To be at Wrigley Field again after what felt like so many years brought on a fresh and nostalgic wave of excitement. The last time she attended a baseball game, she was just a little girl, a few days shy of her eighth birthday and she came with her father, -it was a daddy/daughter day, one that the two of them took nearly once a month, at least until he became the vice president. Each month they did something new, ranging from tasks that were big like taking weekend trips together to something small like throwing a baseball back and forth to each other in the backyard. As a little girl, she was such a daddy's girl, wanting to be anywhere near him at all times while her brother clung to their mother like a life vest. Her dad was protective of her even more so because of that bond, because she's always wanted to be like him and follow as closely to his footsteps as possible. Just that memory alone made her withdraw her cell phone and send him a quick text.
At Wrigley right now and I'm thinking about you. Love you, dad, -EV
Those moments with her dad, she would savor forever. Even when he was being difficult and stubborn, she could never, ever, forget all that he's done for her, all the love, protection and guidance he has provided her. She was his mini-me, so close to being the female version of him if her mother didn't stick her claws in Erin as a teenager. Her dad was slowly, but surely, getting up there in age, currently being in his mid-fifties, yet age was nothing but a number to him because it didn't slow him down. He felt like he was in his prime. He was traveling countries, enacting policies, and accomplishing the goals he set forth when he first ran for president.
She was so proud of him and she only hoped that he felt the same way about her. All that she is today is due to the parenting of Camille and Hank Voight. The private school and college education, the strict rules of the household and the laughter, smiles, memories and experiences they've created in downtown Chicago approximately twenty minutes from Wrigley Field were moments that she would never forget. She owes who she is to them; she owes all the privileges rewarded to her in life to them. She feels her phone vibrate inside her pocket and with her free hand, the one that isn't intertwined with Jay's, she uses it to withdraw it from her pocket.
I love you too baby girl, -Dad
Attached to the reply was a photo. It was obviously taken of an actual picture that's situated on the bookshelf in his office and it was from years ago, that memory that she thought of initially, of herself at eight on her birthday with her dad. She has pigtails in her hair and she's wearing overalls with a white shirt underneath. Two of her front teeth are missing and she's holding the hand of her father, a much younger, stronger, tougher looking man who had to be in his mid-thirties. Her dad's smile is just as big and just as genuine and she remembers secret service being there because while her dad may not have been the vice president or president, he was still a member of Congress and he had much fewer guards assigned to him at that time.
Those days were so simple. They were so careful and lively and she knows that's only because of her youth. As a kid, you have no worries. She zooms into the photo, looking at herself and the carefree expression on her face and the innocence in her eyes. She had yet to find out about the evils in the world, being shielded away from them by her parents for as long as possible preserved that innocence. She had yet to truly feel the effects of one of the many evils in the world until Nadia was killed. Her best friend, the one she couldn't host a funeral for, the one she couldn't bury or acknowledge that she knew.
Erin was afraid to allow her mind to drift off down that train of thought. She shook her head in an effort to knock the memory out but it was hard. This time of year was always hard. With the anniversary of her death approaching, she found herself more days than not feeling the overwhelming emotions involved in grief because Erin never made it through the entire process. She's stuck somewhere in the stages and she honestly sees no way out. She zoomed back out of the photo and focused on the message as a whole in an effort to lighten up her mood. She felt it growing dark and going to a place that she didn't want to go. And fortunately she was able to stop the downward spiral of her thoughts when she felt her boyfriend's thumb run over the back of her palm as he mindlessly waited to be led and escorted by her guards.
Erin turns the phone around to show him the photo, "Look babe," he glances down to the phone, only to take it in his hand to take a closer look, "I was almost eight during that time. It was the last time I was here." Jay thought his girl looked absolutely adorable and he couldn't help but picture the combination of her genes with his and the effect their future children would have on the world. They would be forces to reckon with; with talents and smarts that no one could imagine or go up against. He pictured a little girl that looked like a little Erin, one with brunette hair and missing teeth, but holding his hand instead of her father's hand. A little boy, he pictured to be just the same, holding his opposite hand with matching, missing teeth and shorter hair.
"Babe…"
He snapped out of his reverie, "Huh?"
"I said that's me and my dad here, same time but like almost twenty years ago."
"You were adorable," he whispered, using two fingers on his free hand to zoom in, "you look just like your dad right here."
"I probably acted like him right there too," she laughed before taking back her phone. She needed to reply to his message, I remember that, good times, dad, good times, -EV
It was a growing crowd outside the stadium and it was approaching the time to enter. With her guards surrounding them as they walked, majority of the baseball fans didn't even know or realize who was in their presence. All of them too wrapped up in the impending game to care. It was going to be a really good day if it kept up, if they didn't have to worry about people approaching them for autographs from Jay or to discuss the current politics of her father from Erin. Her guards led them towards the VIP entrance. And the second they scanned their tickets through the gates, Erin had felt an overwhelming sense of excitement. She had always wanted to go to a Cubs game since her childhood, but never had the time. And now, she was here, following behind an enthused Jay when they were greeted near the entrance by a man in a business suit. He had sunglasses on that shielded his eyes from the sun and he only withdrew the glasses when they approached, "Mr. Halstead, Ms. Voight, it is such an honor to meet the two of you," he extended his hand as he continued his introduction, "I am Jeff Grissom, the assistant general manager to the team. I was also the on-site contact to your guards to make today as fun and as safe as possible. If you two would follow me," he turns around and begins to lead them into the stadium, "We have a VIP box available and staff inside to bring you anything you desire."
"Jeff, you can just call me Erin," she politely interrupted, "and him Jay," she points to her fiancé who nods his agreement, "And if it's no problem could we just sit with the rest of the crowd?"
That request was unexpected considering that she spent a pretty penny on these tickets at the auction. However, she did feel her money went to good use and the baseball game was just an added bonus to the charity work and philanthropy the tripled cost of the tickets would provide for the organization it went to, so, Erin wouldn't be mad or upset if that VIP box went unused and they were seated out on the stands with other fans of the game.
The question she asked was a serious one; that much was made obvious by the look on her face, as her brows rose and she stood there, patiently waiting for her question to be acknowledged and answered by the assistant manager.
But, before he could answer, Jay gently pulled her to the side and asked, "Is that safe?" She knew he was asking out of concern for her, not for him, but with her guards standing nearby and watching at all times, they would ensure that she was in no danger, "Yes, it's safe and I know," she lowered her voice as Jeff waited patiently for them to finish their side conversation, "I know you don't want to be in some stuffy VIP box," the VIP box would be far from stuffy, she knew that, but still, "I know you would prefer to watch it in the stands, closer where we can actually participate in the cheering and the camaraderie among other fans. This was a gift for you, remember?"
