AN: Barbarossa Rotbart - re: "It seems that Liv has decided what to do"... This chapter will reveal Liv's decision. ;-) Guest - re: "Ugh, I really wanted to see the date in this chapter. Oh well."... Sorry! You'll read about what happens in the restaurant briefly, but I like what happens after dinner :-). trace619 - re: "I just want you to know that I received the update for this story this morning just before my lunch break ended. I was 5 min late, I had to read it"... I hope I didn't get you in trouble! If I did, always remember the universal excuse: 'There was so much traffic!'. This also applies even if no driving is necessary. Foot traffic can be a nightmare too! ;-). "I like both names but I lean toward one for sentimental reasons so I'll definitely vote"... I liked them all, but there was one of the names that didn't make it that was a little sentimental for me because it was the original name I had chosen for the baby before I decided to let readers vote ;-). Voting begins for Brianna's first name with the finals options this chapter and will go through until the baby is born. Trust me, readers will know when that poll is about to close. Poll on lookup! One vote available, and as always is blind for fairness and a surprise for readers :-) "I can't wait to see what happens between Nick & Olivia."... Wait no more! Janie - re: "Why did you keep saying over and over and over and over and over again SEVERAL times "...by her...Alex's desk." or "...by Olivia's...her desk."? Like, we get it. Apparently it's Alex's desk now."... Why did you ask a question and then apparently try and answer it for me? *shrugs* Bkwrmchar/LBM - re: "Liv's interview with Lexie"... We'll see Lexie again in this chapter too :-)
AN2: Everything in this chapter I intended to happen in the previous chapter. But due to the sheer size, I decided to split the chapter, hence why this is part 2 (and this chapter's even bigger than the last one). So we have something about a Liv and Nick interaction I've been promising, and Liv making a decision about her job. Some readers will be happy, some will be sad, but I've gone back and forth and I stand by the decision Liv makes :-) (as stated in AN ch35). Obligatory thankyous for reads, comments, faves etc :-)
"May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears." ~ Nelson Mandela
Olivia's reply was instant, "I don't know if we can, Nick. Are you going to accuse me of cheating?"
"Are you going to hold a gun to the back of my head?" Nick shot back just as fast.
They eyed each other critically.
"Sit down," Olivia rubbed her forehead and sighed as Amaro sat in his chair. "Do you even comprehend why I did what I did, Nick? I thought Alex was in grave danger when you led her away like you did!"
"I was only going to talk to Cabot, not hurt her!"
"I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!" Liv stopped herself and took a calming breath while gathering her thoughts. She didn't want an all out screaming match in the squad room. Not now, not ever. She wanted to talk rationally and clear the air with Amaro seeing it was one of the therapy steps she needed to take. She remembered back to the little 'test' Doctor Galen MacKenzie did with her during her first therapy session and used it to help explain her actions.
Liv looked across at Nick, "Sorry. I need to explain some things... my actions on that day, in particular. I admit I didn't see you when you led Alex away from the squad room that day... I didn't see Detective Amaro, not even Nick Amaro. I saw a tallish, dark haired, well built man leading away someone I care deeply for... the woman I love. You have to try and understand I was repeatedly threatened, mentally and physically assaulted, and tortured for 128 days in a dimly lit cellar while chained to a wall by a sadistic, tallish, dark haired, well built man. I had to listen to another woman scream for her life as she was being repeatedly brutalised, and I couldn't do anything about it... not a damn thing! That sound... it's ingrained in my memory... it still haunts me in my nightmares... I doubt it'll never leave me. When he... when Lewis heard me say Alex's name in my sleep... or a drug induced stupor, I'm not sure which one... Perhaps it was both? Anyway, he then wanted to know who Alex was... he said he would stop torturing me if I just told him who this 'Alex' gentleman was."
"Gentleman?"
"I wasn't going to correct his assumption of Alex's gender, but every time Lewis said Alex's name, I knew who he was referring to... And I sure as hell knew what Lewis was capable of because he already he had killed Cassidy in front of me in my bedroom."
