Disclaimer: That '70s Show copyright The Carsey-Werner Company, LLC and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC. The 10th Kingdom copyright Babelsberg International Filmproduktion GmbH & Co. Beitriebs KG and Hallmark Entertainment Distribution, LLC.

CHAPTER 44
DULL IS THE ARMOR

The sun rose too soon and bathed the gingerbread safehouse in orange light. Hadn't Eric just fallen asleep with Donna in his arms? Sure felt like it. Everyone had kept quiet last night out of respect for Hyde, but Eric needed to talk to Donna—about so much that he couldn't make sense of it all. Maybe with the Red Caps protecting their passage to Gingerbread Town, he'd get a chance to sort his thoughts and tell her before someone else tried to kill them.

Three Red Caps entered the cottage. Their eyes were bright and alert, and their steps were sprightly despite having spent the night in the rain. "Good morning," one of them said, and the other two went to Hyde's bed.

"Hey, girls," Kelso said and waved at them. He was sitting at the table and munching on one of the pretzel stools. Strange that he was the first to rise, but with the knot of limbs in the bed next to him—Fez and Rhonda's—he probably didn't feel comfortable staying put.

Eric, however, would've loved to sleep another couple of days, but Donna was up and yawning beside him. Her hair appeared a bit of a mess, but he always found her "morning" look endearing. He focused on that while forcing himself out bed and stretching. Then he ripped off a piece of their headboard and offered it to her. "Breakfast, m'lady?"

"Thanks." She took the chunk of gingerbread absently. Her attention seemed elsewhere—on Hyde. She rose from the bed and went to the Red Caps tending him. Then she spoke in a low, soft tone. She probably didn't want anyone to hear her, and before Eric's wolfish traits had kicked in, he wouldn't had a prayer. Now, though, her words reached him clearly.

He watched as she festooned Hyde with concern, but Hyde said he was fine—even though he'd mentioned being in pain yesterday... more than once... which was completely unlike him. Eric banged the back of his head on the gingerbread wall. What the hell was wrong with him? She wasn't being overly-concerned. He was being under-concerned, and he rushed to Hyde's bedside.

"Hyde, are—" Eric cut himself off. Hyde seemed to be in a great mood. He was pulling on his boots and even smiling. The only outward sign he'd been torn apart just a few hours ago were the scabby blotches along his arms, the red stitches on his fingers and jawline.

"Morning, Forman," he said and cupped one of Jackie's knees. She was already eating beside him, and he tore a fistful of gingerbread from the wall for himself. "What's up?"

Too much, Eric wanted to say, but he stuffed his hands into his pockets and fumbled with the five need seeds remaining to him. "How... um, how are you?"

Hyde took a bite of gingerbread, "Peachy," and pointed to Donna, "but your wife thinks I'm faking."

"I didn't say that," Donna said. She looked to the Red Caps as if they would back her up. "All I said was you should take it easy."

Hyde stood up while Jackie stayed seated, and he clasped her shoulder, but it seemed like he was leaning on her. "I'll take it easy once we're out of this damn forest."

"No, Donna's right," Eric said. "You went through some really tough stuff, man. We're here for you if you need anything."

"Yeah..." Hyde ran a hand over his face and sighed. "Yeah, I know." The bite wounds on his wrists did look better. "But there's only so much of this 'we-care-about-you' crap I can take, so let's get the hell out of here, all right?"

"Sure..." Eric grinned and tilted his head, "and I love you."

"Get bent, Forman." Hyde pulled Jackie to her feet. He led her across the cottage toward the door, but their passage didn't go unnoticed. Kelso, Rhonda, and Fez were all at the table now and in Hyde's path.

"I love you, too, Hyde!" Kelso shouted.

Hyde brought Jackie past him. "Shut up!

"Oh, yes, me, too!" Fez said and made kissing noises.

"Man," Hyde turned to the Red Caps behind him, "you shoulda let me croak." Then he was out the door with Jackie.