He does, but that doesn't mean he wanted to jeopardize her safety for it. No gift is worth that. It was a few days before her birthday and yet here she was presenting him with more gifts and memories that would bring a smile onto his face. He couldn't help but feel guilty and think back to the words expressed by her father the day they shared the news of their engagement with him. I've always seen you prove your love for him. Jay knew that was true; she went above and beyond to protect him and make sure he's happy. She overcame her fear of heights to skydive with him on his birthday. She pushed her nerves aside to announce their engagement in front of millions of people because she knew it was something he wanted to do. She's traveled more times to see him than he's done to see her. Jay knew that in the next days leading up to her birthday, after her birthday and possibly for forever, he was going to make her happy and keep her happy. He smiled and kissed the skin just above her cheek, "I love you."
"I know that," she pats his cheek gently before turning to face their personal guide; "if it's possible then we would love to sit with the crowd."
"If that's what the two of you want then that's what the two of you shall get. Follow me."
Jay pulled the Cubs cap off his head and situated it on top of hers to obscure some type vision of her, "There, that's a little better, now let's follow him." He took a hold of her hand again.
"For the record, I just want to say that this won't work at all."
"You don't know that," he laughs.
"Your face isn't hidden, once people see you, then that basically gives away my identity unless people start to assume you're taking random girls to baseball games now." She made a point.
And based on the look on his face, she knew he realized that she made a valid point indeed. He turns to face her when Jeff comes to a stop, to talk to a member of the staff to get the best placement recommended for the young couple. Jeff was occupied so Jay chose this moment to talk to Erin without being rude.
"I hate that you're always right," he quipped, adjusting the peak of the cap, "but if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you then I might as well get used to it." That, earned a hearty chuckle from her before she leaned forward and reached to press her lips against his, "It's good that you're realizing that now instead of later on down the line." Using the pad of her thumb, she wipes the lipstick mark she left behind from the kiss off his lips; "Come on, Jeff's walking again and maybe once we get our seats, we can order some Chicago style hotdogs, a warm pretzel, nachos and cracker jacks before the crowd really starts to come in."
"Your metabolism is amazing," he complimented as Jeff leads them further into the stadium, down the stairs as close to the field as possible, "I'm surprised you're still hungry."
"…we ate over two hours ago."
That gave him an idea on what he could do for her birthday. His girl loved food; he'll incorporate that into whatever he comes up with to celebrate her 27th.
"This is where you two can sit," Jeff steps back to allow them to walk into the aisle, "these are some of the best seats. The first few rows of the lower level directly behind the dugout are some good seats; it's close to the action, you're able to see the players' infield, and you're rewarded with a striking view of the field. There are also opportunities to receive game-used baseballs, just be mindful that foul balls can fly into the stands. I don't need either one of you getting hurt on my watch. Here, the first few rows behind the dugout provide in-seat wait service so you can order all to your hearts content." Jay glanced over at his fiancée, knowing that those words were a dream of hers and she would be content to sit through an entire baseball game because of it.
Two of her guards, Atwater and Sorensen, sat down first with Sorensen, then Atwater, followed by Erin and then Jay with her other guards sitting on his opposite side, Dawson and then Roman.
"I will check back in with you all throughout the game and afterwards I'll take you down to meet the team. They're all looking forward to meeting you both."
Just as soon as Jeff brought them to their seats, he received a phone call and had to leave, he had team-required appearances to make as the start of the game approached. And as soon as Erin took her seat, she felt her phone vibrating and by the constant buzz, she knew it was a phone call instead of a text. She withdrew it from her pocket and put it to her ear, "Hey dad, what's up?"
"I know you're busy at the game Erin, but I wanted to run something past you while I had time," based on the sound of her father's voice, she could tell he was a bit hesitant to tell her what's on his mind which only made her grow worried and suspicious.
"…and what is this about?"
"I was talking to your mother," he starts just as Jay waved over a waiter to put in a food order for all the foods she named earlier, "and we think it's a good idea if we were to get a pre-nup drawn for Jay to sign. Now I know what you're thinking but it's just a precautionary thing, not a predicting thing…it's to protect you in case of divorce, not necessarily to say you will get one."
"I don't want to do that."
He takes a deep breath and pauses, "…why not?" She's glad that he's willing to hear her out and not jump to conclusions or try to force her to have one.
"I don't need one," Erin notices that Jay is in a conversation with Dawson and Roman just as the game starts to begin; he isn't paying attention to her words at all, "dad, I can't explain it all, but just trust when I say I don't need one and understand when I say I don't want one."
Surprisingly, he doesn't argue against that. Some part of him actually respected that. And what's even more surprising is he drops the subject without a rebuttal and with a whisper of understanding, "I know where you're coming from kid. I'm just looking out for you. Your old man will never stop protecting you."
"I know dad, and thank you. I do appreciate that, but I know what I'm doing." He hopes so.
She could picture her father pinching his nose and sighing, "Yeah, I know, it's just a little hard to let go. It's hard to not do everything in my power to protect you." The game starts. And the food arrives, "and I just need some time to come around but I'm trying. I just…I just need you to know that," and she does, she does know that; it's what she's been trying to tell Jay, "I am trying, Erin," he runs his hand over his face and Erin uses the moment to chime in.
"I know you are, dad, and I appreciate you being honest with me about that. And I know you're only looking out for me when it comes to the pre-nup, but I don't think that's needed."
"I understand…or at least I will try to understand."
"That's all I ask."
He was a busy man. It was no surprise that he couldn't talk that long. He wished her a farewell and told her to enjoy the game and keep him updated before he hung up. She appreciated that he didn't fight or argue with her about a pre-nuptial agreement; she was happy that he took her word on it, that he accepted her word as final. She loved him even more for that. It was a brief, quick conversation that was shut down the second she said no and he was okay with that, he didn't push, he didn't pry and he didn't force; he accepted it.
"That was your dad," Jay stated, more so a statement than a question, "is everything okay?"
"Yeah, it's better than okay actually. My dad dropped the p-word," at hearing that Jay raises his brow in question and she clarifies, "pre-nuptial agreement," she laughs, "I told him no and he left it at that. He's trying to come around Jay," she throws her arm around his shoulders, "just give him time, but he's trying. We just have to be patient."
Jay smiles; it's as genuine as one can expect. He hands her the food he ordered that arrived just before the end of her phone call. The game is going and Jay divides his time between eating, talking to his girl and watching the game. Sometimes, although he tries to avoid it, his mind does drift to the nearby future, to the upcoming days ahead, more specifically the anniversary of Nadia's death. He's spoken to Severide –without Erin knowing- and he was given a heads up on how to handle the unresolved grief of Erin Voight. It was during that time on the phone with Kelly that he realized he needed to do something, preferably something different because everything Erin has done in the past in regards to Nadia's death hasn't helped her get through it.
He watches the game and the second an idea comes to his mind, he quickly pulls out his cell phone and texts Kelly, I want to do something special for Erin but I'm going to need your help, -JH. And he will because he won't have a chance to do it himself. And Severide knew Nadia and based on the idea that's come to his mind; he knows Kelly is a close second to Erin when it comes to getting assistance for what he wants to do. He just hopes Severide agrees and Erin appreciates it. He doesn't want to overstep especially on the anniversary of all days.
