Maura is already in the kitchen when Jane grumbles around the corner.
"It's so early Maur," she says sleepily, as she accepts the cup of coffee her wife is holding out to her. Maura grins at her. Although she is wearing jeans and a t-shirt, she still has considerable bed head.

"I said we'd go in the morning so that we could have the afternoon for whatever we wanted," Maura says, now holding out a piece of toast that Jane waves away. "Too early," she says when Maura frowns.

"Studies are all in agreement that eating breakfast not only helps you eat less during the day but it-"

"Maur," Jane says, putting a hand up. "You had me up all night. I'm so tired."

Maura blushes. "Okay, okay. Take something though." She watches as Jane considers the fruit and takes an apple, gripping it experimentally in her hand like a stress ball.

Maura smiles. She can tell that Jane is a little nervous about the day's activities, but that she's also a little excited. Maura feels her foot tapping on the kitchen floor with nerves. She thought that this was what she'd wanted when she suggested it, but she had expected more of a fight from Jane. She also hadn't expected the detective to set it up as quickly as she has. What if I'm bad at it.

"You okay?" Jane's face, crinkled in concern, pulls her from her thoughts.

"Yes. I'm fine. I'm just thinking about this morning."

"You're going to be awesome," Jane says. She runs her fingers through her hair, grimacing when she feels that half of it is sticking up. "Give me five minutes and we'll go."

...

The ride to The Center, is quiet. Jane hums along with the radio and Maura adds her wife's voice to the ever growing list of things that Jane would be able to offer a child.

Unbidden, the image of Jane singing to her pregnant stomach floats through her mind, and Maura is filled with a desire so desperate that it almost blocks out her distress.

Almost.

"You're nervous." Jane slips the car into park in front of the building, and Maura feels sweat start to prickle at her forehead.

Maura nods, barely able to hear Jane over the roaring in her ears. She looks at her wife, he eyes wide and scared. "I don't think I want to do this." She says, and it comes out more like a question.
Jane smiles reassuringly. "This was your idea, hon," she says reaching out for Maura's hands which are knotted tightly in her lap. "And it was a really good one. I'm actually kind of excited. Even if it is the butt crack of dawn."

"Don't swear," Maura says automatically, before realizing that Jane has already censored herself.

Jane laughs, "There's nothing to be worried about Maur. We'll go in, I'll talk about being a police officer, you'll talk about being a Medical Examiner, we'll spend some time playing basketball or drawing with them or whatever, and then we'll leave. We're not getting graded."

"I know…I know…" Maura says, looking out her window. "And I know I said I wanted to do this…it's just…What if I'm not good at it?"

"Well, that's why we're doing this…But you will be."

"Statistically speaking-" Maura begins, unable to help herself, but Jane leans across the counter, silencing her with a gentle kiss.
"Maura. Honey. Light of my life," Jane says, unbuckling her seatbelt. "We are going to be late. It's time to get out of the car.

The Center is home to one of Boston's biggest Boys & Girls club, and Jane has them booked to speak to an assembly hall of Kids. When Maura said that they need to start spending more time around children, to see if they were ready, Jane had nodded absently, looking like she wasn't paying any attention. Less than two weeks later, she had announced that they were doing this.

"Thank you so much for volunteering your time." The director of The Center is named Amanda Wilkins, and she is youngish, with short, cropped hair and huge feet. Maura stares at them as she leads them down the hallway towards the assembly room, wondering about the genetics that had to come together to make feet that big on a woman so small. Could her genes produce a child with feet too large for her body? Maura doesn't know.

"We're always trying to get new and interesting people in to talk to the kids. This isn't their first cop, but it's the first time they'll have ever heard from a Medical Examiner. I'm sure they will be very, very excited to talk to you, Dr. Isles."

Maura snaps her head up, and tries to turn her face into something that she hopes looks like excitement. "I've never spoken to children about my profession before. How old are they?"

"The youngest you'll have in the assembly is nine, and the oldest ones are between fourteen and sixteen. But if you hang around for their free time after, you'll see kids as young as four. Our only rule for parents to enroll them is that they be potty trained."

Maura nods, and Jane squeezes her wrist surreptitiously. "Thank you so much for setting this up," she says, " we'd love to stay after, especially if the kids have any questions. I did bring my kit belt and my firearm, unloaded and with the safety on for the presentation, but if there's somewhere we can put it after, we'd be happy to stay."

Maura tunes out, trying to breath evenly and focus on what they had talked about last night.

"Maura, kids think you know everything the moment they meet you," Jane had said, when Maura had woken her again to ask Jane another question. "And that's really lucky in your case, because you do know everything." Jane had yawned, snuggling closer, her hand lost in Maura's hair. "You're going to be wonderful, honey, and they're going to love you."

They arrive at the back of the of the assembly hall, and Maura feels lightheaded. There are maybe 100 kids in there.

"Okay, so I'll go ahead and introduce you, and then you two can take it away!" Amanda heads to the front of the hall, and Maura turns to look at Jane, sure that every inch of her face is rigid with panic.

