Chapter 42
Feeling perfectly at home in Edward's embrace was a new but very welcome development. As I mentally thumbed through my human memories, fogged as they were, I remembered the tension between us over the last few weeks—from the very first day I saw him at Forks High, really. The constant draw I felt toward him had always been there.
And his kiss...our kiss: tender, restrained, joyous.
And his declaration.
Edward loved me.
I looked up at him, certain that the wonder I felt was plain in my expression. He smiled down at me, his eyes warm and tender.
"Shall we go for a walk?" he asked quietly.
A walk? I felt confused for a moment, then I cottoned on. Got it. A walk...away from the prying eyes and too-sensitive ears of his family. A walk seemed like an excellent idea indeed.
I nodded, smiling timidly; if I were still human, I would definitely have been blushing.
He gave my hands a knowing squeeze before releasing me, then turned his back on the crowded room and ushered me out through the kitchen. Always the gentleman, Edward opened the back door of the house for me, stepping aside to allow me to precede him.
An ear-splitting sound caused me to cover my ears in shock while Edward grimaced. Exchanging glances of amused annoyance, we both ignored Emmett's loud wolf-whistle. But I did catch Edward rolling his eyes as he closed the door behind us and grinned to myself.
As we went down the redwood deck stairs onto the wide lawn, he reached for my hand. Somehow it seemed perfectly natural to allow his long fingers to fold around my much smaller ones. Still feeling a little awkward, we exchanged shy smiles.
Following a narrow but well-worn path, Edward led me along the riverbank. The scenery was lovely; we were shaded by majestic Douglas Firs, spreading cedars, ancient oaks. As we walked hand-in-hand in comfortable silence, the music of the gently running river soothing and peaceful, my eyes drank in the amazing detail of our natural surroundings now afforded by my new vampiric vision.
I could get used to this.
After strolling along even slower than human speed, Edward pulled me to a cluster of rounded boulders jutting over the river bank. We seated ourselves side-by-side atop a rather flat gray-brown rock, our feet dangling several feet above the surface of the gently-moving water. He took my hand again, and with a smug grin I noticed that we were both the same temperature now.
It wasn't actually sunny (this is Forks, after all) but the pale sunlight sifted through the trees, warming us despite our natural coldness. I peered up at Edward bashfully through my eyelashes and was astounded to see his face aglow in the late-afternoon light. Twisting toward him, I lifted my hands to his face, marveling at the radiance of his visage between my palms. And my hands were luminous as well.
I think my mouth popped open with surprise at the brilliance of his skin...our skin. Between my palms, Edward smiled...no, smirked at me.
"Haven't you seen a vampire in the sun before?" he teased lightly.
"As a matter of fact, I haven't," I returned nonchalantly, trying to mask how awestruck I really was at how we glimmered in the weak sunshine. I tried to speak lightly. "It's a good thing that we don't burn to a crisp or something in the sun, right?" I smirked, taking my turn at gentle teasing.
"Myth," he said softly, and his expression shifted slowly from amused to desirous under my watchful gaze.
As his expression changed, my mood did as well. His face still in my hands, I leaned forward and pressed my cool lips chastely to his. It was bliss...sheer bliss...kissing Edward like this.
But I was in no way expecting what happened next.
With a sudden movement, Edward pulled me firmly against his side, my head resting against his shoulder as his lips attacked mine with a passion that I hadn't anticipated.
What happened to gentlemanly Edward?
But I had to admit that I liked this out-of-control Edward perhaps even more than his turn-of-the-century politeness as I surrendered to the strong emotions evoked by his kiss.
Obviously I was fairly innocent. Being locked up for all of my teen years made me basically a hermit or a nun; my only romantic "action" had been Jacob's near-rape, and I definitely wasn't counting that as romance, thankyouverymuch.
But with Edward's lips moving persuasively on mine, I wanted him with everything I had and everything I was.
His tongue sought permission from my closed lips, and I tentatively opened my mouth to him.
And then I discovered all that I had been missing while locked in that tiny, filthy dump of a room at the Blacks'...
His hands on my waist, Edward lifted me into his lap, astride him. My hands slid from his face into the hair at the nape of his neck as my thighs gripped his waist.