As the team takes the lead by a point, she orders herself a soda to wash down the load of starch and protein she had consumed during the first half of the game. She was satisfied and full and if she weren't in public, she would unbutton her jeans, lean back and close her eyes. The life of someone who has to act accordingly in public was exhausting sometimes…
The game continued on and Jay was practically vibrating in excitement, standing on his feet and leaning forward to watch the play. Erin kept nibbling on her cracker jacks. The Cubs were in the lead after a long period during the game where it was a tie between teams. He was invested. She was decked out in a Cubs shirt and hat that she had borrowed from Jay and he'd worn a Cubs shirt with matching socks that were hidden because of his sneakers and jeans.
"…it's for good luck, Er," he had told her hours ago when they were getting ready.
During the seventh-inning stretch, the team and fans used the moment to wish the first daughter of the United States, a happy birthday. It was days before the actual day but it didn't make the video that projected on the jumbotron any less spectacular. It was a montage of photos taken of her through the year combined with short video clips of each member of the team wishing her a happy birthday and thanking her for the philanthropy and the money she's donated to the team and the city. Fans were filmed outside as they entered the stadium and stopped to share a few sweet words with the first daughter and as Erin looked up and watched the screen, she couldn't help but feel loved. She handed her cracker jacks to Atwater and rose to her feet, standing beside her fiancé who looked down at her with an immeasurable smile stretched wide across his face.
"Did you…"
"I had no idea," Jay admitted honestly; he was practically speechless at the thoughtful gesture made by the team and the staff at Wrigley.
Erin stands to her feet when she sees herself live on the screen. The cameras –wherever they are- were directed at her. She waved and mouthed an appreciative thank you just as the screen transitioned to the kiss cam screen with the camera scanning the crowd and searching for couples. Erin sat back down and Jay did too before taking her hand, "You're popular today."
"I'll take it," she shrugs.
After they returned from New York, they took a break from wedding talk. The last thing they'd decided on was making Erin's song, their wedding song, and having the recorded track play in the background to their first dance as a married couple. As the game picks up and the Cubs bring in a well-earned victory, Jeff reappeared to lead the couple and their guards down to meet the players on the field. Stepping onto the field at Wrigley was a dream come true to him; he had been stunned speechless. And Erin enjoyed watching every second of it. Knowing that the upcoming days were going to be hard considering it'll mark another year since Nadia died, -she died the day before Erin's birthday and this time of year was always the hardest. This was a good way to distract herself, immersing herself in baseball, hugging the players, shaking their hands and thanking them for the birthday wishes and the congratulations on her engagement.
To see the love of her life, her cool and smooth fiancé fangirl over the team was something that she didn't know she needed. It was pretty entertaining to even see Jay ask for autographs, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet as all of the players gathered to sign their names. He came prepared, with a black, permanent marker in his pocket and allowed each player to sign the back of his jersey. Her guards, by request of Jay, took photos with his cell phone of the two of them with the players and the coaches. The professional photographer for the team had come out to take pictures to post on their site, to show the community as the players and the couple made conversation and Jay extended unplanned and undiscussed invitations to the players and coaches to their wedding. He never ran this by her.
"…sorry babe," he scratched the back of his head, "I got a little carried away and was in the moment," he whispered to ensure the team didn't overhear. He was so excited to meet them and had spoken before his brain caught up. He didn't even process the invite until it was said.
"That's quite alright, just know, that I'm inviting Peter Stone since you decided to invite the entire team and staff of the Chicago Cubs baseball team. And I don't want to hear any complaints about it." Her one invite in comparison to his many held no comparison.
He had no rebuttal for that. She had already sent her mother the list of people they wanted to invite and since he practically added a whole slew of new people, he couldn't argue with her for wanting to add one more, even if it was an old fling. He had to bite his tongue and suck it up. He had to remind himself that she's marrying him, not Peter Stone.
Once his phone was returned to him from Sorensen, he immediately posted his favorite photos out of the assortment to his social media as he followed the team into the building. This had to be one of the best days of his life. He had his favorite girl, it was the end of his probation and anger management modules, he watched his favorite team, his team won and they all agreed to attend his wedding. This day couldn't get any better and it was already the start of a great month, -April, being his girl's birthday month, was slowly turning into becoming his favorite time of year. And Jay knows that with Nadia's passing, this month had turned into one Erin hoped would take its time in arrival and fly by quickly in its departure and if he had any say or weight in the matter then he was going to do everything in his power to turn that around for her, to make April a time of year that she could cherish.
-x-
This morning, this day, had a solemn feeling to it. When Jay opened his eyes, he could feel it in his gut that today wasn't going to be the easiest. All things considered, why would it be? He's had the whole week to prepare himself. Each of her guards at some point during the week had pulled him to the side to remind him about today, to caution him about Erin on this day; it's the same thing every year and things haven't been better. He even received a text from Camille when he left the Cubs game a few days ago, asking for him to watch out for her little girl.
That went without saying. He would always watch out for Erin. He didn't need to be told.
The night before Justin had reached out to him after getting his number from his mother's cell. He had asked of the same thing, only adding a request for updates. Severide had tried to call but when he didn't answer, he called Atwater and told his girl's guard to pass the phone over to him, and the words that his fiancée's best friend said to him played on repeat; don't let her pretend like everything is okay; encourage her to feel and just be there for her because trust me, she's going to need it. Jay expected the worse; they tried to prepare him for it, but when the day actually came, he realized there was no preparing for this. He wasn't prepared to be awoken at four in the morning because his cell phone wouldn't stop ringing.
It's on his bed somewhere. He had fallen asleep with it in his hand. He remembers that but couldn't remember much else after it. His phone continued to ring and seconds after it stopped, it started back up again. He couldn't find it. He rolled over, maybe Erin was laying on it, but when he shifted and rolled to ask her, he found her gone. Jay immediately sat up and threw the covers off his legs as he scrambled out of the bed and out of his room, "Erin." His voice wasn't loud; it was whispered as if he didn't want to scare her. He didn't know where she was but it was quiet in his penthouse and he didn't want to startle her on a day like today.
He had a surprise for her. It's something he'd thought of last minute but he hoped that it would help her heal because after all these years, if she's still experiencing the same emotions, just as strong as she felt them on the day it happened, it meant that she wasn't healing. It was the anniversary of Nadia's death; it was the day that her best friend died and it was the same day that her life had changed. She still blamed herself. Everyone knew it. It wasn't her fault. And everyone seemed to know that too, at least, everyone but her.
"Erin," he's dragging his feet as one hand covers his mouth as he yawns and the other scratches his stomach, "Erin!" The longer he looked and couldn't find her, the more he started to panic. He checked every room, every nook and cranny and when he couldn't find her, he felt his heart start to beat faster, at such a fast pace he thought it was going to beat out of his chest. He ran back to his room, tripping over Nico and scrambling to find his cell because it could have been her that called, it was probably her that called because no one else would be awake at this time.
The puppy lifted his head and titled it in the direction of his human, raising his ears in a silent question and Jay seemed to pick up on it, "Where's Erin? Where's your mama?" Nico stretched his mouth wide open and yawned before rising to all four paws. He padded across the bedroom floor before jumping onto the king-sized bed. Nico dug his paws into Erin's side of the bed as if he expected her to be there, as if he didn't understand her absence. He whined and Jay picked him up to set him back down on the floor, "I feel ya Nico, I feel ya."
