"Lake Superior State?"
Until now, Leni has never even heard of that school. How could she have gone this long without learning? Helen had scarcely brought it up. But alas, there was a shiny brochure that came with her acceptance letter. Leni leafed through it as she heard her friend talk.
"Yup," Helen said as she sat on her bed, "it has a pretty nice English program. Plus I visited it and it seemed pretty nice."
She didn't blame her. Looking at the pictures, it was a nice campus situated in a secluded corner of the country. If Leni had known about it sooner, she would have applied. She couldn't believe she didn't even ask ahead of time about it.
"It's so far away. It's all the way up in the arm," Leni said as she peeled at a map included in the brochure, "The arm!"
In her years, Leni never remembered being up in Michigan's arm. All her life, she has only known the oven mitt of Michigan. Even Central Michigan, as far from Royal Woods as it was, was still in that vast landmass.
"I know..." Helen said slowly, her head lowering, "I'm sorry."
"No no no," Leni said, shaking rapidly, "Don't be! I'm happy for you."
She felt her face heat up. Leni was embarrassed that she came across as angry. That wasn't what the feeling was. It was more...other things, ones that were outside her friend's control. It wasn't poor Helen's fault that they would be going to different schools. Nor could she blame her for being excited about it. The fact was that they were doing different things, had different needs, and had different eyes.
"Thanks," Helen answered nervously. She slowly rocked her body back and forth. Her eyes were still focused on the ground, unable to meet eye contact with her friend, "I just..."
"It's okay," Leni blurted out. She dropped the brochure and crawled up to Helen, "I'm glad you got into a school you wanted. Please don't be sad."
Helen gradually leaned over to her, revealing her face piece by piece. Thankfully, she didn't cry. That was always a fear of Leni's (one that never lost its fervor). She sighed in relief, knowing that her friend wasn't that devastated. Still, there remained a tinge of sadness in those beautiful eyes. And as long as it stood there on display, they were bound to bother Leni, bugging her like a pair of fuzzy leg warmers.
"I know. I-I just didn't want to make you upset," Helen said softly, her eye contact wavering. Leni, though, focused intently, pining for each word her friend chose to reveal, "But I will miss you. This wasn't an easy choice for me to make."
Leni vigorously nodded.
"I'm totes gonna miss you too."
Finally, their gazes matched each other's. The two silently stared at each other. What were they gonna do now? The first thing Leni thought of was a hug. Who didn't like hugs after all? And given the regret that clouded over Helen, she looked like she needed one. In fact, it was so obvious that Leni was shocked that she wasn't already doing it.
Not wanting to further delay the inevitable, Leni leaned in, wrapping her arms around her friend's waist. Scarcely a moment went by before she felt a similar wrapping force engulf her as well.
As Leni looked at the wall in Helen's room, one burning thought seared its way to the forefront. Why didn't she plan ahead of time? Did Lake Superior State have a fashion program too? If it did, she was more than willing to transfer just to be with her friend.
"I'm sorry," Leni said mechanically, betraying the utter conviction she felt in her heart, "if you want, I can transfer."
"Oh," Helen said sadly. Leni trembled upon hearing that, compelling her to rub her friend's back. Instead of feeling better, she couldn't hear anything. It was like the hug was the only means of communication between the two. Mute talking, in which uncertain thoughts were exchanged telepathically.
"You don't have to do that," she heard Helen say, "I wouldn't want to make you sad or anything."
"But what about you?" Leni asked, "wouldn't you want me to, like, be at the same school so we could still be best friends?"
Her eyes widened as that terrible thought reared its ugly friend. Being all alone on a big campus, not being able to connect with anyone. And Helen fading from her life, never to be seen or heard from again. Leni gripped her friend even tighter, hoping that basic gesture would keep her special gift around.
"Leni, we can still be friends. We can text and call each other," she heard Helen say.
That was true. Leni very much cherished her texts with Helen. Despite the ever shrinking storage on her phone, she never dared delete any of her conversations with her friend. Her responses, insights, and general "Helen"-ness was priceless, never to be disposed of. Leni smiled just thinking about that marathon-length thread of back and forth.
"Yeah..." Leni said, letting her voice peeter away.
Right now, she didn't want to say anything else. Her throat tightened the more she thought about colleges. Even if she decided not to go at all, Helen still would have and the problem would have persisted. She scolded herself for not being happy for Helen. This was meant to be her special day, for her to talk about how excited she was to know where her next four years was.
And Leni spoiled it. Ruined it by opening up a can of worms that both were aware about (and neither were willing to face). Leni sighed, trying to swallow her emotions.
Should she be honest? Surely a lot has already been exposed, but was it fair to drive the knife in even further? Helen already felt bad enough as it was. But so did Leni herself. Why was life so confusing?
Instead, Leni continued to rub her friend's back.