I felt him tremble beneath me as he thrust his tongue into my mouth; I melted into his embrace further, surrendering to the passion I had never experienced...or even read about.
My reading had been confined to the classics, after all, and they had never come close to expressing the utterly out-of-control feelings that Edward's kisses brought forth in me. I couldn't think; I could only feel, and every movement Edward made drove me further to the brink...of what, I wasn't sure.
His tongue teased mine, and I tentatively teased his back in a dance as old as time itself.
Thankfully we never had to worry about oxygen deprivation, so it was who-knows-how-long before I pulled back slightly from Edward's lips. Both of us were panting heavily, and I peeked up at his face, wondering what expression I would see there. Would he feel guilty? Ashamed? Embarrassed?
Edward was looking down at me, his eyes warm and admiring; really, he looked almost as awestruck as I felt. His hands remained at my waist, mine buried in the soft hair at the back of his neck.
If I were still human, I would have been blushing twelve shades of scarlet right now, so there's another advantage to becoming a vampire...
Edward smiled at me tenderly, his eyes alight with feeling, and he pulled me gently against his chest, embracing me.
I could have stayed in his arms forever, my ear against his silent heart, his cheek nestled against the top of my head. Every once in a while I felt him press a kiss on the top of my head.
I would have felt perfectly at peace in Edward's arms except for the increasingly uncomfortable burning in my throat. I shifted slightly, trying to ignore the pain and focus on the quiet contentment so foreign to me. But the third time I fidgeted, Edward pulled back and searched my expression with concern.
It took him only a moment to ferret out the cause of my discomfort.
"Shall we hunt, Isabella?" he asked, smiling encouragingly.
I nodded, feeling a little ashamed at having to interrupt our idyllic time together. My feelings must have been easy to read in my expression, for Edward captured my chin in his hand to gain my full attention.
"Please hear me, Isabella. Yes, our time here has been perfect. But we have an eternity of perfect time alone ahead of us. An eternity. I promise that we will return here often, and I also have a very special place I wish to show you on another day. But young vampires" (he must have caught my annoyance with the term "newborn") "need to hunt more frequently. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and I love being with you, no matter what we are doing. And hunting with you is and always will be a pleasure. Do you understand?"
I nodded, smiling a little now.
"Good," he said quietly, his smile radiant. He was on his feet in a sixteenth of a second and extended a hand to help me to my feet, not because I needed help (which I obviously did not), but because he was gallant and, I think, because like me, it was almost painful to NOT be touching each other in some way.
Was that the definition of "true love"? That being without the others' touch was physically painful?
I would have to ponder this question for a millennium or three. And that thought...having thousands of years ahead of me with Edward at my side...brought such a wave of emotion over me that I laughed for sheer joy.
Edward looked down at me from his great height (really, he was nearly twelve inches taller than myself!) and grinned. "Care to share the joke?" he asked, his eyes warm with admiration.
"Nope," I refused cheekily and started walking down the path ahead of him.
In a split second, Edward scooped me into his arms and took off down the path so speedily that we startled a good number of small wild creatures which were too shocked to run away until we were far beyond them.
I laughed in his arms as he ran, amused by his playfulness; Edward always seemed so serious, often too serious, in fact. So seeing him grinning boyishly down at me brought elated laughter to my lips again.
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What a confusing day, I thought a few hours later as Edward and I walked up the back steps to the Cullens' home after hunting deer. We were both silent on the trip back, running side-by-side through the forest until we reached the river which we leaped one after the other.
During our hunt and the run back to the house, we had not spoken; Edward had refused to even look at me on the trip home, and I did my fair share at peeking questioningly at him...which if he noticed, he ignored completely.
Apparently neither one of us wanted to bring up the subject of what had occurred after we finished hunting. Thus the decidedly awkward silence.
The crickets were deafening for sure.
As I mulled over what had happened, I surmised that my best chance for figuring out what had happened between Edward and myself was talking to Alice.
Wordlessly, Edward politely opened the door for me, allowing me into the house ahead of him. We rounded the corner and found Emmett and Jasper playing Call of Duty: Black Ops and happily killing zombies. Jasper turned quickly, giving Edward a penetrating look while Emmett took the opportunity to kill Jasper's character.
"Hey, not fair!" objected Jasper.
