Notes: Registration for third semester will close next chapter.


Part XXV

"The Crossover exam wasn't too bad. Could have been worse, I suppose," Carolina Brown mused, partly to herself and partly to a quiet Gregory Bob Walton sitting next to her in the library. "How was it for you?"

"Fine," he replied, his voice disinterested.

"Just that?" Carolina asked, crossing her arms. "Well, are you prepared for the What's In a Name test tomorrow?"

"I suppose," Gregory mumbled.

Carolina huffed, looking away. She always had the idea that men in glasses often looked smarter than their peers. Same went for men in suits, but that was irrelevant to her. Either way, she was feeling a bit disappointed in Gregory for not measuring up to her standards.

Or was that disappointment in herself for acting so differently? Dorothy still wasn't speaking to her, and she wasn't about to change that. Carolina knew Dorothy was disappointed. She wasn't about to let her sister know she was disappointed in herself as well. If there was anything that Carolina hated more than disappointing her sister, it was looking weak.

"Do you want to review the country names in different languages?" she asked after a moment.

"Yeah, sure, why not," Gregory muttered.

"Could you speak up?"

"Don't feel like it."

"Could you talk in a complete sentence?"

"Too lazy."

"Gregory!" Carolina glared. "I have expectations, you know!"

"That's nice, Carol."

"You could be a little more – oh, fuck this." Obviously incensed, Carolina stood up, gathered her books, and stormed out of the library. Tears threatened to cloud her vision as she headed down the hallway, and she didn't bother to look where she was going until –

"Carol, watch where you're going, please," Dorothy reprimanded. "You're about to run into a wall."

Carolina blinked, looked up, and stared at her sister as if she had never seen the other girl before. "Oh, hello," she said dazedly. "What do you want?"

"Is there something wrong, Carol?" Dorothy asked. "You know you can tell me, right?"

"I thought we weren't speaking," Carolina mumbled.

"But you look like you're crying. And I'm perfectly willing to talk to you again, but you've been obstinately avoiding me."

"That's because I can handle my problems on my own," Carolina replied stiffly.

Dorothy frowned. "Really, Carol? Come on, you don't have to keep on shouldering your problems just so you don't look weak to me. I'm your sister. We're supposed to be confidantes."

At that, Carolina sniffled before running into her sister's embrace, books and all. "I'm sorry," she bawled, "for avoiding you, for doing everything. And I don't want to look weak in front of you, but all of this has been bothering me since forever…"

"I can tell," Dorothy replied smoothly. "Come on, let's get some cocoa and you can tell me about it somewhere else."


"So, how did it go?" Alexandra Bonnefoy asked, having dragged Takara into her room and plied her with Water. Water was very different from water; Water had Glitter in it. Takara realised suddenly that she craved pickles dipped in Water; the very thought made her cringe.

She pretended to sip from the sparkly pink goblet, watching the cat girl warily as she did so. Alexandra grinned at her as she provocatively ate a strawberry and then skipped over to a window, waving at something outside.

"What are you waving at?" Takara asked, choosing to ignore the Mary Sue's previous question.

"My puppy and kitty, of course! The puppy's name is Darling Diamonds, he's part wiener dog! Isn't he so kawaii desu?"

Takara paused, cringing again in sympathy for the poor puppy. "Yeah, sure. And the cat?"

"Oh, her name's Kuraunmiton! Isn't that like the cutest name ever?" Alexandra did a stupid-looking pirouette. "She's so kawaii kawaii sugoi desuuuu!"

Takara winced again. That poor cat, saddled with such a horrid name and owner… "Yes, she's cute," she repeated, despite not having seen the unfortunate feline.

"I know right? I love nekos! It's why I have neko mimi, desu!"

Takara was tempted to say something scathing about Alexandra's ear-burning weaboo-speak, but she held her tongue. The Mary Sue giggled and turned away, flouncing over to her and perching on the arm of her chair.

"So, you totally haven't told me what happened to you after you used my Aura, Taytay? Did he fall in love with you?"

"If you equate physical attraction to love, sure," Takara replied stiffly, gesturing vaguely to her baby bump. She was rapidly approaching the end of her fifth month, and the child was developing alarmingly fast. Nurse Suzine's predictions about the due date fluctuated between May, June, and July – the last trimester.