"I'm proud of you," was all Leni could say.
A pause.
"You too."
She didn't know how it was possible, but Leni had somehow gotten all her siblings into the living room together. To some extent, she wanted to credit it to her own efforts. After all, she did want them all in the same space for today. Just for once. She even told them that she had wanted them down there to hang out. Here they were, following her heed.
And yet, Leni also couldn't help but feel that such cooperation was inevitable. After being cooped up in the House all day being under Leni's supervision, everyone was eager for the special moment. After four long arduous months, Lori was coming home for the summer.
The same thing had happened in December when Christmas was looming. All of them (especially Leni herself) were anxious to be reunited with their oldest sister, to see how College life has changed her, and what type of stories she brought back. Overhearing Lana and Lola, Leni learned that the twins were also wondering if her sister was kind enough to bring back souvenirs from Chicago. To be fair, if she were their age, Leni probably would have expected the same if the idea were planted in her head.
Before long, the headlights flashed through the window. Everyone perked up as the signal became perfectly clear. A minute later, the front door opened revealing the three oldest members, the third of which held a single cardboard box.
All the others crowded around Lori, fighting for the ability to hug or be heard. Leni was late to the punch, relegating her to the very back. That didn't stop her from extending her arms out, hoping to reach her. Lori herself was flustered from all the sudden attention. A shy smile emerged between her blushing cheeks. If she wasn't holding a box, she would have enveloped all of them in a warm embrace, showing her gratitude for their love.
"Give her some space," Lynn Sr. heartily interjected.
Thankfully, everyone yielded, allowing Lori to ease her way upstairs. It was only then that Leni noticed that Mom and Dad were also carrying boxes. Seeing that raised an eyebrow. Knowing her big sister, there's no way Lori only had three boxes of stuff with her; when they dropped her off in August, they had a whole trailer. Curious, Leni peeked out the window. Sure enough, the trailer was there, attached to Vanzilla. That was weird. Why would they rent out that thing just for three boxes?
Leni followed her parents upstairs. She heard the others trailing behind, eager to learn more about their big sister. Who could blame them after all?
Mom and Dad were in and out of the bedroom, purely there to drop off the single boxes they carried. Leni slipped into the room, watching Lori plop herself on the bed. Her frazzled hair and beat face told more than the hundreds of miles of the Midwestern section of the interstate, the untold number of rest stops, and whizzing farmland.
Unfortunately, it wasn't long before the others crowded in. Leni was aware of how selfish it was to want Lori all to herself, but that didn't subside that feeling. Here was her ultimate judge, the one that could assess her performance. She had been anxious for this day to arrive.
"It was fine," Lori said.
"Did you bring anything back for us?" Lana asked eagerly.
"Yeah! I wanna know!" Lola interjected.
"It's in Vanzilla with the other stuff. We'll haul it in tomorrow," Lori answered tiredly.
"Ya see any rad musicians down there?" Luna asked.
"Well there was one time where I...uh, went down and saw-"
"Forget that! I wanna know if people actually root for the Bears down there," Lynn jumped in, bouncing on the bed. To think that she was a teenager.
"Now I know Chicago ain't New York or L.A," Luan cut in, "But I was wondering if there's any talent down there or if they get blown away."
Even Leni knew that wasn't a joke at all.
What followed was a cacophony of incoherent noise. Most of the kids competed for their inquiry to be addressed. Lori pinched her nose, probably from the simmering headache. And Leni was just confused. Who should she listen to? Was her input worth it at this point?
"Kids!"
Somehow, Dad's voice resonates through the House. Everyone paused and turned to the door. There he was, with bags under his own eyes. Leni swallowed, nervous that her own actions had angered him.
"How about we all get to bed," he said much more gently, "I'm sure you're all tired."
Each of the siblings turned to each other. The truth was that Leni wasn't tired herself (or at least, she didn't think she was). Of course, she couldn't speak on behalf of anyone else.
But apparently, everyone else got the message. Leni could only think that they were tired too, so exhausted that they didn't even know how sleepy they were. Now that they got that simple reminder, they beefed out. Some exchanged a few words with each other (their voices being awfully active given their "sleepiness") as they slowly exited the room. Leni sat at the edge of her bed as she watched them.
Dad stood in the doorway, insuring that the others filed out of their room. He turned to Lori and cast her a warm hearty grin. It was the type of affirmation that Leni herself exhibited (along with the siblings who would now have to wait until morning to catch up). Once everyone else cleared out, Dad nodded his head.
"Good night girls," he said gently, "we're glad to have you all back."
And just like that the door eased its way shut. Leni didn't know what she should have expected. A part of her thought that Lori was gonna somehow burst out into conversation, give her insights and ask questions meant specifically to arouse her. Her big sister was pretty good at getting her to open up. But she also saw quite clearly that Lori was sprawled across her bed, barely able to lift a finger.