"S'not my fault you're easily distracted," gloated Emmett.
I noticed Edward discreetly nodding toward the front door, and Jasper got to his feet immediately.
"Emmett, come on. I think we need to get some fresh air," Jasper recommended out of the blue.
"Aw, come on! Don't be a sore loser! The game's just getting good!" Emmett groaned.
"Come on, Em. Now." Jasper was intractable. While Emmett reluctantly got to his feet, Edward was already striding toward the front door and slammed it open, the doorknob seriously denting the plaster wall. Not looking back or saying anything to me, he was gone.
Emmett and I exchanged confused looks, shrugging at each other. But Jasper looked at me with compassion.
"Alice and Rose are upstairs. I'm sure that you have a lot to catch up on," he said quietly, giving me a meaningful wink.
Understanding dawned on me. Duh. "Thanks, Jasper," I said, moving to the staircase and leaving a still-confused Emmett behind me. As I climbed the stairs, I heard the front door close quietly behind them.
I stopped halfway up and looked over my shoulder at the gauged-out plaster on the ivory wall. Esme and Carlisle must not be at home or she would have been on Edward's case about the damage he had just inflicted on her entry wall. When she got home, she would definitely make him repair the mess...after scolding him soundly first, of course.
Shaking my head, I turned back to climbing the stairs. Approaching Alice's room, I knocked gently on the door. (Somehow I never had to adjust to being gentle with objects the way the other Cullens had to...and Emmett still needed to be careful when excited.) Alice bade me enter, and I opened the door to find her lying across the bed on her stomach, painting her nails in perfect purple-and-black diagonal stripes. Near the window, Rosalie was lounging in a comfortable-looking armchair reading Car and Driver, but she didn't bother with greeting me or even glancing up.
Alice leaped to her feet and gave me a careful hug so as to avoid ruining her manicure. "I'm so glad you're here, Bella. But it just sucks that I never know when you're coming; I hate not being able to see you anymore," she grumbled affectionately.
"Um, sorry?" I tried awkwardly, not really sure what I should say after her mini-diatribe.
Alice waved her hand airily, dismissing my apology, and motioned for me to take a seat on the bed.
Glancing warily at Rosalie, I seated myself uncomfortably on the corner of the king-sized bed that dominated the bedroom while Alice resumed her manicure and Rosalie turned a page of her magazine.
Crickets again.
"So, Bella, what's up?" Alice asked curiously as she capped her black polish and blew on her nails. "Want a manicure?"
Politely refusing her kind offer, I shrugged in answer to her first question. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Rosalie's eyes narrow as she watched me.
Okay, this was a bad idea...
"Spill," Alice advised. "We'll try to help if we can. Gosh, I just HATE not being able to 'see' what's wrong! This is ridiculous."
"Tell me about it," I grumbled.
"Is this about Edward?" she asked.
"Duh," I groaned.
"What happened? Did he say something? Do something? Come on, spill, girl!" Alice could be annoying, especially when she approached the truth so unerringly. She was like an intercontinental ballistic missile honing in on its target.
It was more than a little intimidating, to tell the truth.
Before I replied, I listened downstairs and was pleased to note that we were alone in the house. There was no way I wanted the boys, Edward especially, to hear what I was going to say.
"So we walked down to that pile of boulders alongside the river," I started slowly.
"Yes," Alice encouraged, rolling her hand in a "hurry up" motion.
IF I had been human, I would have been seven shades of scarlet at this point, so chalk up another point for being a vampire and thus unable to blush. "Well, so, we, um, kissed for a while..." my voice trailed off, embarrassed.
Alice grinned widely. "And..." she suggested, wiggling her eyebrows.
I would have laughed if I hadn't been so upset.
"And after a while my throat was burning so we decided to go hunting." At least this part wasn't nearly as embarrassing. "So he carried me-"
"He carried you?" Alice interrupted. "That's soooooo romantic."
"Um, yeah," I agreed quietly, looking nervously down at my fingers in my lap.
"Come on, Bella. Trying to get information out of you is like pulling teeth," Alice grumbled as Rosalie ignored both of us, apparently engrossed in her car magazine.