"Well, duh! I mean, someday I'm totally gonna get my Iggy-poo to fall for me! And maybe America-baka will join us for a steamy hot threesome and I'll get to experience the joys of motherhood like you! Gods, I'm so jealous of you!"

"You are?" echoed Takara vaguely, still abstaining from drinking that Glitter-infested Water.

"Yup!" giggled Alexandra, sounding like a chipmunk on helium, "I'm so jealous of you, Taytay! You're gonna be a mummy and you're gonna have a beautiful baby girl and she'll be so pretty and kawaii desu!"

Takara decided that telling Alexandra that she was giving Emma up for adoption wasn't exactly the wisest thing to do. "That's nice," she repeated, feeling like a broken tape record.

"But what about the daddy? Is he still there? Did he name her yet?" Alexandra patted her tummy, causing Takara to cringe again.

"He drops by occasionally," Takara replied vaguely. "Since he's busy, you know. And we named her Emma."

"Aw, that's such a plain Jane name! Ahahaha, I rhymed! Anyways, you should have named her after me or something!"

"Hm." Takara bit her lip, feeling the gun in her pocket. It wasn't exactly the safest place to put it, but she had no other choice. "But Alexandra's already a popular name in the father's family." That was a lie. Alexander was a popular name in the Fraser clan, but not Alexandra. Frasers seemed to have a tradition of naming their boys Hugh, John, James, Simon, Alexander, or Charles – but no one paid attention to the girls' names.

"Pooh-pooh. This one's a special Alexandra," pouted Alexandra. "Anyways, what brings you here to my place anyways?"

"Your place? I thought you worked for Lilith," Takara mumbled. "My partner said so."

"Your partner?" echoed Alexandra. "Who…?"

"Can't say her name," Takara replied. "But you do work for Lilith, right?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"This is Lilith's factory, right? I'm looking for a friend," Takara persisted.

"I'm…" Alexandra paused, her face paling. "You're looking for the PPC Agent, aren't you?"

Takara blinked. "Agent Eledhwen, yeah," she said.

That got Alexandra jumping up, her rainbow-coloured left eye flashing. "You can't have her!" she screeched, all illusions of niceness and purity gone. "She's a bad person! She's been spying on us for the PPC and that IAHF place! It's her fault that they know about the Glitter Bombs and stuff! She's getting in the way of my happily ever after with Iggy-kins and I won't let you have her!" Saying that, the petulant Mary Sue stamped her perfect little feet, crying, "Never, never, never! I won't ever let you have her!"

"Calm down, Alexandra!" exclaimed Takara, jumping to her feet. "Maybe you can see it from our side of the argument –"

"No!" screamed Alexandra. "IGGY-POO IS MINE! MINE! MY OWN! MY PRECIOUS!"

Takara backed away, groping for the doorknob behind her. As she did so, Alexandra started destroying parts of her room with some strange rainbow-coloured beams that shot from her eyes. Apparently the magic of friendship gave one laser vision.

"JUST WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" Alexandra hollered as Takara found the doorknob. She shot a beam at Takara; the young woman ducked it and it shot through the door, burning through the sparkly faux mahogany material. Takara took the opportunity to escape the room, hearing the sound of barking and hissing from outside.


Friday heralded the final exams of the semester; the students were looking forward to the Spring Break afterwards. Spring Break went for a week, ending in April. A Spring Dance was scheduled for the end of April, around the time of the highly-anticipated Royal Wedding.

Well, highly-anticipated for the Anglophiles and the Arthurs, although the Arthurs were admittedly more interested in the scandals that would result from the marriage. Kate Middleton had been predicted to become the next Diana for a reason, after all.

The second semester students trudged out of the Geography classroom after their finals, some of them clutching atlases and looking up certain countries.

"Damn it, I thought Uganda was in South America!" screamed KyAnna, thudding her head against her atlas.

"Obviously you've confused it for Uruguay," replied Cassandra Thibaud.

"Shut up! I probably could have remembered if Elisabeta had taught it better!"

The ninja-zombie student, Sam Smith, snickered something about studying. KyAnna glared at her.