Jane puts her hands on Maura's shoulders, "Maur,"

"Jane. There's so many kids."
Jane leans back, "Remember in high school when I didn't want to get up in front of the class and give that presentation on Medieval life?"

The question throws Maura completely, "What?"

"I was nervous, and I hated the idea that people were going to laugh at me." Jane smiles, "What did you say?"

Maura looks at her blankly.

"You said, You've got me here, and I've got you there, and if either of us gets lost we'll just look over, and the other one will help."

Jane smiles and reaches out her hand to finger the little silver necklace around Maura's neck, diamond replaced.

"You've got me here," She says quietly, and she places a hand on the side of her belt, "And I've got you there, okay?" Maura smiles, "And if one of us gets lost, we'll just look over."

Maura nods as the assembly hall bursts into applause, and Amanda Wilkins stands up front, waving them towards her. "Okay," Maura says, feeling stronger.

Jane grins, a cheeky, confident, totally contagious Rizzoli grin.
"Okay.


"Does the dead body ever move, like, do you ever get scared that it will eat you like a zombie?"

"How many times have you holded a heart?"

"I saw you in the newspaper for solving that case with the baby. Did you really take it out of it's mama?"

"How come you gotta wear a mask? How many germs can you get from a dead guy?"

"Did you ever see a guy all sprayed up with bullets?"

"Dr. Isles, how come you do what you do?"

Maura glances at Jane, who smiles at her encouragingly. All of the questions up to now have been okay, she even got them to laugh when she answered the first little girl's question about zombies.

"That's a really good question," She says, giving herself time to think. "I guess when I was growing up, I was in love with reason." She looks at them, and they look back at her, even the nine year olds, listening. "I loved figuring things out. I loved facts. How many of you get really excited when you know the answer to something in school and you can raise your hand?"

Almost all of their hands go up, stretching high and excited, and Maura smiles, surprised and delighted that they are responding to her. "Yes, exactly. I wanted to be that child every time. The one with her hand in the air." She stops, remembering the teasing and the whispers and the lonely nights that went along with that desire. As if having all the answers meant that you had no time for friends. She looks out over their expectant faces again. Skip that part.

"But after a while it wasn't enough just to know the answers for my own education. I wanted to use that knowledge to help people. And I especially wanted to help people who couldn't help themselves. And people who have been murdered…they can't tell Detective Rizzoli who did it. So…I use my science and everything I've learned, and I ask them for her. And sometimes they tell me."

There is silence for a minute, and Maura feels a rush of the old panic from earlier creep back. But then a miniscule little girl with ferocious red hair raises her hand.

"Yes?" Maura says, smiling down at her.

"How Long do you haveta go to school to be a Medicah Examer? Can I go after this year?"

Maura can't answer. There are tears in her eyes. She looks at Jane, who understands. "Uh uh, honey. If you want to have either of our jobs you have to go to high school, and then if you want Dr. Isles' job, you have to go to College and school after that.

But the girls freckly face sets in determination. "Okay then. I will." She calls back, as though Jane has set her a dare, and she wants to prove herself.

Jane beams at Maura, as Amanda Wilkins steps forward, "That's all the time that we have for questions," She says, and the kids resounding "awwwww" makes Maura's heart swell even bigger. "But both of our guests have said that they want to hang around with you guys during free time, so if any of you have more questions you can ask them then. Let's give Dr. Isles and Detective Rizzoli a big round of applause."

And they do, some of them even stomping their shoes on the assembly room floor.

Jane is pulled into a basketball game with a group of older boys and girls almost immediately, her easy smile and her deep knowledge of "yo momma" jokes gaining their friendship right away, and Maura sits down on the pull out bleachers in the gym, watching Jane give herself over to the sport, yelling and laughing and running like any fourteen year old. She's going to be sore in the morning.

"Ms. Doctor Island?"

Maura spins around to see the red haired girl from earlier approaching her, face scrunched up into a tear stained frown.

"Maura," the doctor says, her eyebrows knitting together, "What's wrong, darling?"

"Nicolas Readmen pulled my braid out," she says indignantly, and points at her hair, and indeed, one side of her head is pulled into a neat French braid while the other puffs out, wild and tangly.

"I see," Maura says, glancing around for the director.

"I thought detective zoli could shoot him" she says calmly, and Maura widens her eyes.

"Detective Rizzoli only shoots bad men," she says, gesturing that the little girl should come sit with her.

She does without hesitation, plopping down on the bench next to her without any sign of bashfulness. "Nicky is a bad man," she says seriously.

"No," Maura says quickly, "Not bad enough for shooting, I'm sure."

The girl sighs, as though they reasoning of grown ups is endlessly tiring. "'f you say so."

"What's your name?"

"Abigail."

"Abigail," Maura tries it out in her mouth, "Abigail. Would you like me to re-braid your hair?"

"You ever braided hair before?"

Maura shakes her head. "I know the theory of it, though."

One long appraising look, and she must see something that decides her because she moves from her place next to Maura and plops down in front of her, back against the Medical Examiner's knees.