If Leni spoke up, was she gonna regret it? Was there gonna be a groan or snide remark that painted the mistake in bold ink? But on the other hand, this is the first time they've been in the same room in so long. To hear her voice again would have been special. What to do, Leni asked herself.
"How have you been?"
She shook her head. Did that just happen? Leni had thought her big sister was gonna just fall asleep right there, regardless of whether the light was on or not. But now that Lori had spoken, Leni knew she couldn't keep her waiting; her patience must have been really short.
"Good...everything's been fine," Leni answered simply. Now, she was confronted with the question of whether to join her sister in her own bed. It might have been easier for Lori to hear her responses and see her face. And besides, it was kinda like how people were supposed to have conversations, where the talkers were close and making eye contact. Since Lori lacked the strength to turn her head to the other side of the room, it was incumbent on Leni to pull the extra weight.
And Leni did stand up. She had barely done anything (as usual) aside from sit around and occasionally give suggestions to her sisters. Who knew what trials and tribulations Lori had endured just in the past two weeks, let alone the hours she spent driving back home.
"Um..." Leni said nervously, "the House didn't fall apart."
Nothing.
"So there's that..."
Slowly, Lori lifted herself into a sitting position. Her tense back resisted being placed in this unsupported posture, but it did mean that her big sister could make eye contact with Leni. It was difficult to parse how Lori felt to hear that clumsily constructed saying.
"Are you mad at me?" Leni asked.
"No," Lori said groggily, "I'm just tired."
"Did you want to go to sleep?"
"Not yet."
The two looked at each other. What did Lori want her to say? Did she want affirmation that her advice had worked out or disappointment waiting to meld into the former? After all that had happened, was Lori eager to take back her post as babysitter? Was Leni just a placeholder for her? If so, Leni knew she failed at living up to Lori's example.
"Mom told me about you," Lori said, "She told me everything and...I'm proud of you."
"Really? I did good?"
Ignoring the erroneous grammar, Lori mustered up a grin with her tired cheeks and weary eyes.
"Yes Leni, you did just fine," Lori said softly. Inevitably, Leni teacher out her hand and placed it on her sister's tense shoulder. As if by the whim of a good skin cream, Lori relaxed. Almost instantly, the unconditional sisterly love radiated across her exhausted body, making that grin easier to maintain, "how do you feel? Do you feel any better?"
She practically tripped on the carpet. How could someone like her answer that question without having an outside observer? Leni wanted to say yes, to assuage any concerns her sister might have. She also wanted to say yes to herself, to prove to herself that she had overcome a struggle and moved on. But even with the progress she has made, how could she know for sure?
Lori's brightening eyes demanded a response. They wanted relief from the long journey and unknown amount of speculation preceding it. Leni had an inkling that she wasn't the woman she was even a couple of months ago. The voice desperately wanted an excuse to pop back in her life.
Leni inhaled.
"I...think so," she answered.
Even with the uncertainty inherent in her voice, that did little to damage the already present fire in Lori.
"That's all that matters. I think you have changed, but if you think you have too, then you're getting better," Lori said.
And then, despite everything that had happened just minutes before, Lori managed to stand on her own two feet and give Leni a hug. Leni figures she should have done her role instead of place the physical exertion on her sister, but the hug was nice. Wonderful even.
When was the last time she felt that, Leni asked. If the evidence was anything to go by, it spoke volumes. It's been a really long time since her heart felt like a warm fireplace on a calm evening. And when the glow was so beautiful and the feeling so serene, uncertainty didn't bother.
Leni hummed yet another Princess Pony song to herself. If there was anything she was glad about, it was that her Mom couldn't recognize it as such. To the outside observer, it was just a song she was making up on the spot. Besides, she couldn't help it.
She eagerly sat in a chair in the dining room, trying to keep herself still while Mom did her hair. After a nice shower, it was nice to feel the iron run through her locks. At some points, Leni even closed her eyes to envision herself at Aloha Beach.
"Do you know what time Pop Pop will be here?" She heard Dad ask.
"I told you, he's gonna meet us at the school," Mom replied.
"Got it!"
And just like that, Mom returned to her business. Row after row, lock by lock, Leni felt the damp warmth spread across her coiffure. Once it was done, it was bound to look dazzling.
"How are you feeling, honey?" Mom asked.
"Great!" Leni replied.
"Good," she said calmly. Mom ran through yet another lock, silently straightening out the frizz, "have I told you how proud I am of you?"
Leni couldn't help but nudge her head forward. Thankfully, it was barely enough to affect her mother's work. However she couldn't help it.
"Of course Mom," she said. Leni paused, thinking that her Mom would respond to that. But yet, several seconds passed without any words. That was odd, "Why do you ask?"
