No copyright infringements are intended. The plot is mine I'm just borrowing the characters.

BPOV – this is a very heavy dialogue chapter so I have tried to separate who is talking.

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He was here, reception had just called to inform me he was on his way up, I had requested a key card for him so I knew he was able to let himself in. I was still sitting out on the balcony, it was a lovely evening and I was really in to the story I was reading on my kindle, it was called 'Caught in the Middle' and was by one of my favourite new authors Kira Barker.

As I heard the door open I suddenly became apprehensive. Did I want to run to him and jump into his arms or did I sit here and let him come to me? I was being stupid, this was Edward, my husband, my soul mate, the person I loved most in this world so I got up and moved the heavy curtains out of the way. He was stood framed in the small entrance hallway and he looked awful. He'd been drinking too much, not sleeping properly and not eating, in fact I bet Shelley had been keeping him supplied with lunch and the rest of the time he hadn't bothered.

He was looking around the room taking in everything and searching for me. I could tell as soon as he realised I was partly behind the curtain. He dropped his bag and walked quickly towards me with his arms outstretched,

"You are a sight for very sore eyes Bella, I've missed you so much you wouldn't believe it" he said as he pulled me against his chest.

"I can believe it Edward, I've missed you just as much" I told him honestly.

As we stood pressed against one another I felt a warmth flow through me that made me realise just how cold and empty I had felt this past week. I knew I couldn't live without him, he was part of me, what we needed to figure out was how we moved on from here.

"Come on, come and sit outside it's lovely out here " I told him "Do you want a drink or anything?" I tried to pull away from him to move us out on to the balcony.

"Bella I haven't had you in my arms for nearly a week, please just let me hold you for a moment, I need to feel you, so I know this is not a dream" he said as he pulled me in tighter.

We stayed like that for ten minutes, he would hug me, kiss my hair, smell my hair, rub his hands up and down my arms, across my back and hug me, then he would start again, all the time murmuring about how sorry he was, how he wouldn't risk losing me again and how much he loved me. Finally a knock on the door forced him to let go and as I went to open the door and Room service brought in the supper trays. I had them set them on the table outside and they had thoughtfully brought up some candles to light. Explaining they were citronella, to keep any bugs away, we sat down at the table and I poured him a glass of wine.

"Eat Edward, you look like you haven't had a decent meal in ages" I told him and as if he'd been waiting for permission he tore into the steak, fries and side salad I'd ordered for both of us. I knew it was pretty heavy for a supper dish, but I guessed right, that he wouldn't have had a decent meal for a while. We didn't try to make too much conversation over supper, I wanted him rested, relaxed and comfortable before we started talking, if that took a couple of days so be it, the suite was paid up for another week and while my credit card was still weeping at the charge I was determined we were staying here until everything was sorted out.

I rang down to get someone to come and clear the plates and went and sat back out on the balcony.

"Bella I know we need to talk but I really don't want to tonight, are you ok if we talk tomorrow when I've had a decent sleep?"

"My thoughts exactly, there is no rush, we can talk when were ready, now do you want to shower first or are you just ready to turn in?" I asked him.

"A quick shower would be lovely after sitting in the car that long. Erm... where would you like me to sleep? I 'm quite happy to take the couch if you want me to" his shoulders were drooped and his head was bowed, he was so utterly….. I wasn't even sure what the word was….resigned or dejected maybe.

"Don't be silly Edward, have your shower and get in bed with me" I told him.

While he was in the shower, I undressed and climbed into the huge bed. I have plenty of pyjama sets but in my haste to leave I hadn't packed any so I'd been sleeping naked, I normally ended up naked in bed at home anyway. He came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and I had to look away, he was absolutely gorgeous and just looking at his body made me imagine doing things to him that must be illegal in some countries somewhere. I felt the bed dip as he slipped in and I reached up and turned out the lights.

"Can I hold you Bella? I need to feel your heartbeat next to me" he asked

I moved closer to him and he wrapped me in arms, I rested my head on his chest and as my eyes closed I could feel him stroking my back. Not surprisingly I woke the next morning in a completely different position, we had reverted to the norm. Edward has his head on my boobs and he was breathing on and every so often suckling on my nipple. His leg was jammed between mine and his morning wood was digging in to the outside of my thigh. I couldn't begin to count how many mornings I'd woken up in this position, I brought my hand up and stroked his hair and I'm sure he sighed as I ran my fingers through it. I wanted to get up and arrange breakfast and use the toilet but he wouldn't let me go. Every time I tried to move he would clamp onto me and snuggle further in. He was also continually rooting against my boobs. He was just like a new born infant trying to find its milk. As I moved his head would move with me so he could keep his lips against my nipple. Giving up I lay back and let him sleep, he was exhausted and as soon as he realised I was still again, his breathing evened out and he was back into a deep sleep. It took me three more attempts to escape him, by which time my bladder was screaming at me to move. I quietly closed the bathroom door, and as soon as I'd relieved my poor bladder I set about getting ready for the day. Twenty minutes later I was showered and dressed and sitting out on the balcony waiting for the coffee to be delivered. Just as I was going to open the door so they didn't have to knock and wake him up, Edward sat bolt upright in bed and shouted out "Bella where are you?"