"Brian didn't-"
"I mean, we were both of the assumption that he had shot and killed Brian in my bedroom." Olivia looked down at her hands, "Do you... do you remember what Lewis Williams did to Alice Parker's body with the coat hanger, cigarettes and keys in her own apartment?"
Amaro nodded solemnly, he remembered all too well.
Olivia held up her hands, flipping from the backs to the palms a few times for Nick to see, "These scars... they were just a test run of what was to come for my torture when Lewis wanted to know who 'Alex' was... after he tired of trying to get me to say 'Pease don't hurt me, I'll do anything you want'. You don't want to see the rest of my body... my arms... my legs... my back in particular... You don't want to see what he did with cigarettes... the coat hanger... a knife... my own Detective shield, for crying out loud! But no matter what he did, I wouldn't give him what he wanted. I protected her with my life, and I don't mean that as a figure of speech. What would you do to protect someone you love? What would you to to protect Zara? Gilberto?... Maria?"
Nick sighed, "Maria and I are over."
"Then someone else perhaps?"
"I'd do whatever I could... whatever it took."
"Even willingly put your own life on the line?"
"Yes."
"Exactly!" Olivia said, taking a few more M&M's out of her pocket then popping them in her mouth. "Nessa... Vanessa Meyer was also tortured by Lewis just like I was to find out who 'Alex' was, but she wouldn't say anything either. She protected Alex's identity as much as I did, and she didn't have to do that... she could've easily said something to save herself. But Nessa realised quite early on how much Alex meant to me seeing I talked about Alex so much to her. Talking about Alex kept me sane... kept me hopeful... it was a tiny sliver of optimism in a fucked up situation."
"I didn't know."
Olivia's tone wasn't harsh, "No, you didn't. Nick, I deeply regret holding your own gun on you, and I'm truly sorry I did. If it hadn't of been for Alex talking me down... I'm not sure either of us would be sitting here having this conversation right now. I'm 99% certain I'd be in Rikers... the other 1% I'm sure you can figure out yourself."
Nick let all of what Olivia said sink as he wrung his hands together. It was several minutes before he spoke, "I'm sorry for saying you were cheating."
"It's not just me you should be apologising to though."
"Is the Sheriff still here in New York?"
"No. Sheriff Leonard returned to Maine this morning. You missed your opportunity. I can give you the address and phone number for the Winthrop station, or you can wait until she returns in the new year if you'd prefer to apologise to Melanie face to face."
"I think I'll call her first, but also apologise when she comes back."
Olivia wrote the information down on the legal pad, tore it off and passed it across, "By the way, she could very well have joined Nessa and myself in that cabin if it hadn't of been for a co-worker of hers that killed Lewis Williams... a first year rookie... just so you know."
Amaro began to explain himself after he folded the paper and tucked it inside his jacket, "When you were first taken by Lewis, I didn't realise how much Cabot loved you. She rejoined SVU at the beginning of July and basically took over your desk as hers from Day 1. I thought it was maybe just a silly one sided crush on you or something, because you were with... had been with Brian. I thought she was being a little over dramatic or overly sensitive because we were all hurting that the heart and soul of SVU was gone... vanished without a trace, but for the taunting of those photos that Lewis kept sending. Over the weeks I watched Alex just stare at those photos of you, her and Stabler... the silly photo Munch made of you and the President... and of you and your Mom... but always playing with the necklace she was wearing, like she was lost in thought or memories. It took me a while to figure out the necklace she was wearing was basically the same as your Fearlessness one you wear now, but with different writing."
"Sanskrit... it's Fearlessness in Sanskrit."
"Makes sense," Nick replied. "It also took me a while to realise that Alex was... is in love with you. When we got word that you were finally found, I just automatically assumed that I'd be the one going to Maine being your work partner. I didn't think Alex would be your medical proxy or anything like that, but right away she set me straight that she was... she even said she expected the reaction I gave from Stabler, and not me. Since Alex returned to work after you were found... the dark, heavy cloud that had been constantly hanging over her has been lifted... It made me realise she was working on autopilot while you were gone, and I've seen how much happier she's been that you were found... When you held my gun to my head and Alex talked you down, she said she trusted you with her life and asked you if you trusted her. You said she was the only one you trusted... I knew then that you loved her, and would do anything to protect her."
