I love thee, I love but thee
With a love that shall not die
Till the sun grows cold
And the stars grow old.
- William Shakespeare
The Doe
'Hi.'
Helen looked at Sirius dubiously.
'Ancient Runes is not for another week,' she informed him, looking back to her book on Greek mythology.
'See! That's our problem- we're becoming routine. It said in Witch Weekly that you need variety in one's… er… sex life so as not to lose that 'spark,'' he said informatively.
Helen put down her quill and looked at Sirius incredulously.
'You read Witch Weekly?'
'Not for a while now, but in fourth year, us Marauders invested in a subscription between the four of us so we could better understand the female mind,' he shrugged.
Helen looked at him strangely and turned back to her book, frowning.
Sirius shook his head; he had to stop detracting from the task at hand.
'Anyway, that's not even why I'm here,' he said. '… though the fact that you immediately thought of sex makes me wonder if you have a secret desire…' he said, raising a suggestive eyebrow and placing a hand on her knee under the table.
Helen slapped his hand away.
'Stop distracting me, or else I'll put you back in my 'book of distractions.''
Sirius pursed his lips; he was again getting side tracked and procrastinating.
'So… erm…'
Helen sighed and looked up at him.
'Sirius,' she said shortly. 'I am not going to leave what I'm doing now to have sex with you- I'm sorry. If you need to relieve tension so badly, by all means lock yourself up in your dorm and do so using your own methods- I even give you leave to think about me whilst doing so, if you must. Now, unless you have something useful to tell me, please go because you're starting to annoy me,' she said, looking at him pointedly.
Sirius sighed and got up.
'Fine. I'll leave you,' he grumbled, leaving.
He knew that he was using her order as a pathetic excuse for his not having asked her already, and he reprimanded himself for being so cowardly. After all- it wasn't that big a deal…
Helen was able to accept her ancestry; in fact, she preferred it to the idea of being her adoptive parent's daughter as it deepened her fascination with Greek mythology. Whilst the idea of being a descendant from Asteria was appealing to Helen, however, the fact that she was cursed was very much not. She hated the idea that those before her, and probably after her, would be condemned to suffer because of Circe's own selfishness. She became possessed with trying to find as much information as she could in a desperate bid to try to find a way to end the curse. Despite the many hours she spent pouring over the library books, however, she could find no relevant information and there was no mention of Leda, or the 'Asteria Curse' whatsoever.
One evening, Helen remembered that Circe had her own Chocolate Frog card.
'Hey, James, can I see your chocolate frog card collection?' Helen asked.
'Yeah, it's upstairs in the box under my bed,' James shrugged, thinking that it was a bit strange that Helen wanted to see them.
'Thanks.'
Helen went up and ended up summoning the 'Circe' card because there were far too many cards to sort through.
She found the card and read the following:
Circe, in Greek mythology, is a sorceress who lives on an island called Aeaea, near Italy. Circe was able to turn people into beasts through the use of magical potions. She was renowned for her knowledge of drugs and herbs.
Also known for her love affair with Odysseus.
'Well that doesn't help me at all,' Helen muttered mutinously, throwing the card back in the tin and putting it back James' bed.
She looked up as Peter emerged from the bathroom. He stopped short on seeing Helen, blushing involuntarily.
'I was just looking at James' card collection,' Helen explained, shrugging and standing up.
'Oh,' Peter said, still staring at her.
Helen registered that she felt slightly uneasy at his stare.
'Anyway, I'll go now,' she said, leaving quickly.
Recently, she had avoided Peter as much as she could. Although this was done on a subconscious level, there was something about the way he always looked at her which made her uncomfortable, though she wasn't quite sure what it was, exactly.
'Hey, can I talk to you?' Sirius asked Helen as they waited outside their Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom.
'You are,' Helen said with an ironic smile.
Sirius opened his mouth but was cut short.
'Enter,' Professor Melrose announced, opening the doors.
Helen looked up at Sirius expectantly.
'Er… later,' he sighed as they walked into the classroom.
'… today we shall be learning how to produce Patronuses,' Professor Melrose announced.
There was an excited chatter amongst the class; everyone had been excited to learn how to produce patronuses for some time now.
'Wow, it's so pretty,' Lily said, admiring Helen's unicorn.
'Excellent work, Miss Asteria,' Melrose said, winking at her and going over to assist Mary with her patronus.
Helen blushed, feeling very pleased with herself.
Nearly every girl in Hogwarts, Helen and Lily included, had a secret crush on their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. He was young, tall, well-built and perfectly handsome with his shiny chocolate-brown hair, sparkling blue eyes and lips which always seemed to be curved in a heart-melting grin.
Helen snapped out of her reverie when she saw Sirius looking at her pointedly from across the room and cleared her throat and turned to Lily, though she could not suppress the smile from playing on her lips.
'Your go now,' she said to Lily.
Lily took a deep breath.
'Expecto Patronum.'
Silvery wisps emerged from her wand.
'You need to think of something happy,' Helen told her. 'What was your happiest moment?'