Kelso laughed. "Sweet love-burn, guys!"


The forest smelled like leaves and grass from the night's rain, and the ground was muddy. Getting to Gingerbread Town would take only a few more hours, the Red Caps said, and they formed their protective ring around Eric, Donna and their friends.

"So, how's my tiger lily?" Eric said, partly as a test of his new pet name for Donna. She didn't wrinkle her nose in disgust or tell him to knock it off, so she must have liked it.

"Short answer: I'm fine."

"And the long answer?" He tried to pull her into a private walking-huddle, but Rhonda sneaked up on them from behind.

"Donna—oh, gosh..." Rhonda snorted with what sounded like embarrassment, "can I talk to you? Woman-to-woman?"

"Um... okay." Donna pecked Eric on the lips then mouthed, "I'm sorry," before Rhonda dragged her off to their own, private walking-huddle.

He could've easily eavesdropped on the conversation, but another voice drew his attention. Kelso was speaking to Fez, a little too loudly: "I can't believe you didn't nail Rhonda last night."

Fez probably didn't want that news spread around, but maybe Kelso was actually talking in his normal decibel level. He and Fez were only two yards ahead of Eric, and Eric had trouble distinguishing the true volume of sounds now. He also couldn't tell what that volume meant about his distance from the sound itself. Measuring distance by sight was much easier for him, but being a wolf didn't come with a handbook.

"Oh, I wanted to my friend," Fez said. "I was in a house of candy, sleeping next to the woman of my dreams. It would have been glorious... but I could not do that to Hyde. We would have been loud."

Kelso patted Fez on the back. "You'll get her the next time, buddy."

Eric chuckled quietly. Whatever jealousy Kelso felt toward Rhonda, nothing could keep him from rooting for Fez to have sex—even if it was with her. But the image didn't do Eric any favors, so he thrust it from his mind as huffing noises swept through the air. He glanced to the right and spotted Jackie. Her wet eyes were shining in the morning sunlight.

She seemed unhappy with the texture of the muddy ground. She'd maneuvered herself behind Hyde and reached up to his shoulders. He bent down so she could wrap herself around his back—to be carried piggyback-style. But when he tried to straighten up, his face contorted in pain.

"Hold on..." He lowered her to the ground again. She walked on her tiptoes while her hands flailed. She looked like she'd touched a spider.

More huffing noises issued from her, and Hyde scooped her into his arms. He managed a few steps before his arms gave out and dropped her into the mud.

"I... can't do it," he said, out of breath. He tried to pull Jackie out of the mud, and his eyes fogged over with a mixture of fear and helplessness.

Eric rushed over and lifted Jackie from the mud. He grasped her hand so she'd know it was him. Then he crouched and guided her to his back. "Your carriage awaits."

"Forman?" Hyde said. "What the hell are—"

But Jackie slipped her arms around Eric's shoulders and hopped onto his back. He supported her legs around his hips and moved forward.

"Huh." Hyde stared at them a moment. "Well, whaddya know?"

"Yeah," Eric said. "We kind of have a thing now."

Hyde quirked up an eyebrow. "Really."

"Yup." Eric was smiling in spite of himself. He liked that Jackie trusted him, felt like he'd earned some special badge of honor.

"So..." Hyde stroked Jackie's arm with his stitched-up fingers, "what happened?"

He must have meant in the wolf village, in Grayhead's brick house, and Eric told him everything up to when Hyde's limp, chewed-up body was brought in.

"Grayhead is bad news, man," Eric said, and he shifted Jackie's weight so it rested higher on his hips. "He gonna keep coming after you two until he gets the ring... The Red Caps should've killed him."

"Won't hear an argument from me," Hyde said.

"I can't belie—" Eric's voice hitched. He'd never forget the wolves' hunger for Hyde's blood... or how they'd slaughtered all those people in the Naked Emperor's palace. "I can't believe I'm one of them."

