westlife4ever80, you could definitely be right about the kiss! Not quite yet, but I'm sure it'll happen. Ethan will have lots of support, but he probably feels like his time is very limited. Thank you for your review.

Bonnie Sveen Fan, thank you for your review. It is really hard for Cal and Ethan - neither of them can see a way through at the moment, but although Ethan has given up, Cal hasn't yet.

Tanith Panic, thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the support Cal gives Ethan - if only it gave Ethan a sense of comfort too! Thank you. I like writing relationships, which is strange considering how much I complain about relationships in Casualty!

X-Sammii-X, I'm not sure Dylan would see himself as going on dates with Angela, but he so is! There's more than one sort of date. I'm sorry Ethan's part s upset you. There might be more about that in future chapters. Thank you for your review.

LoveFiction2016, thank you for your review - I'm glad you think it's looking good at the moment.

Thank you to BexieID and UsernameID for your follow and favourites.


Cal took the lift back down to the ED. He leaned against one of the walls, his eyes closed, listening to the humming and slight shuddering of the lift as it moved downwards. He thought for a moment that perhaps the lift was like Ethan: moving down and down and no-one could stop it.

But that wasn't quite true, of course. Cal could stop the lift if he wanted to. He could press the emergency stop button; he could ask it to stop at another floor on the way down. He could stay in the lift and made it go all the way up to the top back up to the top.

He couldn't do that for Ethan. Even if Cal could somehow get him out of his depression, he couldn't stop him from declining physically.

The lift arrived on the ground floor. The doors opened. Cal stumbled out, his eyes blurred with tears. He was aware of people standing by the lift, but he couldn't see who they were. A couple of them said hello to him; he thought it might have been Zoe and Robyn, but Cal didn't care who it was. He didn't really want to see anyone. He turned and walked away from them, not completely sure where he was going.

A hand touched his arm. "Cal, how is he?"

Cal blinked his tears away and looked sadly at Zoe. Max was standing beside her, a worried look on his face.

"Come on: I'll make you a cup of tea," said Zoe, rubbing his arm.

Cal jerked away from her. "What is tea going to do? How can that help Ethan?"

Zoe's face softened. "It can't. You don't know how much I wish it could, Cal."

Her voice quivered slightly and Max put his supportively hand on her back, his anxious eyes now turned to his wife.

"But it might help you?" said Zoe, her voice quiet and sad. "I know it's going to be difficult for you to get through the day. You don't look like you slept very well."

"Would you sleep well if your brother was on the psych ward?" Tears had sprung to Cal's eyes again, but he felt no embarrassment. Only hopelessness.

"Of course not," said Zoe. "I didn't sleep much as it was."

Cal threw her a slightly scornful look. He could guess why Zoe hadn't slept and it wasn't anything to do with Ethan.

"Not like that," said Max quickly. "The mood wasn't right. All we could think about was Ethan."

Cal looked into his eyes and saw his sincerity. He was glad, in a way, that Ethan had friends on his side, but Zoe and Max couldn't help him any more than Cal could and it made him feel more hopeless than ever. Zoe was such a great doctor; Max had such a deep understanding of human emotions and relationships, but they could do nothing.

"Ethan would want you to work hard and do your best for your patients," said Zoe.

Cal knew she was trying to help, but it only made him angrier. "'Would want'? Why would you say it like that? My brother isn't dead, Zoe. He's not even getting symptoms yet. How can you stand there and talk about Ethan like he's already gone; like he's already beyond help?"

Zoe's eyes widened with hurt, then filled with understanding. "Cal, I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it the way it sounded, but… yeah, it was a stupid thing to say."

"I think maybe Zoe means Ethan probably isn't in the right mood to mind about how much you work at the moment," suggested Max. "It's hard to care about things sometimes when you're depressed. But if he was in the right mood, he'd want the same things he's always wanted because he's the same person he always was."

"Yes, that's what I mean," said Zoe with a grateful glance for Max.

Cal put his hands over his face. Everything was going wrong. He felt everything spiralling further and further away from him. He couldn't stop what was happening to Ethan. He couldn't even stop what was happening to himself; he couldn't stop the fear from engulfing him.

How was he ever going to be able to work?

"Come on," said Zoe gently. "I need a coffee even if you don't. We'll sit together and talk if you want to – and sit in silence if you don't."