Lily blushed and Helen caught that her glance flitted over in James' direction ever so fleetingly.
'Expecto Patronum,' she tried again.
A doe erupted from Lily's wand and Helen clapped a hand to her mouth to prevent herself from laughing out loud after she realised what form it took. She looked over to James who was staring from the silvery doe to Lily with an expression of pure joy.
Even Sirius, Remus and Peter gaped at Lily, very surprised.
'I did it! I did it!' Lily laughed happily. 'Look! It's a doe! She's so beautiful!' she said to Helen who was fighting to keep a straight face.
'Excellent, Miss Evans! Ten points to Gryffindor,' Professor Melrose said, smiling at Lily.
Lily blushed and smiled widely at Melrose, very unaware as to why more than half of her Gryffindor peers were staring at her.
Lily turned to Helen who was still staring at her.
'Helen? What's wrong? Why are they looking at me like that?' she asked, frowning, nodding towards the Marauders.
'Er… they're just probably amazed at how big your patronus is,' Helen lied reassuringly.
Remus, Sirius and Peter were lying in bed that night. The only bed in their dormitory which was unoccupied was James' and this was because he was pacing up and down the length of the room, speaking rapidly.
'Now how can you honestly tell me that she and I aren't meant to be? You can't!'
There was silence.
'It was… surprising,' Remus said after a while.
'Thank you!' James said happily.
'I think she likes you,' Peter said.
'Ah, that's why you're my favourite Wormtail,' James said.
Sirius made a sceptical noise and James turned to him.
'What? You think she doesn't?' he challenged.
Sirius sighed and sat up.
'Well…'
'Her patronus was a doe!'
'Okay…'
'We're meant to be.'
'So you've been saying for many years now…'
'I think it's a sign.'
Sirius, as much as he disliked Lily and thought that James could find someone much better-suited to him, could not find a way to flaw James' present argument.
'Okay. I won't deny that her patronus was surprising, but I don't think she consciously likes you yet… but I'll admit that I think you have a chance now,' Sirius conceded.
James beamed and continued to pace the dormitory.
'So, er… now that that's settled, do you reckon you can let us sleep… not that I'm complaining and all, but it is getting on two… and you're the one who wants us up at six for quidditch training… Merlin knows why, our next game's next year…' Sirius said irritably.
'Just… take it slow, James,' Remus said wisely. 'Don't screw it up with Lily by doing anything stupid now. I would say just try being nice to her for these last few days of term and then ask her out properly after the holidays.'
James made an impatient noise but sighed and walked over to his bed.
'I suppose you're right, Moony. After all, if I actually have a proper chance for once, I suppose I had better do the thing properly,' he sighed, lying back in his bed.
He had not felt this happy for a long time, and did not fall asleep for a long time; thinking of Lily's beautiful face and luxurious red hair… her green eyes…
'We have not spoken since your birthday. How have you been coping?' Dumbledore asked as Helen sat down in front of him.
Helen shrugged.
'It's okay. I mean, the letter helped a lot… I just don't want to be cursed,' she said, frustration evident in her tone.
She looked up at Dumbledore.
'I don't care so much about who I am; that doesn't bother me it's just… how am I meant to live a normal life with no one knowing or noticing? I know it won't matter so much now, but… what if I get married some day? Can I even have natural children? And then, in any case, I'd have to tell my husband the truth…'
Helen paused and looked to her headmaster for advice. All these questions had been pent up in her for so long and she wanted answers.
'I just don't want to be cursed,' she said finally, in a small voice.
Dumbledore sighed as she had finally reached the troubling issue of children.
'I do not profess to know much about the history of your ancestors, Helen, although I must admit that I have never known of them to have produced children other than the daughter from the curse,' he said carefully.
Helen felt her heart fall.
'So I can't have children?' she asked sadly.
She had never thought of having them, but didn't want to be infertile either. It annoyed her that her options in life had to be limited so much because of the curse.
Dumbledore stroked his beard thoughtfully.
'I… I had not intended on telling you this until I was certain, as you may recall from our last meeting. I ask that you use this information responsibly and understand that we can never be certain until you…' Dumbledore paused and cleared his throat. 'Reason has led me to believe that the only way for a 'daughter of Asteria' to end the 'Asteria curse' would be to conceive a child. As to whether you are able to have children, Helen, I must confess that I do not know,' he said apologetically.
Helen's eyes widened; it made so much sense.
'So if I get pregnant, I can stop the curse?' she asked excitedly.
Dumbledore's eyes flashed.
'I am by no means certain of this. It is merely a theory…' he said in a warning voice.
'Okay, fine… but it's nice to think that it might work. At least that would be something in my life which would be going well,' she said, with a hint of bitterness.
Dumbledore surveyed Helen.
'Is there something else worrying you, Helen?' he asked.
Helen looked up at him sadly.
'It's just going to be so strange going home on Saturday. I know I have to go just that one last time but…' Helen gulped. 'I want to end on a good note with them,' she finished quietly.
There was a pause.
