Title: Hickey
Characters: Sanzo-ikkou
Timeline: Present
Summary: Goku has something on his neck.
A/n: So yeah, this is just pure crack. Pure crack. Mmm-hmm.
"Saru, if that's what I think it is, I'm gonna tell somebody."
"Huh?"
"What the fuck is that on your neck and don't gimme some lame excuse like you fell on a vacuum cleaner or somethin'.
"Excuse 'bout what?"
"Look kid. I can spot one of those a mile away, since I've left so many behind. I'm an expert in that field so don't you go lying to me."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about that huge ass hickey on your neck. God, I wanna ask who left it, but there's no way a human being could be responsible for that thing."
"Wha? What's a hickey?"
"Yeesh. You get one and you don't even know what it is."
"I got something. Is it bad?"
"Yeah. Sure is. Oi Sanzo, the monkey's got a pimp."
/Stompstompstompstomp/
/Door slams open/
"What?"
"Our monkey got himself a midnight visitor. Check it out."
"Is that a-"
"Yep, in the flesh."
"Goku where did you get that?"
"I duh know what you guys are talking 'bout, but I don't remember getting anything."
/Sanzo grabs Goku by the neck/
"Homura."
"Damn Sanzo, you got yourself a suspect already."
"He's a sick fuck. I wouldn't put it past him. And you, what are you doing playing nice with the enemy. You hate the enemy. You don't let the enemy give you hickeys."
"What's a hickey?"
"Something that causes you to die a painful diseased death. Now, did he force himself on you?"
"Sanzo, what-"
/Hakkai enters/
"Oi, Hakkai. Check out the monkey's hickey."
"Excuse me?"
"C'mon man. You missin' one hell of a show."
"It's a-"
"Yep, yep."
"It's homura. I know its him."
/Sanzo bends Goku's neck back to a painful angle/
"Piece of shit war god. What did I tell you about people who touch you funny?"
"We would have felt his presence Sanzo."
"Perverts blend into their environments. He could have sneaked pass. What did I tell you about sleeping with your window open."
"Sanzo, I didn't even--stop yellin' at me!"
"Okay, okay. Everybody calm down and let's take the time to discuss wedding plans. Goku can't wear white for obvious reasons."
"If you weren't such a heavy sleeper this wouldn't have happened."
"We can't jump to conclusions."
"I'm not jumping to conclusions. Look at his neck. No human could make that. We should have it checked out."
"Hey Sanzo, you sound a bit guilty there. You sure you're not looking for a scapegoat."
"You have five seconds to leave my sight before I mutilate you beyond recognition."
"Stop taking out your sexual frustrations on us, bozu."
"Hakkai, what's a hickey?"
"Oh, I seemed to have suddenly gone deaf in both ears. I believe I should take care of that. Yes off I go, to take care of that."
"Hakkai wait-"
"Che, I wish I was blind. At least I wouldn't have to see this monstrosity on your neck. Damn Goku, did he try to bite your head off in the process."
"We should have it disinfected. Where's Hakkai? Tell him to bring disinfectant."
"You guys!"
/Hakkai brings disinfectant/
"Give me that."
/Sanzo takes disinfected cotton swabs and scrubs at Goku's neck/
"Owowowow--Sanzo cut it out!"
"Saru's not gonna have a neck after this."
"Sanzo, please wipe gently. It might sting if you-"
"It came off."
"Huh? What came off? Skin. I coulda told you that."
"No, the hickey, or…" /Sanzo inspects the cotton swab/ "The soy sauce."
"Soy sauce? Are you shittin' me? It's soy sauce, as in what Hakkai uses to cook with soy sauce."
"Goku, why is there soy sauce on your neck?"
"Because I just ate."
"Damn hickey-soy sauce. I never would have guessed it. And here I thought it was just plain ole' hickey. False alarm then."
/Sanzo turns to Gojyo and begins to choke him/
End.
