Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious


09/29/2015.

I have some really exciting news to share with you today! Trina gave birth last night! She was in labour for twelve hours but at the end of it she delivered a healthy 8lbs, 4oz baby boy. My Mom texted me to tell me it had started and then called me once he'd been born and I could tell from my Mom's voice she was so proud and happy to have a grandson.

So this afternoon, once Trina had had enough time to sleep and recover and everything, Jade and I drove down to the hospital to meet my nephew for the first time. We climbed out of the car and made our way to the entrance. I was so excited but at the same time horribly nervous.

"What if I drop him?" I panicked.

"Well.. don't do that!" Jade advised.

"What if he doesn't like me, what if he cries?" I grabbed Jades wrists, my nerves getting the better of me. "Oh god.. I'll be horrible aunt Tori."

"Tori calm down. Who doesn't like you? And besides he's one day old, he's not old enough to hate yet." Jade rationalised.

"Well you didn't like me at first." I pointed out

"You kissed my boyfriend!"

"You dumped coffee all over my head!" I defended my extremely dubious teenage actions.

"Stop trying to change the subject. You'll be fine. He's just a baby." Jade assured me "Babies are just small, messy, noisy human beings."

"But I'm not good with babies!" I insisted "You're fine, you have younger brothers, you're experienced. Whereas I am the youngest child in my entire extended family. Oh my god he's going to hate me."

"Look snap out of it. You'll be fine." Jade insisted, dragging me reluctantly into the elevator.

The maternity suite was on the eleventh floor and there was just us and an elderly couple in the elevator. I was practically hyperventilating. Jade rolled her eyes and came up behind me and started massaging my shoulders and back. I glanced at the couple who looked slightly disdained and then back at Jade who had evidently seen their reaction too. I recognised that mischievous look in her eye and I could feel the kiss before her lips even touched me. I grabbed her wrists and gave her a warning look but luckily the doors opened and the couple got out.

"Stop making old people feel uncomfortable." I chastised.

"Shut up you love it." Jade grinned. I shook my head but smiled and kissed her again anyway. And by the time we'd finished kissing, the elevator had reached the eleventh floor.

When we finally found Trina's room we knocked quietly and came in. Luckily the newborn was awake and my parents and Dante were also there. I gave Trina a hug first and then hugged both my parents. Dante showed me over to the tiny crib were my nephew was dressed in a tiny white onesie and wiggling around. My heart melted instantly.

"Oh my god Trina he's so cute!" I cooed.

"I know and he's all mine!" Trina smiled.

"Have you guys named him yet?" Jade asked interestedly.

"Uh huh." Trina smiled, "Dante?"

"His name is Finley Emiliano Vega Mendez." Dante told us proudly "But Finn for short."

"Hi Finn." I smiled, stroking his tiny arm. "Aren't you just the cutest baby in the whole wide world."

"Do you want to hold him?" My Mom offered me.

"Uhhh.." I hesitated nervously.

"Yeah she would." Jade smiled, nudging me forward.

"I'm fine, I mean he looks quite comfortable there actually." I tried to get out of it.

"Trust me she wants to." Jade insisted. I shook my head but Jade pushed me forwards into the seats anyway. "She's scared."

"I'm not scared.. I'm just.." I trailed off, my heart racing as I watched Dante lift the tiny newborn up and turn towards me. "Jade sit next to me!"

Finn was passed gently into my arms and to my huge relief he didn't cry. I was extremely unsure at first and was terrified I wasn't holding him right but somehow I got used to it. We took lots of photographs and Finn got cuddles with everyone, including Jade who was a natural with him just as I'd expected her to be.

I'm so happy Finn is part of our family now. It's really exciting being an auntie and even more exciting to think that Trina is a Mom! Even though I was scared at first, I kind of hope Trina she me to babysit sometime. Finn is so, so, SO cute and I'm determined to be the best auntie ever.


12/25/2015.

Happy Christmas Journal! This year has been such a different Christmas than any of the other years. I went to my parents place to celebrate with my parents, cousins, aunties and uncles and of course Trina, Dante and Finn. I can't believe how much Finn had grown already! He cried a lot though and Trina and Dante were literally up and down all day, feeding him, changing him, rocking him.. having a baby looks like a lot of hard work.

It was directly after Christmas dinner that the huge surprise happened. Dante got down on one knee in front of everyone and proposed. Trina screamed and said yes and Dante put the biggest emerald and diamond engagement ring on her finger. It was so cute and honestly I think Trina surprised herself even with how selfless she was. There was no elaborate show, fancy dinner or fireworks. It was just in front of her family and she loved it.

The majority of the rest of the day was spent with Trina completely overexcited about being engaged and her and Mom fantasising about everything to do with the wedding. From her wedding dress to colours and themes. She said something about wanting to lose 20 lbs and although I didn't mean to, I visibly flinched. My Dad wrapped an arm around me understandingly but I kept quiet. I wasn't going to ruin her special moment by being overly sensitive to talking about weight loss.