Olivia broke the long silence, "Still doesn't explain the fact that you accused me of having an affair with Mel."
"You have to understand from where I was it looked like you were kissing Sheriff Leonard. People that find out someone's cheating-"
"I wasn't cheating!"
"Let me finish explaining!... People that find out someone's cheating on someone usually give this stupid ultimatum that the person who's cheating tell the other person in the relationship or the person who saw the infidelity will do it for them. The person who's cheating usually makes up some lame ass excuse to the person they're cheating on cover their tracks."
Olivia felt her anger spiking again, "And what? You thought by telling Alex that I was having an affair without letting me have a chance to explain myself that you'd score brownie points with her? Maybe you thought Alex would turn to you?"
Nick shook his head in denial, "No!"
"Perhaps she'd fall in love with you... you could help mend her broken heart because you and Maria are finished now?"
"It's not like that! Not like that at all!"
"Then how is it, Nick? Paint the picture for me because I'm not seeing it any other way!"
"It's not like that because..."
"Because what?"
"Because I like Amanda, alright! I like Amanda, not Alex... and I didn't want to see Alex get hurt by you. It's just at the time, telling Alex what I saw... what I thought I saw... it seemed like the right thing to do."
"Well it wasn't. Mel was right when she said it was a shit thing to do. Nick, we're partners...we were partners. You of all people should know to trust me."
"But it was a bit hard to trust you after you held a gun to the back of my head, remember?" Nick reminded her.
Olivia exhaled heavily, "Fair enough. Still, you should've given me the opportunity to explain what happened at Shakespeare's Garden between Mel and myself... why she was crying and why I kissed her on the cheek, especially to Alex. You didn't jump to a conclusion, you leapt!"
"Leapt and landed feet first into a big pile of shit."
"We both did, Amaro. We both fucked up... we both fuck up royally."
"I sincerely apologise for accusing you of having an affair with the Sheriff without any evidence. If I could take it all back... everything that happened... I'd do it in a heartbeat."
"I would too... I would too," Olivia mused.
"Liv?" Nick waved his hand back and forth between them, "Are we... cool?"
"We're cool," Olivia nodded as her attention was drawn to Alex, carrying a shopping bag stuffed with her work attire and a knee length wool coat over her arm, approaching from the crib. The blonde was dressed in a Biba Asymmetric One Shoulder Maxi Dress, her hair hanging loose and her black framed glasses replaced with contacts that made her eyes even more blue.
Ethereal, elegant and exquisite.
Liv stood up and met her half way as Alex did a quick 360° for her to see. The brunette couldn't help but let out a low whistle before smiling and taking Alex's free hand, "I've never seen you looking so lovely as you do tonight... "
Alex quirked an eyebrow, "Really?!"
"I've never seen you shine so bright..."
"Liv!" Alex tried to hide her embarrassment from their single person audience.
"I've never seen so many men or women ask you if you wanted to dance... But tonight I'm looking for a little romance, given half a chance..."
"Stop it!" chastised the ADA.
"I have never seen that dress you're wearing..."
"I told you I bought it today."
"Or the highlights in your hair that catch your eyes..."
"I do not highlight my hair!" Alex admonished.
"I have been blind..."
Alex rolled her eyes, "Olivia, you can stop serenading me with 'Lady in Red' now."
"Damn, you recognised it."
"You altered the lyrics slightly, but yes I recognised Chris de Burgh's song."
"Well, everything I said was true. You look... breathtaking."
"You don't look half bad yourself... Stunning, actually." Alex stated, passing the bag to Olivia, slipping the coat on then taking the bag back. "Are we ready to go to dinner?"
"Yes, we are. Let's get out of here," Olivia placed her hand on the small of Alex's back and guided her towards the elevators.
"Hey Liv..." Nick called out from his desk, pulling a DD5 towards him. "Are you coming back to SVU?"