"You're not." Hyde captured Eric's gaze and kept it. "Where it counts, man, you're not. You think I'd let you touch Jackie, let alone carry her, if you were?" He brushed some of Jackie's orange hair from her face. "Thanks, by the way."

Eric shook his head. "I didn't really do anything. Okay, I did ask about the ring, but Grayhead gave the information without blinking. He kind of, uh... liked me, I think. Wolf Brotherhood or something."

"No, man," Hyde peered around, as if to make sure no one else was in earshot, "thanks for Jackie, now... and yesterday."

Eric shifted Jackie's weight higher on his hips again. "Oh."

A few minutes later, they entered a denser part of the forest, thick with trees. The ground was drier here, and Hyde gestured for Eric to put Jackie down. Eric did.

"Look, Forman," Hyde said and took Jackie's hand, "I don't know shit about you bein' a wolf..." he slid his palm over Eric's cheek and gave it a light slap, something he used to do when they were kids, "but you're definitely a man."

He dropped back with Jackie just as Donna returned to Eric's side. Eric slipped his arm around her waist.

"You okay?" she said. "You and Hyde seemed to be hav—"

He kissed her until they were both breathless. "Let's... Let's leave it at that for now, okay?" he said.

A smile crept at the corners of her lips. "Okay."

He kept her close as they moved through the forest. Once they were in the safety of Gingerbread Town, he'd tell her everything, even if it meant opening the door to things he'd rather keep locked away. He couldn't afford to shut her out anymore.

He no longer wanted to.


The scent of baked bread and apple pie drifted in the forest air. They were close to Gingerbread Town, and Fez's stomach grew needy with anticipation—and tense with fear. The Council of the Nine Kingdoms would take place tomorrow. He had the Candy and Pie Expo to oversee, a curse to break, his true love to have sex with...

Yes, Rhonda was certainly his true love. Finding her here had made his heart expand like caramel-coated popcorn. And the way her big, strong hand now held his smaller one made other things expand, too. He'd never had sex with someone he loved before, and the prospect both excited and scared him.

"Coco Puff, look!" she said and pointed up.

Candy canes towered above them like giant oaks. Red Riding Hood Forest had thinned abruptly, giving way to the red-and-white crooks. Colorful gumdrops grew on leafy bushes, and swirly lollipops sprouted from the earth.

"I wish Jackie could see this," Donna said.

"Wow..." One of the youngest Red Caps plucked a tiny candy cane from the dirt.

An older Red Cap grabbed it from her. "Cerise!"

"It's okay," Fez said and returned the candy cane to Cerise. "Candy exists to be eaten."

The sweet smell of baked goods grew thicker as they walked on, and they soon reached the walls of Gingerbread Town. Female soldiers dressed in candy-striped uniforms guarded the gates. They couldn't have been older than eighteen, and they stiffened when they spotted Fez's party of Red Caps.

Kelso strode ahead of everyone, and he addressed the soldiers with his deep Captain-of-the-Guard voice. "I am Sir Kelso the Valiant. King Fez has come!" He laughed and glanced behind him at Fez. "I love saying that."

The soldiers bowed deeply. "King Fez," they said, "we have long awaited your arrival."

"Yes, so have I," Fez said. He turned to the Red Caps. "Thank you all for your service. I will write to Queen Riding Hood and tell her of your bravery and strength."

"Your Majesty," a Red Cap said, "we are honored to serve you. On behalf of Queen Riding Hood, however, we have a request." Fez nodded, and she continued. "We would ask your permission to patrol the southern half of the Second Kingdom. With wolf activity increasing, and with Queen Gretel's murder—"

Fez put up his hand. "I cannot allow that at this time."

"But King Fez—"

"I said, 'No patrol!' You must return to the northern half of the kingdom immediately."

"Fez, um... maybe you should reconsider," Eric said. He jutted his chin at an area several feet away, where Hyde stood with Jackie. Hyde was resting his forehead on Jackie's shoulder.

"I understand, Eric," Fez said, "but we will be safe within the walls of Gingerbread Town."

