon, the Charmed Ones and the Winchesters were hiding under the veil of a temporary invisibility spell; they were about twenty yards from the digging, at the edge of the rainforest, just waiting. They had to wait for him to take in the nexus then repeat a spell three times to banish the nexus permanently. The plan was the sisters would stay behind the cover of the invisibility spell and the Winchesters would kill all minions because they couldn't allow a single one to escape.
'This guy is more of a damned cliché than Crowley' Dean's voice broke the silence. Phoebe shushed him before she realized he didn't say it, he thought it. He smiled and started in doing an absolutely terrible Zankou impersonation 'Oh, look at me, I am too much of a sissy-prissy, namby-pamby demon to touch the dirt. I am such an egomaniacal asshole that I don't touch my own junk when I piss – I make midgets do it so my mediocre dick looks massive in their teeny hands!'
'Don't make me laugh, Dean!' Phoebe chided.
'I call it my diabolical dick of doom!' the terrible impersonation continued.
'Stop it Dean!' Sam interrupted. 'How much longer before they dig that thing up? We have about fifteen minutes before this spell wears off.'
'They should be really close, now.' Paige answered 'It is taking a long time… There are four of them and I think I could have dug it faster by myself.'
Dean continued his impersonation, ignoring the serious conversation. 'No wait, I'll call it my malevolent monstrous member! My wicked whopping wanker! My colossal cock of cruelty!'
'Dean Winchester!' Piper scolded in her sternest 'big-sister' tone. 'Zankou would never make up names like those, so stop it!' Before he could give an insincere 'Sorry' or Sam could offer a 'Thanks, Sis', an ornery glint flashed in her eyes and she smiled 'That asshole would only use 'enormous evil extremity'!'
Everyone giggled, even Sam. Unfortunately, they didn't only laugh in their thoughts; there were a few audible humphs and snorts. Zankou turned his head to the jungle and stared toward the group. His eyes darted back and forth as he rose and casually walked toward them. He materialized a flashlight and pointed it right at their location; the beam illuminated the foliage behind them as he continued to close in on their position. He stood less than six inches from Paige; he strained his ears, listening to the wildlife. Dean was already holding Paige's hand and he gripped it tight. He focused on the demon's thoughts 'it was just this annoying, noisy jungle… Some small creature just became dinner for a larger one, or maybe there's a hunting party nearby.' Zankou was glaring out into the darkness considering these possibilities when a second demon put a hand on his shoulder. "Master?"
"What?" He barked in a sharp tone while he turned to the interloper.
"What are you doing, Sire?"
"I thought I heard…" He mumbled; then snarled harshly "I don't need to explain myself to you! Why are you not digging?"
"We're done, my Lord. The nexus is ready; you just need to say the spell and its power is yours."
Zankou turned and darted toward the large hole, leaving the tired and not so enthused underling to walk back by himself. After he was a few yards away, the witches gasped for air (they'd been holding their breath). The underling turned back, looking a bit confused and extremely suspicious.
"GODDAMMIT! You old, drunken Yankee fool! I DEMAND you to SHOW YOURSELF!"
Crowley had been yelling and cursing for what, to him, seemed like days and in reality was just over two hours. His normally loud and cranky 'King of Hell' voice was reduced to a deep raspy growl worthy of Dean Winchester's or Castiel's appreciation.
"I will end you Bobby Singer! I will put you on the rack and force you to watch as I feed your beloved Moose and Squirrel to my hellhounds over and over for all eternity!"
"Sounds like yer finanly wearin' out." Crowley gasped as Bobby appeared next to him in a flurry of tiny white lights. There was a young man with him, his hand on Bobby's shoulder.
"Who are you and how did you do that?" Crowley asked the young man.
"Don't you pester him! He's just doin' me a favor."
"Bobby, love, care to tell me how you managed to trick me to Egypt, how you captured me and brought me here… This is your famous panic room, isn't it? I admit, it's marvelous, breathtaking, literally. The salt hanging in the air burns my throat, you know. And, do tell, dear, how'd you make that spectacular entrance just now?" Crowley chirped and smiled like he bumped into an old friend on the street and was asking 'How's the kids and wife?'.
"No I don't care to tell you any of that. I was just gettin' tired of lis'nin' to you belly-ache from up top. I ran outta whiskey a half hour ago an' your bawlin' was gettin' to me."
