It was seven in the morning and thankfully it was sunny. A sunny Sunday. I looked at the window smiling. Renata was sleeping, still. It was understandable. I was awake too early. I looked at the pool and it was really tempting. Making and effort not to wake Renata, I went to the closet and changed my PJs to a black swimsuit. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I went back to my bedroom and there she was, all wrapped in blanket. She looked like a big Christmas gift. She was my gift, actually. Her hair was a mess, all spread on the pillow. Her mouth was lightly opened and her facial expression could be descripting as peaceful. I decided I should increase the heater temperature. I grabbed my towel and went downstairs.
"Hello, big boy." – I stroked Jim's hair with my foot. He was getting bigger. His paw was getting better, finally. But the doctor said he would limp forever. Good thing he didn't have to cut his paw off.
It was hot outside, which was funny because it was never hot outside. Always a cold sun or a freezing blizzard.
I looked at the roof and there were a few birds on it. Their singing was a bit of annoying but I didn't care. It was seven fourteen in the morning. Why the heck was I awake? The sun gave me chills and the goosebumps on my body just got worse when I stepped in on the pool.
I swam a little and went inside to prepare some juice. I found vodka on the refrigerator so I mixed my passion fruit with vodka and dropped the liquid on a funny big cup that I had still left from the party and a straw. 'Nice cocktail, I should be a barman. Girl.', I thought.
It was almost ten o'clock when I went back to the kitchen. I was all wet from the pool and Jim was trying to take off my towel.
"Julia?" – I heard the sleepy voice from my sleepy Renata coming from upstairs.
I also heard a few knocks.
"Oh dear Lord, babe. Can you wake up first before start walking around the house, please?
"I guess I'm gonna have a few bruises on my left or… is it right?" – She yawned. – "Knee. Where are you?"
"Downstairs." – I dropped the cup on the sink. – "Stay where you are." – I started climbing the stairs and when I made it to the second floor I saw Renata leaned on the stair railing, her hair looked more like a broom, I ought to say. She was wearing an extra big crumpled white shirt. Because of her whiteness, it was possible to see the redness of her right knee.
"I'm awake." – She yawned again and rubbed her eyes. She looked at me and opened a big smile. – "Oh, hey." – She began to laugh.
"It's on the right knee, baby." – I pointed.
"My eyes were blurred. I know directions." – She defended herself. I came towards her and she hugged me. – "You're cold and wet."
"Oh, really?" – I laughed. – "You're so bad in the morning. Do you get blind or something?"
She laughed harder.
"I just get lazier than usual. But I'm fine." – I bit her chin, lightly. It was good because she was taller than me. – "You need a shower. You smell like chlorine."
"Thank you." – I said it in an ironic tone, smelled my hair and left her embrace. – "But you're right, I need a shower."
"I'm sorry." – She smiled and followed me as I made my way to the next bathroom I saw.
"So… Shower." – I said. Renata was still on the doorway.
"Oh, right. Right." – She smiled again and she left the spot.
"Do you want to be inside here, my love? I'm not expelling you from here…" - I quickly said, not wanting to sound rude.
"No, no. I'm just still lazy. I have to wash my face and do my stuff. Did you have breakfast?"
I nodded.
"I'm making it, then." – She stroked my face and I kissed her cheek.
I locked the door, an act I was always used to.
I chose a red short dress, all flowered and straightened my hair, wanting a different look. I went downstairs, following the delicious smell of butter. Renata had a better looking now. Not that she wasn't pretty before. She's never not pretty. She was just messy and now she is… Well, beautiful as usual.
"I already fed Jimmy. Go sit down. I'm almost done." – Bossy Renata ordered, as she watched me grabbing Jim's food. I dropped it and went to kiss my girlfriend's neck. She smelled irresistible.
"You're hot cooking." – I said as I stroked her lap, her hips and her arms. I felt her smiling and I also felt goosebumps.
She simply giggled.
I kissed the corner of her lips, because she didn't turn around for me. She was really too concentrated on our breakfast.
We went out for shopping and after we had lunch at a fancy restaurant. Renata said she was feeling like a spoiled kid.
We were talking about stupid things, just enjoying each other's company
"We should go to Jazmin's. She said she's upset at you because you never visit her." – Renata leaned her elbows on the table, staring at me.
"You mean, now? She may be busy. It's Sunday, she's probably with some new boyfriend or something like that." – I lightly laughed.
"We're free this afternoon. Come on, baby. Call her."