"Shut up before I headshot you!"

"Now, now, there's no need to make people shut up," chided Lucas Arch, ever the moral compass of the students. "Nor is there any need to headshot them."

The students groaned. Lucas Arch had made himself decidedly unpopular amongst them for acting oh-so-very holier than thou. The only person who hung out with him regularly was Susanna Black-White and admittedly not a lot of people liked her either.

"Shut up, Lucas," Mars McMillan sneered. "Go play with your little girlfriend."

"Susanna is not my girlfriend. She is simply my best friend. She is also too young to be thought of in such an immoral fashion," replied Lucas pompously.

"Yeah, I'm only ten," Susanna replied as she looked up Laos in her atlas. "Lucas, Laos is in Asia, right?"

"Southwest Asia," replied Lucas.

"Southeast Asia, stupid," Crystal Xu grumbled.

Lucas raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me? Did you just call me stupid? Me, the Messenger of –"

"Cool story, bro!" giggled KyAnna, flipping him the bird. She was a Dark angel, which was apparently as different from the garden variety Angel as apples were to peas. Lucas, being a garden variety Angel, wrinkled his nose at her disdainfully, as if she had been Satan in snake form and he had just stepped on her.

"Come along, Susanna. We do not need these poor sinners to taint your soul any further," he replied loftily, fluttering away with the little girl. The other students looked at each other before breaking into laughter.

As divided as they could be, there was still one thing other than Hetalia that united them.


Takara ducked into a nearby alcove as she heard the Mary Sue scream, "DARLING DIAMONDS, KURAUNMITON! ATTACK!" Moments later, the dachshund and tabby came streaking down the hall, shooting laser beams from their eyes as they looked about for her. Takara bit her lip. Shit.

As if they read her mind, the cat and dog looked up to see her. Takara willed herself to look as adorable as she could, smiling sheepishly and waving at them. "H-hey," she cooed, "here kitty, kitty, kitty."

Kuraunmiton mewed suspiciously. "I'm not going to hurt you," Takara simpered, as she used the remaining amounts of Glitter in her bloodstream to make herself as appealing to the Cute Animal Friends as possible. "I'm here to protect you. You know that crazy cat lady with the pink hair and rainbow eyes? She mistreats you by calling you horrible names. If you come with me, you'll get a new home, new names, and owners who won't insist on using you to fight for them."

Kuraunmiton and Darling Diamonds looked at each other. Finally, the dachshund barked and ran up to her, licking her hand. Takara smiled, patting the dog's head.

"Good doggie."Kuraunmiton mewed again and sniffed her hand. "Good kitty."

"There you are," someone suddenly growled, and Takara looked up to see Alexandra, seething with Righteous Anger ™. "What have you done to my pets?"

"I've convinced them that they're better off without you," replied Takara, standing up. "I was a fool to have fallen for your spell last semester. Your Aura caused my pregnancy, my exile, and my tarnished reputation. So…" she raised the gun, hands shaking. "Bye, Alexandra."

"You can't defeat me that easily!" squeaked Alexandra, suddenly glowing bright Urple. Takara shielded her eyes. "I'm invincible! I have the power of friendship and magic power on my side!"

"Deus ex machina," said Takara quietly to herself, but Alexandra heard her.

"What?" Alexandra demanded. "Was that an incantation? Are you putting a spell on me? You WITCH! I'll have you burned for this, you know!"

"Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem," Takara muttered. If Sabrina, Franklin, Eva, or anyone who was taking Latin had been there, they would have translated what she said as 'In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags'. But they weren't, so Alexandra was left to hyperventilate about the other's words.

"What are you saying? What? Tell me!" Alexandra clutched her head, as if she was in agony. "Aieee!"

That was the funny thing about conventional Mary Sues. Once faced with something that they deemed incomprehensible, their brains started heating up from overwork. This strange phenomenon, currently under investigation by the Department of Mary Sue Experiments and Research, was quite a sight to see. An afflicted Mary Sue would lose control of her Aura and all other necessary bodily functions, as her brain slowly melts and becomes little more than grey, white, and sparkly pink matter. The Scientists heading the investigation have tentatively dubbed it Suvian Overheated Cerebrum Syndrome, but the final name would definitely have a snarkier acronym.

