Chapter Fifty-Three
London
A few days later
I took a deep breath, twisting a loose tendril that had come unbound from my braid in the night as my teeth sank into my lower lip. My stomach felt empty and hollow despite the obvious form of my child settled within it. My skin tingled in apprehension, my heart beats cautious. The feeling, foreboding and ominous all lumped together, had yanked me from my sleep and I had no explanation as to why. Simply, I felt something horrible had happened or was about to happen, but I couldn't explain what and nothing in my intuition could give me a clue.
I found some comfort in the familiarity of Alec's house, in the bedroom that had always been mine, but it was miniscule at best. We had been in London only two days, but already I was aching to tell Edith my urge to go back to Yorkshire and no amount of conversant bedding or wallpaper could change that. As fluidly as my pregnant body would allow, I slipped from the bed and began to dress. Donning a simple forest green dress, I pulled my hair back into a presentable knot and left my room before a maid had even been able to knock on my door. It wasn't terribly early, just after 8, but too early for the women of the house to rise. I knew Alec would be awake though and I found him just where I expected, in the dining room, leafing through the morning edition as he sipped from a steaming cup of coffee.
"Kate?" he sat his cup down when he noticed me. "You're up early."
I nodded and fixed myself a plate from the sideboard. Eggs and toast, nothing too extravagant, and sat down in the seat I had always occupied during meals. Alec's hand went to the pot of coffee in front of him and he silently offered me some. I shook my head and took a small bite from my piece of toast.
"Are you all right?" he asked after a moment.
I swallowed the bite. "I think I had a nightmare last night."
"You think you did?" he seemed amused. "It couldn't have been that bad of a nightmare if you cannot remember it."
I nodded, supposing he was right, but still not entirely convinced.
"Perhaps your feminine emotions have gotten the best of you and you are finding yourself homesick for your husband and daughter." He meant the quip in jest, but I didn't laugh or even give the effort to feign amusement. Being the smart man that he was, Alec caught on quickly. "Is that it? Do you want to go back to Yorkshire?"
"Maybe." I truly didn't know. "We're due to leave in two days, I'm sure I can keep my emotions in check until then, but…" I trailed off, not knowing how else to voice my apprehension. After a few seconds I gave up. "I don't know. Perhaps you're right, the pregnancy is making me irrational."
"You said that, I didn't." he winked.
Though I didn't feel any better, I was properly distracted now and shook my head at my friend with a faint smile on my lips. He considered that a victory and rewarded himself with a deep sip from his coffee cup. I took another of toast and was able to enjoy my breakfast for a few moments before the baby gave a strong kick within me. More than used to such movement at that point, I simply covered a hand over the spot and continued eating, but Alec took notice.
"Is it moving?"
"Hmm, oh yes. All of the time now."
He hesitated a moment before asking, "May I?"
I understood his meaning and nodded my head. He stood and crossed the short distance between us, kneeling down next to my chair. I instructed him where to place his hand and he did so with tentative care. Only a second passed before the baby moved once more, giving Alec the first-hand experience of feeling the proof of the small life within me. He smiled, removing his hand. "That is truly incredible."
I smiled back. "Maybe you'll be feeling your own sometime in the near future."
A flush passed over Alec's face and his smiled broadened. "That would be something now, wouldn't it?" he stood and straightened his jacket, "I'll be sure to let my fiancée know your thoughts on the matter."
"You don't have to tell her," I chuckled, "I'm sure she's thinking the same."
Laughing, he winked at me and then bent down to kiss me as tenderly as a brother on the top of my head. "I'm off to work now. Do try and talk my mother and fiancée out of any large purchases today. I still have no idea where I'm going to put that ghastly chair they brought home yesterday. Covered in flowers. It matches nothing."
"I'll do my best." I told him though I knew even that wouldn't be enough. Amelia and Edith fit together far too well and I was no match for them when it came to shopping. Yesterday had been entirely dedicated to purchases for upstairs sitting room that was to be Edith's when she became Lady of the House in mere months. I didn't have the heart to tell Alec that curtains had also been purchased and that a matching sofa to the chair would be delivered after Christmas. Yesterday I doubted they had even needed me to come along with them. When we had walked into Selfridges after lunch I had excused myself to the rooftop garden rather than follow them around. I had enjoyed the cool yet sunny afternoon with a book and not giving my opinion on linens or some other frivolity. Today, however, promised to be different. Once the two were awake and ready they announced their plans to spoil me, or rather the baby that day.
"We're buying you furniture for the nursery." Edith told me with a wide grin.