That question felt even more uncomfortable coming out of her mouth. So abrupt and so delayed. Yet Leni couldn't help it. There was a deep part of her that needed to know where that question came from.
"I'm just wondering. But it's true," Mom said, "every day, I think about you and everything you've accomplished. I wanted to let you know about that."
This wasn't right. Whether real or imagined, Leni sensed an inkling of sadness in Mom's voice. It was an utter shame that she had to remain looking forward, unable to confirm her suspicions. At this point, the only thing she could judge was the way the iron ran through her hair. Each lock was handled so neatly and cleanly that it was hard to produce any emotion based on it.
Then Leni wondered whether she should just drop it altogether. Tonight was supposed to be a fun night for everyone. And if last year was any indication, Mom was bound to tear up at some point. After all, the last thing she needed was another reason to cry because of her.
But then she remembered the advice that Mom had been trying so desperately to hammer in for the past several months: to be more open. If Leni was being encouraged to express her feelings, then the same should go for Mom. After all, she was a person too (perfect, even). Her Mom deserved to be heard, no matter what it was she was dealing with.
"Is there, like, something wrong?" Leni asked.
Several seconds elapsed, as was usual. Leni wanted to think that Mom was just busy on a lock or was trying really hard to find words for her feelings. Yeah, that had to be it. Leni knew that after all this mess, she wouldn't say no if she meant well. And she did. Every step of the way was paved with good intentions.
Eventually, she heard a sigh.
"You know I'm worried about you, honey," Mom said. At this point, she put down the iron and picked up a can of spray, "I want you to see that you're special and that you should be just as proud of everything you've done as I am. This is a day your father and I have been waiting for ever since you were little. Of course, we never doubted that you could get to this point, but it truly was an uphill battle. I've seen you struggle and push far more than any child should be expected to."
She then pressed down on the spray. A large cloud of particles consumed the area. Leni clenched her lips shut to avoid getting the yucky stuff in her mouth.
"And there are times where I feel like you don't give yourself enough credit for that," Mom continued, allowing the suffocating substance to dissipate, "And...you know, I wanna check in, make sure everything is alright. Not much to it."
"Okay."
As Mom sprayed yet another coat of spray on her hair, Leni couldn't help but process that response. What else was she expecting to hear? Mom has been driving that home too (for years in fact). Sure, it was somewhat connecting with her, but those words still only did so much. Leni often saw the work of Dr. Henry and others as far away, too detached from current events to be relevant.
And what came out of their efforts?
"Close your eyes, honey," Mom said as she held the spray can in front of her face. Leni obliged and squeezed both her eyes and lips shut. She imagined her face was tighter than a lemon (or when she has one in her mouth).
Clearly, something good must have come out of that work. She learned to talk. Socializing (while still an acrobatic feat) was now easier. She didn't think as many people pitied her as they used to. And even her Mom's praise wasn't as much a cry for help as it had once been. For once, Leni had convinced herself it was real.
So that was it? Now she was over the mountain and could be a braggart? Heavens no, she thought. Leni had always feared letting her ego get out of check and she wasn't about to pat herself on the back until she drove others away. Besides, there were still a number of problems facing her.
Finding answers to tough questions hasn't gotten any easier for her (she always admitted that). Despite thinking about it all the time, Leni still hasn't figured out how to make herself photogenic on cue (instead, others had to take pictures around her doing other things). Her smile was still far too stilted and unnatural for her to be content with it (and having it plastered along the staircase didn't help matters). As much as she priced herself in her skills as a designer, Leni knew there was still a lot to learn. Her performance as a friend still needed work.
And if she really wanted to, Leni could have spent the whole evening breaking down her lingering imperfections. At this rate, she was well on her way to doing just that.
"Alright, you can open up now!"
Leni fluttered her lids, allowing her to see the light. Thankfully, the only trace of the spray remaining was the muted scent. Mom really had done her work.
"Did you want some lipstick, honey?" she heard.
Makeup. That was still an interesting concept for her. Even after all her Mom's "lessons", Leni still had reservations about using it. Eyeliner was painful to put on without tearing up. Lipstick left the temptation to get the stuff in her mouth, tasting its yuckiness. And anything on her cheeks made her worry about accidentally using her hands to prop her hand (she didn't want the powder to get stuck on her palms). Hair was different, Leni felt. With that, products made it soft and comfortable.
Overall, it was tough being Lori (and a lot of girls her age). Inevitably, Leni shook her head.
"Okay."
Now that all the necessary hair stuff was taken care of, there was only one step left. Leni leaned towards the table and grabbed a long white gown. Inevitably, it wasn't her's; Lori had to pass it down for this special evening. Not that she minded, of course. It was just what it was supposed to be: right color, right fabric, and it certainly gave off the right vibes.