Cal had no strength to argue. He followed Zoe and Max to the staff room and sat down with Zoe at his side as Max started to make the drinks; some unspoken agreement between husband and wife had obviously been made. When Zoe put his arm around him, Cal made no objections. He rested his head on Zoe's shoulder and started to cry.


Ethan barely glanced up when Angela sat beside him. She reached out and gave his arm a rub. He didn't push her away – he hoped he would never do that – but it didn't help. It just showed how weak and worthless he'd become. If he was downstairs in the ED where he'd once belonged, a nurse from the psych ward would never comfort him. A nurse from the ED might, but that would be a colleague; a friend. Someone who knew him well enough to comfort him.

But now he was the patient and that meant any nurse could comfort him.

Ethan wasn't sure why that felt so wrong. There was nothing wrong with being a patient; nothing wrong with needed comfort.

But it was wrong when it was Ethan.

"How are you feeling, Ethan?" asked Angela gently.

Ethan didn't answer. He'd have thought that was obvious.

"It can be really difficult coming here," said Angela. "It's very different from what you're used to."

But very similar to what I'm going to have to get used to.

"Is there anything we can do to help you to feel more comfortable?" asked Angela.

Take this gene away from me! And then let me out of here so I can go back to my job.

"No," whispered Ethan. There really was nothing she could do.

"A lot of people feel like that," said Angela. "It's difficult to imagine how you can be comfortable here. A lot of people get used to it and even come to like it. But if you don't, you don't have to stay here. We'd really like you to give this a try, Ethan, but if you're really unhappy here, we don't want to keep you here against your will."

But if I'm not here, where will I go? thought Ethan. What if everyone thinks I'm too ill to go back home? His heart clenched. What if Cal doesn't want me?

Angela stroked his hand. "Would you like me to go, Ethan? It's fine if you do. I know you don't want to talk, so if you'd like me to go, can you squeeze my hand once for me?"

Ethan wanted her to go, but he couldn't do it. He didn't want to hurt her. He knew how being hurt felt and she was only doing her job. He respected her for that. It wasn't as though Ethan could do his job at the moment.

"Okay," said Angela softly, when the hand-squeeze didn't come. "How about I tell you about some of the activities we do here? Don't worry if you zone out. I know concentration can be hard. If you have any questions or you want me to repeat anything, just tell me or squeeze my hand. Otherwise, don't worry."

Ethan looked at her and gave a slight nod.

Angela started talking.

Ethan didn't hear a word.


Dylan was more than ready for a cup of tea.

He didn't mind if his patients didn't like him. That didn't matter. He didn't particularly like his patients either, though it wasn't something he often thought about.

Patients who did like him were a different matter.

Dylan wasn't sure why it bothered him so much. He had a feeling he should feel grateful that a random stranger had realised Dylan wasn't all that bad really, but he only ever felt embarrassed and awkward and completely at a loss.

After getting rid of a (presumably) lovely lady who'd called him by various endearments before hugging him goodbye, he'd decided he was perfectly justified in taking a break.

As soon as he entered the staff room, he found himself in yet another worrying situation.

Cal was sitting on the sofa in the staff room, his head in his hands, sobbing.

Dylan immediately started to back out. This was not his field of expertise and he very much doubted Cal wanted Dylan to see he was crying. But at that moment, Cal lifted his head and looked around the room, catching Dylan's eye.

Cal looked embarrassed and hastily turned away, scrubbing at his face with his hands. Dylan thought again about leaving, but he couldn't help thinking of Angela and he knew she would never walk away from anyone in distress – at least not unless she was asked to leave.

Dylan took a step closer to Cal. He didn't ask what was wrong. It wasn't the kind of thing he'd usually ask and in any case, it was obvious what was wrong. Cal's brother was in the psych ward; of course he was upset. Dylan spoke hesitantly. "Can I… get someone?"

Cal shook his head, though he managed something approaching a smile. "No. But thanks."

Dylan nodded and turned to leave the room. If Cal didn't require help, he wasn't going to stay and insist on offering it. Dylan still wanted a cup of tea, but he didn't think Cal wanted company at the moment and that was a feeling Dylan understood very well.

As he left the room, he had another glance at Cal. The registrar seemed lost in his own dark thoughts, but he wasn't crying anymore. That was probably a good sign. It probably meant Dylan hadn't made him feel worse.

But he couldn't help thinking he'd done a terrible job of supporting his colleague and although he wouldn't usually have minded too much, Dylan couldn't help thinking Angela probably wouldn't be very impressed at all.