Auguspapallini- Don't worry there will be a lot of Clizzy moments in the next few chapters because I love their friendship

Nessa-Thank you so much for all the love it means so much to me :)

Tyty- In this chapter Logan talks about being diffrent

Clary's Pov

I had woken up super early and everyone was still asleep and I didn't want to get up mainly for the fact that Ryland never cuddles with me anymore it's apparently 'not cool' so I was enjoying this time snuggling with him because i'm sure once he wakes up he will pretend like it didn't happen. My thoughts were all on Jace right now and how shitty i've been treating him lately, I don't know why he'd want to stay married to someone like me when all I do is yell at him. I wouldn't want to be married to myself right now so I can only imagine how he feels. After I hung up with him earlier I was so mad at him I didn't want to blame myself for what happened so I took it all out on him I took my wedding ring off and I was gonna throw it at the wall but Izzy stopped me and she pulled me to her and let me cry on her I felt like I cried for hours until I had nothing left in me and all I did was miss Jace after that. I was trying to come up with a way for Jace and I to be happy again but my eyes got heavy.

I woke up again to someone tapping on me I didn't even remember falling back asleep but I was still cuddled up with Ryland and Jace is standing in front of me looking like he hasn't slept in hours he pointed towards the door and walked out and I untangled myself from Ry and slowly left the room. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm a terrible father."

"Jace-"

"No, don't say anything please let me say what I have to say." He said and I nodded and sat down and he took a deep breath and pushed his hair out of his face.

"When I woke him up for school he was crying and he said it felt like his stomach was on fire you wanna know what I said to him? I told him to stop acting like a baby and that he would be fine, I don't know why I said that I was tired and aggravated with him and I told him-" He stopped and shook his head and I could see tears were falling down his face I wanted to do something comfort him in somehow. "I watched him walk into in classroom in pain and I should have known something was wrong but I just thought that once I left he'd drop the act, and then I ask myself if Jessie or Ryland were acting that way i'd believe them and it's because I know how they act when something is wrong but I can't tell that for my own son? Am I that much of a failure to him? I barely know anything he likes to do I am always trying to get him to do things Liam or Ryland loves to do and I never stopped to ask him what he wants to do, you were right Clary all this is my fault you knew he was acting differently and I would have never forgiven myself if something had happened to him and I don't know how you can even look at me right now without wanting to kill me."

"Are you done?"

"Not yet." He said and I nodded. "You said I didn't even know Logan and you were right I don't know the first thing about him. What kind of father does that make me? And when I try and bond with him it's me forcing him to do something he doesn't even want to do because I don't know what he likes and that makes me feel shitty… You were right about everything."

"I never called you a bad father Jace because you aren't.. You don't have a close relationship with Logan because he likes girly things like playing dress up, having tea parties, and playing with dolls with his sisters but that doesn't make you a bad guy. Logan worships the ground you walk on they had to give him an IV and I asked him if he wanted to sing so he can wouldn't have to think about what was happening and you wanna know what he wanted to sing?"

"Frozen?" He asked and for the first time in what felt like forever I laughed.

"No, but I think it was high up on his list.. He wanted to listen to you and we sang one of your songs and he calmed down enough listening to your voice.."

"You don't think i'm a terrible father?"

"If you were a terrible father I wouldn't of had five kids with you I would of had one." I said and he laughed wiping his tears away.

"I'm so sorry." He said and I pulled him towards me.

"I should be the sorry one."

"Why?"

"All those things I said to you I was basically yelling at myself, I should have listened to my instincts and he wouldn't-"

"It's not your fault, it's mine."

"I'm happy you are here."

"After we hung up I told Bat I needed to come home and he was like what about the tour and I said fuck the tour and I came home and I argued with like ten people because visiting hours don't start until eight and I never want Logan to feel like I don't care about him because it's my fault he's laying in a hospital bed recovering from surgery and I will spend forever proving to him that I love him just as much as I love everyone else."

"I was so mad at you." I said and he took my hand and then frowned.

"Where is your wedding ring?" He asked.

"Like I said I was mad, I took it off and I was gonna throw it at the wall but Izzy took it away from me before I could throw it and she's holding onto it."

