I don't know how much time I spent soaking in the tub. When I finally out, my skin was covered in wrinkles, making me look like raisins. This is what I'll look like when I can't walk on my own any longer, when my hair is as white as snow, when I sit at home and watch my grandchildren run around and play. Cato will probably still look like the man he's always been: strong and lean, without a singe flaw.

I slowly wrapped a towel around myself before making my way into the bedroom. Cato and I needed to talk about this. He cannot just let go of us that easily. It feels like love is slowly draining away like the water in the tub. We have issues that need to be worked through. He can't give up on me, just like I've never given up on him.

When I walk into the bedroom, Cato isn't there. He can't possibly be asleep since he can't sleep very well without me. So he must have moved out of the room. Honestly he's taking things somewhat dramatically. I never said I was done with him. He just assumed we were and walked off.

After dressing myself, I check the time. I was sitting in that water, daydreaming and thinking to myself for about two hours. The sun had already set outside and we were still moving toward the next district.

I need to find Cato so that we can talk. I'm not letting him get away that easily. He's going to have to try a little harder to run from me.

I silently open my door and peek out, checking to see if anyone was in the hallway. I waved at the two Peacekeepers doing their rounds of the train and step out of the room. Cato must be in one of the spare train cars, so I make my way to the next one.

The first one is empty, and so is the next one. The one after is Effie's, and the last extra cart is empty too.

Where the hell is he? There are only so many places that he can be.

I make my way toward the dining cart, grabbing a cookie on my way into the kitchen cart. The only place left to find him would either be the prep carts and the front where the conductor drives the train.

I was just about to leave the dining cart when I heard incoherent mumbling from behind me. I took a few steps back and looked down. Cato was laid out on the floor between two chairs, the perfect hiding space. He was sprawled out like a starfish and held a bottle of brown liquid in his left hand.

I got down on my knees next to him, leaning forward in front of his face. Cato's eyes were closed; he had probably fallen asleep after drinking his booze. I remember the last time I caught him drinking, when I got hurt.

Cato's face was furrowed into a frown and he was muttering. Suddenly, the booze fell from his hands and his arms began flailing. He must be having another nightmare. Why wasn't this one as intense as the others usually were? He should be screaming, tossing and turning, but he's not... I reached to pick up his alcohol before it leaked onto the carpet and stood it up away from him.

My hands wrap onto his shoulders and I gently shake him awake. Once his eyes settle on me, he jumps up and pushes me away.

"Get the fuck away from me," he says, scooting back so that his back hits the chair behind him. He reaches for his alcohol, wrapping his fingers around the top like five pieces of rope.

I roll my eyes. "Come on, Cato. We really need to talk about this."

"Talk about what?" he growls. "The fact that you don't love me anymore, or how you broke my heart?"

My heart instantly shattered. I didn't want to believe that I had finally broken the Cato Hadley. I didn't want to believe that I was the one person that had all control over every single breath this man takes. But I have to get used to it. Cato wouldn't take another step if I wasn't taking that same step with him, but now he thinks that it's all over. He doesn't care about what happens to me, himself, or anyone else now that our puzzle has supposedly been taken apart.

I can't bear the thought. It hurts more than anything, more than knowing my sister is gone, yet I feel things so much stronger for this man, this God. It's hard to admit that, but it's true. I thought I couldn't live without her, but now I'm realizing the only reason I'm still living is because of this man, lying underneath me with no hope.

"I don't want to lose you," I whisper under my breath, as silently as the wind itself. I fall back, staring at him with tears in my eyes. Cato mirrors my expression, watching me with so much sorrow, but also holding a strong look of love.

We keep moving around, going in circles. The funny thing is that we know where everything will take us because we've been there before. It only brings us closer, and instead of blaming each other, we always try to figure out what's wrong and fix them.

We can't stop doing that now. We continuously make the same mistakes, but there's more to discover about each other. We have so much time with one another. Cato and I play the same games. waiting for something to change, but we cannot be the same. We're evolving, changing into the beautiful butterfly that only we can create, together. Cato needs to make up his mind with what he wants from me and I need to do the same, or we'll take each other for granted and lose what we were meant to be.

If we face up to this, to the hard facts, the pain and pleasure we cannot get enough of , Cato and I can somehow become closer, fusing together the bond that not even God can break apart. Yeah, maybe we're crazy, but there will be nothing more to fix if we keep breaking each other apart.

There's no looking back. There never can be. It's only forward from here. The end won't change if we can't fix the craziness that comes with our love.