And suddenly his phone starts to vibrate and he follows the feeling until he finds it at the foot of the bed, lying under a heap of blankets. He grabs it to find two voicemails and a text message from Erin. All hints of tiredness gone from him as the panic turned into relief. He reads the text first, don't worry, I just needed some air, -EV
He had every intention of responding but he needed to hear her voice, he would know how she's feeling if he could just hear her voice. Jay calls. And she doesn't answer; it rings four times before going to voicemail and he decides to leave one just in case, text me where you are and stay there. I'm coming to get you, he pleads into the phone before hanging up. He shoots off a quick text, answer your phone please, where are you, -JH. He tries to call again but instead of ringing, her phone goes straight to voicemail. She wants solitude; she wants to be alone and while normally Jay would grant her whatever she wishes, he couldn't, not today, not on a day she shouldn't be alone. And he doesn't know where she is and he doubts her guards do. Immediately, he clicks on Atwater's name, waiting for half a ring until her guard answers, "Halstead."
When they resigned to his penthouse for the night, her guards stood watch until midnight since they didn't have plans to leave again. Erin knows that she shouldn't venture out, especially at this time by herself. She usually doesn't leave without her guards. It's why they trust her. It's why they didn't argue when she dismissed them and sent them back to their hotel for the night. But, based on the tone in Atwater's voice, it sounds as if he just woke up which meant, he wasn't with her.
"Erin's gone."
Now that the words have left his mouth, he realized he should have phrased them differently or at least started from the beginning, "GONE?" He's never heard Atwater raise his voice; he heard movement in the background and doors being knocked on, "What do you mean gone? Do you know where she went? When did she leave? Why didn't you stop her? Why didn't you call us sooner? I should have just stayed there, spent the night on the couch or in the hallway."
"She's safe," Jay reassures, running his hand down his face, "she left, I don't know at what time, but I woke up to find her gone. She said she needed to get some air."
"Did she take Nico with her?" Atwater only asked because he'd been training the little pup to be more so a guard dog than anything else. Nico didn't play when it came to his humans.
"No, Nico's still here."
"Is her phone on?"
"It either died or she turned it off. I tried calling."
Atwater ran his hand down his face, "Do you have any idea of where she would go?"
"If I did, I would be there right now."
"Stay there, don't leave, I'm on my way." Before Jay could disagree, Atwater hung up. He's never seen her guard so worried. He's always been cool, calm and collected. He was hoping that calling Atwater would somehow calm him down, somehow reassure him, but it only did the opposite. Her guard was worried which means he was even more worried than he was before.
If Atwater thought that Jay was just going to sit on his ass and do nothing then he obviously didn't know the guy. He clicked over to the voicemails she left, put them on speaker and listened as he threw on the clothes he wore yesterday, "Jay, I'm sorry," he heard her sniff and he knew she was crying, "I uh…I would have woke you up but then you wouldn't have let me leave. You would have tried to stop me or tried to come with me and I just…I just really needed some solitude so I can think…about her. I'm sorry I didn't wake you but I'm okay and I'm safe." The first voicemail ended and as he tied his shoes, he played the second and last, "It's me again. I just miss her," Erin's voice cracks and she takes a deep breath to gather herself, "I just miss her so much and she should be here. She should be in the wedding, she should be helping me plan this, she should be going with me dress shopping but she's not because some sick fuck killed her. I'll be home soon. I hope to get there before you wake up but if I don't…I don't want you to worry. I know what I'm doing and I'm going to be okay, I just need a minute to myself."
Jay's actions slowed to a stop. He wanted to grab his keys and go find her but she could be anywhere. Chicago's a big city and what if she's outside of the city? He didn't know where to look. She never named special places that connected her to Nadia. He didn't know where to go but when he heard the front door unlock and open, he realized that he didn't need to figure it out because in just a few seconds, he was going to get his answer. He stepped over Nico and raced out of the room, a relieved smile stretched across his face until he saw them and it suddenly dropped. It wasn't Erin. It was her guards and they had gotten here pretty fast.
Considering it was four-something in the morning, there's no surprise that they had gotten here in half the time it would have normally taken.
"Have you spoken to her?" Atwater rushed forward.
"No, but she text me and left a voicemail to let me know that she was safe," Jay replied; he tried to be strong for them, tried to reassure them with the fake expression on his face but they saw through it. He was worried and he was freaking out on the inside.
"Roman, call Severide, see if he knows where Erin went," Dawson ordered and before Roman could follow through on the command, another voice rang out in the room that stopped him.
"…that's not necessary. I didn't call him so he wouldn't have known."
That relieved smile that was once across his face was back as he rushed over to her and enveloped her into his arms, squeezing her body against his as he peppered small kisses against her face, working and hoping for a smile. One never came. Her eyes were too busy focused on Atwater's as he approached, "What were you thinking?"
"I just needed to be alone."
"Then you should have went to the bathroom or another room," her guard's anger was bubbling up to the surface and Jay was speechless because he'd never seen Atwater so pissed, "You don't just leave, not without telling us at least, you don't have that privilege! All you had to do was call us and tell us where you were going and we would have understood; we would have probably let you go alone because we trust you," he's only going off because he was scared, "there have been plenty of times when you wanted to go somewhere by yourself or with Jay and we didn't stop you because all we ask is for you to tell us where you're going because if something happened to you at least we would have known where you went! We risk our necks for you, Erin, most of the stuff we do for you, most of the privileges we grant you, we could get into trouble for, we could get fired because of them!" Atwater didn't seem to be calming down.
"…Kevin," Jay called him by his first name. The sound of his voice was cautious; he wanted her guard to calm down. He gets him being upset but today of all days, Erin didn't need this.
Atwater ignored him and kept on spewing out a lecture, "To just leave and not tell anyone where you went is selfish! To go anywhere alone puts your life in danger!"
"Give her a break man," Jay chimed in, but Atwater only continued.
"You risked your safety to run off, to go gallivanting in the night to god knows where!"
"I was on the roof." Her voice broke.
She never left the building. She just went upstairs to the roof, to look out at the night sky and think of her departed friend. She meant no harm in what she did. Struggling to hold back her grief and pain, the tears began to flow more steadily, falling down her unmoving face as her brain sorted through a formation of words to respond to Atwater with; she was too busy thinking of Nadia, blaming herself, regretting that she never had a funeral for her and all of those memories had to be pushed to the back of her mind for her to be able to focus on what she's going to say to her guard.