Getting it on was surprisingly easy. Most gowns or dresses required two people to ensure that everything lined up just right. But this one practically fell on her, easily resting on her shoulders. Unable to access a mirror, Leni was left to gaze at the robe from above. It wasn't ideal, but it was nice.
And then, of course, there was the mortarboard. While she lamented how it would affect the top part of her scalp, Leni recognized it as necessary. Lori wore it (and everyone else there is gonna have it on), so therefore she too must wear it. She plopped it on its side and squished it onto her head.
"Oh honey, let me fix it."
Mom jumped in and completely readjusted it. Even though it swished around her hair, the tip of the cap ended up pointing forward, directly above her forehead. It was ready.
Before Leni could even stand up, her Mom had taken a step back. A hand clasped over her mouth. Leni felt it was improper to just stand up now. After all, her Mom seemed like she had something important to say. What was it, though?
"I love you honey," Mom said, her hand muffling her voice.
"I love you too, Mom," Leni said.
She even chuckled just to lighten the mood.
By the time they arrived at Royal Woods High, there was hardly a parking spot left on the lot. Leni convinced her Dad to drop her off while they searched for an open spot, leaving her to wander into the school. Luckily, she remembered the meeting place for the graduating seniors: the gymnasium.
As she walked down the sidewalk, Leni took some time to take in her surroundings. Unlike most days, the walkway had a tall, impenetrable wall of cars running entirely along one side. Even though the sun hung in the sky, the clouds were gradually turning orange and white light was diluting the solid blue sky. Groups of all sizes were approaching the school from every direction (even behind her). It was a perfect evening for the ceremony. How fitting the weather was, Leni thought.
Whereas the families were congregating in the football field, Leni separated from the masses. Not forgetting the plan, she popped into the school. While she knew it was gonna be quiet in the halls, the silence popped her ears the moment the doors shut behind her. No one was in transit or lingering about. Worried that she was late, Leni hastily raced up to the gym. As she paced, the halls raced by her, the mixed feelings of boredom and nostalgia failing to catch up with her.
But at last, she made it inside. Talk about opposites. Practically everyone was already packed in the gymnasium, creating a sea of red and white. Leni tensed up as she saw the endless clusters of classmates taking pictures, giving tokens of friendship, and having the time of their lives. Of course, Leni knew she had a place to be and she was gonna find it.
She wandered through the crowd, wading past acquaintances and exchanging rushed hellos. Leni found it most difficult to squeeze by tight spaces. The only way to get by was to raise her voice when it was often lost in the mixture of conversations. Why was everyone else so loud, she asked herself. The answer was impossible for her preoccupied mind to figure out.
As she looked back and forth, she eventually came upon her destination. Against one of the walls was Helen, adorned in her own white gown. Leni thought she was absolutely stunning. Once she knew where to go, Leni was more aggressive in getting past the acquaintances, exploiting even narrow cracks between one group and another. None of that mattered of course because Helen was there, waiting for her.
"Hi!" Leni shouted.
Immediately, her friend's face transformed.
"Hi, Leni," she said sweetly.
And so it was set. She didn't even know what time they united, but that didn't matter. The first thing that popped in Leni's mind was her thoughts on the upcoming episode of Princess Pony. Sure, it wasn't all that momentous given the circumstances that awaited them, but it was enough. Helen chuckled at Leni's inquiries and she smiled when she heard her friend open up with her insights.
In many ways, it was just like any other conversation they've had before. No special gowns, future expectations, or ignored farewells were gonna get in the way of their hangout.
Not even the topic of college came up. It was nice for things to finally return to normal, to see Helen not have a care in the world. For once, they could relax and enjoy each other's company (plus, there was the whole summer).
Of course, nothing good lasted long. While Helen was speaking, the principal's voice rang out across the large space. In the dying canopy of noise, calls were made to organize, to line up in an orderly fashion. Leni and Helen turned to each other as they got into their positions. Thankfully, they were able to be right next to each other.
For the most part, the sloppy profession from the gym to the football field was without note. While Helen and Leni occasionally exchanged comments, they mostly focused on moving forward (the last thing either of them wanted was to hold up the line).
In the end, the logistics didn't matter all that much.
As Leni and Helen proceeded onto the football field, they were greeted with hundreds of cheering parents, friends, relatives, teachers, and administrators. Despite all the distinctions that passed by Leni on her walk in, it was only now that they truly registered in her mind. This fanfare cast against the setting sun made it clear that this was a milestone.
After tonight, she would no longer be at this place she called school for four years. Long days defined largely by confusing classes, fun Fashion Club meetings, satisfying hangouts with Helen, and sprinkled spurts of surprises. Sometimes, she thought about all those shows on TV that were about high school, how it was about boyfriends and gossip and bullying and fighting. It was interesting to realize that her own experience was meant to be the same, and yet it had very little of those typical bumps. Helen and her family was all that mattered for a social life. She spent more time worrying about the Fashion Club than those characters did on dating. It was tempting to doubt whether Leni truly was a high schooler at all or if she were just a loser.