"I'm here sweetie, don't worry" I said as Room service made themselves known. I quickly opened the door and after signing the bill I took the trolley off them and put the 'Do Not Disturb' Notice on the outside.

"Come back to bed please, I'm not ready to wake up yet " he said as he fell back on to the pillows.

"Don't then, go back to sleep, I 'll be here when you wake up" I told him as I pushed the trolley out onto the balcony. I poured a coffee and sat looking out at the view, five minutes later he was out there with me, he came through the curtains in just his boxers and sat at the little table.

"It's beautiful here Bella, so relaxing, you made a good choice here"

"I'm not sure I actually chose it. I think it rescued me when I finally pulled over because I couldn't face driving any longer, this was the only decent hotel in the area. I was literally only ten minutes away from it. I dread to think where I would have ended up otherwise."

I poured him a coffee and refilled mine and we just sat, looking at the view and listening to the quiet. Finally my stomach started to growl," Do you want to eat here, or would you like to go in to the little town? " I asked.

"Do you mind if we stay here? I don't really want to get back in the car today, could we eat and then have a walk around the gardens?

In all the days I'd been here, I'd never even thought to do that, so I quickly agreed and called down to reception to see if we were still in time to eat breakfast. We were ok as long as Edward didn't take too long getting dressed, so I ushered him in to the bathroom and tided myself up. We sat outside again, this time on the patio of the hotel's restaurant, somewhere else I hadn't been, and we ordered enough food to make the chef squirm. Edward devoured about three quarters of it, but I did ok eating my fill, the food was delicious and we had more coffee and juice. As we stood to leave, he pulled me away from the reception area and out into the gardens,

"Come on let's walk off all that food"

That's exactly what we did, we held hands and we walked, we hardly spoke, just the odd comment about the building or the gardens, the view and the lake, we walked and walked and walked. Luckily Edward had a better sense of direction than me and just I was starting to feel the distance in the back of my legs, he had managed to bring us back to the edge of the hotels gardens. We sat down on a bench that was quite sheltered, it was surrounded by trees and as you sat you could look out over the lake. No one would know we were there, unless they were stood right in front of us.

"How do you want to do this Bella? I don't think I can stand another minute of small talk or silence, so I suppose we need to clear the air and make some decisions, do you want to talk out here or do you want to go back up to the room?"

"For a start, don't be so dramatic Edward. Yes we need to talk but I've calmed down considerably since our last discussion at home and whilst I don't regret anything I said, I know there is a lot more to talk about. As for decisions, well I suppose we'll need to make some but nothing that needs sorted right this minute".

"So you are not going to leave me then, you don't want a divorce or anything?" he had tears in his eyes as he asked me.

"No Edward I don't want a divorce, not at all. I love you with all my heart and that has not changed, I may have struggled with what you were becoming, but I love you and I always will".

He picked me and swung me round and I laughed out loud for the first time in ages. Placing me back on my feet he kissed me with everything he had. His hands started on my face as his lips fought with mine, his tongue poking at my mouth to gain access, as soon as I granted it he deepend the kiss and one hand went into my hair, while the other slipped down and around my back pulling me closer into him. He dominated the kiss, only allowing me little breaks to get a much needed breath every so often as his hands roamed all over me finally ending up with one gripping my hair, he pulled my head back exposing my neck he went to work it and along my collar bone. I could feel my juices bubbling and my nipples were trying to burrow their way out through my clothes so they were available to him, common sense though was telling me we had to slow down, or I could quite easily have let him undress me and we would have had our first real experience of outdoor sex, where there was a possibility of being seen.

"Edward let's go back indoors, I don't want to get caught out here, this would be too embarrassing to deal with"

He finally stopped sucking on my collar bone and looked at my face, "Ok I'm sorry I got carried away, I've just missed you so much" he smirked. That killer smirk would get him anything and he knew that.

We walked back in to the hotel and up to the room, I managed to keep all my clothes on in the elevator, but it was a huge effort. Things were again moving too fast. I may not have still been mad with him, but I needed him to understand he couldn't just get me to do what he wanted, we were supposed to be a partnership.

