Chapter 53: Going Back
I look at the stairs leading up to the patio. We are standing on the deck below the lake house in the early sunset. He took Arslands shuttle so we could make it right up to the deck. I dont think I could walk that hike here.
"Do I have to go back? What will I even tell them?" I take one pleading look at Kylo. "Please, I can't bare the thought of never seeing you again. I should of never suggested that you do this..." Tears polling in my eyes. I reach up and touch his arm. He turns and swings around to stand in front of me. He puts his hands around my upper arms and hold me still. His face reads of sadness and guilt.
"Tell them you escaped and you want to get far away from the First Order. I hate to admit it but my mother will keep you as far away from me as possible." He sighs. "I need you to know something." He looks down at the necklace that rests just above my stomach. He takes it in his hand and examines it. His eyes look back into mine. "No matter what happens, I want you to know how much I love you." He lets go of the necklace. And reaches up and cups my cheek in his hand. I close my eyes and lean into his touch. I inhale his sent, musky and sweet.
"I already know you love me." I say. I open my eyes. He is looking at me like I'm the only thing in existence at the very moment.
"Will you marry me?" he whispers.
My heart skips a few beats and I clutch my chest. He smiles, my heart just melts at that smile.
"I love you, this is me showing it." he says. He takes my hands into his and holds them tight. Looking down on me. How can I say no?
"Yes." I smile. He lets go of my hands and grabs my face, he kisses me deep, smiling behind it. He pulls away.
"Come." He pulls my hand and leads me up the stairs. At the top i'm shocked to see a man dressed in black robes standing in the middle of the patio. Around his neck, hangs a cross. "Father Arthur, Rey." Klyo motions his hand to me. The man bows and smiles.
"Pleasure." The man says. His hair as white as snow, his face wrinkly and old. He slouches a little due to his age. Kylo looks down to me.
"Dalah is inside. Why dont you go shower and change if you want. Ill be right here. Waiting for you, take all the time you need." He smiles and kisses my hand. I tilt my head to the side and smile. I walk around him. Dragging my hand across his chest. I walk past him and call for Dalah, she emerges from the kitchen. I tell her to grab some fruit and orange juice and meet me upstairs. I walk quickly up the stairs and shower as fast as I can. When I come out into the room Dalah is waiting for me, my food and drink set on the vanity. I dry myself off with the towel and walk over to the large wardrobe doors and pull them open. I drag my hands across the dresses till I come across a light pink and white one. It long and soft. I pull it off and look at it to examine if it would fit over my large bump.
It strapless sweetheart neckline dress with matching fluffy cuff sleeves. Under the bust is a pink ribbon that ties in the lower back, most of my back exposed. The front of the dress free flowing so it will cover over my bump. I pull it on. Perfect fit. I take a glance in the mirror. Its perfect because it simple and light. Ill look like a whale in anything with this bump.
"Would you like me to brush your hair miss? While you eat." Dalah says. I grab the food and sit down, She carefully brushes my hair and I scarf the food down. After she is does, I stand up and fluff my fingers around in my hair to cause waves and I take one more look in the mirror. And slowly make my way downstairs. My heart racing, Kylos too. When I see him, standing next to the Father, changed into clean black robes... his Ren attire without his helmet... I cant help but love his dark side as much as his light side. I accept him as everything he is.
I walk slowly over to him, he grabs my hands and kisses my cheek.
'You are the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on'
I feel my face turn red and I shy away.
"My sweet love, im trapped in your love.
Iv opened up, I have let you in.
Now my heart is free, No buried in pure Dark anymore.
You freed me Rey.
Your all I need, And walking away tonight.
I will forever suffer till I see you again.
Your are the beauty in the universe.
And forever I will be true to you.
Till my dieing breath I will fight for you.
For our son, for our daughter.
For Us."
Kylos vows melt my heart. Every words sending a warm feeling though me. Hes confessing his love for me. So sincere. So pure.
"You were always the shadow to my light
Before I even knew you existed I was drawn to you
I confess I was weak before I met you
One look at you,my whole life makes sense
I cant believe its true sometimes,
That I get to love you, Its the best thing I will ever do
Its a promise I will make to you that whatever comes,
I will never stop loving you
I promise Ill never leave
Whatever may come...
Your heart I will choose
Remember this moment with me
I love you." I vow myself to Kylo. As I never want to vow myself to another man. If Kylo dies, I will die the widow of the Dark Lord.
"I know pronounce you husband and wife." The father says, Kylo embraces me in a long hard kiss. a stray tear escapes my eye. He pulls away and looks at Father Arthur.