"I spent a lot of money on that ring." He said he didn't sound hurt so if he was I couldn't tell.

"And that's why I didn't throw it."

"I thought you didn't throw it because Iz took it?"

"Well that too."

"You've gotten mad at me plenty of times but you've never taken your ring off."

"This time was different Jace our son could have died and I don't think I can come back from something like that… To you your music is your life it's what you love doing and you wouldn't be you without it… To me my kids are my life and that's who I am and if something happens to one of them i'd die inside Jace I have never felt that feeling before of almost losing one of my babies and I never want to feel that again." I said and he kissed my head.

"I know baby I know."

"And i'm not saying you don't love the kids-"

"I know what you are saying Clary, being a mom is your job."

"I think we need help…"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you honestly happy Jace?" I asked and he made a face.

"I love you-"

"Being in love with me and being happy are two different things Jace.."

"All we do is fight I feel like if I make one wrong move you go off on me and no matter what I say it's not good enough for you."

"I was thinking about going to marriage counseling and we can both work at being better for each other because I don't want to lose you Jace I love you so much."

"I don't want to lose you either. I'd be willing to give it a try." He said and then the door opened and Jessie walked out of the room and when she seen Jace her face lit up and she ran to him.

"Daddy!"

"Hey princess." He said kissing her cheek.

"Mommy Logan is awake and he's crying because his tummy hurts." She said and I was gonna get up but Jace put Jessie down beside me and he went into the room ahead of us and Jessie grabbed my hand and we walked back into the room.

"Daddy?" Logan asked softly and Jace nodded and sat down in the chair beside his bed and put his forehead on Logan's.

"I am so sorry I didn't believe you when you said you weren't feeling good."

"That's okay daddy." He said and touched Jace's cheek.

One thing I loved about Logan was he never held anything over anybody he was always the sweetest little boy and seen the good in everybody, he always held the doors open for people and when someone said he was so cute he'd always blush since he was shy.

Jace's Pov

Clary had taken the kids to get breakfast leaving me with Logan he had just woke up since they gave him some pain medicine that put him to sleep he was watching a video on my phone when he paused it and looked at me.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"I'm sorry.."

"For what?"

"That I don't like things Liam likes."

"You don't ever have to say sorry for not liking something, i'm sorry for forcing you to do things you don't like and being so hard on you all the time."

"That's okay daddy."

"No it isn't Logan you know mommy said I don't really know anything about you and she was right I don't know your favorite color or what you like to do for fun and i'm really really sorry for that."

"It's okay you're busy."

"I shouldn't be to busy for you guys and I should know these things.. I wanna ask you something but I need you to be honest okay?" He nodded and I looked down at the floor when I asked the question. "Do you think I love you?"

"Not as much." He said softly.

"As much as who?"

"As much as you love Ryland, Jessie, Liam, and Cecily."

"Logan-"

"Ryland loves hockey and you take him ice skating, Jessie loves horses and you take her horse riding, Liam loves sports and you take us to games, and Cecily loves the park and you take her there but you don't know what I love."

"And what do you love?" I asked and he shook his head.

"You will get mad at me."

"Why would I get mad at you?"

"Because i'm a boy and boys should like boy things."

"I promise I won't get mad, what do you love?"

"Musicals, mommy says when we go to New York she will take me to see my favorite one."

"What's your favorite one?"

"It's between The Newsies and Les Miserables." He said messing up the naming a litte bit. "I also like Into The Woods mommy bought the movie for me and we watch it together." He said softly looking at me to tell if I was mad.

"Have you ever seen Grease?"

"Of course I have daddy." He said shaking his head.

"I think that's the only musical I have seen."

"Really?" He asked with his mouth open.

"Yeah.."

"Mommy let me watch Sweeney Todd it was awesome but a little scary."

"Maybe we can watch it together."

"You'd watch it with me?"

"Yeah we can have a musical day and you can show me all your favorite ones."

"I don't think you'd like some of them, mommy says you don't like musicals because no one gets there heads blown off."

"Well i'm sure there is a musical where that happens."

"You can watch Cannibal the musical, mommy says i'm not old enough to watch that one, she's watched it before though." Logan said and I laughed.