Olivia looked back over her shoulder and gave a tight lipped smile, "Goodbye, Nick."
After pressing the elevator button, Liv discreetly popped another few more M&M's in her mouth, resulting in a raised eyebrow from the blonde.
"I'm not craving!" Olivia covered her mouth as she spoke.
Alex rolled her eyes in utter disbelief while entering the empty elevator.
Olivia shoved the M&M's packet deeper inside her coat pocket, following a step behind, "I'm not!"
"No, of course not..." Alex deadpanned as the elevator door closed, "You're just friends with peanuts."
"Olivia! Alex!" A young girl's voice called out as Olivia unlocked the trunk of the Mustang for Alex to put the bag inside.
Both women turned to see Lexie Henderson crossing the street with her aunt.
"Aunt Shonda? Can I give Olivia an' Alex something from my backpack that we made this afternoon?"
"Lexie, I don't think they'd want what you made. It's silly things, and these ladies are all dressed up and about to go to dinner."
"Pleeeeeeassse!" Lexie begged.
Alex addressed Lexie's Aunt Shonda as Olivia closed the trunk, "It's alright. If Lexie wants to give Olivia and I something, we don't mind."
"YES!" Lexie gave a little jump in enthusiasm.
"A lot of children that come to the precinct give us drawings and little items... Honestly, it helps children and the detectives more than you think." Liv explained quietly to Shonda while Lexie crouched down and dug inside her backpack. "Did the SVU detectives give you information regarding child therapists?"
Shonda nodded, "Yes. Detective Tutuola and Rollins stayed with me while you interviewed Lexie, and they gave me some cards for a couple of different ones before they left with Detective Dumas. I'll make sure my sister-in-law, Chantelle, gets them."
Lexie stood back up and held out her hand, "Umm, Olivia... I want you to have this. It's a fishtail pattern rubber band bracelet an' I made it with Aunt Shonda! Well, Aunt Shonda showed me how to start it on the loom, an' she put on the clips too, but I did the rest while she watched me do it. I used my favouritist colours for it... pink, purple an' blue... an' I was gonna give it to Momma, but I want you to have it 'cause you're gonna be a Momma."
Olivia looked down at the bracelet, "Oh, sweetheart. If it's for your Momma, you give it to her."
"I'm gonna make 'nother one for Momma with Momma's favouritist colours... that's green an' yellow. I want Oey Brianna's Momma to have this one... an' that's you."
"Oey?" Liv questioned.
"You said you still gotta decide her name, an' seeing both Chloe and Zoë end in 'Oey', I thought it'd be easier to call her 'Oey' than Chloe-Zoë or Zoë-Chloe."
"Oey Brianna, I love it." Liv laughed lightly. Child logic was always so innocent, simple and cute. She held out her hand, "Thankyou for the bracelet, Lexie."
"You wanna put the bracelet on now? It'll look really pretty with your dress!"
Olivia swallowed reflexively at the suggestion. Could she wear the newly crafted bracelet to please the little girl? Vanessa had put her watch back on right away, but Olivia's Breitling was still on the bedside table. She hadn't had anything around her wrists since the handcuffs that secured her to the chain on the wall in the cabin. Sure, she had medical band while she was in the small hospital in Winthrop, but that didn't affect her because the bandages around her hands and wrists separated the loose band from her skin. Even though Lexie was smiling, Liv could see the little girl almost pleading with her eyes as she held the bracelet in her hand. Olivia's eyes searched for the blue ones beside her, before she looked back at the young brown ones looking up at her.
"Umm... s-sure... sure." Liv pulled up the right sleeve of her coat just a bit, "Y-you put it on for me, ok?"
Liv held her breath as Lexie clipped the colourful rubber band bracelet in place. It took a few moment for Olivia to realise it wasn't like in the cabin. It wasn't hard, cold, chaffing metal biting into her wrist. It was soft, supple, flexible rubber loosely encircling her wrist.
"See! It looks really pretty with your dress!"
Liv exhaled, "It sure does! Thankyou so much."