"I just went to the roof Kev, I'm not stupid!" She cried out; she tried to hold in the tears but this mixed with the early hour and the fact that it's the anniversary of her friend's death only meant she was fighting against an undefeatable foe, "I left and went to the roof for a little over an hour! I just needed some time to myself! I'm always surrounded and I can never just feel and express my emotions because I have you guys telling me it'll be okay or trying to cover my eyes with sunglasses to make sure no one sees the tears in them! I don't care if people see me crying! I'm crying for her! I lost her! And I would think that since you guys were around at the time, you would all understand!" She shouted before taking a deep breath and lowering her voice, "I'm sorry for worrying all of you, that was not my intention. I'm sorry for risking your job and everything else I screwed up but I needed that moment of clarity, I needed some time before my cell phone blows up with calls and messages from everyone scared that I'm going to drink myself into an early grave or say fuck my sobriety and buy drugs! I'm not going to do that. I've come too far! I'm just," she pauses to consider her next words, "I'm sick and tired of feeling like this every year on the anniversary of her death and on her birthday. I want to grieve. I want to get to a point where I think of her and think of the good times, the good memories and not of the monster that killed her, not of the trial or sitting through the autopsy report or even identifying her body! I don't want to keep blaming myself. I don't want to keep feeling like this. So that's why I went to that roof because I had to re-evaluate some things, I needed to take it all in and talk to her, or talk out loud or whatever. I wouldn't have been able to do that with all of you breathing down my neck." She pushed past her boyfriend and walked into the bedroom.
And at least Nico appeared happy to see her. He was tired but the second his eyes fell upon his human; he couldn't help but jump to his feet and race over, practically tackling her down to lick the side of her face. He was getting pretty big to be under a year. He was actually a few months away from being one, considering Erin had gotten the pup in December and it's April and he was born sometime in October. She ran her fingers through his dog hair and smiled as his infinite amount of love and loyalty was expressed by the licks he applied to her hands and face. She laughed, "I love you too Nico," she grabbed his collar and pulled him in close to hug him.
"Save some for me," she heard her fiancé say from the doorway. Erin didn't speak. She wasn't in the mood for a sequel to the previous argument. Jay walked over and took a seat beside her on the floor, "I'm not mad at you. I was just worried."
"I told you not to worry."
"…yeah, well that's easier said than done."
"You shouldn't have called them," she whispered as Nico laid down, planting his head in her lap as she soothingly pat him.
"I panicked and I figured they were with you. You didn't answer when I called."
"My phone," she whispered, pulling it out of her pocket.
His hand covered her phone, wrapping itself around her opened palm, "it died?"
"No," she hated to admit it but she wants to be honest, "I turned it off. I needed to be alone."
"My company wouldn't have made you feel better."
"To be honest," she phrased it as a question and he nodded in the affirmative, "no. You didn't know her. You weren't there when it happened. I knew her the best. I found her. I had to do this by myself. I didn't even tell Severide."
"…why not," he pulled her cell from her hand and took it upon himself to turn it on.
"He worries too much," she shrugs her shoulders, "and he would have come over and that's the last thing I need. I don't want him driving at close to five in the morning because I'm having a mental breakdown. He has work. He needs to focus."
"A mental breakdown," out of everything she said, his ears caught onto that.
"…that's what it felt like."
"Are you tired?" She silently shook her head no to answer his question and he smiled and extended his hand, "alright then, I have a surprise for you and I need you to come with me."
"I don't think I'm in the mood for an early birthday celebration."
"Good, because it's not."
A question loomed behind her eyes. What was he up to? But, the only way to find out was to trust him and go. She placed her hand in his and the two of them got up, put Nico on a leash and led her guards out of the building. Atwater didn't say a word. He just silently followed them to the car and held the door open for her to climb in, "Thanks." She whispers just as he starts to climb in, "you're welcome." He sits across from her and gives her a smile, one in which she returns. It wasn't big but considering the time and day, it was the best she could offer.
Jay gave Dawson the address and it didn't sound familiar to her. He also shot off a text message but she couldn't see who it was sent to. She sighed out, blowing a strand of her from her face as she leaned back and closed her eyes. Nico's head is out of the window, tongue wagging as he enjoyed the early morning breeze. Jay rubbed his back with his free hand as he held Erin's hand with the other. He held it tight, squeezing it every so often to remind her that she isn't alone, not anymore, not ever again and she only squeezed back once to thank him, to signal that she loves him and while it may not be obvious, she does appreciate this.
"I'm sorry for your loss, Erin, you know I am," Atwater begins seconds after he buckled his seatbelt, "and I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier. I let my emotions get in the way and I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I apologize."
For Jay, this was the first time he's seen them argue, the first time he's witnessed tension between Erin and her guards. For Erin, this happened more times than people would imagine. She's spent almost every day with them for over ten years; arguments were bound to happen.
"No hard feelings Kev, I get it," she whispered, hand squeezing that of her fiancé's as she tries to keep her voice steady, "and I know it came from a good place. You care. And I appreciate that. I love you, all of you, for that. I'm sorry if I've been a bit difficult."
Erin leans her head to the side, resting it against Jay's shoulder. She closes her eyes because it's still early and drifts off until the truck comes to a full stop. It felt like she had only blinked but when she glanced at the time, she realized that her short power nap was half an hour long. It didn't look like they were in Chicago anymore; it looked like they were on the outskirts of it, a surrounding city that not many people have visited unless passing through, "Where are we?" No one answered, but that was only because Erin had answered her own question the second she looked out of the window, "…why are we at a cemetery?"
"I want you to have this."
"You want me to have a cemetery?" the confusion was evident on her face as she followed him outside of the car and through the rows and aisles of headstones, "you bought me a cemetery?"
"No," he chuckles, placing his hand at her lower back to lead her along, to lead her until she spots a familiar face, -Severide, "I want you to have that," Jay brings her to a stop beside her closest friend but she's too distracted to hug him, to question his presence here because her eyes are drawn to the stone in front of her, "I know you told me that she never got to have a funeral service, you don't know where her ashes are sprinkled and you never got a chance to say goodbye and I know it's not the same, but I figured, now is a good time to do it. We can have a service here…for her and I know we're not in the traditional black clothing that seems to be socially acceptable for a funeral but based on the stories you've told me about her, I figured that wasn't really her thing." And he was right. Nadia was too out of this world, too different to fall into societal norms and expectations. So what, they weren't all dressed in black? It didn't make the moment any less special. Nadia deserved this. She deserved a service, and so did Erin, because it went without saying that it was pretty unfair how her parents handled the whole Nadia situation.
Erin is speechless as she stares down at the headstone. She knows Nadia isn't buried there. She knows that, but to see her friend's name etched into the stone, to see her date of birth with a dash that leads to her date of death and to see the words beloved friend written below her name but above the dates brings forth a rapid flow of tears. At the sight in front of her, her eyes fill with a mixture of despair, relief and happiness. Despair at the loss of her friend, relief at the sight of a headstone and happiness because for the first time since Nadia died, she could see closure in the nearby future. The tombstone was made out of black granite and it was heart shaped. It looked to have cost a pretty penny but knowing Jay there wasn't any amount of money he wasn't willing to spend if it meant the end result would be a smile on her face. She leans up to press a kiss against his cheek before facing forward, facing the grave.
"I know she's not buried there but-" he never finishes that statement. He doesn't need to finish it because Erin isn't listening. She's sitting down in front of the grave, brushing a few specks of dirt off the tombstone as Severide lays a bouquet of flowers down.