"I mean it buddy I want to spend more time with you doing things you actually like I don't want to force you into things you don't want to do."

"I like when we go to the park and play catch."

"You do?"

"Yeah we can do that with Liam." He said and I kissed his head and he smiled at me. "Thank you for not getting mad at me."

"I'd never get mad at you for loving something Logan i'm happy you have something that makes you happy."

"Even if it isn't something boys are suppose to like?"

"You don't have to be a girl to like musicals Logan you don't ever have to be ashamed that you like something that people say is for girls because it doesn't matter what everyone thinks it matters what you think." I said.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course you can."

"Liam always asks me why I don't think anyone's cute but I do think someone is cute."

"Oh yeah what's her name?" I asked and his expression changed.

"I can't tell you yet."

"Why not?"

"You wouldn't like them."

"Why not?"

"I just know.." He said and Alec and Magnus came in and Logan's face lit up when he seen them.

"Ahh my favorite little nephew." Magnus said and Logan smiled brightly at him.

"Daddy can you get me ice cream?" He asked and I nodded and kissed his head.

Logan's Pov

"Uncle Alec?"

"Yeah Logan?"

"When did you know you liked boys?" I asked and he turned red and uncle Magnus coughed.

"Well I uh I just kind of- I um-"

"Why are you asking this Logan?" Uncle Magnus asked and uncle Alec sighed.

"Liam likes girls and he says they are pretty but I don't find girls pretty." I said softly looking at the door to make sure my daddy wasn't coming back.

"You're still really young Logan maybe you just don't like girls yet."

"I don't like playing with girls I like playing with boys… Is there something wrong with me?"

"Can I ask you something?" Alec asked me and I nodded.

"Why would you ask us and not your dad?"

"He'd get mad i'm suppose to like girls and I don't want him to hate me and you love uncle Magnus and he's a boy."

"Your dad loves you no matter what."

"So nothing's wrong with me?" I said and uncle Alec smiled at me.

"Nothing is wrong with you Logan, you are perfect and it doesn't matter if you like boys or girls or if you don't like anybody. What matters is that you are happy and you love yourself."

"But I don't want my daddy to hate me."

"Does your dad hate me?" Uncle Alec asked and I shook my head. "So why would he hate you?"

"I can just like girls from now on if he doesn't want me to like boys. I think mommy knows i'm different she knows I like girl stuff and she knows I don't want daddy to know, grandpa didn't like you when you told him you liked boys so what if my daddy doesn't like me?"

"Logan-" My daddy walked back in with ice cream and Liam ran in and jumped on my bed.

"Logie daddy got you ice cream." He said pointing towards it and I smiled.

"I know." I said and he stuck his tongue out at me. "Thank you daddy."

"Of course, what were you guys talking about that has you looking like a tomato."

"Uh we were talking about-"

"It's a secret."

"Yeah, it's a secret." Alec said and patted my head.

"Okayyy…" Daddy said and I laughed.

"Logan look who came to visit you." Mommy said and Austin came in the room holding his mom's hand and I smiled at him.

"Hi Austin." I said and uncle Alec started to choke on his water I looked at him and so did uncle Magnus and he whispered something to him and kissed his head and he laughed.

"Are you okay?" He asked standing next to my bed.

"Yeah I had surgery."

"Does it hurt?"

"A little bit they give me medicine and then it doesn't hurt so much." I said and he nodded.

"My mommy says when you feel better we can have a sleepover if you want."

"Yeah can Liam come too?"

"Yeah he can come."

Clary's Pov

They made Logan stay for three days to make sure he was okay and when it came time to draw blood again he put up a fight but Jace managed to calm him down by singing one of his favorite songs to him, when we were finally able to go home Logan reminded me about his toy that I said he could get and Jace and I took the twins to the store.

"I want this." Liam said walking towards us with a nerf gun and Jace just nodded and looked over to Logan who was walking up and down the aisle of toys.

"Find anything you like?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Why don't you go over there?" I told him and Liam grabbed Logan's arm.

"Mommy that's girl stuff."