"Alex, I don't have 'nother rubber band bracelet, but seeing your my new friend, I want you to have..." Lexie removed another item from her backpack, "... the tubes an' macaroni wheels necklace I was gonna give Momma. See, it's green wheels an' plain tubes... an' they're Momma's favouritist colours! I know I'm not s'posed to, but I ate the couple of tubes that were left over when I finished making the necklace."
The ADA crouched down to Lexie's eye level, moving her blonde hair to one side. "I'm going out for dinner, and I will happily wear my new friend's ziti and rotelle necklace all night long."
"Alex, who's Rotelle? An' why she got zits?" Lexie asked curiously, slipping the long necklace with alternating pasta and red wool over Alex's head. "Does she work with you? An' has she been eating too much chocolate?"
"It's not a pers-..." Alex attempted to correct but stopped when she heard the stifled laughs of Olivia and Shonda. Shonda received a text message as Alex asked, "Lexie, you must really like making jewellery?"
"I wanna make all diff'rent jewellery when I'm grown up!"
Alex stood up, "Well, you keep making all this gorgeous jewellery... and Olivia and I will keep an eye out for some of your creations when you're famous and all the celebrities are wearing your jewellery on the red carpet."
Olivia added, "We'll be able to say we were friends with Lexie Henderson and knew all about her talent for jewellery making before everyone else knew her."
Lexie gave the same look of bashfulness that she gave in the Juvenile Interview Room.
Shonda slipped her phone back in her handbag and addressed her niece, "Lexie, you're a big sister now!"
"I am! Can we go see Momma an' Randall in the hosbidal? Pleeeeeeassse!"
"In the morning, baby. Your Momma and Randall are really tired, and Uncle Daryl's only staying with her until visiting hours are over."
"Aww!" Lexie whined, slinging her backpack on to her shoulders.
Shonda reminded her, "Don't forget that you've got to make Momma a new bracelet and necklace, and we have to make dinner."
Lexie took her aunt's hand, "Aunt Shonda, can we have basketti an' meatballs?"
"We can have spaghetti and meatballs. We better say goodbye to your new friends so we can go make dinner, and they can go to dinner too."
"Bye Alex! Bye Olivia!" Lexie waved.
Alex and Olivia strolled leisurely, hand in hand, down the newly refurbished Steeplechase Pier at Coney Island. The old pier had been severely damaged due to Hurricane Sandy, and had reopened just last month. Vanessa had mentioned to Liv, after her therapy session with Doctor Lindstrom earlier today, that she and Alan had spent some time at Coney Island the day before and that Olivia and Alex should take some time to see it. And seeing Olivia had promised Alex that they'd take Betty for a spin during their last date, they found themselves in Brooklyn after their dinner. Olivia had commented before dinner that she had been certain that Alex would have picked Amy as her final choice for Brianna's first name. Alex replied that she had been convinced that Olivia would have chosen Sophie. But neither could change their minds now, nor did either woman voice their similar thoughts that perhaps... one day... those names that hadn't been chosen could be used for other... purposes.
At the Italian restaurant, they were to be seated in the main dining area like they usually were, but were thankfully reseated towards the rear of the restaurant to be closer to the restrooms for Olivia after Liv asked. Being reseated where they were also afforded them more privacy, which they were both thankful for. Alex had wanted to sample the chef's special of crab stuffed calamari on a bed of linguine, but opted for the roast pumpkin and ricotta ravioli, much to Olivia's relief. Liv chose a simple chicken and vegetable risotto for her main course, and their usual bottle of wine was replaced with a bottle of sparkling mineral water. Olivia said to Alex that if the blonde wanted a glass of wine with dinner, she wouldn't care. Alex responded that if Olivia wouldn't be drinking, neither would she. A serving of panna cotta with raspberry coulis, and a serve of peanut butter chocolate tiramisu were shared for dessert... although Alex got to sample the tiramisu a lot more then she expected. She figured it must have had something to do with sly 'just friends' comment.
"I don't think the waitress appreciated my necklace," Alex commented, adjusting the pasta necklace slightly.
"I can't believe you wore it."