"Would you at least introduce me to this fine young man? I assume he's another stray you've added your adopted family? He looks much better groomed than Gigantor and he certainly dresses and smells better than Heaven's Most Righteous Slut."
Kyle smirked at Crowley's comments and gave him a nod "Kyle."
"Very pleased to meet you, Kyle." Crowley turned his charisma dial up to twelve. "I don't know exactly what you are, but you seem to have… heavenly skills. If you're a mercenary, I can pay you doub-"
"He's a friend. You don't need to know more'n that an' he's not gonna get involved in your schemes, so cram it, Crowley."
"At least I know how the Winchesters and those witches got around so fast when I sent those demon hoards out to distract them…" He smiled shyly "Right Kyle?"
Kyle just stood there with an unamused expression that said he was past annoyed and clearly heading toward total disdain and considering inflicting bodily harm.
"Been learning that look from Winchester the Elder, I imagine…" Crowley mumbled before looking at Bobby and asking "So, Bobby, why am I here? You know this room cannot hold me forever."
"You'll have some answers soon enough…" Bobby sighed "I even think you'll like what you hear." He gave a pleased 'humph' and grinned "…at least part of it, anyway."
"How about a drink then?" Crowley nodded toward the bottle of Craige.
"No. You'll just have ta' do without."
"I know things have been tough on you, old boy, since those Levi's ate your sheriff-woman friend. But, you can talk to me about it; I can be your shoulder…"
"Stop talkin' or I'm just gonna say ta' hell with ya' and you'll end at your shoulders." Bobby waived a machete and glared at the demon.
"You know it wouldn't kill me…"
"No, but it'd be fun fer me an' annoy the piss outta ya' since ya' can't smoke out."
"True… So… I'll just be quiet then?" His silence lasted all of two minutes. "So, I assume we're waiting to hear from the boys, or maybe that traitorous, mentally unbalanced angel recently sprung from Purgatory?"
Bobby gave him a glare with a raised eyebrow.
"Oh, don't give me that face… I know Feathers is back. I'm sure Dean was thrilled to have his own personal heavenly stalker again."
"I do not stalk Dean."
The familiar voice came from behind Crowley; he jumped in surprise, then sighed. "Oh, nice to see you, Castiel. How long have you been there?"
"That is not of import."
"You're right, love. We should get a coffee sometime and catch up." Castiel moved so Crowley could see him. Kyle and Bobby were grinning ear to ear and Crowley got nervous. "Castiel, my favorite, most forgiving, beautifully blue-eyed Angel of the Lord… Are you here to smite me?" He smirked, although his fear was obvious "Honestly, I don't think you can, but I would prefer you not try, dear."
"What happens will be entirely up to yo-"
"Well then, I say no smiting, or even attempted smiting."
"Entirely up to you and the Winchesters."
Crowley couldn't be sure, but it seemed Castiel was grinning, somewhat sadistically, even. It made him more uncomfortable then the thought of attempted smiting. "Damn. I'm buggered."
Zankou called forth several dozen more followers. He stood at the newly dug pit and began chanting, calling the nexus to him. He held out his arms and the witches watched as a cloud rose from the ground and began to enter his eyes and mouth. The group was so busy watching, they didn't notice the invisibility spell had worn off. Unfortunately, some of the minions noticed and headed in their direction.
Zankou was performing the ritual and couldn't stop until it was complete.
Sam was the first to see they'd drawn attention. He calmly said "Showtime!" as he and Dean charged forward and began vanquishing the demons; Sam was throwing potions and Dean was using his new power for the first time. The sisters couldn't start until Zankou had completely absorbed the nexus; He stopped chanting and the last of the smoke entered him. He waived his hand and threw the brothers to the ground like rag dolls as the sisters began the spell.
From ancient time this power came,
For all to have, but none to reign.
Take it now, show no mercy,
For this power can no longer be.
Zankou threw a fireball that would have engulfed all three sisters, but Paige orbed them away. They hid in the lush foliage of the rainforest and continued chanting. Dean fired at Zankou several times, with his full power. Zankou's clothes caught fire but he seemed unfazed. He threw a fire ball (that Dean narrowly escaped) and focused on finding the sisters. Sam and Dean continued to vanquish the minions. Just before the sisters started the third round of the spell, they were pulled from their hiding spot and thrown onto the ground.