Maura is shocked enough that she doesn't move until the little girl fidgets and then she sets to work, running her fingers through the dense red mane.

Once she gets started, it is not very difficult at all, and Abigail chats at her as she works, and Maura finds that she only has to add "mmm" every once in a while to keep the girl going.

"…But my mother says I am pre- co-cious, whatever that means…"

"It means you are very bright for your age," Maura says absently, and the little girl is silent for a long enough time that Maura thinks she must have offended her.

But then Abigail makes a clucking sound with her tongue. "My mother, I tell ya," she says, and Maura laughs out loud.

She is so absorbed in her activity and the conversation that she doesn't see that Jane has stopped playing, and is simply watching the pair, grinning.


"You should have seen you with her, Maur," Jane says. Picking up the last dish and moving to the sink. "You were glowing like a lightbulb." They've just finished dinner. Jane took Maura by surprise by cooking, something cheesy and garlicky and messy and delicious.

Add another thing that Jane had over her. Kid friendly food.

Maura shrugs. Now that they are home, she feels tired and a little bit sad. Like the time she'd spent at the Center was being borrowed from another person's life. There's no way that she could sustain that kind of interaction with a child for longer than the afternoon. The realization makes her feel empty and resigned.

"You had a good time, didn't you?"

Jane comes around the table to put her arms around Maura.

"I did."

"So, you look miserable because…"

"I don't think I can do it."

Jane frowns, "I can't keep up with you Doctor. You had a great time, but there's no way you could do it?"

"I have absolutely nothing to offer a child," Maura says, hating that it sounds truer out loud.

"Are you kidding me?"

"You get them immediately. You bond with them. You…And I would just be…"

"You would be wonderful!"

"What has gotten into you?" Maura tries to sound stern, but it is hard when Jane is snuffling at her neck, trying to make her laugh, "You're the one who was holding out."

"when I saw you with that little girl,"

"Abigail."

"Yes. I don't know…something in my heart went" Jane snaps. Maura grins. It's how she felt watching Jane with Lukas. Jane spins her on the stool so they are facing the doorway of the kitchen. "Look, imagine a little bouncer in that doorway. With a little blonde chubster bouncing up and down, green eyes like his mommy."

Maura pulls away. And Jane looks after her, confused. "honey…"

"I'm not mother material…I don't know anything about being a mother. My own mother had me raised by nannies and housekeepers my whole life."

Jane follows Maura's retreating back into the living room, grabbing her before she can sit and spinning, flopping them onto the couch together, Maura almost in Jane's lap.

"When have you ever braided any bodies hair before?"

Maura shrugs, "The theory is quite…" but Jane raises her eyebrows. "never." She says.

"How do you say, "I love you" in Spanish?
"Te amo."

"French?"

"Je t'aime."

"Czech?"

"luji Tě"

"Afrikaans," Jane throws out, guessing now.

"Ek het jou liefe"

"Oh my God," Jane can't help but laugh. "How can you say you have nothing to give a child?" her voice is so awe struck, so affectionate, that Maura can't help but smile. She wraps her arms around the waist of her detective, looking up into her eyes.

"I'm scared."

"Me too," Jane says leaning forward for a kiss. "I'm so scared that sometimes I feel like I will stop breathing. But everyday you wake up and you kiss me and you tell me you love me, and that you're staying right here with me, and everyday I believe is a little more. And...I want to try this with you Maur. I want to make a family. A bigger one. I'm not my father and you're not your mother. And we're together. I want to make a family with you, Maura." Jane blushes a little and Maura's heart skips a beat.

"With me?" Maura says, and Jane doesn't scoff or crack a joke or tell her she's crazy for asking.

She just nods, and lets Maura wrap herself around her, smelling lavender and garlic and basil.

And home.


YAY! Bay bays a coming...well...sort of.

Anyway. thank you for all your lovely comments, alac (1000 comments? I would die down dead), bookiewookie, ichigo, jmpack, cstar, heatwave, rizzyandizzy, lisa homeandaway

FERGZ! cheekymonkey! I feel like i haven't seen you guys in forever. lol. thanks for the wonderful reviews.

Jobee, aww. you inspired me! Of course I'm gonna shout out to you.

You guys have all been wonderful! I hope you'll love the ending of this, and start reading the sequel when it comes.

AE and Fallen austin. where would I be without all the time you take to review. the kind words you speak in PMs and just the general support. probably still back at chapter 2, trying to get the nerve to put it up. ya'll rock.

Boo: I'm pretty sad you don't like the way I'm writing Jane. She's not the same Jane in the show, that's for sure. But I wanted to give her layers and depth and fears and worries just like anyone. Sometimes those worries threaten to consume her, sure, but other times she is sweet and loving and caring (see above). Aren't we all like that?

I also wanted to address the couple of reviews I got that made me feel...very sad. If you swear at me, I'm not going to post/going to take down your comment. You're welcome to disagree with me, and to voice questions/concerns anything at all. just make sure you do so in a respectful way, because...I'm a human. with feelings. even though this is on the internet.

Love it when you read, overjoyed when you review. :)

Happy reading.

t.c.