"Why not? I told Lexie I would, just like you've kept her rubber band bracelet on."
"I just... I didn't think you'd do something like that."
Alex paused under one of the lamps near the railing, "Liv, if our daughter made a macaroni, drinking straw or milk bottle lids necklace, a rubber band bracelet or potato chip packet shrinky dink earrings and asked me to wear them when we went out to dinner, I'd wear them. I remember making things like that for my mother and she wore them with pride. Some of her friends thought she looked ridiculous, but she didn't care. She wanted to make me happy."
"Unfortunately, my mother wasn't like that. I'd make her things and she'd say she'd wear them later... she never would, or she'd wear them for just a few minutes to please me for a moment. I remember one time, I was probably about the same age as Lexie, Mom got quite angry at me for wasting pasta on something trivial like a necklace, because she'd spent all the grocery money on vodka... I ate the uncooked pasta that I'd used to make the necklace for dinner after she passed out," Olivia's voice cracked at the memory. Alex's arms were around her immediately as she blinked away the threatening tears, before resting her chin on Alex's shoulder. "So if our daughter ever makes us pasta necklaces, I'm wearing them with pride too."
They remained in each others arms for a time before Olivia began to hum 'Lady in Red', each gently swaying and shuffling around in a small circle, thankful that the pier was currently quite deserted of locals and tourists at this time of year. Sure, there were other people along the pier, but they were few and far between. Doing something like this in the summer months would result in leering men, wolf whistles, cat calls and offers to 'join in'.
"Can I ask you something?" Liv asked, continuing to slowly dance with Alex.
"Of course."
"Do you have any regrets?"
"What do you mean?"
"In your life... what you've done in the past... do you have any regrets? And if you could change anything, would you?"
Alex pondered the question thoughtfully for some time before answering, "I regret going after Zapata... No, let me rephrase that. I regret not staying with you when you offered, I don't regret going after Zapata... I regret telling my supposed best friend in high school that I was bisexual. I trusted her, and she and the entire class made my life hell in senior year... I regret not telling you that I was in love with you before I entered WPP... I regret not keeping my promise to tell you the moment I left WPP... I regret not telling you that I was in love with you when I returned from the ICC... I also regret getting bangs. That was a bad decision on my behalf... But in all honesty, I don't think I'd go back and change any of it."
"Why not?"
"Who's to say we'd be standing here right now having this very conversation? Would we still be dancing around our feelings? Would you be in your 3rd trimester? I doubt we'd be friends with Vanessa, Alan, Melanie and Kelly. So, I'll throw the same question back at you... what do you regret?"
"I regret not telling you that I loved you before you were shot and presumed dead... I regret getting bangs too."
Alex pulled back, "You had bangs?! When was this?"
"After being undercover as Persephone James with those eco-warriors in Oregon, I needed a change. I remember how different you looked with them, so when I came back, I got bangs. Never again though... never, ever again."
"I second that statement," Alex resumed holding Olivia as she had been.
"I regret outing a football star. Me of all people should know what that's like... I also regret Kurt Moss, urgh!... I sometimes regret running my DNA through the kinship analysis and finding out that Simon was my half brother... I regret our fight when you first came back to SVU... I regret not sweeping you up in my arms and kissing you at the airport when you returned from the ICC."
Alex murmured, "I wanted to run into your arms, wrap my legs around you and shower you with kisses so badly."
"At the time, I regretted sleeping with Brian one last time... but not now, not with our daughter on the way... I regret going to my apartment instead of going down to the DA's office and taking you to dinner back in May... But you know what? After everything that's happened, especially in these last 6 months, even all the bad stuff and the stuff I don't whether happened or not, there's one thing I don't regret."
"What's that?"
"This," Olivia tilted her head and captured Alex's lips in a slow, gentle kiss. Neither hungry or demanding, but a tender and loving reminder of their love and how far they had come in their relationship since Olivia had been found.
Alex smiled into the kiss, "I definitely don't regret that either!"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"Let's get out of here... Take Betty for more of a drive before we call it a night."
"I like the way you think."