Erin smiled and adjusted them, "…peonies were always her favorite." She only wished she had more; she deserved so much more, "can we um," Erin adjusts one of the flowers, "can we get more flowers? She needs more peonies." And that was all she needed to say before Sorensen and Roman disappeared to retrieve the car and hit up the closest flower shop.
She felt Jay take a seat to her right and Severide to her left. The arm of her closest friend wrapped around her and he pulled her close, kissing the side of her head as they stared down at the tombstone. This was a place she could visit. This is a place where she could make up for being a lousy friend, for not throwing her the funeral she deserved. Erin felt a tear roll down her cheek and Jay reached over to squeeze her thigh, "Did you want to say a few words?"
"I don't have anything written."
Severide squeezes her tightly in his embrace, "Just speak from the heart."
And Erin does just that, leaning on her best friend and her fiancé as she shares memories, fears and the burden she felt for Nadia's death. She disclosed the news of her engagement to her deceased friend, crying at the thought of her missing her wedding. Her fingers twist the ring around her finger as she feels a deep rooted tension leave her shoulders. She needed this. She needed a place to come to, to connect and reminisce about her old friend. She shared a promise with her, one that states she'll never forget her. Nadia will always be carried around in her heart because she's come in and imprinted herself permanently in Erin's life and just because she's physically gone doesn't mean the impact that she left will ever disappear. She speaks of her hopes and dreams, she cries when she starts to remember that Nadia never got to meet hers. She talks of work, of her passion and her charity and she whispers, "I hope I'm making you proud." And Severide and Jay are pretty sure that Nadia has always been proud. She introduces her friend to her fiancé, speaking into the air as if Nadia was sitting right in front of her, "he's the love of my life." Erin wipes her eyes and releases a dry chuckle, "You two would have liked each other. I know she would have liked you. She would have thought you were good for me."
Jay finds comfort in knowing that. To know that someone who has meant everything to his girl would have approved of them did more for him than he could truly understand. He pulled her hand into his lap, holding it with both hands and squeezing it gently in reassurance. She remained leaning against Severide and talking to Nadia, sharing with her old friend her grievances, her wishes and her regrets and at that, she leans from Severide's side to Jay's side and that's when Sorensen and Roman return, holding too many bouquets of peonies for her to count. It was a struggle and the sweat on their brow shows just how much but neither of them complained, not when there's a smile –a real and genuine one- on Erin's face as they set each bouquet down in front of her grave. Erin couldn't remember the last time she felt like this on the anniversary of her friend's death; she couldn't recall the last time she smiled and laughed on a day filled with so many bad memories.
-x-
All of the events of the day before flow into the next day, the day of Erin's 27th birthday. It all goes into the morning of her birthday leading to them not waking up until close to noon. It led to her waking up to find her name trending on social media with the world wishing the first daughter a happy birthday. It warmed her heart. It led to her turning on the television in her fiancé's bedroom to find the news taking a segment out of their daily scheduled programming to use one minute of their footage to wish her a happy birthday. Strangers who she has never met posting photos of her on their social media or just simply shouting her out to wish her a happy birthday made the day special for her.
And breakfast in bed served on a tray with a white lily in a small vase to the corner of the tray being carried in by her fiancé made it even more so. She sat up and leaned her back against the headboard as he sat the tray on her lap, "You did all of this for me?"
"Happy birthday baby," he whispered, leaning forward to brush a kiss to her forehead, "now you should eat up because we have a busy day ahead of us."
This man knew one of the ways to her heart, -food, and homemade food at that. She smiled down at the contents on her plate, -French toast with powdered sugar, home fries, bacon, scrambled eggs and a side of fruit salad served in a small dish bowl with a glass of orange juice to wash it all down. She glanced at the clock; he must have woken up early to go to the store and get the ingredients to make it.
Erin felt the bed dip when Jay sat at the end of it, drawing her feet into his lap as he used his hands to massage the toes and arches of her feet. It all felt too good. Constantly walking in high heels took its toll on her poor feet and he was treating her to a nice massage as she filled her belly with some of her favorite breakfast foods. She finished cutting up her French toast and started to pour syrup over the delicious bread before popping a forkful of it into her mouth, she moans, "If your day job doesn't work out, you can always become a chef. I swear if I had your skills in the kitchen I probably would never stop cooking and never stop eating."
"…thanks," he felt a blush creep over his cheeks, "my mom taught me and after she died, we kind of had to fend for ourselves, you know? I got tired of cooking and eating the same thing so I bought cookbooks and learned how to make lots of things."
"Oh, I'm going to love being married to you," she gushes, taking another bite of her breakfast.
"You're just marrying me for culinary skills," he joked and she washed down what she ate with a sip of juice before responding, "That's just one of the many reasons why I'm marrying you."
The sound of her fork scraping against the plate filled the room as she stuffed her mouth with the different meals made to perfection. Between the foot massage and the homemade breakfast served to her in bed, he had already made her birthday the best it has ever been. Even as she clears her plate and he begins to massage the muscles of her ankle and lower calf, she finds herself not wanting to leave the bed. He makes it impossible to do so. Even when he clears the tray from her lap and shoos her into the bathroom, he's already showered and dressed, and he needs her to get ready so they can head out.
"Where are we going?" She asks as he drags her into the bathroom.
He turns on the shower and holds his hand under the water to make sure it isn't too hot, "Do you really think I'm going to tell you," he laughs before withdrawing his hand, "now get showered because where we're going, you definitely deserve to experience."
That's all he tells her. That's the only hint she'll get. It's why she rushes her shower.
By the time Erin was showered and dressed, there was a familiar melody playing throughout his penthouse. She didn't have to find him. She knew exactly where he was. And while mouthing the lyrics to her new favorite song, she followed the sound of it to find him sitting on the couch, playing the notes and pulling the strings of his guitar as he belt out a rendition of her song before transitioning it into a remixed version of happy birthday. She takes a seat next to him on the couch, she closes her eyes and she allows his beautiful voice to sweep her up. Her head falls to his shoulder just as he extends a note and when the song comes to an end, she opens her eyes and pleas with her gaze for him to sing it again.
And he does. He could never refuse her. He sings the remixed version of happy birthday that he thought of before transitioning it into the traditional version and the second it comes to an end again, she leans over and pecks the lobe of his ear, "I love watching you play."
"…yeah?" He carefully sits his guitar down.
"Mmhmm, teach me some time…" and he couldn't refuse that because just how watching him play does things to Erin, he could only picture what it'll do to him when he sees her play.
"You ready to get out of here, birthday girl?"
She rolls her eyes and smiles, "…don't call me that."
"Why not birthday girl?" He reaches for her and she swats him away.
"I hate that," she chuckles.
"I'll try to stop birthday girl," he reaches for her again and this time he's successful in pulling her into his arms, "no promises."
"You're doing a horrible job of it."
He shrugs, unbothered, before quickly pecking the corner of her mouth and drawing his head back. The expression on Jay's face was so soft, so loving and natural, and Erin couldn't help but to blush under his gaze.