I looked at her and sighed, having my laziness taking control of my whole body. I nodded positively to her and she smiled.
"May is almost over. Have you decided which job offer you're going to take?" – Renata calmly said, not wanting to sound anxious.
I thought about a few job offers and recommendations I have received.
"I've got an offer on that St. Patrick School, you know?" – She nodded – "But um, that's the only place close to where I live. I know I should've booked more interviews but it's just that it's not usual teaching Portuguese on America. So I'm still thinking. But we'll be cool." – I had my hands shaking a little, not that I was nervous but because long speeches made me bored and I also thought my voice was too annoying for long speeches.
Renata nodded again, making sure to me she was listening. She looked down, probably thinking of what her next words were going to be.
"Maybe you should accept that offer in New York. It's close to your family, it's more like you used to work and… And I think that'd be the best for you."
New York was a tempting offer. I had all I needed there. And it was way too different from where I'm living right now. In New York I had all I needed except from what I ache for the most: my girlfriend. I couldn't move to New York, it'd be the most selfish thing I'd do.
"Discard this option, honey. No way I'm moving to New York." – I grabbed my phone to dial Jazmin's number, in order to change the subject, even though I didn't want to go visit her today.
"But you love New York, we've talked about this so many times." – She lowered her hands to where mine was holding the cell phone. She grabbed it from me, turning it off.
"But I love you." – I looked deep straight at her eyes, making extreme eye contact. She looked down for a second, breathing heavily, her chest moving up and down visibly. – "I love you." – I repeated. – "And your life is here. You built your life here. Only God knows how hard you made to get to this point. You are my life, I thought you had understood that already."
"It'd be selfish if I kept you here in Minneapolis only because of me. I can't do this." – She suddenly got up, giving me back my phone and grabbing her purse. She left the money on the table and ran away from the restaurant.
For a second I froze. What the hell just happened? I went to follow her and I found her on the sidewalk. It was freezing which is funny because the morning was just perfect. I saw her hair a little darker, due to the lack of light of the place. I came closer, stopping by her side. I had my hands on my pockets, a usual act of mine when I'm on those I-don't-know-what-to-do moments.
She was the one that broke the silence.
"You never liked Minneapolis." – From her voice tune, she's been crying.
"I never said that." – I replied calmly, not knowing what to expect from her reaction.
"You never needed to." – She glanced at me. – "You only show. Maybe not consciously, but unconsciously you do."
"This is not true. I can accept the offer in that St. Patrick School."
It was too freeze to chat on the sidewalk, I waited for her to make the first move on the direction of the car. When she did, I followed her in silence. No words were said until we got home. It was an awkward silence. For the first time in months I didn't fell any comfortable in silence with Renata. She was driving and only looking forward. I hated fights and argue and my heart was pumping out so loud it was possible to be heard, now that the only noises were the car's and our breaths.
I opened the door when we got home and ignored Jim.
I dropped my bag on the couch and Renata made her way to our bathroom. No Jazmin for the day, I suppose. I followed her and I found her brushing her teeth.
"Can we just talk about what's going on?" – I was a bit irritated by now, and Renata just ignored until she washed her face and cleaned herself.
"You hate this city! You hate it. You hate every single part of this city, of this state. You hate it. I just… I don't understand you, Julia. I can't understand you. There's no way." – She didn't shout but her voice was louder than usual.
"What you don't understand about me? You're fantasizing this all on your mind. I never said anything about Minneapolis." – I made my way towards her and touched her arm. We were in the bathroom. – "Babe…" – I lowered my voice.
"No 'babe' now." – She shook out her touched arm, taking my hand off of it. I followed her to our bedroom. – "I can't understand you. You look like you like to suffer or something. You have everything you need out of here, in New York, and I don't get it why you're still here."
"I can't go because I have yo-"
"Don't say it." – She interrupted me. – "Don't say you can't go because of me. I can't be the reason to keep you here. I won't." – She was crying a little, her voice was hoarse and somewhat failed.
"I'm not complaining. This is my decision. My happiness is here with you."
"This is not true. You're so young and you have so much to live, you have so many opportunities. You weren't born for this. You were born for so much greater things. Don't… Don't do this."
"I made my decision. There's no way I can be happy without you."
"This is what you think. You don't know anything about life, Julia. I won't be the one that keeps you here." – Renata grabbed her purse back and ran downstairs.
"Renata!" – I screamed from the stairs but she had already left.