"I love you, Cato." I shake my head, knowing how crazy, yet so right it feels to say those words and mean them. "I've never doubted that, even when my feelings felt wrong."

Cato turns his head, staring at the dining table as if cookies were more important than our relationship. "Then tell me what it is you want, baby. Tell me so that I can give it to you," he answers desperately, ready to get up and do whatever I demand of him.

I chew down on my bottom lip. I know exactly what I want. I want to wake up next to Cato every morning and fall asleep next to him every night. I want to be barefoot in our kitchen, cooking breakfast for the both of us. I want us to take long walks, blocking out anything in the world that can stop what we have. I want Cato to come in after we've had a hard day working and I want us to find the peace in one another just from a single look. I want him to kiss me hard, like he's never done it before every second of every day. I want him to make love to me, to create our puzzle as forcefully or as softly as he can.

I want Cato, nothing more.

"I want you." I tell him. He finally looks me in the eyes, the pain in his sea-green orbs staring directly into my soul. "You know that I love you, even though I don't say it much."

"I don't get it, and I don't get you," Cato breathes out slowly. "I don't think you get me. You make it seem like I'm always doing something wrong, and that everywhere we go, something will go wrong." Cato takes another drink of his alcohol, sipping slowly.

I snatch the bottle away from him, sitting it behind me so he can focus on me, not in the distraction that comes in the form of destruction.

"Tell me what's wrong then. You make me seem like I'm this perfect girl who can never do anything wrong, but I know I'm at fault in this relationship, too, Cato. Just tell me," I admit quickly.

Cato bites down on his tongue, hesitant to admit his true feelings of me. "I never know if I'm doing something wrong, so I feel like I'm lost in the distance sometimes. There would be these small moments where you would look at me like I'm a stranger, not the man you love. You look at me like I'm here to hurt you, not help you You did that today, while you were in the tub. I can just tell, while I'm lost in the sea of your blue eyes, that you're afraid of the danger that comes attached to my heart."

He's admitting it. He's telling of course he's right. "I'm always going to be scared of the danger. But that's one of the reasons that I can't just walk away, like you did today. I've never walked away from you, after everything you've put me through. I thought I would never see the day you would say you didn't want me anymore. It hurt so much," I tell him.

Cato punches the chair behind him violently, causing me to jump in slight fear. "I thought I could show you the world, all the bright lights in the universe. I feel like we can reach the stars, escape this reality together. To a difference place, a different life."

"We can," I mumble.

"We can't!" Cato yells at me, gripping his pants tightly.

I choke on tears pathetically. "Are we running out of words to say? Is this it?" I ask desperately.

Cato looks down at his lap. "It can't be."

I keep quiet, letting the love of my life finally pour out his feelings like a waterfall that would never stop running.

"Cato, you have to understand that I'm not as perfect as you think I am."

Cato disagrees with a shake of his head too fast to even recall. "You slowly unfold me, but do you even know me at all, what I think about you everyday?" he asks with an accusatory tone.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused to what he means.

Cato laughs sarcastically, biting down on his lip. "You are perfect. I know I'm not perfect, that there's a fire inside of me that I can't let go of as easily as you think. But that only means that I fight for things that are worth it, things that make me feel complete." He points to his chest harshly. "And that one thing is you, Primrose. There are days where I feel nothing will save us. But then you make me think there's something worth fighting for in this world other than survival. I hit rocks in the road, I've taken so many shots, but I'm prepared to lose everything if that means saving you."

Theres a burning flame starting in my chest from hearing him say my full name, other than Kitten, Rose, or baby. A tear escapes my eyes but I quickly swipe them away, not wanting to cry in front of him. "I'm sorry, Cato. I'm so sorry."

A tear falls from Cato's eyes, but he didn't swipe it away. He let it fall into his lap like the first raindrop from a thunderstorm. "For what?"

"For not doing enough to save you. For doubting you have the ability to love me so strongly, and so quickly," I admit, feeling myself cracking slowly for ever losing any belief in Cato.

Cato smiles lightly. "It's not your fault. We're young, trying things we don't know anything about. The good thing is that we took out fear and made them our hopes."

I laugh softly. "We did fight through all of the impossibility, didn't we?" Cato nods, knotting his hands together with a smirk. "We've already reached the stars. We are the stars. We're breaking through our dreams together."