Enjoying the small moments were what made her birthday all she has ever wanted. She didn't need the extravagant gifts; just being in his presence was enough for her. It wasn't enough for him though; it's not enough for a guy who wants to give his girl everything and more. So when his phone buzzes in his pocket with a text from Atwater, he takes her hand and against her groan of disapproval, pulls her out of the penthouse.
Her guards are waiting.
It's obvious they know of the events Jay has planned for today.
And it's also obvious by the expression on their faces that they have no intention of telling her.
"Are you guys seriously not going to tell me? What happened to loyalty?" Erin grumbles as she climbs into the back of the truck. Her guards only chuckle as they wait for everyone to be buckled before driving off.
Jay is on his phone during the ride. Erin is too focused on the landmarks and buildings they're passing to notice. She hasn't looked at him once since Dawson started driving.
"You're not going to guess it," Jay remarks, pocketing his cell just as she pulls hers out. It vibrated and she notices a social media notification indicating that he's tagged her in a message.
"I can try," she retorts, eyes remained focus on the road despite the phone in her hand, "I'm going to figure this out. I notice we're almost out of downtown."
"…just sit back and enjoy the ride," his voice held a plea; she was smart, he didn't want her to guess, he wanted her to be surprised, "and check your notifications."
To appease him –even though it was her birthday- she takes his advice and does as he requested. She opens up one of her social media apps and taps on the notification icon to look at the picture he's tagged her in. She thinks of the birthday post she made for him and then looks at the one he made for her. Guys and girls are too different. It makes her chuckle and swoon at the same time because even though it's a short message, it's still special.
My reason to smile, happy birthday baby, I love you
It was written beneath a black and white photo of her taken when she wasn't paying attention. It's a casual look she sported, one of his favorites because he didn't need her to dress up to look beautiful. He liked her in anything she wore. And that was obvious by the heart eye emoji he posted to start off his birthday message. She's wearing sweats and a tank-top, her hair is in a messy bun and she has her reading glasses on, the black rims of them stand out in the photo. With the opened laptop on her lap and the fact that she's sitting on his bedroom floor hints that she was most likely working. That's the only reason he'd manage to sneak a picture without her knowing. Nico was in the far corner of the photo, lying on his doggy bed, fast asleep. She zoomed into the picture and smiled at the sight of her growing pup, "He's getting so big."
"Yeah, our pup is growing up fast," he whispers, sliding closer –and thinking to himself how happy he is that she isn't paying attention to their surroundings- "we should get another."
She zooms out and averts her eyes to glance in his direction, "Yeah, no," she shakes her head at the thought, "I love Nico, don't get me wrong, but the next living thing we bring into our home to take care of and love is going to be a baby."
When it comes to conversations between her and Jay, her guards had learned to tune it out in an effort to grant them some type of privacy. She knew they heard but they mastered the art of keeping a straight face. This had to be the first time that Erin could recall where they failed.
Atwater looked up at her, eyes wide and face in shock. Dawson sat behind the steering wheel, turning into the parking lot as he continuously cleared his throat; -he had been talking to Sorensen when she made her little comment. It seems Roman is the only one minding his business, but he's wearing sunglasses, so it's a possibility that he's looking at them but the glasses hide it. She's focuses back in on the birthday post and taps to comment, thank you so much baby, this birthday has been so special because of you, love you even though I hate surprises. She pockets her phone afterwards and looks up to find no one in the car. Jay had gotten out and raced around to open her door, "For you, birthday girl," she slaps his chest as she hops out and he rubs the small sting away, "ouch, you're pretty aggressive today."
It's no wonder why Jay didn't want her paying attention to where they were going because she would have eventually guessed it. The car is parked in the lot of an empty pier. She feels him take her hand and begin to lead her in the direction of a docked boat, "…Jay."
"Just stay right here while I get the keys," he whispered into her ear before releasing her hand.
She doesn't listen. She moves forward, taking slow steps towards the edge of the dock to peer over. Her guards remained in the car. And she finds relief to know they won't be following; that's a birthday present all by itself.
It's peaceful to see birds flying around in the sky. She slept in late, was treated to breakfast in bed, took a hot shower, lounged in the living room as her fiancé serenaded her and then took a half an hour long drive out of the city to go sailing. She didn't have lunch because of her late breakfast and now that it was approaching dinner time, she knew that within the next hour, she's going to be hungry again.
Erin stood at the end of the dock, inhaling the scent of fresh air as the warm breeze blew through her growing hair. She tucked her hands into the front of her pockets, closed her eyes and allowed herself to just live and be in the moment. She's 27. She's so close to 30. She's living a life that she's earned with a man that she loves. She smiles. And she only reopens her eyes when she feels him approach her from behind, wrapping his arms around her waist and inhaling the scent of her hair, "…if any other guy did this, I would find it creepy." She laughs.
He loves the smell of her, "…if it was any other guy that did that then we would have a problem." He laughs in response and she turns around in his arms.
Jay gave her a short kiss before taking a large step back. He needed to put distance between them just to ensure they actually got a chance to sail. She was distracting.
He took a hold of her hand and led her to the boat he had rented. Stepping on first and then holding her hand and helping her climb onto the rocking boat was the beginning of their grand adventure. And it was as he escorted her to a seat and then started to prep the boat for sailing that had her realize that while she knew so much about him, there were still things she didn't know.
Jay manned the wheel and steered out of the dock, "Er," he called out once they were a few feet away, "come over here." Her legs are a bit shaky; it'll take a few minutes for her sea legs to kick in but using the furniture on the boat to guide her had her at his side in seconds.
"…you rang?"
"I want you to steer," he says, taking a step back to allow her to move in front of him, "we're out in the middle of water so there's nothing for you to hit." Her hands grab the wheel and his own grab her waist as he moves back in, pressing his front against her back, "So, you mentioned kids huh?"
"Don't be surprised, we've talked about this," she turns the wheel and he reaches out to grab the wheel to slow down the turn.
"Yeah I know, and we've agreed that you'll let me know when you're ready to start trying."
She holds the wheel, unmoving, and glances up to face him, her eyes squinting because of the sun that will start to set soon, "…I…I'm still not ready for that yet," she whispers as his hands circle around her, palms open and flat against her lower abdomen, "but baby trust and believe that once I am, you'll be the first to know and we'll start trying as soon as possible."
"I can't wait to put a baby in you." He leaned down to kiss her eyebrow.
"…and I can't wait until you put a baby in me." This time when he kisses her, their lips meet.
For the next half an hour, Jay and Erin steer the wheel further and further away from the dock until it was a small speck in their vision, "I think this is a good place to anchor," he says. Once the anchor was launched and lowered, bringing the boat to a firm stop, only swaying when the waves moved beneath it. He blindfolded his girl and whispered happy birthday into her ear as he led her to a seat, helping her lower down before disappearing to the bottom of the boat. He had sent one of her guards to put the picnic basket on the counter in the small kitchen; it held her favorite meals and a plaid blanket. He quickly grabs it, knowing his girl is impatient and soon enough she'll be rushing him and trying to pull off the blindfold.