"You may leave now." Kylo narrows his eyes. The Father nods and walks away, and down the stairs.
"That was rude." I say.
"I want to make love to my wife. I dont care who finds me RUDE." HE says. He steps to the side and scoops me up into his arms. "You are still so light. Far to light." Kylo says.
Kylo walks up the steps and lightly sets me on the bed. and steps back.
"You looks so beautiful." He says, his face soft. "You dont know how happy this makes me. You, my wife."
"Was this your plan all along. Seduce me, knock me up, marry me?" I laugh. I roll on my side. My head resting on my arm.
"No. But I think things worked out pretty well anyways." He laughed. He removed everything except his pants and crawled in next to me. He ran his hands over my exposed neck and shoulders. He leans in and kissed me tenderly. moving his hand down my side, slowly scrunching up my dress with his hands to revile my soft legs. He pushes his hand under my dress over my stomach. Im on my side just looking at him.
"I dont want you to leave." I say. He hand stops moving and his eyes flick to mine.
"believe me, I dont want to. But it needs to be done, and I need to know your protected." He leans in and kisses me, moving his hand down and slowly reaching in between my thighs and runs his thumb across underwear. I part my lips to let in some air but instead his tongue invades the space. He shifts and pulls away. He swings over me to spoon my from the back, kissing my exposed neck and back. I close my eyes a feel goosebumps prickles on my skin. I feel him smile on my skin and continue trailing down my arm till he reaches the cuff. He drags his fingers up my leg and stops at the hem of my underwear, slowly skimming him fingers along the edges. Teasing.
"I love you." He whispers in my ear.
"And I you." I say and turn my upper body to look back at him. He is smiling. He kisses me deep, the awkwardness of my belly making this an awkward debacle. He moans against my lips and pulls away. My body aching for his touch.
"Rey. For now... I think it's best I sever our connection."
"Wait what? You can't? I thought... I thought that was impossible." I say, his words take all the breath out of me.
"Till we meet again my love." And he waves his hand next the side of my face and everything goes black.
I wake up in a cold sweat, laying in the wood bed of my room. I sit up and I feel off. I feel empty. I look down to my large stomach and I run my hands over my face and down my neck. I stop above my heart... Just my heartbeat.
No Kylo, no heartbeat, no extra feelings. It's all me. I break out in a heart wrenching sob. I run to the balcony.
"KYLO!" I scream at the sky. "Nooooo!" I sink to my knees. My heart feeling like it was ripped out by someones bare hands. "Kyyyyy loooo...ooo...oo." I wale into my hands.
He's gone.
I heave in and out for what seems like hours, crying on the balcony looking at the sky. My heart feels like it's giving out... My soul ripped in two. I have never felt this empty pain before, it's new to me... I have never felt more alone that this very moment. It feels like he's already dead. I sob even more. I cry on the balcony until the sun rises, I watch it change into different colors and it comes over the horizon. Tears falling down a continuous stream down my face. After alittle while I get to hot and go inside. On the nightstand next to the bed I spot a transmitter with a little note. I walk over slowly and pick the note up. In fine penmanship are words handwritten by Kylo, I have never seen his handwriting before. It has the transmitting number for the Resistance and a small note.
I'll always be with you even when you don't think I am. -Your Husband
I stare at the scribed note and a stray tear lands on the paper. I have no idea how I am going to do this. I pick up the transmitter and weigh it in my hands, shaking. I punch in the numbers and a image of a resistance member flickers in front of me.
"How did you get these coordinates ma'am? Who are you?" The strange man says.
"Rrrr...Rey from Jakku. I need to speak to General Organa. Please." The mans face drains of all its color and it's almost as though the hologram freezes. I sniffle and wipe my nose with the back of my hand.
"One moment." And the hologram flickers off. I sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for the man to come back. I clutch my aching chest waiting for them to answer back. I set the transmitter back on the table. I'm still in my black pants and Kylos shirt. The realization makes my stomach hurt. The transmitter blinks back on and General Organa's face comes into view.
"Rey! Your alive! I sure that knight was going to kill you. How did you get this information. Where are you? What's wrong?" She says.
"I need your protection." I say, choking through my words. "Will you come get me from the lake house. No one will attack you, I'm alone." I look into the holograms eyes.
"Be there soon." And the hologram flickers off. I lay down in bed and cling to a pillow. I cry into it, squeezing it tight to me. "Kyyyyllloooo" I cry into it. Passing out from pure exhaustion.
