Chapter Forty Four
Jasper
I guess I should have expected the worst after what happened before but I trusted that Carlisle had made some alterations to his evil brew but here I was back in hell and this time I was alone. Last time I had been linked to Sophie as I was the one who had ensured she stayed safely asleep and missed the terrible things that happened. The darkness was more intense, the silence deeper and the awful heat more terrible than before. My body was a heap of burning flesh that would never burn out, that was my eternal damnation for all the terrible deeds I had performed, I would burn for eternity alone with no possibility of death or rescue.
Thinking about Bella and Sophie and the life I could have had was even worse, it seemed to intensify my isolation and I tried to scream out, to break the terrible silence, to thrash my limbs, anything to break the utter bleakness of my situation. I tried to blank my mind, to think of nothing but the pain I felt but through the agony, I could still see their beautiful faces, hear their voices in my mind and remember the feel of Bella's body in my arms, her sweet breath on my face and her soft lips on mine.
Time passed but I had no way of marking it, every second, every hour, was exactly like the last and would continue this way for eternity unless I found a way out. Before Sophie had guided me, she had called me back from hell but that wouldn't happen again and I didn't want her here with me, a child should never experience this place, it was no place for the innocent. Could Carlisle find a way to call me back? I wish I could believe he might but after two centuries he was no nearer to perfecting his research than he was the day he created me. There was no hope, nothing to look forward to, no end to the torment and I knew I would never be able to survive this. Would I go mad? Would I lose my sense of being? Somehow I doubted it, whatever controlled this terrible place would understand just how far a body and mind could be pushed before it broke. A madman couldn't be tortured, a crazy person wouldn't recognize hell for what it was, no, the entity who ruled here would keep me just this side of madness and laugh as I screamed in torment trapped in a black pit of molten fire.
Bella
I didn't know whether to scream, cry, or start throwing punches because I felt like doing all three right now. I'd ignored Margaret before the service making sure to sit with Esme between us but of course, I then had Sue on the other side looking tragic and acting so solicitous when she thought anyone was looking while my dad sat fiddling with his collar and tie looking extremely uncomfortable. Luckily the service was brief although to listen to the character reference Margaret had given the pastor, it sounded like I had been married to Saint Peter himself! I heard a few low murmurings and thought to myself, yeah people are wondering if they're at the right church!
The short burial service afterward at the graveside was more difficult, I may not have loved Steven anymore but I was still sad to think he was dead especially the way he had died. If I closed my eyes I could relive that moment so I stared at the trees in the distance and willed myself not to break down.
A few people came to speak to me afterward including Mr. and Mrs. Harris and all asked how I was doing and where Sophie was but before I could reply Margaret jumped in.
"Yes, I know it's such a pity poor little Sophie couldn't be here. I know she's young but I feel that even children need closure, however, Bella thought she knew better. I hope she doesn't live to regret her choice. Are you coming back to the hotel for a drink and something to eat? Bella's mother and I have made sure there is a nice spread, I always think people judge you by the food you put on after a funeral. Please, walk with me, I'm all alone here you know."
She bundled the Harrises across to the hotel ignoring me while Sue and Charlie were in deep conversation with the sheriff, something about the house now being released although what he thought I might want to go there for was a mystery.
"Are you OK Bella?"
I nodded relieved that I had someone on my side, dear Esme had stuck to my side while Margaret was here.
"Thank you for coming Esme I can't tell you how much I appreciate it."
I looked around checking no one was listening before continuing,
"Do you think Sue is suspicious?"
"No, she's hardly looked at me and when she did it was with disdain."
"I am so sorry, between her and Margaret I…"
"Don't let it bother you, Bella, they are small minded and petty. Women like that get their fun upsetting others. They'll soon be gone."
"I hope so. I guess we can't skip the hotel?"
"Best not to, don't give them even more ammunition."
Esme was right of course and we joined the small party in the hotel restaurant where people stood in small groups talking more animatedly now the funeral was over. There were even a few quiet laughs as someone remembered something funny Steven had done in town. I just hoped they weren't remembering the times he had gotten drunk and made a fool of himself, it wasn't him, not in the early days, Then he had been kind and funny, he never raised his voice and he would do anything for anyone, It was Roy who had led him to the bottle, not that it took much but even so if not for that man Steven would probably still be here with Sophie and me.
I promised myself I would stay only long enough to satisfy propriety and then I was leaving, I needed to see for myself that Jasper wasn't suffering and prayed that Sophie could help Carlisle put right whatever had gone wrong, I wouldn't lose Jasper he was far too precious to Sophie and myself. I couldn't contemplate a life without him, it was as if he had appeared and brought with him the sunshine that had been lacking in our lives for so long.
