Chapter LI

As soon as they stepped out of the door and closed it behind them, they were alone together. As soon as the door closed, relief came over Marius. He drew in a deep breath of the clean night air and raised his eyes to look around the dark streets, lit only by dim lamps and the starts above. The streets were not poisoned by terrifying sights, or horrible smells, or the agonizing moans of the dying man. Stepping outside, Marius felt that he, for the first time since Grantaire had disappeared into that jail, could breathe again.

Without raising her eyes to glance at Marius, Cosette walked away from the house toward the well, and turned down the narrow street. Marius followed close behind her, not speaking a word. Now out of the sight of anyone who might have been watching, Cosette took a deep breath and slowly turned around. "Marius—"

She did not get out another word before Marius suddenly threw his arms around her, surprising her and startling her. He pulled her close to him, and held her tightly, his arms trembling, and his heart bursting with a hundred different emotions. Fear, sadness, shame, grief. He needed someone to comfort and be comforted by, someone to hold on to, someone to love. Even greater, he felt relief, joy, and love. No matter what was going to happen now, the worst was over. Enjolras was free, Grantaire was alive, Marius could be with Cosette. Now, at last, he held her in his arms again.

As Marius took her into his arms, Cosette's body was tense and stiff for a long moment. But then Marius felt her relax. She let out a soft gasp and reluctantly wrapped her arms around Marius, as well. Then she held him tighter, wrapping her arms around him, laying her head to rest against his chest.

"Cosette," Marius whispered. He embraced her as tightly as he could, pulled her close to his body, held her head to his chest, and gently stroked her long, beautiful hair in his hand. Her body was so warm, so soft, so gentle, so precious against his. He had nearly forgotten that wondrous sensation in his hands, that fluttering in his heart, that burning passion in his soul that he felt only by touching her. His heart and mind flooded with memories of his days with her. The first day he had met at her garden gate, they first time he held her in his arms, the first time he kissed her, all of those days that they passed sitting in the garden and nights under the starry sky, holding each other's hand, hugging each other close. All of those memories had been lost. When Marius chose to follow Grantaire in pursuit of Enjolras, he had also chosen to surrender this life, this joy, this hope of a blissful world with his love Cosette and leave it far behind him. Marius knew that he could have Cosette no longer. She was no longer his, and he knew that he had to let her go. Until now. Now all of those old memories, old hopes, old longings came back to him. It still seemed so distance, so unreachable, so impossible, but now, maybe, somehow, there was some hope now. If there was hope, Marius would cling to it for a long as he could, until it was torn out of his grasp and he had no other choice. He would not let go. If there was no hope, Marius would hold Cosette anyway. He would hold her one last time, lover her one last night, keep her as long as he could until he had to say goodbye.

"Cosette, I missed you so much," Marius whispered as he held her close, his eyes close, his face pressed against the top of her golden head. "So much…"

"I missed you, too, Marius," Cosette's soft, sweet voice whispered as she hugged him. "Where were you? Why did you go away? What is going on?"

"It does not matter now," Marius said softly. "I am here now. I am back. I will not leave again unless…" He trailed off and fell silent. He could not go on. He could not leave Cosette again. Unless he had no other choice.

Cosette let go of Marius and pulled away from him. He did not want to let go of her. He could not let her slip away from him again. He held onto her hands and did not let go. She looked up at him, gazing into his eyes, her beautiful blue eyes wide and her face scared. Her voice faint and afraid, she repeated "Unless?"

"Unless…" Marius hesitated. What was he to tell her? How could he tell her anything? How could he make her understand? He decided to tell her the truth. "I think we will have to leave Paris."

"Leave Paris?" Cosette echoed, his face becoming fearful and desperate. "Why? Why must you leave?"

"My friend, Enjolras…" Marius began reluctantly. "That man who is so hurt…"

"Who is that man?" Cosette interrupted.

"That's Enjolras. He is my friend."

"What happened to him?" she asked, anxious and fearful. "And your other friend who was hurt, what happened to him? Marius, what is happening?"

Marius let out a heavy sigh and dropped his eyes to the ground. How was he to answer her? How could he tell her what was happening? He did not know if MonsieurFauchelevant would want him to tell her. How could he do anything against the man who had saved his life, Grantaire's life, and Enjolras's life? He could not.

"Marius, won't you tell me now? I want to know… I need to know… Marius, please, tell me…"

Marius stared at the ground, unable to meet her eyes, and he mumbled, "I… I do not know if I can."

Cosette let out a heavy sigh. "Marius, please…" she whispered, her voice weak and desperate. "Why did you leave? Where did you go? How do your friends keep getting so hurt? Why won't you tell me anything? Won't you tell me, now? Please, Marius. I need to know."

Marius, hating himself for saying this, forced himself to mutter, "I think it would be best if you do not."

"But Marius!" Now her voice, her face, her eyes had fallen into utter despair. Now she was begging for him to tell her. "Marius, no one will tell me anything! You have all kept me in the dark all of this time! I am not a child, Marius! I want to know! I deserve to know! I trusted you, Marius! Marius, I love you!"