At that, Hyde straightened up. "Yeah, man, that's what you said about the Naked Emperor's kingdom, and a pack of wolves ambushed us in his own freakin' palace."

"Guys, if Fez says they can't do it," Donna said, "then he must have a good reason for it."

Fez smiled at her. "Thank you, Donna."

He thought that would end the discussion, but Hyde stepped up to him with Jackie on his arm and kept his voice low. "If those wolves get anywhere near us, man, we're dead."

"But they won't get near you..." Fez clapped Hyde's shoulder, and Hyde flinched, "because I am assigning the best guard in my kingdom to watch over you. Kelso," he gestured for Kelso to come close, "your duty is to protect Hyde and Jackie now."

"Oh, yeah!" Kelso said cheerfully.

But Hyde scowled. "No way. I don't want Sir Brainless guarding us."

Kelso's eyes widened as if he were insulted. "Hey, who kept you from getting burned at the stake in Little Lamb Village, huh? Who kicked all that Troll-butt during Fez's coronation? Who saved Donna from that wolf in Fez's ballroom?"

"You ever face down a pack of wolves by yourself?" Hyde said.

"No."

"Right." Hyde turned back to Fez. "No one's getting fuckin' killed on my behalf, okay? So just let these chicks do what they've been trained to do."

"Kelso understands his duty," Fez said. "You and Jackie are our friends, and I gave you the ring that cursed you. It's my obligation to see that the curse is broken and to protect you while doing so."

"Fez," the force of Hyde's voice made Fez step back, "I said no."

Donna touched Hyde's arm but withdrew at his wince. "Hyde," she said, "he's trying to help you."

"I don't need any damn help. I just need this damn ring to come off Jackie's fing—"

"He is King," Rhonda said sternly, "and he has spoken." Hyde opened his mouth to reply, but Rhonda repeated, "He has spoken!" which shut him up.

"Thank you, my sweet." Fez kissed Rhonda on her beautiful plump cheek. Then he picked a gumdrop off a nearby bush and tossed it into his mouth. "Now take the oath, Kelso."

Kelso stood in front of Hyde and Jackie. He took out his dagger and placed the flat of the blade over his heart. "I swear on my loyalty to Kingdom and King—and on our friendship—that I, Sir Kelso, will guard your lives with mine, and... burn! You have to be protected by me."

"Fine," Hyde said through gritted teeth. "But unless you find a way to guard us so I don't gotta see your ass all the time, I'm gonna kick it."

"But who's gonna guard you?" Eric said to Fez, and Fez glanced at Rhonda. "Oh..."

Fez bowed to the Red Caps. "Thank you once more for all you've done for us, but I must say, 'Good day.'"

"We understand," a Red Cap said. She pulled a swatch of scarlet cloth from her cloak with a needle stuck in it. A scarlet thread was strung through the eye. "If you need us," she handed the cloth and needle to him, "you know how to call us."

The Red Caps departed, and Gingerbread Town's guards let Fez and his friends through the gates. A path stretched out before them, glittering like wet pebbles in the sunlight, but Fez's attention roamed higher. Queen Gretel's castle overlooked the town on a high promontory. That was their destination, but Hyde's wounds still seemed to cause him great pain, and Fez hoped he could make the journey.


Pastel-colored cottages, each with pies cooling in the windows, lined the gingerbread-paved streets. The town smelled like Mrs. Forman's kitchen when she was baking cookies, and Hyde inhaled the smell deep into his nose. His body felt better than it had yesterday—but much worse than last night when Jackie was laughing.

She was smiling now with her eyes closed. Looked like her sense of smell was fully engaged. He ran a finger down the bridge of her nose, and she nodded. Only three senses were left to her, smell being one. Seemed she was putting them to good use, but how long until the curse stole smell, taste, and touch from her, too?