"Right sit there" I said to him pointing to the chair on the balcony "and don't move."

"Why?"

"I need to focus and I can't do that if you are touching me or kissing me"

I stood against the railings facing him. I was out of his reach but close enough to see every emotion on his face. "How do you want to do this? " I asked him

"I don't understand what you mean" he said

"Well I have no problem with my life with you. I love our life, our home, my writing and our friends, both new and old, what I am having a problem with is the person you have become over the past few months. I can't believe that our relationship had gone from being so close we could end each other's sentences, to us being so far apart on where we were in the club"

"Bella forget the club, we don't ever need to go there again. It's not important we, us, that's whats important"

"No Edward that's not the answer, giving up the club now would be the worst thing you could do. You need that outlet, you will never be able to go back to a completely vanilla life style, I understand that. What we need to sort out is something I've tried to do on several occasions, we need a proper discussion on what we both want and a way to debrief after each visit. All the problems we've had have been because we weren't communicating properly"

Edward was looking at me as if I'd just spoken to him in French, he was also doing a great impression of being a goldfish. His mouth opened and closed several times as he tried to process what I had just said.

"You still want to go to the club?" was what he finally came out with.

"Trust you, all that and you heard I was not giving up the club" I smirked.

"Edward we are not going anywhere near the place until we sort everything out, so don't get your hopes up for this weekend" I told him.

"I know that, I'm just surprised I suppose. It's been easy for me this week to blame Riley and the club for everything that's happened to you, well us"

"That's just it Edward, it's not about the club or Riley for that matter, it's about us and how we behaved to each other. After all these years, I 've never worried or thought twice about asking you something, but with this I haven't been able to talk to you about what was happening. I know you kept saying I should trust you and let you be in control, but I was uncomfortable with that and you were too wrapped up in everything to even notice. I should have pushed harder, I should have made you talk to me instead I just let you move forward all the time, doing things that I wasn't quite ready for. Every time I tried to talk to you about what I wanted, you just kept telling me I could do what I wanted when I wanted,but you never once asked me what I actually wanted to try"

Edward was now sat with his head in his hands but I didn't want him to be like that I needed a proper conversation.

"Edward please look at me. I need you to participate in this conversation, I need you to be honest, please don't sulk or sit feeling sorry for yourself. I need you to talk to me like you did last weekend."

I was trying to keep calm, we would get nowhere by shouting at each other or sitting in silence sulking.

"Oh great Bella, remember what happened after I was honest last time, you walked out on me and I didn't hear from you for a week" he was getting defensive and the sarcasm was coming out.

"Don't Edward, don't start an argument, we need to talk this through".

"Bella I don't know what to say. I've told you what my fantasy is. I've admitted that I was being totally selfish trying to get you ready for it. I know what I was doing was wrong, but I'll admit the thought of it happening was driving me on, I lost sight of your feelings and needs, I admit that."

"OK if you see all that, what are you going to do to make sure that if we go back to the club, all this won't happen again?" I was pushing, but he had to understand we were an equal partnership or I wasn't going back.

"The one thing I can promise is that we'll talk more, we'll make time, maybe one night every week will be' club discussion night' and we'll sit and talk about what we did on the last visit, and what we want to do with the next few visits. "That and I promise you I will be more open on what I 'm planning. No more surprises until we are both sure that we are ready for it"

"That's a start Edward, and in that vein I need to tell you two things. The first is that while I've been here I've written another book, it's not about us this time, but it is in the same vein as the last one, it will go out under the name Belle again, and I won't do any publicity, we'll play up the anonymous author angle again"

"Ok, I'm glad you've warned me this time, I can sit back and read it and be proud my beautiful wife has written another best seller" he said with a smile.

"The second thing is more personal that I realised whilst I was writing the book. I used a lot of scenarios I'd come across at the club and although the story is actually set in and around the sensory room, and it's about the people who use the room and what they do together and why. I'm getting off track here but as I was going through my notes, I started to look at what we had done, I looked at everything that had happened to me, right from the drunken night you told me everything up to the night I freaked in Harem Room. Do you know what I realised? There was a common theme on the nights when I was really into everything " I explained.

"Well go on I'm intrigued" Edward said as he sat forward.

"Well I look at it like this. There are two very different types of nights; one is where it's just you and me and we are watched and with that I mean things like the ante room, the pole dancing, the Jacuzzi, and I have absolutely no problem with that, in fact I love it. Then there are the other nights, the first time in the hotel suite, the mirror room, the catwalk. The difference between the two is me and the position I'm in at the time", I tried to explain.