When she spoke these words, Marius suddenly raised his eyes and looked into her. I love you, Marius. To hear her speak these words was a treasure, a joy, a blessing more priceless and beautiful than Marius had imagined that he would ever earn. After all of this time, after he had all but abandoned Cosette, she still loved him! How was that possible? Marius did not know, but it was true. Cosette had said it herself. Indescribable joy, happiness, and love flooded into his heart, turning it soft and warm, causing any fear, any regret, any darkness fleeing far away. Cosette still loved him. Perhaps, there was hope after all.

"You love me?" he found himself repeating, unsure if he could believe this.

"Of course, I love you!" Cosette cried out. I love you more than anything… She fell silent and dropped her eyes to the ground, and she whispered, "There was a time when you loved me, too…"

Marius suddenly stepped forward, and took her into his arms again. "I still love you!" he cried out, shocked, astounded, and still so overjoyed. "Of course, I still love you! I never wanted to leave you, Cosette! It killed me to do it. I only left because I had no other choice."

Cosette cling to Marius for a long moment, he head pressed against his heart. She held him as tightly as he held her. Neither of them dared to let go of the other. "Why did you go?" she asked, at last. "Please, tell me, Marius. I need to know." Still holding onto him, she leaned back so she could look into his eyes.

Marius looked at Cosette. She was so beautiful. He loved her so much. Yet she would not have known that, because he had turned his back on her. He tried to see things from her eyes. All she knew was that he had disappeared, that he had left her, that he was gone, and that he was not coming back. She was lost, and confused, and scared, and left with a deep wound in her heart. The man who she loved and trusted so much, she thought, had betrayed her. Marius never meant to betray her. He never meant to hurt her. He never wanted to leave her. She deserved to know now. She deserved to know the truth.

He told her. He told her everything. He began with the revolution and ended with the moment that he and Grantaire had finally saved Enjolras. He left out no detail. He told her that he had shot and killed the guard in the prison. This was a burden that weighed on his conscience, and he knew that he would not be free of his guilt until he had told her. He told her everything.

When he had finished the story, Cosette looked blankly at him for a long time, saying nothing. She looked away and stared across the dark streets, lost in deep thought. Marius watched her intently and nervously, trying to detect any emotion on her face. Anger? Fear? Sadness? Shame? He saw nothing. Then at last, Cosette turned to meet his eyes. She opened her lips and spoke in a soft whisper. Marius did not know what she was going say, but what she did say was not at all what he expected.

"Marius, you are so brave."

Marius stared at her surprised and shocked. Brave? That was not at all what he was expecting to hear. He thought that she would call him mad, or a traitor, or a liar, or a murder… But instead she called him brave.

"You did all of that for your friend," she said, gazing out into the street, as if in wonder. "You risked… you risked everything. You could have been caught. Or arrested. Marius, you could have been killed!"

"I know," Marius said quietly, dropping his eyes and looking away from her. "Cosette, I am sorry. I wanted to tell you. I just… I could not." He paused for a long moment before he whispered, "Can you ever forgive me?"

He felt the gentle touch of Cosette's soft hand against his cheek, and warmth spread through his face, his body, straight into his heart. She raised his head, and they looked into each others eyes. "Marius," she said softly, "of course, I can forgive you. I love you. I love you no matter what."

Marius's heart was overflowing with love, bursting with joy, singing with happiness. A warm smile spread across his lips, and he pulled Cosette closer to him, hugging her tightly. "And I love you no matter what," he told her. Then he leaned over and gently kissed her forehead. This was the first time that he had kissed her since before the battle.

"I am only happy that you are back now," Cosette said as she held Marius tightly. He voice softened, and a note of fear came into it, and she whispered, "Marius, please, did not go again. I need you with me."

Still holding each other tightly, Marius sighed and muttered, "Enjolras, Grantaire, and I are all criminals now. The police are after us. We cannot stay in Paris."

"Where will you go?"

"I am not sure. We might have to leave France, altogether. Then we will probably go to England."

Cosette thought for a moment, before she pulled back to look into Marius's eyes. "Marius!" she said, a warm smile on her face and a bright gleam in her eye. "We will go with you! My papa and I. I am sure that he will agree. Do you remember that before the uprising, we were going to leave Paris anyway? Everything will be alright, Marius. We will go with you! We will never be apart again!"

This thought came into Marius's mind. A life forever with Cosette, a life of freedom with Cosette, MonsieurFauchelevant, Grantaire, and Enjolras! Before Marius never would have dared even to think of it. It was too impossible. But now… Now, Cosette had exclaimed the idea herself! Now, however faint it was, there was hope! Now, this impossible might even come a reality!

Marius's heart began bursting with joy and happiness, and his soul burned with excitement and love. He gently took Cosette's cheek in his hand, and their faces slowly came toward one another. Their faces so close that they were nearly touching, they gazed into each other's eyes.

Marius's eyes were almost the same as they had once been. There was still the same love, the same kindness, the same courage that Cosette had always seen in his eyes. But now, his eyes had some empty space. His soul was empty in the places that had died with his friends. Now, she could also see fear, sadness, grief, and suffering in his eyes. She knew that what he had gone through was terrible. It had changed him. Yet, he was still so brave. He was still the same man. Cosette still loved him.

It was Cosette who first leaned forward. Then Marius came forward, as well, and kissed her, gently kissing her sweet, pure lips.