Hyde and Jackie walked toward the town square with their friends, and different scents took dominance: roast chicken and spiced lamb, blueberry pie and chocolate. He could practically taste them on his tongue, and he enjoyed the sensation. It distracted from the pain raking his nerves—and sparked a little insight. Back in Point Place, Jackie had asked him a question he didn't know how to answer. He had the answer now... and hoped like hell she'd get the chance to hear it someday.

In the town square, people darted among rows of restaurants, bakeries, and candy shops. The citizenry appeared to be mostly old women and young girls, but people from other kingdoms had already arrived—including Elves and some Trolls. No blood-stained Elf entrails littered the streets yet, probably due to the swarm of Second Kingdom soldiers in the Square. The town was swollen with guards, but Hyde had no problem with that today.

Forman, Donna, and Rhonda gawked at different shops, but Hyde searched the storefronts for something he could use. Banners were draped across them, some proclaiming "The Best Pies in the Nine Kingdoms!" Others asked for support in the Candy and Pie Expo, and tables were already set up in front of the shops. Even without Fez, the people had taken it upon themselves to make sure the event would take place. Hyde admired that.

"Fez, hold on, buddy," Kelso said. He was following closely behind Hyde and Jackie. "Let's stop in there." He pointed to a shop, Hansel's Herbs and Spices.

"What for?" Forman said.

"What do you think?" Kelso whipped back his arm and mimed throwing something. "Wolfsbane."

The shop was small, but all seven of them crammed into it. Jars of different powders stuffed the shelves. Dried sprigs of herbs hung from the ceiling. Spice overwhelmed Hyde's nostrils, and Jackie began to cough. She pinched her nose, and he breathed into his sleeve.

They weren't the only ones affected. Donna, Fez, and Kelso coughed while Forman's face grew red and his eyes teared. Rhonda was the only one who seemed fine. Maybe she wasn't half-Giant but half-Troll, with a cast-iron sense of smell.

"Why, scoop out my eyes, it's King Fez!" The shopkeeper bowed her gray-bunned head. She was a plump old woman, and the counter she stood behind didn't hide her girth. "You honor us with your presence, Your Majesty." She passed out nuggets of candy from a glass bowl. "Swallow these. You'll breathe more easily."

Hyde swallowed down the nugget whole, and the woman wasn't lying. Spice cleared from his throat and lungs, and he had no trouble breathing. The candy must have coated his insides, but Jackie seemed to have no clue what to do with hers. She'd dropped her nugget on the floor. He picked it up and tapped her lips with it. She shoved it away.

Only one thing was left for him to do. He popped the nugget into mouth and coaxed open her lips with a kiss. His tongue delivered the sugary package; his fingers stroked the hollow of her neck. She got the idea, and he withdrew from her before she started chewing.

"Better, right?" he said and rubbed her back. She had no way of hearing him, but she sucked in a lungful of air and nodded.

Their friends seemed to be faring better, too, and Fez hit the counter with his palm. "I have needs."

The shopkeeper bowed her head again. "What can I do for you today, Your Majesty?"

"We require Wolfsbane."

"Ah, yes." A silver chain she wore disappeared into her cleavage. She adjusted her blouse to hide the chain further. "There have been many rumors lately."

"Like what?" Forman said.

"Rumors," the shopkeeper whispered, "such as the wolf packs are uniting over Gretel's murder. They could overrun the whole kingdom—"

"I will not allow that to happen," Fez said.

"Which is why I'm delighted you've finally arrived, Your Majesty."

She ducked down behind the counter, rattled around, and came back up with her arms full of supplies—leather gloves and pouches, jars of blue pellets. The pellets were of varying shades, and she dropped the jars containing them onto the counter.

"Are those all Wolfsbane?" Donna said.

"Yes." The shopkeeper pointed to a jar of denim-blue pellets, the Wolfsbane color Hyde was used to seeing. "These are normal strength, causing paralysis. And these," she lifted a jar of deep indigo pellets, "cause death."

Forman shoved himself away from the counter, and Fez said, "Those are illegal in Gretel's half of the kingdom."