"Why don't you let your brother pick what he really wants." I said and picked Liam up and tickled him and Logan ran straight towards something and picked it up and walked it over and handed it to me. "Is this what you want?" I asked looking at the pink bear.

"Yeah he's from toy story and he smells like strawberries." He said and pushed it up to my nose for me to smell.

"Are you sure?" Jace asked.

"Uh huh i'm having a tea party today with Jessie and Cecily and I need someone to come with me." He said and I put Liam down and picked him up.

"I love you."

"I love you too mommy."

When we got home Logan disappeared upstairs and Jace was out back with Liam and Ryland no doubt playing basketball because you could hear them all yelling at each other playfully, Jace came back in the house and stuck his head out and yelled something to the boys. "Aw did my poor baby lose?" I asked him in a baby voice and he leaned over and kissed me all sweaty. "Jace!" I yelled and pushed him away.

"Shh you're gonna wake Cecily up from her nap."

"She's already awake."

"Oh," He looked around the room and frowned. "Where is she?"

"Jessie's room they are having a tea party." I said and he nodded and went upstairs I was confused as to why he was going up there I didn't want him to yell at Logan for being in there so I followed him and when he opened the door and seen them all sitting around Jessie's small table he smiled. Jessie and Cecily had tiaras on and Logan had a crown fight for a king as Jessie calls it.

"I was just wondering if you had room for one more." Jace said and Logan looked surprised.

"It's invitation only." Jessie said and I laughed

"Wow, I don't think I have ever been turned down like this." Jace said and Jessie stood up.

"It's a princess tea party so you have to wear this." She handed him a tiara and Jace smiled at her.

"Well I think I look beautiful, don't you think so?" He asked when he put it on and Jessie and Logan laughed.

"Daddy you can sit by me." Logan said patting the chair next to him and Jace happily sat down beside him.

"Mommy would you like to join us?" Jessie asked.

"I'd love too." I said and took the last spot in between Jessie and Cecily.

"Mama crown." Cecily said touching her tiara and pointing at my head.

"Here." Jessie said and placed one on my head.

"Thank you." We were talking about some tv show the kids loved when Liam and Ryland came into the room.

"Oh I see how it is a family tea party and we don't even get invited, can you believe that Liam?"

"Bad mommy, bad daddy." He said shaking his head.

"Sorry we have no more room." Jessie said and Ryland put his hand to his heart.

"Ow, and here I thought I was your favorite brother."

"You can sit on the floor." Jessie said and pointed towards the ground and Ryland shook his head laughing but sat on the floor anyways and Liam sat in his lap. Jessie got up and ran to her closet and came back with two cardboard crowns.

"I want one like Logan's."

"I only have one like that and it's his… Daddy can you buy me more?"

"Of course princess." Jace said and I gave him a look which he smiled at and blew a kiss to me and I rolled my eyes.

"Next princess tea party you Logan and Ryland will all have the same crowns okay?"

"Kay." He said and put his on and Ryland reluctantly put his crown on too.

"You want me to take a picture so all your friend's can see?"

"Please don't, I like the friend's I have." He said.

Jace ended up going to get Chinese and we ate at the table everyone still in their crowns and when Jace got home he was ordered to put his back on, it felt amazing to be home with all the kids and Jace with us and I knew it wouldn't be for long because he still had a tour that was starting in a few days and he was suppose to already be in London but I was gonna enjoy the little time he was gonna be home.

Before anyone gets to mad saying Logan is still to young to know the difference I never said he knows he's gay, I'm saying he's realizing he's different from his brother because he doesn't like to be around girls as much as he likes to be around boys and it's confusing him.. I know from personal experience how it is to be really young and feel different from everyone else and I wanted to capture that struggle in Logan as he grows and tries to find out for himself and how he will come to terms with it and how he will tell his parents.

Some exciting stuff will be happening in the next couple of chapters Jace and Clary will be going to therapy and deal with issues they have bottled up and the gang is gonna be going on a couples retreat Clace, Sizzy, and Malec

Also I have officially finished the new summaries for Ryland and Jessie's stories but I don't know if I should post them yet or wait awhile since it kind of will be a little spoilery sooo I don't know what to do on that yet... But as always I love you guys