It goes silent before I fall onto my hands and knees, crawling over to Cato slowly. I curled into his lap hesitantly, not sure if he wanted me there, or if he still wanted me at all. Cato sat still for a few seconds, unsure of what he should do. I knew he was still thinking through how he felt about us, about me. I accepted it, but I'm not letting him just let me free so effortlessly.

After a few awkward moments, Cato finally breathes and wraps his arms around me, holding me close to his heart. Our heartbeats were completely in sync, just like they were supposed to be. If my heart decides to stop, so will his.

"We don't need anyone but each other," I whisper against his neck. "We are all we have."

Cato squeezed my frail body even tighter. He leans down to kiss the top of my head softly. "I fucking love you, and to explain it would take a millennium."

"I love you," I quietly answer, kissing his neck lightly.

"I don't want to ever feel like I felt again. You will never have the chance to break my heart. I won't let you."

I look up at him just to see that he's staring back down at me with equal intensity. He rubs my back slowly, tenderly.

"Lay all your love on me, Rose," Cato says, holding a hand over his heart protectively.

I push myself up to lock our lips together, twining then like vines on a branch. Cato holds my face into place, fingers diving into my hair quickly.

"This is just so spectacular, absolutely amazing!"

I remove myself from Cato's world and look up over the couches. Effie is standing above us, video camera in hand, recording our moment. It takes me a second to remember that we weren't in the privacy of our room, but still in the dining cart.

Cato chest booms with laughter and I smile, happy that he's happy again.

"Effie, can you be more embarrasing?" I groan in frustration at the effervescent woman.

Effie's gasps like she's done no such thing. "I'm your temporary mother! I'm supposed to do these things!"

I push myself off of Cato's lap as Effie talks about what she's going to do with the tape (we all know she's gonna leak it to the Capitol for the nation to see), standing on my own two shaking legs. I had a feeling deep in my belly, one that made my hair stand at attention just by a single look from Cato. My body lit like a lighter, the flame only to be calmed by Cato's slow, yet eager touch.

I quickly pulled Cato up, taking his hand and leading him into our temporary sanctuary. We walked away from Effie, completely ignoring her rant. There was a strong buzz in the air between me and Cato, and I think he knew what I wanted.

My first experience did nothing to sway the desire coursing through the blood in my veins. Cato told me the first time was the worst, and it got better after that.

"You're not still sore?" Cato whispers as we make it to our bedroom door. He read my thoughts, my body, and I felt that he wanted me just as much as I wanted him.

I shake my head too quickly and lean up to place a kiss on his lips. That should give him the message. Our bodies communicate with one another, so he knew what mine was telling his.

I pull away and open our door, leading us inside before turning around to lock the door.

Just as I turn around, I being pinned to the door by Cato's body. As soon as our lips touch, we're lost.

When I wake the next morning, I have to take the time to stretch my overly sore, yet completely relaxed limbs. My eyes fluttered open slowly, focusing on Cato laying naked next to me. Somewhere through the night, I had stolen the sheets, leaving his cute little bare bum sticking out for anyone to see.

I laughed lightly, moving to cover his naked body with half the sheets. My hand moved to his soft back, rubbing circles on his silky skin. He was facing me, snoring softly with his cool breath fanning my face lightly.

Last night was something from another world. It took a little while for me to get over the small pitching sensation when we first started, but it felt as though a single kiss to my collarbone took the discomfort away, and I was melting like putty into the bed.

We made love twice last night. Cato was having problems sleeping after our first time, but apparently rough sex does the trick for him.

My mind slowly wanders to the brief lessons on intercourse I learned while in school. I really missed school, now that I think of it. Anyway, my mind passed through all of the lectures of abstinence until marriage, and even when we're married, practicing safe sex-

Oh no.

Oh, no, no, no.

I sit up quickly, pulling the sheets over my bare front. My arms instantly fell over my stomach and I rubbed slowly, as if there was already a baby growing inside of me at the speed of light.

Cato didn't protect himself the three times we made love. He didn't stop the tiny little soldiers from marching up inside of me and planting their flag of victory.

Fuck, how could we be so stupid?!

Cato shifts beside me before opening his eyes to look at me. His eyes settle on my expression and he frowns lightly.

"What's the matter, baby?" he questions tiredly.

I feel my eyes bulge and I gasp.

Baby?!

Yoyoyoyo. Here's a fresh little update for you my beauties. There will be a mature version for a certain part of, this story soon, I just gotta start writing it. I hope you enjoyed this long awaited chapter.

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Cheers 🌹( see what I did there, it's a Rose haha) Laters, baby.

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