"I understand that," the shopkeeper said and clutched the jar to her sizable chest. "I also understand that wolves are brutal things, caring nothing for man or beast. They eat the elderly and rape our granddaughters. I've even heard tales of them eating their own young."

Hyde didn't doubt any of it, considering what the wolves had done to him, but Donna said, "Some, maybe. But so do humans. So do Trolls... and Elves, too, I bet. And I'm married to—"

Fez clamped a hand over Donna's mouth. "We will take fourteen pouches of regular Wolfsbane, please."

"Yeah, and I'll take one of the death-kind," Hyde said.

"Hyde!" Donna freed herself from Fez and struck Hyde's arm. The pain of her strike buckled his legs, but he used the counter to remain standing.

"Yeah... I'll take one of the death-kind," he repeated, and Donna glared at him. "Don't get your panties twisted. I won't let any of it near Forman."

"That's right. You won't." She squeezed Hyde's earlobe between her thumb and forefinger—same as Jackie would have—and he cursed Donna's observant nature. She must have caught Jackie doing that to him before.

Usually, a pinch was an annoyance, but his inflamed nerves multiplied it to agony. Donna couldn't have known that, probably figured it was a safe way to make a point. Her fingers weren't even pinching too hard, but he forced himself not to groan. His breaths shuddered out of him, and his hands gripped the counter as secretly as they could. Didn't want her—or any of them—to realize how fucking vulnerable he still was.

"What would Jackie say, 'Steven'?" Donna said.

"Donna, let him go," Forman said. He was at the back of the shop. "It's okay."

Her grip tightened on Hyde's earlobe. "No, Eric. No one's getting anything that could kill you."

Hyde couldn't hear or see anything after that. The pain whited out his consciousness until Donna's fingers were gone from his earlobe. Maybe a groan had escaped him, prompting her to let him go. Or Forman's super-charged senses had picked up on his distress, and he'd made Donna release his ear. Regardless, Hyde was shaking, sweating, and clinging to Jackie like a rope over a cliff.

"Oh, God... Hyde, I'm sorry!" Donna said.

"F—forget it." Hyde allowed himself a few deep breaths, a few seconds of minor relief. "Jackie would tell me one pouch of wolf-death isn't enough." But his shoulders slumped. Out of respect for Donna—and to repay his debt to Forman—he relented. "I guess paralyzing the bastards is good enough."

The shopkeeper prepared fourteen pouches of Wolfsbane and gave them seven pairs of leather gloves to go with them. "You don't want the stuff to touch your skin."

"Believe us, we know," Forman said. He'd rejoined everyone at the counter, but he and Donna bolted from the shop when Fez got the bill.

Money from Fez's personal account, apparently, would be transferred to Hansel's Herbs and Spices, but Fez held the signed bill away from the shopkeeper. "You must dispose of the deadly Wolfsbane."

"Of course," she said with a voice that meant, "No way in hell," and Hyde smirked. Good for her. Fez might've been a trustworthy friend, but he was also the government, The Man, and Hyde had never met a government he liked.

Fez gave the shopkeeper the bill. Then he offered his arm to Rhonda, and they left the shop together. Hyde, though, stayed at the counter with Jackie. Kelso stuck around, too, and Hyde didn't mind. Having someone to watch his back eased his mind somewhat, and he needed Kelso to do him a favor, anyway.

"Kelso, you got an account like Fez's, right?"

Kelso scoffed. "No. He has way more money than I do."

"But you've got enough dough to keep you from starving."

"Pfft. I've got enough dough to buy a small castle. Fez pays me a ridiculous amount of money."

"All I needed to hear, man." Hyde turned to the shopkeeper. "Hey, do you have any wolf whistles?"

"I do, indeed..." From her cleavage, she pulled out her silver chain. A cylindrical whistle dangled at the end of it. "This one."

"So you ain't sellin' them?"

"I wish. They're dreadfully expensive, made from pure silver. The Civil War destroyed our economy. Not even Red Caps carry them, as far as common knowledge goes." She replaced the whistle within her cleavage. "But there are unscrupulous types around here who sell ineffective whistles made from lesser metals. You'll know the difference because they're twice as heavy as the real thing."