It was easy to think the latter, especially in moments where she was all by herself. But this was not one of those times. Music blared out in all directions, Helen was right behind her, and she was sure her family was somewhere in the crowd. Leni turned to the bleachers, where countless spectators clapped, smiled, and waved at the swarm of soon-to-be graduates. Where were they, Leni asked. Did Dad find a parking spot? Could they see anything? Were they even on this side of the field?
The questions fizzled away as she reached the midpoint. Crowded against the front wall of the bleachers was everyone. Her big sister Lori, all eight of her little sisters, Mom, Dad, Aunt Ruth, Pop Pop, and Linky (surprisingly enough). As if their faces weren't indication enough, they settled themselves under a towering banner reading "Congrats Leni"
"Congrats" for what, Leni pondered. Burning Linky's wrist, not getting into Parsons? Somehow, these thoughts crept back up. What was that silly voice doing at the party? Leni didn't remember inviting her along.
Without waving (or even smiling), Leni found her seat in the procession. Helen sat down next to her. The two turned to each other. She couldn't help but feel a little bad that she had to rain on Helen's parade; her eyes lacked the doubt or nervousness Leni had witnessed too many times. It was good that Helen was happy, that she could go into a space like this without thinking she didn't belong.
If only she were good enough to learn from Helen's example.
A jolt. Peering down, she noticed Helen taking her hand. It was a soothing contact, the kind that Lori was capable of granting (when she was up to it). She barely noticed the absence made from its warm grace. Who was there? Who cares why she left? Now there was Helen, who had once been just as insecure as she was shy. Leni supposed she helped her open up.
"I'm really excited for tonight," Helen said.
Leni was relieved. She couldn't help but smile at her friend's joy. From the hands to that face to those glowing eyes, Leni unchained herself from her living doubt. For now, it seemed her friend enjoyed her presence. As long as they had each other's company (in person or otherwise), everything would be alright. That was Helen's power.
Once everyone was seated, the principal emerged on a podium perched on the center of a stage brought out just for the occasion. The fact that it normally wasn't there only entrenched Leni's view of the evening. No wonder Helen was excited.
"Good evening friends, faculty, guests, family, and relatives," he said elegantly, "and welcome to our Commencement for the Royal Woods Senior High Class of 2018."
Naturally, everyone applauded. Seeing this, Leni chose to clap too.
"Tonight, we celebrate four years of hard work, maturation, and discovery. And I, along with the RWSHS faculty, send off our graduates with the greatest hopes for the future."
Leni turned to Helen. By then, both of them were smiling. They were happy to be so close to each other. Whoever allowed that deserved to be recognized, Leni felt.
Much of the ceremony was spent in those chairs settled amongst the AstroTurf. Administrators came up one after another to deliver their remarks. Occasionally, they tried to use their cellphones to be hip. Cringe-y hashtags were formulated, a class selfie was attempted at one point, and efforts to make snow days sound "rad" were all invoked. The mixed success was clearly established, though Leni always laughed in reaction others chuckling on the few swings that hit the ball.
But it wasn't all grownups. Towards the end, several students took the podium in their gowns to give the Class their own remarks in their "speak". Leni recognized them from countless passings in the hallway. The student body President was cute, she thought. The "sa-Lou-ta-tor-e-in" was some girl she never had class with, but saw every once in a while. From what she could gather, she seemed like a pretty nice girl (even though she never revealed what conditioner she used for those stunning locks). And then there was the "val-la-dick-tor-e-in", another girl. Admittedly, Leni didn't know her as well, but every so often, those thick-rimmed glasses caught her eye. It was a shame they didn't know each other better; if her wardrobe was anything to go by, then she needed a Mall run.
And then, there was the procession. Luckily, everyone seemed to clean up their act from the walk outside and managed to form single-file lines. Leni jumped up as the first row of students rounded their way to the stage. She felt a nudge on her gown.
"It's not our turn yet," Helen said.
"Oh..."
The flustered Leni took her seat.
The two of them watched as the rows came up one at a time. True, they were in the middle of the pack, but that didn't alleviate the wait anymore. To pass the time, Leni decided to talk to Helen.
"So, can you believe that ending to Mystery Woods?" Leni asked.
"What part of it?"
"You know, the part where they go in the woods and find out-"
"Now I remember," Helen said. Just like that, her face fired up.
And then they were off. The excited Helen recounted every interaction, every line of dialogue exchanged from that scene onward. It was such a spectacle just watching her friend that Leni didn't dare interrupt her (though she did occasionally answer questions). But this night was prominently about Helen (even though she could also say herself). The time and announced names flew by. In fact, the two of them became embarrassed when they discovered the others in their row urging them to move along to get on the stage.