'Ah… never mind. I'm not hoping for much. I just want to try,' Helen shrugged, looking up and smiling at her headmaster.
Dumbledore smiled back at Helen.
'I hope that it all goes well for you… though I might recommend that you refrain from using confunding charms as a method of reconciliation,' he added with a small twinkle in his eye.
Helen laughed.
'Is there anything else you wish to tell me?' he asked.
Helen shook her head.
'Very well then. You had better run off to lunch then… and I ask that I hear of no more examples of your using wandless magic skills against teachers or students,' he said with a knowing small smile.
---
Helen did not feel like eating after her meeting with Dumbledore. He had given her so much to think about now, but she was still so confused.
If she could not have children, how was she meant to end the curse?
But he never said that she was infertile for certain. Perhaps none of her ancestors had had the chance to have children… or perhaps they had never found anyone who would stay with them long enough to get to that stage because of their tempers.
Or perhaps it would just be harder for her to become pregnant than most normal people. She found this idea sadly ironic, given her 'pregnancy scare' of last year.
She sighed and sat against the yew tree by the Great Lake. She pulled an annoying twig from under her and looked at it, igniting it.
'For someone whose trademark is 'Aguamenti', you seem to be lighting a lot of things on fire lately,' Sirius remarked. 'And please don't set me on fire for interrupting your reverie,' he added, sounding slightly nervous as though he thought it was a strong possibility.
Helen threw the stick in the lake, extinguishing the flame, and leaned back against the tree as Sirius came and sat next to her.
'You okay?'
Helen shrugged. 'Yeah, I s'pose.'
'Is it because you're going back home? You don't have to go back, you know,' he pointed out.
Helen smiled.
'Why, thank you for pointing out the obvious. I'm going one last time to try patching things up with them. After all, they have raised me even if they're not…'
She cut herself short, her eyes widening at how close she had come to exposing her secret.
'They're not what?' Sirius asked, confused by Helen's pause.
'If… they're not very nice to me,' she finished unconvincingly. 'Anyway, now that I'm 'Of Age' I don't want to be living off the Potters or the Evans. If it doesn't work out, I might go to Paris with Mark for a while,' Helen said, thinking it was an appealing idea.
'Or you could…'
Sirius paused and cast an uncertain glance at Helen who sat up and looked at him.
'What?'
He took a deep breath.
'Well… you know, I'll be by myself and all and it is quite a big place, so you could always come stay with me if you liked,' he muttered, becoming very interested with his fingernails.
Helen looked up at Sirius, surprised.
'Is this only because you want someone to do your cooking and cleaning for you?' she asked, grinning.
Sirius wrinkled his nose.
'Yeah, I'm not really looking forward to that aspect of having my own place,' he grinned back.
Helen rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless.
'We'll see. Hopefully I won't be needing to pay you a visit…'
'That would mean that I would have to stay celibate for a whole two months!' Sirius exclaimed indignantly.
'Poor you,' Helen muttered sarcastically.
There was a pause.
'We discovered this really roomy secret place behind the mirror on Fourth Floor the other day. Want to check it out?' he suggested with a mischievous grin.
Another pause ensued before Helen spoke.
'Sure,' she said brightly, standing up.
Sirius looked rather taken aback by this.
'I'm going to need something to keep me going until school starts again,' Helen shrugged.
'Is there a catch?' Sirius asked, looking at her suspiciously.
Helen laughed and kissed him on the cheek.
'Well, that depends entirely on your performance, mon cheri,' she whispered in his ear.
Thanks to Rozy-Pruitt for her suggestion about Lily's patronus :)
So James and Lily are meant to be (like we didn't already know that, heh) and will be making more progress soon.
We were also given a few clues as to how the 'Asteria' curse might be ended...
Oh, and Sirius wanted Helen to come live with him... we'll see how all of 'that' pans out next chapter.
Notes on last chapter:
- Keep in mind that they're 17 and many 17-year-old boys (especially with the reputation of the 'Marauders') would be expected to get some kind of action. Although Remus is shy, I doubt he was a virgin when he married Tonks and, lets face it, most seventeen-year old boys have had sex. You would know this if you yourself are over seventeen and hang out with seventeen-year old guys. Some of you might harbour your own opinions on sex whether they be influenced by age, religion or just you as a person. Please understand, though, that Helen's having had sex at the age which she did was in no way unrealistic and neither is Remus' situation.
- Pilover- You should be careful not to cross the line between being insulting and constructive criticising- especially if you end a review telling me to update...
- Sorry to all those whose name is Janis- I never knew it was such a popular name! Maybe you could revel in the fact that a character has the same name as you… you know- glass half full instead of half empty etc. :)
Other note not related to the chapter:
I am going to take a short break from updating now and this should last about a week. I feel I need to do this for both my sanity and for the sake of the story so that I can clear my head and organise my thoughts and ideas. I hope you understand that this is because I would prefer to provide you all with better-quality chapters as opposed to hurried ones of a lesser quality.
SO, please review to keep up my morale and to help me along during this break... and to also ensure that I do come back!
Lots of love, Anya