Hyde tightened his grip on Jackie's hand. "Then how about moss that stops bleeding? And where can I buy a knife?"

"Curdling moss." The shopkeeper pointed to a shelf against the wall. Hyde went to it with Jackie and tapped a jar stuffed with blue-black moss. "Yes, that's the one," the shopkeeper said. "And you can get a knife from the butcher across the Square."

"Thanks." He handed the jar of curdling moss to Kelso. "Oh, and do you have anything that's like Dwarf moss only less, uh... potent?"

"Yeah," Kelso said. "Great idea!"

The shopkeeper grinned. "Elf blossom. Would you like rolling leaves, too?"

Hyde grinned back. "Hell, yeah. And matches."

She wrote up the bill once his leather baggie was squared away. He passed the bill off to Kelso, who signed it without complaint. That wasn't like him at all. Kelso hated spending his own money, but he'd changed a lot in eight months, and maybe seeing Hyde carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey had done something to him, too.

Outside the shop, Fez was distributing the Wolfsbane pouches. "Two for each of you," he said and gave four pouches to Hyde. "Half of those are for Jackie. Let her feel what's inside them."

Hyde put a pouch on Jackie's palm and closed her fingers around it. Her brow furrowed. Then she mouthed, "Wolfsbane?"

He kissed her forehead as a yes.

She managed to get the pouch into her pants pocket. He put the second pouch in the pocket opposite and made sure she knew it was there.

"Fez," he said afterward, "I need to see the butcher."

"We are only a twenty-minute walk from Gretel's castle. A huge feast will be prepared—"

"No, man, I gotta get a knife and—" Hyde sucked in a sharp breath. Jackie was rubbing her cheek against the back of his hand. The friction felt like fire on his skin. "Yeah," he said and refused to shake her off, "any place I can pick up what passes for rubbers around here? Some of those lambskin deals?"

"Ah." Fez nodded. "We all have needs, my friend. Yes, let us go to the butcher. He should have what you're looking for."

"Cool."

Fez led the way across the Square. The butcher's shop was sizable and cold, and the butcher herself was in the middle of a demonstration, showing an apprentice how to carve up a live chicken.

"You want to cut through the neck with a swift chop," the butcher said and brought down her cleaver.

The chicken's head fell onto the cutting board, and its body twitched on the table. The apprentice pressed the body down and kept it from flying off.

"Looks like Forman when he's pissed," Hyde said.

"A zombie chicken—awesome!" Kelso said. "Can I behead one? I wanna make it all flappy."

The butcher merely smiled and wiped her hands on her apron. Then she spotted Fez, "Oh, your Majesty!" and bowed her head. "How can I serve you today? We've got some fine venison, just in time for the Expo."

"Thank you, but we are not here for food right now," Fez said and explained what they needed.

The butcher gave Hyde his knife, a holster to carry it in, and a load of lambskin condoms protected between thin plates of copper. She also sold knapsacks, and Hyde took one to carry all his stuff, like the jar of curdling moss—only he couldn't manage any pressure on his shoulders.

Kelso solved that problem and carried the knapsack for him. Then a grin surfaced on his face Hyde didn't like.

"What?" Hyde said

"I LOVE YOU!"

Kelso made the same kissing noises Fez had earlier, and Hyde grasped Kelso's lips. "No one loves anyone," Hyde said, and pain threaded into his fingers, "got it?"

Holding Kelso's lips put stress on Hyde's too-injured nerves, but he didn't let go until Kelso said, "Goddit."

Back in the Square, Hyde fastened the knife holster around his hips. That was a weight he could deal with, but Kelso's loyalty—the weight of it, what it might lead to—Hyde wasn't sure he could bear his friend's death.

They began for Gretel's castle again, and Kelso said, "What do you want the knife for?"

Hyde swept his thumb over Jackie's left palm. "Insurance."