In light of the moment before them, the two of them stopped their chatter (Helen was the one to stop herself, of course). Now was the time to rein in her focus. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Leni felt a shortness of breath as her friend got closer to the front of the stage. Who knew the horrible storm swarming in Helen's mind, borne of fear, stage fright, and public perception. Just because Leni worked to build her up didn't relieve her of all those pressures. This was far bigger than the Fashion Show. There were no mysteries or anything to hide behind. Poor Helen had to cross that stage all by herself.
"Helen Elizabeth Yates."
The applause felt deafening. Leni herself clapped as she struggled to worry about the clapping. Her ears must have grown. Even within this cheering, she could still hear a butterfly's wings as it fluttered several feet to her left. What was it feeling, she asked.
"Leni Marie Loud."
Just like that, she couldn't hear anything anymore. Even though her body moved mechanically, her entire mental state was paralyzed. The truth was that Leni never liked hearing her own name, especially not when it included "Marie". It never felt right. It was like she had tricked people into thinking she mattered, that she was important. Even now, this was something she couldn't fully come to grips with.
Leni shook hands with the principal and took her plaque, but she was utterly embarrassed. She wished she wasn't on this field, serving as the center of attention. This was what Helen felt to be on stage or in the Fashion Show? It was a cold, chilling reminder that carried with her even as she made her way down.
After receiving her diploma, Leni had to work her way alongside the bleachers in order to return to her seat. And that only meant one thing. The banner swayed back and forth as everyone held either a phone or an old-fashioned camera (Dad, though, had a camcorder with a glowing red light). Seeing them brought her back to reality. It was just the voice again, teasing with her. There was Mom, waving emphatically with one hand while snapping pictures with the other. She shyly waved and gave a small grin just for them. But it didn't tell the whole story. She was glad to see them, that they were there to support her.
In that moment, she mattered. And she believed she did.
As she made her way back to her seat, she was relieved to meet Helen again. Eager to learn the truth, she placed a hand on her friend's shoulder.
"Is everything okay?" Leni asked.
Helen nodded.
"Yeah. I even saw my parents," she said laconically.
"That's good."
The rest of the ceremony wasn't of note. Leni took some time to examine her diploma: it was a large plaque shaped like the home plate on a baseball field. Her name was etched in super fancy cursive, the kind she thought only smart people got. The white flashes beaming from the stadium lights reflected off the plaque's shiny surface. It was from that that Leni realized that night had fallen.
Soon enough, it was over. At the principal's command, everyone threw their mortar boards in the air, creating a massive crowd of red and white. Trying to mimic them, Leni tossed her own in the air, hoping to stand out amongst the sea. Instead, it flung about several feet outside the collection of chairs, leaving her to awkwardly collect it.
"I saw your parents in the crowd," she heard Helen say as she returned, "if you want, I can leave you to join them."
What? On a night like this. This was her best friend. Even if her last name wasn't "Loud", she was gonna spend time with her as if she were a tenth sister.
Yet somehow, it was the Louds that came to them. An eager Lana climbed the chain link fence onto the field. Luckily, she gleefully landed on the turf and raced to her, nearly tackling her with her iron grip. Lana really was quite the hugger.
Despite minor protests, the family opted for that route. One by one, the family catapulted from the fence, enduring the brief fall. Luna carried Lily while a few others helped Mom, who had insisted on wearing heels. But nonetheless, the entourage did all the work while Leni and Helen watched. Everyone engulfed Leni in the group hug to end all group hugs; even Helen was wrapped into the family embrace.
The obligatory photo session ensued. With a family as large as the Louds, the combinations were endless. One altogether (with Helen as the photo taker), one with just her and Lori, one with her and Linky, one with her and Lily, one with her and the parents. The poor camera was gonna be tuckered out, Leni thought. And those smiles? Well, she was gonna be the judge of those.
The calculus complicated once Helen's parents descended upon the scene. Leni somehow found herself in those pictures as well, upon Jane's urgent request. Not that Leni minded. She loved Helen and wanted to be a part of her life: as best friends.
"Honey," Mom said after one of the pictures, "I saw someone very special that wanted to see you."
"Really? Where is she?"
"I'll show you."
Mom took Leni's hand and guided her down the field. Nodding to her husband, he replied and rallied the remaining members around him. They weren't coming.
As they walked, she noticed Mom's head swiveling around, examining everything from remote corners of the field to the densest spots in the swarm of graduates, high schoolers, and distant relatives. At several points, they erratically shifted direction, leaving Leni disoriented.
"Where are we going?" Leni asked.
"Don't worry...it'll be a surprise," Mom told her.