Setting up a picnic on a rocking ship proved to be harder than what he first thought. The blanket lays perfectly. It was the wine glasses that caused the problems. He placed them back into the basket until he could put them to use. While setting down the plates and pulling out the Tupperware containers, he saw his fiancée's growing impatience as she twisted and squirmed and fought off every desire to rip off the blindfold, "I'm almost finished."
"I don't like surprises," she groaned, crossing her arms over her chest.
"…you'll like this one," he guarantees as he lays out the silverware, "alright babe, on the count of three," he pulls out the wine bottle and uncorks the glass, "you can pull off your blindfold."
"Finally," she exclaims dramatically.
"One," he sits the wine bottle down into the center, "two," he reaches into the basket and pulls out a vase of white lilies to sit beside the bottle, "three," he leans back and nervously awaits for the blindfold to come off.
Even though he was pretty positive that she would enjoy her birthday surprise, he was still worried over her reaction. He never knew what to expect with the woman. He liked that about her though, the way she can keep him on his toes. He watches her face, knowing that her expression will tell him things that her words cannot. Her shocked expression takes its time to morph into complete and unbridled happiness, "Jay…" she finally speaks after an undisclosed amount of time, "it's all…it's all perfect and beautiful and I love it."
She didn't want anything big and fancy done for her birthday. She wanted to keep it simple, celebrating it with the love of her life. And he'd done just that; he'd made her birthday special and catered to one of the things she loved, -food. He'd made her breakfast in bed and now he's taking her sailing on a boat he rented with a picnic packed and prepared all by his hands. She watched as he opened each plastic container and the aroma of all the fatty goodness filled her nostrils; she took a slow inhale, "…is that lasagna?" It was a rhetorical question because she's looking down at it, she's looking at the homemade goodness.
Jay says nothing; he only grabs the other container to open it up. She watches him, licking her lips as he cracked open the second container, -it's a Caesar salad. The smile remained on her face as he sits the container down and grabs the next; it's garlic bread. He really went all out and it was all just for her. And before she could open her mouth to say something again, he grabs the biggest container on the blanket, peeling the lid back in what feels like slow motion.
"Happy birthday baby," he whispers as he reveals a homemade strawberry shortcake and suddenly a burst of emotions fill her body and there's nothing she can do to stop the tears.
"When did you get the time to make all of this?"
"…I kind of got Severide to help. I got him to get you out of the house yesterday evening. I prepared the meal and then this afternoon your guards brought it here and stored it in the lower deck and then they drove back to pick us up." All of that to maintain her surprise.
Her best friend had talked her into going browsing for wedding dresses. It was late into the afternoon and the bridal shop had about an hour left before it closed and for some reason Erin never found it suspicious that Kelly Severide was initiating and willing to go dress shopping with her. It was his idea. And there was no complaining when they were there and she was trying on gowns. She just thought he wanted to get her out of the house since it was the anniversary of Nadia's death; she thought he was trying to keep her busy because of it. It was all adding up now. Hindsight is 20/20.
Halstead grins and meets her eyes when he sees the pieces all adding together. Knowing that her best friend succeeded in his plan was the last straw in her ability to hold back her tears. She let them go. She silently cried. And for some reason, it felt like that's all she's been doing this month. She's been crying and crying and crying and she knew that by the end of her birthday, she wouldn't have any more tears left to cry.
"Thank you so much," her voice breaks as she leans over to press her lips against his. She wipes the smudge of makeup away when she pulls back.
"…anything for you," he says and those words do something to her heart, something that she was in no mood to reexamine right now, "how about we dig in?"
And that was all she needed to hear before he filled her plate with a slice of lasagna, a scoop of salad, a breadstick and a slice of cake. Her plate was full; she could feel the weight of it under her legs as she sits the plate down on the top of her thighs. A silence filled the boat as the two of them dug into their plateful of food.
On a boat, in the middle of the water, alone in the peace and quiet of the evening made this birthday the best she's ever had. After breakfast in bed, she didn't think it would be possible to make it better, but then he surprised her with this. Erin spent her time eating and suppressing the tears that she wanted to release. She's never cried so much. She knows that's just another sign that her time of the month was approaching and she appreciated that it waited until after her birthday to come because she wanted to close the night with a round or two of birthday sex.
"How'd you learn to sail?" It was the first thing she asked even though they're both halfway through with eating; she was getting full even though the idea of going back for seconds was appealing, "Who taught you?"
"My dad," he answers with a shrug, lifting his hand to do the usual tic of his, -scratching behind his head, "he taught me and Will. He used to take us all sailing before my mom died, before he changed. He was never a good dad, even when my mom was alive, but he was a little decent."
He finished his food first and used the time as she finished hers to give her the second part of her massage, starting at her feet and working up her legs, stopping only to start massaging her shoulders. She ate and moaned and half of it was because the food was so good and the other half was because the massage felt amazing. Her senses were all over the place. And so were her hormones as she sat her unfinished plate of food down, "Don't tell me you're full?" He chuckles as he kneads the tension out of her shoulders.
"No," she answers, voice husky as she turns on her knees to face him, "I'm just hungry for something else," she pressed her lips against his so fast and so rough that it takes him a minute to reciprocate the kiss. He sat back on his behind and she crawled onto him.
Erin sat on his lap facing him, with her knees on either side of his hips, aching from the pressure of them resting against the deck of the boat. She buried her fingers in his hair, bringing his mouth forward to latch onto hers. He met her fervently, kissing her with an equal force and passion that she brought out of him. His hands couldn't keep still, one moving to situate at the back of her neck while the other sat just above her waist and there's no surprise that the combination of the rocking boat with the friction of her core rubbing against his that he became rock hard beneath the juncture of her spread thighs, "god woman, I love the fuck out of you," his words were desperate and rushed as he used that moment to gasp for air before pressing his lips back to hers. She smiled into the kiss and tightened her hold on him.
The wind blew her hair in different directions. The boat continued to rock as it remained anchored in its location. She continued to rock against him, she continued to press her core against his as their kiss escalated to a full on make-out that seemed like it was lasting for hours. It was inevitable for one of them to break away because of their need for oxygen, but it didn't stop him from chasing her lips, wanting to continue to kiss her instead of take a breath of air.
This moment, the brief time their lips were separated, she used to her advantage by pulling her shirt over her head and tossing it to the side, being mindful to not throw it too hard or far so it didn't fall off the boat. She began to unbutton his shirt next and he assisted in the stripping of it by sliding his arms out of the sleeves to allow it to fall to the ground. Her eyes were locked back onto his and she smiled, she was so happy, "I love the fuck out of you too," she responded to his earlier words before leaning back in to resume where they left off.
Without disconnecting their lips, he stripped her of her bra, he unbuttoned her shorts and she unbuckled his. Jay's breathing was fast, sporadic and uneven. His erection strained and pressed against his jeans and he knew he was going to need relief soon. Jay dropped his hands to cup her ass and maneuver her around in his grip. Not once did their lips disconnect, not once did either of them pull away as her legs wrapped around his and he leaned forward to lie her down on her back, all with the intention of making love to her until the sun goes down.