Jade went to Jenn's for Christmas along with Sam and Charlie as they have done for the past few years. I have no idea what their Father and Stepmother do on Christmas day and I'm not sure Jade does either. But I don't think any of them mind. Jade prefers to be with Jenn during times like this, the twins are just happy to be out of their house and the Olivers accept them into their family with open arms. It's an unusual situation but somehow it works out.

However Jade and I have arranged to meet up in Elsaridge park at 8pm. I don't really know why we've decided on there, we just really wanted to spend some of Christmas together and Elsaridge is sort of our place. It's where we make memories.


12/26/2015.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I had the craziest conversation with Jade last night! Remember how I told you yesterday that I was planning on meeting up with Jade at the park? Well we did. We met up near the steps and climbed up together. After wandering around for a little while we found a grassy area to sit and chat in. Jade was curled up on my knee and we were both just relaxed completely, hugging and kissing each other.

"I can't believe Trina got engaged before you. Before any of us actually." Jade said, resting her head against my shoulder.

"Well she is almost 2 years older than us." I pointed out.

"Still.. She's Trina!"

"Don't be mean." I poked her rip teasingly. Jade smiled smug.

"Well when we get married, I'll propose to you completely different." Jade said surely. As soon as the words left her lips I think we were both shocked. But not because it was awkward or uncomfortable, but because we were so okay with it.

"When we get married huh?" I smiled, butterflies filling my stomach.

"Of course." Jade smiled briefly back. "That is if you'd say yes because I'm not asking if you're going to reject me."

"I'd say yes." I replied shyly. It was only then I blushed as a kind of weird silence fell between us. Neither us knew what to say to each other but we kept kind of catching each other's eye and smiling and laughing. After about the eight attempt at conversation which turned into giggles Jade rolled her eyes and just leant in and kissed me. I closed my eyes and just held onto her. It was like time stopped. Maybe I've known for a long time, but tonight honestly confirmed it for me. Jade is the one.


01/30/2016.

So.. I went with Jade to her twice annually physical and psychological assessment at the hospital today and for the first time since she's been out of inpatient I feel uneasy about the results.

Don't get me wrong okay, especially you Jade if you're reading this (because I know you do.) You have done amazing and continue to amaze me every day with how hard you work on your diet and eating and everything. But we both know the assessment today didn't go too great.

I was completely shocked when the doctor revealed that Jade had lost a total of fourteen pounds since her last check up in July bringing her weight dangerously close to the underweight category. Both of us were shocked and Jade was visibly upset this had happened and we had to go out for a minute just so she could recover from the shock. She genuinely didn't seem to realise she'd lost weight.

When she eventually calmed down, we came back in and the doctor continued with the results. Her blood tests revealed she was lacking in several nutrients and most crucially iron making her anaemic. Jade looked mortified when he told her and I think my jaw dropped too. I was just in utter disgust that I hadn't noticed this happening?

I was trying to keep calm and not make a big deal out of it for Jades sake but the doctor was adamant he wanted reasons why this had happened. For some reason, Jade just didn't seem to have them. She confessed that she'd not been particularly dedicated to eating three meals a day recently and thought that two was better for her but the doctor was unrelenting about it and said that reducing her diet to two meals a day was an unhealthy idea and to bring it back up to three. Jade said she would.

Trying to be positive about this, not everything went bad. The electrocardiograph showed that her heart was doing okay and the bone density test showed that her bones were unchanged. Both extremely important things when

I don't know what happened during the psychological check up because that part is strictly confidential but Jade said that part at least went as normal. I wanted to question her further on what happened but Jade just sighed, asked if we could drop it and could we just get coffee and I agreed.

Hopefully I'm worrying about nothing. It could just have been a flukey assessment or maybe she's been overstressed or something. but I really don't like that she's lost weight. It resurfaces too many memories from all her earlier relapses and I know that going through all that again.. it would hurt.


02/01/2015.

This is bad timing but there's nothing I can do about it now. I leave today for my three month tour. I was absolutely and unequivocally excited to go on this tour until the doctors appointment the other day which just got me worried about J. She's promised me she's not restricting or purging so I'm inclined to believe her. Jade never breaks promises. But that doesn't explain the weight loss. I told her to do a food diary and to send me a copy and I've got Beck on the case. He's recently moved into an apartment with his girlfriend Kitty only round the corner from Jade's so he's close enough to just.. drop in from time to time.

Wish me luck on the tour! It's by far the biggest, craziest and most elaborate show I've ever been involved in so I'm hoping all the fans will love it! I said goodbye to Jade who promised to try and visit me in for Valentines day. Oh my God I'm going to miss her. I officially hate leaving her but it's just something I have to do.. She'll be fine.