"Okay, okay," I sighed. "So we found a small herd to the north, and he put me down so we could both hunt. We charged the herd, and we each took down a couple of deer and fed. But afterward..." My voice trailed off, and I wasn't sure how to express what had happened. I still couldn't believe it...
But Alice was grinning like the proverbial Cheshire Cat, and I caught Rosalie smirking briefly behind her magazine.
"Aaaah, I love being with Jazz after we hunt," Alice said dreamily.
"You wouldn't believe how many trees Emmett and I have leveled after hunting," Rosalie stated to the room at large with a smirk.
"Yes, I would," Alice retorted. "Because I know how many Jasper and I-"
I had to interrupt at this point. "So you all have felt it, too?" I asked, trying to let go of my embarrassment and assuage my burning curiosity.
"Of course," Rosalie rolled her eyes dramatically. "Why else do you think we usually hunt in mated pairs and take so long getting back to the house?"
"So what did Edward do?" Alice asked eagerly. "Come on, you can give us the scoop. We won't tease you."
"Much," muttered Rosalie in a low voice from behind her magazine, and Alice glared at her.
Once again, I would be blushing tomato-red at this point. I sighed, trying to gather enough courage to describe what had happened.
"Um, he was staring at me like I was something to eat, too. He growled really deeply and loudly, dropped the deer he had just finished drinking from, and walked toward me, like I was prey and he was going in for the kill. I was still kneeling, finishing my second deer. Edward knelt beside me, watching me swallow as I drained the deer. He looked...fascinated. But when I was done feeding, he practically tackled me without any warning. I was flat on my back in the dirt with him on top. He kissed me really hard and wildly...like he was out-of-control, and he kept mumbling stuff under his breath. I-I couldn't make out much of it, but there were a lot of curse words. I've never heard him curse like that. Then he, um..." I stopped, unable to continue.
"Did he scare you?" Rosalie asked quietly, her eyes strangely gentle when she looked at me.
"Noooo," I answered slowly. "He surprised me more than scared me. I just wasn't expecting it."
"How did you react?" Rosalie continued.
"Um, I kind of froze in place, and I was too shocked to kiss him back. But he didn't notice for a while. And...and he was..." How could I say it? It was way too embarrassing.
"Aroused?" Rosalie asked gently...gently for Rosalie, anyway.
"Yeah," I admitted, not looking at either of them.
"So what did he do then?" Alice asked in a low voice.
"He...he jumped up from on top of me and started pacing around, running his hands through his hair and muttering to himself. I just sat there in the dirt and watched him; I was so confused." I swallowed hard. "Then he stopped pacing and muttering and seemed to make a decision. He quickly buried the carcasses and we walked home, but we didn't say anything."
"He didn't say anything to you?" Rosalie asked in a hard voice.
I shook my head sadly.
"Did I make him mad? I didn't mean to," I whispered. "Maybe...maybe I need to apologize to him."
Rosalie rose to her feet gracefully as usual, her voice terse. "You will do no such thing, Isabella Swan. Alice, fill her in on what happens to us after feeding. I am going to have quite a chat with our darling brother." Her voice was thick with sarcasm.
"He took a walk with Emmett and Jasper right after we came back," I informed her.
"Well, I hope that they have straightened him out sufficiently," Rosalie growled. "If they haven't, you can bet that I will. There's no excuse for treating you like that."
I was shocked yet again this day.
Was Rosalie actually taking my side?
I offer my sincerest apologies for the lateness of this chapter. We started homeschooling this past week, and it always takes a few weeks to settle into our routines and to figure out how to make everything run efficiently. This year I'm teaching our three boybarians in grades 7, 10, and 12, plus I start teaching my co-op writing class for high schoolers next week along with starting a new online class on the 10th. I've also been writing a new grammar book for my job as well as rewriting and revamping old curriculum. Add to that a severe flare-up of my rheumatoid arthritis, chronic fatigue syndrome, and fibromyalgia, and it's a perfect storm of acute busy-ness. I'm just glad that the holiday weekend gave me an extra day to write as I try to return to posting on Sundays. I'm slowly getting closer!
Thanks for your patience and your kind support of my work. I truly appreciate all of your wonderful reviews; I save every one of them in a special file.
Have a wonderful week, everyone, and do take care!
Warmly,
Cassandra :D