A shake on my shoulder wakes me up, "Kylo?" I say, slowly opening my eyes. But it isn't Kylo... My heart sinks and I erupt into tears at the sight of General Organa. I sit up and wrap my arms around her. She just hold me back, not asking questions or prying. But just comforting me. I squeeze her tighter and just cry.
"Shhh, shhh, it's okay." She says, I burry my face in her shoulder. She's running her hand through my hair and down my back.
"I need your help." I say. She pulls away.
"Anything Rey, anything my sweet girl." She says. "Let's get you out of here." She proceeds to stand up but I grab her arm and pull her back down.
"General..." I whisper. She sits back down and just looks at me. I put my hand over my stomach and rub it. Looking at the round ball in my lap.
"Leia, call me Leia." She says.
"I just found out that they're twins." Her eyes widen at my words.
"JUST FOUND OUT! Has my son not given you ANY medical attention!" She is upset.
"Well..." I start.
"It will be okay, everything is okay. Thank you for calling me. After our last meeting..." She stops herself. She shakes her head and takes my hand and we proceed to leave the lake house. I catch a glimpse of Dalah as we are leaving, she's sitting in the living room.
Leia tugs at my hand and I follow to her small ship hovering above the water at the end of the ramp. I climb in and to my surprise Poe is in the pilot seat.
"Poe?" He stands up and just looks at me.
"Are you coming back? What is this, a rescue mission?" His questions sting. Bringing me back to my empty feeling. I hold back my tears.
"Uhh, yes." I say. I don't know what to say.
"Talk later. Let's get out of here." Leia says kindly to Poe before sitting in the co seat. I sit in one of the remaining two and buckle in. Sprawling my hands over my belly, rubbing it. Two babies. I can barley take care of myself. I lean my head to the side and watch as we enter dead space.
"It's okay dear, I promise. Your safe." Leia turns and says to me. "You are all safe." And she nods. Poe shoots her a glaring look and then back to me quick. His eyebrow arches.
"Is there something I don't know?" Poe questions to Leia, even though I think his question should be directed to me.
"Now is not the time." Leia says politely. She is so mellow, Kylo defiantly doesn't take after his mother, defiantly Han. After a short time in silence. We jump out of Hyperdrive and a blue grey planet appears. Leia turns to me and smiles. "Everything will be fine." She says and looks back at the planet. We sp Ed around and enter the atmosphere to see trees and lakes. It's beautiful. At the edge of one of the large lakes is a castle. Maz?
"She almost rebuilt all of it?" My mind in awe. Poe turns and looks at me.
"You've been gone almost a year." His voice bitter, he must still be mad at me.
"It's beautiful," I turn my attention back to the castle and away from Poe's sneer attitude.
"I called ahead, I think Maz will be able help us. We cant take you back to the Resistance like this." She says. No wonder Han loved her so much, her calm demeanor helps the situation. We drop the shuttle down close to the castle and we proceed to make our way to the front door. Good thing it was only a short walk, my back aching. The babies so active today.
The doors open but inside isn't like last time, it's empty. No life signs at all. We make our way through the big room and into a small hallway. Leia open the door and Maz is standing by a small window. She slowly turns and her eyes widen as big as moons when she sees me.
"My child... The force flows off you like a burning sun. It's strong, I can feel you coming from far away. Your with... Children." She says. She walks over to me and reaches up to take my hand. Poe's head snaps to me.
"Yes, a boy and a girl." I say.
"Their father..." She lets go of my hand and steps back. "These babies have great power."
"We need your help Maz, she needs safty." Leia chimes in. Maz looks me over from head toe.
"I can see... Well I agree, these babies in the wrong hands would bring horrible things. Come, let's talk." She takes my hand and leads me to a conjoining room. There we sit down and I tell them a fake elaborate story about how I escaped from the Knight and that I felt more in danger than safe. They buy it and I feel relieved.
"I have a small castle in the mountains, It's remote and only accessible through a secret passage. I think it will be perfect for the next few months.
So remote Kylo can't find me kind of remote.
"Who else knows about this Rey?" Maz draws her attention to me.
"Just everyone in this room... And Fin." I look over to Poe. He hasn't said anything about me leaving last time, he still hold this grudge against me for making him take me. It's all my fault that Fin got hurt and Resistance members killed. I don't think he trusts me anymore.
"Ahh." Maz inhales.
"I think we need to get a doctor here, now. She needs to be examined. Look at her, she looks so frail." Leia reaches for my hand. "You made the right decision coming back here, this is what Luke would of wanted."