For the next minute, there was more "aimless" wandering. The two ended up crossing through the crowd, nudging their way past eager grandmas dying for a photo and uncles exchanging cards with their new member of the real world. But none of that deterred Mom. In all her years of knowing her, Leni knew that neither her parents were ever about giving up.
Eventually, Leni noticed her Mom nodding her head again. Alone, with decent separation between well-established groups, was a middle-aged woman with short brown-blonde hair. She wore a modest pair of slacks and a button-up pink dress shirt. The one quirk about her wardrobe was a fuzzy purple vest she wore over it. Normally, Leni was against the type of clothes related to leg warmers, but this was far less tacky. For once, she could say that the "carpet" fabric was endearing.
As they got closer, the woman noticed her. Her face lit up like that warm fireplace (something about it couldn't escape Leni's mind).
"Hello," the woman said enthusiastically. She paced forward to close the gap. Mom eagerly shook the woman's hand, leaving Leni to fill in the cues.
"Leni, do you remember me?" The woman asked, turning to her.
Her eyes widened. She knew her name? Perhaps it made sense, given how her Mom casually introduced herself, as if she was an old buddy. Then again, Leni did know that her name was announced in front of everybody.
But on the other hand, the woman's voice had a tranquility of its own. Not just the type that glazes past most others. Leni felt something just hearing that timbre and seeing the glow in those set of eyes. It flickered something within her, even if she couldn't put it in tangible terms. It irked her how she couldn't conceive of any words or pictures in her mind (other than fire places).
"It's Maddy," the woman said enthusiastically, "I used to come to your House and work with you."
So much for a "first class" education.
However, it all clicked. The static she heard all those years ago, the mythos of this savior pulling her up from the clutches of disability. This was her, not just with a voice, but a face with cheeks and eyes and beautiful white teeth between those excitable lips.
"Isn't this exciting, Leni?" Mom asked, "she flew all the way from Boston just to see you!"
Flights weren't cheap (plus they were scary). Leni blushed, causing the grown ups to chuckle.
"What's wrong? You thought you'd never see me again?" Maddy joked, followed by yet another beaming grin.
Leni, though, didn't know what to do. As if all the pomp and circumstance wasn't enough, she was confronted with this reality. She knew that sooner or later, someone would come back to judge her. Maddy was certainly in for a disappointment.
"Why me?" Leni asked.
"What do you mean?" Maddy asked.
Wasn't it clear? The voice wasn't going away. It couldn't just vanish when she wanted to be happy. Even Mom's smile was starting to falter. She knew it was gonna come. It was just a matter of ripping off the band aid.
"You, like, didn't need to do this," Leni said awkwardly, even offering her palms to sorta act as visual guides, "you could have, like, stayed in Boston and...like."
Even she couldn't say that. Maddy was perfect. There was no way she would ever just forget someone like that. But it was more a matter of it being worth it. Both of them seemed to understand the futility of it all, so Leni repeating it was just annoying.
Instead, Maddy just perked up.
"I knew you since you were three years old, Leni," Maddy explained, her smile never letting up, "I've been talking to your Mom all the time ever since then, even after I moved away. And I never forgot you."
Leni turned to her Mom, who simply nodded her head.
"I wasn't gonna miss this day for the world," she continued, "because I knew that it would be when everything you've worked towards would pay off. I wanted to be a part of your life, where you would blossom into a beautiful, caring, smart woman," she then turned to Rita, "even when my own life got in the way, I still wanted to know what was going on. And now..." she paused, "I can't believe I'm seeing you."
It was Maddy's turn to be flustered, overcome with some great emotional force. But instead of embarrassment and shame, it was...(despite what the voice told her), pride.
Pride was an abstract, something that rarely appeared capable of welling up a pair of old eyes or causing one to choke on their words. The rare occasions where Leni felt a scrap of it, she either smiled, screamed, or did nothing. She didn't think much of it because it was so distant from what her own situation was.
But even though she still didn't have it herself, she saw it manifest (rather than hear or imagine). Maddy truly was a strong figure, someone selfless enough to allow this to develop into something. Then again, something was better than nothing.
"Do you wanna hug?" Leni asked tenderly.
Maddy looked up at her former pupil. The numbers of syllables didn't matter. Nor did the number of sentences or the complexity of the clauses. It was the content, the wonderful sentiments that had been given whatever words they desired to communicate their spirit. And sometimes, simplicity was all one needed.
"Yes please," Maddy croaked.
Wasting no time, Leni hugged the older woman. These past few weeks must have been a record for her. So many people affected just by simple physical contact. Some of it to quell an obnoxious naysayer, others to fix her mistakes.
But all of it captured what she desired, to fix things.
That was, what Leni thought, graduation was about. But she also knew this wasn't the only door left to face before moving onto new horizons.