"I don't understand want you are getting at" Edward answered,

"Well when I think about it, on the nights I've had the most powerful orgasms, I've always been restrained in some way. That first night you held me down by the throat, in the mirror room I was shackled to the bed and on the cat walk I was being led by a chain. I was also blindfolded when you introduced Charlotte in and let's be honest I've never squirted like that before. The orgasm in front of the audience on the cat walk almost brought me to my knees. It would also explain why I didn't cope with Tia and Benjamin, even though they were a surprise, I knew we were going into the Harem Room and I was expecting someone to join us. To be honest I was waiting for someone to touch me, and as soon as I felt their hands I freaked."

"Wow I've never even thought of it like that, but you're right, your response to Charlotte was amazing and so was the fashion show. You also reacted well in the hotel room when I slapped you on your pussy, if I remember right I had hold of your hands above you head and you really lost it. Does this mean we can get the ropes and handcuffs out? We haven't used them in a few years. I can also say that the thought of leaving you tied up naked in the bar of the pole dancing room does the most amazing thing to me, look" he said pointing to the huge tent in his jeans.

"To answer your question yes we do need to get the handcuffs out, I would definitely like to explore being restrained but no I'm not ready to be tied up and left anywhere just yet."

"I can work with not yet, but I'm struggling with what you're telling me though. I mean are you saying that it was because you weren't expecting everything, like Charlotte, the first night with Ry and Garrettt and the clip on your clit that everything was so amazing,? If you are then I'm lost because you threw a complete fit about me trying to keep you in the dark about the fantasy I was planning."

"I know it's all very confusing and I'm not really sure myself. The only thing I can come up with is that I probably get off on being restrained and it's even better if I'm blindfolded. Remember you told me about Charlotte? I knew she was there and I'm not stupid, as soon as you mentioned her I knew what was going to happen. I also knew what was going to happen on the cat walk before I stepped out with Kate"

"Ok I can see that, I suppose when you're ready we need to do some experimenting ourselves at home. We have plenty of supplies in the closet and I can do some research on bondage if you like" he offered totally up for anything as ever.

"Well see, I don't know if I want to go as far as full bondage, we could try working up to that. Maybe Alice knows someone who could show us some basic rope work." I explained, I was just glad we were able to talk like this.

"Bella the other thing we need to talk about is my changing kink. What started out as just wanting to taste different cum has progressed. While I still want that, I have a real craving to see you with other people. I want to see someone else giving you pleasure and amazing orgasms. I really don't understand why but watching you in the club has given me some of the best nights of my life."

"Ok Edward if it something that is really important to you I will think about it. I won't promise though and we may have to explore the best way to introduce that. What we do need to talk about though is the comment you made about Riley. I've thought about that a lot while I've been here"

"Can I ask Bella, how many times have you spoken to him this week?"

"I spoke to him along with everyone else when you asked me to. You were the first person I called when I was ready" I assured him. "Honestly Edward are you jealous of him?"

"No I don't think so. I'm more curious why you seem to be so comfortable around him"

"That's easy, he treated me really well that first night. He put me at ease straight away before you and Garrett came into the room and I could tell you trusted him. Then as we went to the club he was a familiar face in a sea of new people. He was always checking on me and making sure I was ok, he spent time talking to me when you were so busy at work and he helped me sort out all my feelings, he became a friend, a confidant and also an unofficial therapist. Both him and Alice really did keep me sane."

"I never realised Bella, why didn't you come and talk to me? I'd have helped"

"Edward you were working so hard and I was at home with all these new feelings and thoughts swirling around my head. You just weren't there, I had to stage an intervention remember. I'm sorry I should have just tried harder to talk to you".

"No, I understand. Both Carlisle and I realise just how much we put you and Esme through and if you hadn't intervened when you did we would probably both have had nervous breakdowns by now." He joked.

We'd been talking for two hours, and I desperately needed a drink. After the walk l I was really ready for a shower as well.

"Do you fancy a break from talking? We could go down to the spa and see if we could have a massage or we could just have a swim or steam"

"That's a great idea but I haven't brought any swim shorts, I'd love a massage though " he said.

I rang down to the spa, I was on first name terms with most of the girls down there, and enquired about a couples massage. They had an opening in an hour so I booked us in.

"We have an hour to kill and I would really like a drink. Do you want to go downstairs and have a drink in the bar? It's already 2.00pm so most of the lunch crowd should have gone by now" I told him.

He nodded in agreement so after quickly freshening up we went downstairs. I ordered a huge cocktail that had loads of fruit in it and Edward just ordered a beer. We sat in a corner booth and quietly drank as we waited for our massage. We both had a lot of information to digest and process but I was sure we were on the right path, the main thing was we were sitting here together.