This one is fun. I get to go on a rant. Ranting is fun! Just to warn you all, I am a yaoi (gay sex) fangirl at heart...I tried to remember that I'm supposed to be Rhys' mother, but...my yaoi fangirl side won out. You have been warned.
Chapter 47
Science
So I was wondering...could I just have permanent permission to go to Seth's after school? Rather than asking every time?
I don't see why not, although it is up to your mother.
Sure, just as long as you're home by 8:00...you'll still need to ask permission if you want to sleep over, or anything.
Define "anything".
-snicker-
Okay, scratch the "anything".
Just making sure. That'd be a lovely phone call. "Mom? Hi, it's Rhys. Can I touch Seth?" You'd be all "?!# NOOO!!!"
O_o
-laughs- It's funny cuz it's true...
...
...
Whatever...so...been learning more about the anatomy with Seth?
No. We've moved on to sex ed.
-gagging noises-
...how much of that are you guys doing?
I'm just learning about the different types now...we'll practice later.
-dies- -comes back to life- -dies again-
Wow, Dad, a little over-dramatic there...-raises eyebrow- "Different types"? Question mark?
Well, there's straight sex, anal sex, oral sex, dry sex, sex with clothes on, sex with clothes off, whip and chain sex, rough sex, threesome, foursome, male-male, female-female, male-female, transvestite sex, and then there's things that aren't quite sex, like male-male masturbating, female-female masturbating, male-female masturbating, and, well, you get my point. OH! And orgies.
-DIES-
Am I to assume that you'll be practicing all the male-male ones, as well as the ones that can be any gender?
Possibly.
-REVIVED- MARY SWEET MOTHER OF GOD STRIKE ME DOWN WITH YOUR FLAMING FIST OF WRATH, INCINERATE ME WITH HOLY FIRE AND END THIS MADNESS! -heart attack- -die-
...-is speechless-...
...Wow. Never took you for the religious type.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...
Great. Just great. You broke him, Rhys! -grinning at the stupidity of it all-
I wonder if they sell replacement parts?
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...
Hmmm...replacement vampire parts...-grins-
Ew. Just ew.
E100 (A/N: That's E to the power of 100. I would have just said that, but it gets to be too much to type later on...)
I agree. I prefer wolves.
-eyebrow raise- So do I.
E times pi equals E to the power of 20 divided by bc squared. (A/N: All these math things were actually written how you write them, but I can't very well type all that up, now can I?)
I love the beautiful colour of their skin...
OHKAY DOHKAY! TIME TO STOP!
E times E times E times pi times infinity equals a1b14c3d1e2 divided by f1g11h3i1j2 times (pi times infinity) plus 11111
ENOUGH WITH THE MATH CRAP, DAD!! It's making my brain hurt! And I'm a half vamp, so I'm smarter than an average human!!!
Rock hard abs...-drool-
E times pi?
No! And yes...hair that's easy to twine your fingers in...-dreamy look in eyes, drool-
Something else that's rock hard....-snickers-
E EQUALS MC2!!!!!
-ignoring Edward- Yes, definitely...mmmm...-licks lips-
Uh...okay....that's odd...you're my mom. -ew-
E equals E times E times E times pi plus 111111111 times 4 times E plus b2c1d2z2 divided by a14 times 100000000 to the power of 100000000 plus 4 plus 4 plus 4 plus 4 times infinity times 6 divided by 6 times 17000000000000000 divided by 1
SHUT UP, DAD! -growls-
e times pi equals 6 squared?
-laughs-
-500000000000 facepalms in the span of 20 seconds-
Ouch.
-still laughing-
...there's a red mark on my forehead now, isn't there?
No, actually.
E equals E!
Huh. Odd. Anyway...back to drooling over wolves...
OR NOT!
MEGA POKE!
DAD! DO YOU TAKE PLEASURE IN ANNOYING ME TO NO END?!?! DO YOU ENJOY MAKING ME SO PISSED THAT I'D RIP YOUR HEAD OFF IF YOU WEREN'T MY FATHER?!?! DOES IT AMUSE YOU TO MAKE ME YELL LIKE THIS AND SWEAR IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING SON?!?! ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF FOR INFLICTING THIS...THIS...TORTURE ON ME?!?! -heavy breathing- Okay, I think I'm done now...
-hides-
RHYS IS FUCKING?!?!?! WHERE?!?!?!
-growls- ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!
-still hiding-
Geez! It's a regular orgy in here today!
-growls again, sickly sweet smile & voice- If you don't answer the question, Daddy Dearest, then something so terrible I can't even say will come your way, I promise you that.
-still hiding-
Which one? You asked, like, 4.
ALL OF THEM!!!!
-still hiding-
Yes, petunia, stop sign, peach cobbler. There. Happy?
................-stops growling and bursts into laughter-
-comes out of hiding-
See? You just need to lighten up. -mumbling- And have sex. That seems to help.
Well, if Jake were here, I'd go find a niiiice broom closet with him...-drool-
I just have to wait till after school.
I guess that makes three of us.
Hmm...I haven't had sex with Jacob since...actually, since Rhys was born. Wow. It's been quite a while...I'm surprised I haven't come apart at the seams yet...
...-grossed out-...
.............
-twitch- Dad, I forget...does Jake go to this school now, or does he still not?
???
He transferred in today, why???
...what class does he have right now?
......
Planning....why...?
I'd better go retrieve him...and find somewhere secluded...-runs off, leaving all her stuff here-
-whimper- Why doesn't Seth go here......-hits head repeatedly on desk-
-sigh- Greeeeeeeat.....
XXXXXXXXXX
Ah, yes...I love this chapter. But next chapter shows more of my obsession with yaoi...-grin- I'll just go type that one now...-happy grin on face-