As both women returned to were the Mustang was parked, 2 males in their early 20's, in a white Porsche 911 Carrera Cabriolet with the roof off were admiring the vintage car with the canvas roof on beside them.
"The dude that owns that car must know his cars!" the passenger said.
The driver replied, "It looks a sweet ride. I'd love to shake the dude's hand for having such a kick ass car! No homo though."
"Definitely no homo."
But they changed their attitudes when they saw Olivia and Alex unlock and enter the vehicle.
"You're fucking kidding me! A woman?! Bitch probably stole her husband's keys after she made him a sandwich!" the driver guffawed, giving the passenger a high five.
"Or they both did slutty things like the sluts that they are to afford a car like that!"
"Bet you she don't even know how to get it out of first gear."
"Should teach them how use a stick shift... tag team style!"
"Stick 'em in all their slutty-"
Without saying a word to the unwarranted, vile and childish comments being bandied about, Olivia roared the engine, threw the car into reverse and sped away with a screech.
"Assholes," Liv muttered under her breath. She turned her attention back to Alex, "Where do you want to go, sweetheart?"
"Nowhere in particular, but as far away from those creatures as possible."
"How about we head for home but take a long route?"
"Go via... Queens?"
"Sounds like a plan to me," Liv pulled up at the traffic light, but a moment later heard honking and jeering from the vehicle beside them. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me!
"C'MON YOU HOES!" the passenger yelled as the driver revved the Porsche.
"Are they serious?" Olivia turned to Alex.
"Liv, let it go. They are just testosterone filled little boys in Daddy's car that are butthurt-"
"Butthurt?!" Olivia snorted.
"Isn't that what the kids call it these days when they're pissed off about something? I'm sure I heard that term recently."
Liv checked her mirrors and smirked, "Alex, do you trust me?"
"Of course I do! But-"
"I need driving music!" Olivia pressed the CD player, the familiar guitar riff began as the brunette revved her Mustang's engine.
"Liv, you're pregnant! Don't do this!"
"Let's show these butthurt little pricks a thing or 2 about driving."
Olivia checked her mirrors and revved again, and received a long rev in response.
The lights changed and the Porsche took off at high speed, whereas Olivia accelerated with caution. Mere moments later, an NYPD Highway Patrol Police motorcycle with its lights flashing and sirens wailing took off after the Porsche, resulting in a hearty laugh from both women.
"How did-"
Olivia reached a hand over and brought Alex's hand up of her lips, "Saw the motor officer in the mirror, and I know there's a precinct nearby... the 60th, I think. Besides, I had no intention of racing those little bastards whatsoever. The speed limit's 30 miles around here, and at the speed that car was travelling, I think he'll have his licence suspended... if it's not already."
Both women continued laughing as they passed the now pulled over Porsche and the NYPD Highway Patrol Police officer obviously asking for licence and registration papers.
"Did y'have nightmare?" Alex yawned, checking the bedside clock.
2.35am.
They had returned home from their date about 4 hours earlier, crossed off Sophie and Amy from their respective sides of the list and snuggled in bed before going to sleep.
Olivia kissed Alex's shoulder, "No nightmare. I'm just going to the bathroom. Go back to sleep, sweetie. I didn't mean to wake you."
Alex made a small noise in acknowledgement before burying herself under the blankets.
After using the bathroom, Olivia didn't return to bed. Instead she wrapped herself in her fluffy towelling robe and headed for the office. She quietly removed the NYPD folder from the drawer and took it to the spare bedroom. Sitting down on the spare bed, Olivia opened the folder and scattered the contents into various piles before picking out one of the Sergeants exams and one of the main rape crisis counselling booklets. She took both and shifted to the nursing chair. She took her time to read through both, her eyes glancing to the rubber band bracelet on her right wrist from time to time. After almost an hour and a half of reading and rereading all the different exams, booklets and pamphlets, Liv placed the papers back on the bed before returning to the chair.
She rested hands on her stomach and began gently rocking in the nursing chair, "What do you think, Oey? Can you help Mommy decide? Can you let me know which one you think is the right decision for me... for us."