Dean fired again at Zankou and called out to the girls "One last time! We can do this!"
Now that they were exposed, the sisters had to defend themselves against the minions and Zankou. They dodged Zankou's fireballs and blast waves as all five witches began the final verse.
From ancient time this power came,
For all to have, but none to reign.
Piper was thrown several feet and appeared to be knocked out. But Zankou seemed to be weakening.
Take it now, show no mercy,
A demon slashed out and cut Phoebe's leg, dropping her to the ground as she vanquished it. Dean fired off multiple blasts in succession; Paige captured them in her orbs then diverted them to several targets at once while he continued to blast and fight hand to hand.
For this power can no longer be.
Zankou, his clothes still on fire from Dean's blasts, began to glow brightly from inside. His screams could be heard even after he burst into what looked a swarm of red flies. He was sucked into the ground, swirling among the black smoke of the nexus. The ground swallowed everything up and the large pit was filled in as Zankou's screams were stifled. Dean blasted another demon, but was struck from behind by an energy ball and knocked unconscious just before Sam and Paige killed the last two minions.
All five witches were injured, but Piper, Phoebe and Dean were the worst. They called Kyle and Jodi for backup healing and also because the brothers had to meet up with Bobby in South Dakota; Kyle was their 'ride'…
Paige was going to go to the bank to change the records on the safety deposit box, after she took Phoebe home. Jodi was taking Piper back to PoL's and said to tell Bobby she'd meet him there. Dean wouldn't leave with Kyle until each of the sisters assured him she was fine. He hugged Piper and Phoebe at the same time, squishing them against his chest, He sighed, relieved "Goodnight ladies, get some rest."
He kissed Paige lightly. "Thanks for savin' my ass…"
"Aaannnd?"
"And, breaking into a bank for us."
She laughed and he whispered "I love you." as he hugged her.
Sam kissed Phoebe and said "I'll see you at the manor. Don't wait up; it's after midnight and I know you have to be in early tomorrow. I don't know how long this will take with Crowley… I'll try to slip in quietly."
Crowley was still trying to get Kyle to talk; Kyle was still uncooperative, not saying anything and shooting him looks that would silence any normal person, monster or demon… But, Crowley was not 'normal' and he was gaining confidence. Castiel had not tried to smite him and there was apparently a deal to be made, they must need him. He knew very well that if the Winchesters had their way, he'd have been dead within a minute of arriving in Bobby's panic room.
Kyle suddenly perked up "That's Dean." He quickly reached into his pocket and produced a phone "Yep, it's Dean; they're ready; I'll be back."
"You really must tell me how to get those little twinkly lights… He's a witch isn't he?"
"I guess Zankou didn't tell ya much about magical creatures…"
"I've been learning…" Crowley said, somewhat deflated.
"Well, I'm no damned tutor, so you get your info somewhere else."
A few minutes later, Sam and Dean arrived with Kyle. Crowley lit up, acting as excited as if they'd said they were going to give him their souls for free. "Hello Boys! So nice to see you well! What can you do for me on this fine occasion?"
The only replies the three men gave were glares. Dean threw in some snarling.
"Well, you could at least say 'Hello'. Your drunken uncle and the magic carpet here…" he nodded toward Kyle "have already been giving me that death stare for God knows how long. Try something new, my dears." He looked over their dirty clothes "For Pete's sake, can't you two Cretans ever look presentable? It's like you're trying for the disheveled-homeless look. Take this magical mystery man here; before I knew his name he'd made a good impression with his attire… And his grooming; you should ask for tips, Magilla, you're looking especially ratty today." He smirked at Sam.
Sam leaned down and put his hands on the back of Crowley's chair. He moved in close; his face was only about six inches from the King of Hell's. He didn't seem bothered by the proximity, then he smiled… Crowley became uneasy; surely that look had to have been learned from Lucifer…
"Listen to me, you pompous ass-hat." Sam seethed; his voice dripped with malice "You will be allowed to live only if we decide you're worth the headache, so you'd better quit with the insults and the name calling. You're hundreds of years old; but you act like a second grader. You're in deep shit, Crowley. We've got something for you; your attitude will determine if it's a shovel… or a snorkel."
Sam continued to invade Crowley's personal space; he looked him in the eye and just smiled… Crowley broke in less than thirty seconds.
"My apologies, Sam…" His face paled as he seemed to accept the gravity of his situation. "How can I help you boys?"