"Me pregnant with the Dark Lords children. I think not! I don't even know how it got to this..." I look down and run my hand over my bump. "I just want them safe." I look up at everyone at the table. "They need to be safe."
"And we will do everything in our powers to make that happen." Leia says and squeezes my hand.
"Why are you helping me?" I ask them. "I was just refusing your help." My emotions are all over the place.
"Because, your family now." Leia says. "Maz, when can you take us. We need to keep this a secret. I know Han trusted you."
"I volunteer to keep an eye on Rey, till the babies come. She will need someone to make sure she is safe." Poe looks at me. "What if he comes looking for you?"
"He won't." I says, holds back tears. I can feel the hole in my chest rip back open. "I don't think he will ever come for me." I say, knowing it's the truth. He might never come back.
"How do we know this?" Maz interrupts.
"Because... Because..." I can't it when the tears start. I cover my face with my hands.
"That's enough for today." Leia says.
"Yes, let's go." Everyone stands up from the table, I'm last because I'm moving slower and slower these days. Leia grabs my elbow and helps me. My chest aching, my tears not slowing down, he might never come because he will be dead. And I have no way of telling him where I am. This was a horrible idea.
KYLOOOO I scream into my head.
I would do anything to just hear his voice.
We load into the shuttle. Maz in the passenger seat. Leia in the seat next to me. Her hand outreached to hold mine. Poe in the pilot seat. The shuttle grazes over the ground through some flat land, lakes, through the hills towards a remote wooded area. Behind the woods I see a stone castle, not as large as Mazs. But it's beautiful.
"This place hasn't been used in almost 500 years. Castle Heast is sacred to the Jedi. Once used for cover from the Sith. It's inevitably undetectable. I promise you." Maz says from the front seat. "Land over there dear boy."
Poe lands the ship down in the field at the base of the castle. The ramp drops and we all exit the ship. Nearby there is a lake under a mountain and fields of tall grass. Trees as far as the eyes can see. It's remote for sure.
"Well, let's check it out." Maz motions her hand for us to follow. We walk up to the front of the castle. The castle is made of white and grey stone, stacked neatly on top of each other. It's 3 stories tall with two tall large towers, circular with surrounding framed out stone Windows. We walk up to the large wooden door and I notice a large brass lock. From Maz's hip she draws a circle ring of keys. All shapes, sizes, and colors. She separates one from the rest and they fall to the opposite side of the ring. The key is long and brass like the lock. She puts it in and the door unlocks, from the inside of the door it sounds like a million turning wheels I latching from a century old of death. The door lets out a final hiss and cracks open. Maz places both hands on the door and pushes it open.
We enter to a large grand room. Everything is open but it's an error feeling when everything is covered by white tarps. The last residents stuff protected from the years of sun and dust.
"It just needs some... Refreshing." Leia says from beside me. Maz strikes a match s lights a candle.
"It's getting dark. We will stay here tonight, in the morning this young man will take me to get supplies and to gather our best doctor. We need you monitored, your what... 33 weeks?" Maz looks to me.
"Almost." I say.
"Okay, well let's find you a place to rest." Leia says. She grabs a lite candle and proceeds to eat me up the grand staircase on the far wall. It's a stone staircase that whoops down and curves towards the end at the wall. We walk up to the second floor. We peak through a few room that were small and quaint.
"Let's keep looking." Leia comforts me when I stop and run my back. "There has to be a better one here."
We keep looking till we get to the last door. We open it to find it over looking the water and mountain.
"Perfect." She says with a smile. She walks around and pulls off the old white tarps. The dust flickering the the setting Suns rays through the room. She gathers them al, into a ball and throws them in the hallway. The room has a large bed, made for someone royal no doubt, a door leading to a fresher no doubt. Another with a closet full of robes and clothes. A dresser and a vanity. It's quaint.
"This is where the master Jedi would stay, it's perfect." Maz says from behind us.
"Thank you Maz, for helping. Your really amazing." I say. "I wasn't expecting all this when I asked for help." I secretly wanted to be easily found.
"Your family now." She says. And her and Leia leave me alone in the room to rest, Leia giving me a polite hug and smile before leaving.
I crawl into bed and fall asleep, crying... Thinking of Kylo.
**I struggled with the idea of them being apart, and actually was really sad writing this chapter. I feel her pain. Now she feels as though he never existed... a distant memory. We will see how things go here, with Poe and Leia. Maz plays a big role too. Im sure Fin will pop back in.
And as always thank you for reading! You are all amazing. and for Boys names... im still stuck (I was thinking Ben) lol**