Takara found herself witnessing Alexandra undergoing a spectacular case of SOCS. The random Latin was frying up Alexandra's brain at an alarming rate; her rainbow eyes were shooting lasers everywhere and… were those actually sparklers coming out of her head?

"Alexandra? What's going on?" Takara screamed, dropping the gun. "What the…!"

"SOCS?" the air vent above them opened, and Agent Christianne dropped down to take pictures of the spectacle. "What did you say to her?"

"I told her that in the good old days, children like her were left to die on windswept crags," Takara replied vaguely,"in Latin."

"Where'd you get that phrase?"

"The Rome-Wall told that to his students a lot," Takara mumbled, shrugging. The fireworks were over moments later. "Let's go."

"Yes, I found Eledhwen's so-called 'high-security cell'. It's guarded by a Gary Stu." Christianne paused, cackling. "Doesn't the owner of this place know not to imprison people of one gender in cells guarded by the opposite gender?"

Takara shrugged again. "Oh, meet the late Alexandra's Cute Animal Friends. They apparently have laser vision. The dog's called Darling Diamonds and the cat's named Kuraunmiton."

Christianne cringed at the names. "We'll take them with us, I suppose, if you've… er… tamed them. We'll have to rename them, though."

Takara nodded, picking up the dachshund and the tabby. "I'll call the dachshund 'Tip' and the tabby 'Kura'."

"Sounds better than 'Darling Diamonds' and whatever the cat was named previously," replied Christianne, punching the coordinates to Eledhwen's cell into her Remote Activator. "Let's go."


"So, this is the chart at the end of the second semester," Kitty said proudly to Jennifer and Megan as they entered her room, asking to see the chart. "Jennifer, you're still with Workbitch, right?"

"I'm spending most of Spring Break with him," Jennifer replied vaguely, shrugging.

"Take pictures!" cackled Megan.

"Megan, who are you with right now? And how are the stickers coming along?"

"Not a lot of people can say they deflowered an Angel," Megan drawled, smirking. Kitty's eyebrows shot up. "Yup, Lucas is my twenty-fifth sticker!"

"Well, congratulations," Jennifer replied sarcastically. "I thought he was with the demon."

"It'd be hotter if Loki had gotten to him first, yeah," Kitty muttered, shrugging. "Pun not intended. Anyways, yeah, congratulations!" She drew a wavy arrow from MEGAN to LUCAS ARCH. "We have confirmation for Alexander dropping out?"

"Yeah," Jennifer said, shrugging. "I asked Workbitch about it. He said that Mr. Allen wasn't going to let him drop, but then Alexander did something ridiculously stupid."

"What did he do?" Megan and Kitty demanded in unison.

"He started hitting on Mr. Allen."

Megan snorted. Kitty screamed in happiness, clapping her hands.

"OH MY GOD, SO HE WAS GAY! HE WAS! MY GAYDAR IS SO ACCURATE THAT IT'S SCARY!"

Jennifer snickered. "Sure, Kitty, sure. Anyways, Mr. Allen dropped him like a hot potato as soon as that happened."

"Did Workbitch tell you what happened exactly?" Kitty squealed, as Anita, Mariam, Yuki-rin, and Karen Sanghieh ran into the room curiously.

"Yeah. Apparently he started acting like Charlie, offering to suck him off –"

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, WHY, HOW, AND HUH?" Yuki-rin Øxenstierna demanded.

"Alexander Morris dropped out of IAHF by hitting on Mr. Allen," Jennifer repeated, as a hysterical Kitty rolled around on the bed behind her.

"Scary," Anita muttered.

"Ahaha! I should patent my Gaydar and distribute it on the black market!" Kitty cackled as she gleefully rolled about. "Kitty Smith Brand Gaydar! Find out which one of your loved ones is in the closet! For a limited time offer, you can buy one and get one free!" Megan burst into hysterical laughter at that as well.