I immediately put down the idea. "No, really, you don't need to."
"Of course we don't, but we want to and that is the way it is." Amelia said. "Now be a dear and agree with it."
"We have what we need." I told them, still against the idea and we did. There was a cradle and I had already collected some layette in a basket. I also knew the "gift" wouldn't sit well at all with Tom. I knew how much it meant to him to take care of ourselves.
"No, you do not." Edith replied. "I've seen what you have. What about a crib for when the baby is older or one of those feeding chairs? Kate, you don't even have a rocking chair. Let us do this. It is our gift to you."
"Listen to my future daughter-in-law, Kate." Amelia added on her own pound of guilt. "I promise you'll be thanking us for it in a few months' time."
There was no way I could argue. Not only because of their insistence, but I was simply too tired to do so. That nagging feeling I had woken up with still sat heavy within me and I felt jittery with the accompanying nerves. So I let them do what they wanted, telling myself Tom would just have to deal with whatever came from it. We shopped for hours, visiting store after store, collecting more memorabilia than I had realized possible for infant and racking up a bill that would rival what the royals spent on their own children. The crib and the high chair were found and would be put on a delivery truck to take them back home, but they also bought a new pram, a bathtub, a rocking chair, several glass bottles, gowns, bonnets, blankets and booties and even a small stuffed elephant that Edith insisted upon.
"It's too much," I told them even after we had finished the shopping and stopped for tea at the Criterion.
Amelia spread her napkin in her lap. "Oh stop, Darling. It's done and do believe me when I say that you will need all of it."
Edith smiled at me as Amelia spoke. "Just accept the gift, Kate. A bit of indulging every now and then is good for the soul."
Her kindness and apparent gratification over the "indulgence" as she called it silenced any further arguing from me. We moved on to a different subject and then another until I found that I had forgotten all about the extravagance and even the feeling that I had woken up with that morning.
"I had a letter from my sister in New York last week." Amelia said after a sip from her teacup, "And she was speaking of this organization she's been working with at one of the local hospitals. They're offering care to expectant mothers just like you've been receiving, Kate, only its available to all who are getting their care in that hospital." She put her tea cup down. "Can you imagine the benefits for both mother and child? I was fascinated by it myself."
"They're doing exactly what Kate and Dr. Clarkson are, ensuring the health and safety of mother and child." Edith looked to me. "I suppose I should include Tom in that group as well, it being his idea and all."
I smiled at the mention.
"Do you feel that you've benefitted from the care, Kate?" Amelia then asked.
"I believe so." I told them both honestly. "Though it is hard to say for sure. I have nothing to compare it to."
Edith nodded. "If Sybil had…" she then stopped, catching herself. "I shouldn't say that."
"Why shouldn't you?" Amelia asked. "She was your sister."
It was Amelia's way to skip over the sentiment and go straight to the point. She was not unkind and in no way meant her remark to hurt Edith, but knowing Edith the way I did, and the entire Crawley family for that matter and the way Sybil's death had affected them all, I saw the sting and almost felt it for myself.
I cast a gentle hand between us and touched her on the shoulder. "Don't do that on my account."
"I feel that I should." She told me honestly. "If she hadn't died…you wouldn't be here would you?"
"My darling girl," Amelia softly cut in, "She wouldn't be here if David hadn't died either. Such silly things to think about because they cannot be changed. Learn from yesterday and live for today." And she smiled at the two of us, bringing an end to the short, yet intense matter.
As I began to agree the person behind me rose from their chair and in a clearly accidental move pushed the chair too far back and bumping it against my arm. The slight sting from the impact distracted me and wincing I turned in the chairs direction.
"My God, I am sorry." Came a voice. "Are you hurt?"
The pain was already beginning to fade and I looked up to assure the man that I was fine, but I stopped short when our eyes met one another.
His eyes, his face…
My breath chocked in my throat, striking me silent as I looked at this man. He was middle aged or thereabouts, tall, dark, graying at the temples, impeccably dressed in aristocratic finery…and, save for certain masculine features… looked exactly like my mother. The shock that was written on his own face told me he saw something that struck his own memory as well and it took several long painful moments before we both seemed to take a grasp on reality once more.
"Kathleen isn't it?" he asked.
I nodded my head as it filled with questions. He knew my name?
Neither Amelia nor Edith spoke, even as he looked me over and even when his gaze passed over them.
He then held his hand out to me after another obdurate moment of silence. "How rude of me to engage you in conversation when you must have no idea who I am. I am your Uncle Edward."