Sam stood up and stepped back. Dean shuddered at Sam's smile as he grabbed a stool and sat down directly in front of Crowley.
"We just killed Zankou. The underworld's gonna be a fuckin' mess when word gets out; all types of demons fighting for power. None of them is the progressive thinker that Zankou was, so you'll probably get some deals out of it, but you won't get anyone pretending to partner with you like Zankou did."
"So you're telling me this because…"
"No one knows it was us that ganked the bastard." Dean leaned back. "If they find out, none of those sickos would be attackin'… for a while. But it wouldn't last. Eventually every demon faction will be takin' a shot at us an' tryin' to win the Underworld's Next Top Demon contest… But if you take credit, it will be yours…"
"But I'm not magical; I don't know enough…"
"Won't matter." Dean shrugged "It'll make you seem even more powerful. You killed the Big Bad; none of 'em understand your power, not really, an' they'll wanna stay on your good side. If you run the Underworld (I think I might throw up sayin' this) with the same integrity and efficiency that you use running Hell… No one will be able to oust you… Except us."
"We'll kill you faster than you can ask 'Demon Barbeque, or Barbequed Demon?' Got it?" Sam added, still smiling.
Crowley looked from Dean's stern expression to Sam's unnerving smile… and shuddered. "I am not challenging you, here. Let me be clear about that… You seem sure that you could kill me now; maybe Castiel here has the juice, maybe he doesn't. But boys... Once I learn more about magic, I'll find a way to use it. I'll eventually get a sorcerer or warlock to grant me access to magic… I'll be even more powerful. What makes you think you could kill me then?"
"You aren't the only one that's learned things; not the only one gaining knowledge… and Knowledge is power, you know." Dean winked and Crowley gulped.
"Crowley?" Castiel spoke quietly "Have you not considered by wielding magic, there will be numerous additional ways to kill you; magical resources anyone could use to facilitate your demise?"
"Yeah, idjit, like potions or spells. We already got some that work on your kind, part way, anyway… Lemme show you." Bobby threw a potion and as it broke Crowley's screamed; he half-smoked then convulsed for several minutes after the demon was drawn back in. "Fffuuuuucckkkk… That hhhuuurrrrttssssss."
Dean lightly slapped his face "Hey… Hey! Pull yourself together man. That was a partial vanquish potion, but only the first beta trial. We've got some that are ten times as painful now… But think about this, If you were magical, It would have killed you."
"Well, thank you for going easy on me." His voice oozed sarcasm, and he could feel an insult on his tongue, but Sam was still smiling like a madman. "If I'm to rule the underworld, I should get some of those to help me, you know, keep order."
"Magical demons can also be killed by weapons that you're currently immune to, like special athames, energy balls, lightning bolts and fireballs." Kyle finally spoke. "There are a lot of demons in the underworld that will have a leg up on you magically… Piss one off and they'll take you out."
"In addition to potions, some witches have powers that can kill you or at least severely wound your delicate frame. Some witches can obliterate your ass with a spell." Bobby added.
Sam leaned back down and got right into his face. Crowley cringed and tried to move away from that damned evil smile. "You can be King, have it all, but you can't ever become magical, not if you want to keep your kingdom."
"We have a few more rules for you." Dean stated. "Get a pen, Sammy, we'll make a list..."
A/N: Sam is not evil in any way. He's simply had a few good opportunities to showcase his 'evil' smile in the last few days. I imagine it with too many teeth showing and his eyes looking wildly through you (not at you). My brother and I each perfected our 'evil' smiles as children. Twenty years later, my mother still visibly shudders when one of us uses it. In our case, it usually means something is going to blow up or you're getting a surprise you won't like or you don't know there's a naughty word written on your face...
Also, please don't get upset, I couldn't remember the exact profession of Crowley's meat-suit and I wasn't sure how to spell Craige because I think it's a made up brand (or a kind of generic name, like coke). I used the internet; found Glencraig, Glenn Craig and Elijah Craig scotch, but not one just called 'Craig' in any reasonable spelling. So, I went with what I liked best.
For Charmed fans: The nexus under the manor is not the only one, and I hated when the series used the sisters' nexus to destroy Zancou… This has been alternate on a lot of things, so it's just one more…
I hope you like this chapter; it has been one of my favorites. Please tell me what you think in review or PM.
