Disclaimer: I do not own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya or any of its characters. I also do not own any of the materials referenced in this story either. This was made for entertainment purposes only and not for profit. So there you go.

A/N: Happy birthday to Kye-Zhi!

Went on YouTube and listened to the Ultimate Showdown. I saw the flash version and the Brawl version and wondered if there was a Haruhi version. There were a few, but they weren't that great. So I made my own. I promise to post something scary later.

AND I ADDED CHAPTER NAMES, BECAUSE NUMBERS SUCK! :O

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The Ultimate Showdown of Haruhi Suzumiya:

A big blue Celsetial was hopping around

North High School like a big playground

When suddenly John Smith stopped soaking up some sun

and shot the Celestial with his gun

The giant got pissed and said, "I'm gonna hurt ya!"

but didn't expect to be blocked by Tsuruya

who proceeded to open up some hurt with a war cry

When Mori hit her while just passing by

-

And she started beating up Tsuruya, who people really like

Then they both got flattened by John Smith's bike

but before he could make it back to the clubroom

Ryoko Asakura materialized to seal his doom

and took a combat knife out, with a look in her eye

that said to the poor boy, "Oh, won't you please die?"

but when she ran right up to stab away

Mikuru shot a Beam to save the day

-

This is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

aliens, time-travelers, and espers as far as the eye can see

and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be

this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

-

The Celestial took a swing at the moe maid, who dodged with ease

like how Tsuruya wolfs down her smoked-cheese

and then LOLFang-tan came back in a bike track

but Itsuki Koizumi jumped out and landed on her back

and Jonh Smith was freaked out, and trying to get steady

when crazy old Ryoko came back with a machete

but suddenly something caught her leg and she tripped

Kuyou Suou took her out with a hair tentacle whip

-

Then she saw the Celestial sneaking up from behind

and she called forth her data powers which she just couldn't find

'cause John neutralized them, took out his gun, shot, and missed

and Itsuki Koizumi deflected the bullet with his esper fist

then he flew into the air and did a somersault

while Ryoko tried to pole vault

onto little Kuyou, but they collided in the air it would seem

then they both got hit by a Mikuru Beam

-

This is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

aliens, time-travelers, and espers as far as the eye can see

and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be

this is the Ultimate Showdown...

-

Angels sang out in a spectacular show

down from the heavens descended Yuki Nagato

who delivered a kick that could shatter rock

into the area of Itsuki's unfortunate cock

who fell over on the ground, clutching at a broken bone

as John Smith changed back into Kyon

but Yuki saw through his clever three-year disguise

and she tried to crush Kyon's head inbetween her sexy thighs

-

Then Haruhi Suzumiya and Alternate-Haruhi came to steal the show and

Shamisen, Miyoko, and Imouto and

The Tamaru brothers and the butler Arakawa and

Sakanaka, her dogs, and Nakagawa

Kyouko, Fujiwara, Sasaki, and Emiri were there

Mr. Kimidori, Achakura, and every other Haruhi-chan character

The Computer Club Prez and his whole gang,

The IDE, the cave cricket, those two guys, the genderbents, and alternates came to serve pain

they all came out of nowhere lightning fast

and they all kicked Yuki in her bookworm ass

it was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw

with civilians looking on in total awe

-

And the battle raged on for a century

many lives were claimed, but eventually

the champion stood, the rest saw who:

Churuya in a bloodstained sailor fuku

-

This is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

aliens, time-travelers, and espers as far as the eye can see

and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be

this is the Ultimate Showdown...

this is the Ultimate Showdown...

this is the Ultimate Showdown...

of Ultimate Destiny...

***

"Well," smiled the President of the Student Council, "Did you like my song? Pretty hip, huh? All that smoking makes my voice carry, doesn't it?"

Emiri Kimidori shuffled uncomfortably in her chair. "Well, it was a very interesting song I must admit. Some parts were a little off key, but it was catchy at least. There's one question I have though."

"Oh? What is it, Kimidori?" asked the Student Council President.

"Well... who in the world is Churuya?" questioned Emiri.

The chain-smoker's face fell and he stared at Emiri with a hardened gaze.

"Kimidori..."

"Yes?"

"Get the hell out of my office."

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A/N: Who knew that guy was such a fan of Churuya?

This was VERY hard to make so I hope you guys enjoyed it. I wonder if anyone will ever try to hum this? And remember, when something gets between Churuya and her cheese, almost nothing will stop her.

Tune in next time for:

Survival Horror!

Zombies!

Umbrellas!

Monsters that look like a certain part of the female anatomy!

And the most terrifying thing of all... SYMBOLISM!

Review Haruhi-worshippers! Your yellow ribbon-wearing goddess demands it!