A/N: Bwhahahaha... congrats to all the reviewers who guessed Hiko! I thought of this chapter MONTHS ago and couldn't resist writing it right away. It makes me laugh every time I read it, so hopefully you enjoy it as much I do. XD
Idiot
-*- 30 Hours Remaining -*-
With a heaving sigh, Seijuro Hiko the Thirteenth glared at his phone as it rang for the fourth time. "Idiot," he grumbled.
Giggling from across the table made him lift his eyes to meet gleaming sapphire. "I don't mind if you answer it," she grinned.
He rolled his eyes and reached for his sake cup, lifting it to his lips. "Why on earth would I want to do such a ridiculous thing?" He breathed a sigh of relief as the ringing stopped.
As she was about to reply, a shrill pitch screeched throughout the receiving room again. With god-like speed, he whipped his free hand to the phone, lifted it off the receiver, and barked into it. "Your stupidity is boundless!"
There was a pregnant pause on the other end of the line. "Umm…"
"Idiot!" Hiko roared. "What is so important that you call me five times in a row and then forget how to speak when I decide to grace your ears with my wondrous voice?"
"Oh! Um. My apologies Master Hiko!" the voice spluttered. "How did you know it was me?"
The question was valid, as Hiko had stubbornly refused to upgrade his two-decade-old caller-ID-less house phone. It still worked perfectly fine, so why the hell would he throw it out and get a new one? He wasn't the idiot. "If that's what you called for, I will find you right now and beat the hell out of you."
"That's not it! Sorry, Master!"
"Good. I knew it was you because only you would be stupid enough to call five times in a row without leaving a message. Out with it now—what do you want?"
"I was just calling to ask if you've seen Kaoru, sir!" he panicked, as if a drill sergeant was breathing down his neck.
Hiko snorted loudly enough for it to clearly travel through the line. Deciding to let his previous apprentice suffer a little, the large man took his time and sipped at his sake again before replying. "What kind of stupid question is that? Do you mean to tell me you lost your girlfriend?"
"That's—uh… that's not—I mean to say that I—"
"Well then why the hell would she be here? Next time think a little more before calling me so many damn times. Idiot."
"No—WAIT—" but Hiko already slammed the phone back into its yellowing cradle.
Kaoru burst into a fit of laughter, though still somehow managed to pour him another ochoko full of sake without spilling a drop, despite her shaking shoulders. "You're the best, Uncle Hiko."
"Don't I know it," he boasted as he downed that cupful, too. "That idiot won't find a better woman, but hell if I'm going to play a part in helping him win anything like this asinine bet. If this prolongs his suffering, I'll mislead him for weeks."
"Good thing we have a three-day time limit," Kaoru smiled.
"Yeah, yeah…" Hiko agreed. "Now—where were we?"
With a grin that could swallow the sun, Kaoru met his gaze. "You were telling me about his fear of youkai jumping out of the swimming hole."
"Ah, yes," Hiko breathed, and his lips set into a devious smirk. "Smelly Youkai…"