"Brace yourself, Bella."
I turned to see Margaret making a beeline for us holding a plate of sandwiches in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.
"Bella, I think we should talk about my access to my granddaughter now my son is decently laid to rest. I've been asked by several people where she is and when I tell them I've seen a few raised eyebrows. I'm sure people are talking about her absence from her daddy's funeral."
"Point them out to me Margaret and I'll gladly explain why I chose for Sophie to stay away. As for access to your granddaughter, that's something we can discuss later, I don't think now is the appropriate time or place."
She scowled then took a dainty sip of wine before continuing,
"It's all well and good for you to say that but how do I know you won't just take off with your new beau? I have rights you know."
"You do and I would be the last person to stop Sophie having contact with you but right now isn't the time to discuss it."
"Then when?"
"Tomorrow maybe, Sophie is coming home later today and I'll bring her to see you tomorrow."
Margaret managed a smile at hearing this.
"Good, then we can settle everything at the same time. I can't afford to stay here at the hotel indefinitely, I am on a pension you know."
Esme smiled at her and took over from me.
"I'm sure Bella is aware of that and if she had the resources she would have helped out but as you can appreciate she and Sophie are homeless and have basically nothing."
Margaret glared at Esme then looked me up and down.
"Well, she got the money to dress up in fancy clothes from somewhere and I'm guessing it was you or your son. Where is he by the way? I think I have a right to meet the man who stepped into my son's shoes."
"He wouldn't have come, this isn't the right place now is it?"
Before Margaret could say anything else Sue and Charlie appeared,
"Bella, Have you thought any more about our offer, I don't like the thought of you hanging around here, poor little Sophie doesn't have a home or anything to her name. The little mite must be terribly confused and having a stable home is the best thing for her right now….you too of course."
Sue added the last as Charlie glanced at her but I knew she wanted Sophie, not me.
"Bella has already accepted an offer to stay with us for a few weeks, just to give her a rest from everything this has been a terribly stressful time for her and I know you'll understand she needs some peace and quiet."
Charlie nodded which annoyed Sue and Margaret,
"That's very kind of you Esme, a couple of weeks away from everything would be great but I'm sure you can understand our long-term concerns for Bella and Sophie."
"Of course and I'm sure once she's had time to think things through she'll be in touch. I'll give you our number and you can speak to them whenever you want."
"Be sure to let me have it too, I want to speak to my granddaughter, make sure she's happy."
I would rather have chewed razor blades than given Margaret Esme's number but she just smiled brightly,
"Certainly Margaret. I can call you Margaret, can't I?"
My mother in law wanted to tell Esme to go to hell but she could hardly do that when she had been met with such courtesy so she just nodded, her mouth working as if she were sucking on a swarm of hornets.
"I'll take Bella outside for some air and then later we'll meet my daughter's flight and pick Sophie up. I think Bella arranged to meet Margaret in the morning so we'll be seeing you then. Come on Bella you're looking a little pale."
"Just a minute Esme."
Sue put a hand out and caught Esme's arm,
"Don't you think we should take Bella to meet the flight? We are Sophie's family after all. We could bring your daughter and her husband back and drop them off for you. I think Sophie might like to see familiar friendly faces when she gets back."
I felt Esme hesitate, in a way Sue was right but I didn't want to spend another minute with her or Margaret so I jumped in quickly,
"It's OK, Esme already arranged it and I know you'll want to stay with Margaret, give her some support today after all she's been through. There wouldn't be room for everyone to go to the airport and bring them back. I think I need some fresh air now, let go."
The coward that I was, I almost ran from the restaurant and half expected to hear them hot on our heels but I think I'd forestalled any arguments and once in the car and on the road I heaved a sigh of relief.
"How are you really Bella? It must have been hard for you and they didn't help matters."
"To be perfectly honest Esme I'm more worried about Jasper than anything else. After tomorrow I don't have to see Margaret again for a while, I'm hoping she'll get fed up with harassing me about Sophie, she didn't bother too much before Steven's death and she's pretty self-centered."
"You might find she hangs on just because Sophie is all she has left of her son. It might be a good idea to speak to a lawyer but we can help you with that later. As for Jasper, I wish I hadn't given him that injection, I feel so guilty Bella, the poor boy has been through so much. I just pray Sophie will be able to pinpoint the problem and that Carlisle can come up with a remedy."
I gritted my teeth to stop myself crying, I was so worried about Jasper, Carlisle had to put this right, he just had to, I couldn't contemplate his failure, it was just too horrible to contemplate.