"I really like the irony in that," Anita added as the infectious laughter spread to Yuki-rin, Mariam, Karen Sanghieh, and several unsuspecting girls in the hallway. "Since he said that he was being harassed by Taylor and Charlie…"

"Yes, I know, an iron should have dropped from the ceiling and smushed his head flat," Jennifer replied. Pause. "I'm so punny."

"Yes, you are," deadpanned Anita. "Anyways, do you have any edits for our chart?"

Jennifer looked at the complex web of arrows on the chart, which now spanned across an entire wall. "I dunno," she replied after a moment. "Maybe…"

She walked to the window, looking out at the students enjoying the spring air outside. Pirate Arthur was pillaging Pirate Antonio's ship; some students were watching the spectacle. Others were running away from the Fluffy Mint Bunnies. Still others were avoiding the mating Mochis.

But Jennifer only had eyes for a couple sitting side-by-side on a bench near the lake. Taylor Drews-Garcia had one arm around Franklin Mycroft Livingston, and the bespectacled nerd didn't seem to mind. The moment was magical.

Until a sniggering Jennifer turned away and made an edit to the chart that caused Kitty to break into deafening squeals of happiness, that is. People crowding into the room saw the change and either squealed or groaned. Some of them finally gave up their belongings that they had put into the betting pool; Arianna Borrel grudgingly parted with her USUK doujin, grumbling.

At dinner, Franklin and Taylor were greeted with a fanfare of wolf-whistling, causing Franklin to blush furiously and nearly run out of the room again. Smirking to herself, Jennifer waved at Taylor from her seat at the North American table; Kriss took a picture of them.

There were never going to be secrets at IAHF. That was a given.


"Enfer ouais, ce sont des vacances du printemps," Francis cheered as he flopped down next to Arthur on the couch. Across from them in his favourite armchair sat Mr. Allen, looking very lost in thought.

"Thankfully. But we're not out of the woods yet," Arthur mused. "Not with the threat of a Mary Sue attack on this school." He looked over at Mr. Allen. "You okay?"

"Fine," Mr. Allen replied gruffly. "We've got the third semester enrolment lists finalised, I believe?"

"Yeah, Peter was talking about that," Tino Väinämöinen piped up, taking a seat on the coffee table. "What about the teaching schedules? Any seminars?"

"Feliks and Gilbert are thinking of teaming up to teach something they've dubbed 'Fabulosity and Awesomeness'," Mr. Allen said, using air quotes around the title. "GrammarBootCamp is also scheduled, as well as a seminar on the female Nations of Hetalia. Seychelles has been complaining about how everyone seems to hate her."

"Why do they do that? She's nice and knows how to make seafood dishes," Francis pointed out.

"It's probably because you and I fight over her at times," replied Arthur sullenly.

"Whatever it is, I really don't care to know," snapped Mr. Allen. "Howard the Spy's going to talk about the history of espionage… and I do have the teaching schedules written up. Would you like to see them?"

Arthur took the schedules from the Course Coordinator. "Peter's teaching?" he exclaimed incredulously.

"Micronations history. I don't think he's going to get far," sighed Francis.

"Don't be such a downer," chided Tino. "There are so many micronations to talk about!"

"Feliciano's teaching Canon 101 to the older students next semester," noted Arthur. "I guess that won't be too bad, since all that's left are the strips without any historical backing."

"There's darker stuff, too," Francis noted. "Evolution of War?"

"Yes, talking about the development of weapons and offensive technology," replied Mr. Allen. "Or at least, that's what Kuro Kiku says he wants to teach. I wouldn't be surprised if he just tortures the students."

"Right. Comparative Governments, International Relations… Music, Yao's Original Character Workshop…" Arthur handed the schedule back. "Seems like we have our job cut out for us."

"Yes, and I have something else in mind, too," Mr. Allen murmured. "I've been collaborating with Tony on it."

"What?" Arthur demanded. "You've been talking to Alfred's alien?"

"Yes, since he can get the job done easily," replied Mr. Allen. "Let's just say that it's going to be a final exam for the older students, yeah?"

"What's going to happen?" Other Nations had perked up at the prospect of an evil plan. "What is it?"

Mr. Allen smirked before pulling a document out of a nearby plothole. "Gather around, then. The exam's going to take a lot of organising and extra planning…"

END SEMESTER TWO