Olivia began reciting the choices in her mind, over and over again, until baby Brianna moved sharply.
"You think that's what Mommy should do?"
The baby moved again.
Liv smiled at the choice, "I think so too. We need to go and tell Mama."
"Alex?"
"Mmm?"
"Alex."
"Huh-wha?"
"Can we talk?"
"It's..." Alex searched for the bedside clock, Olivia pressed up against the blonde's back, "... 4.20 in the morning."
"I know, and I'm sorry, but I really need to talk to you. It's important."
Alex rolled over to face Olivia, a single bedside light illuminating the brunette's side of the bed. "Wha... what about?"
"My job. I've made a decision, and I want to talk to you about it."
Alex yawned, "Alright."
"Do you mean what you've said? That's you'll support whatever decision I make?"
"Of course I mean it. Whatever you decide, I'll support it 100%."
"Good... good. It's just that after everything that's happened to me and Nessa... and we're going to be Moms in a few short months... I've done a lot of thinking lately, especially tonight, and I've decided that the best thing for me is to become a rape crisis counsellor. Are you alright with that?"
Alex felt her heart sink a little. She had been sure... hoped... that Olivia would return to SVU, especially after the interview with little Lexie Henderson only hours earlier. She had been the only one to get that little girl to open up about what had happened to her. If it hadn't had been for Olivia, would they still be questioning her? Would Tyrone still be taking 'happy snaps' of that innocent victim? But after everything Olivia had been through during those 128 days, she understood why Olivia was going to walk away.
"I'm alright with that. I told you I would respect whatever decision you'd make... and I know for a fact that you'll be just as good of a rape crisis counsellor as you were as an SVU detective."
"I'm glad you support my decision. It means a lot to me to have your support..." Olivia pressed a tiny kiss to Alex's lips, "... because I'm going to sit the Sergeants exam, and do one more year at SVU to catch up for the year I've missed after giving birth and taken maternity leave. I'm going help with the transition seeing Cragen and Munch are retiring, before I retire on my terms... and then become a rape crisis counsellor."
"You mean?!"
"15 years at SVU sounds like the right number of years for me... I want to watch our daughter grow up and not miss those special milestones in her life because I'm pulling a body out of the East River... or getting calls at 3 in the morning and then I don't see her or you for the next 3 days... or I'm running on autopilot because I haven't slept in 48 hours other than a quick nap in the crib. I saw what that did to Elliott over the years, and I don't want to do that. I want us to be able to go on vacations... go and visit Mel and Kelly up in Maine, Alan too... I want us to go to Paris one day... see other parts of the world too... but I also want to give Ed Tucker the ultimate and most satisfying 'fuck you' by declaring our relationship to the NYPD and the DA's office."
"I think the decision you've made is the right decision for you," Alex leant forward and kissed the tip of Liv's nose. "Looks like you better start studying for the Sergeants exam then."
"Alex, you know damn well I've been studying."
"Excuse me?" Alex feigned ignorance.
"The rape crisis pamphlets and booklets... the order in which I always put them in the folder is pink, blue, white, red, green, yellow, grey."
"No it's not. The order is pink, blue, white, green, red, yellow, grey."
"How would you know the order if you've never opened the folder?" Olivia asked teasingly.
Busted.
Alex smiled sheepishly.
"I could also hear you in the hall when I was in the lounge or at the dining table... and I left the folder out on purpose the morning you presented your ass to me."
"What about the other times you left the folder out?"
"There were other times?!" Olivia asked with a hint of uncertainly before smiling, "Just kidding. The first time was, but I wasn't sure if I was affected by baby brain or not. So I left it out a couple more times to see what you'd do. Thankyou for letting me make the decision at my own pace and not push me to make a decision when I wasn't ready to make it."
Liv chose her next words carefully after a brief pause, "There is one thing I need to talk to Cragen about when I return though."
"What's that?"
"Something that needs to change... and if it can't be changed, I won't return and I'll hand in my resignation letter as promised on December 2."
End Note: Image of Alex's dress on the Pinterest board.
End Note 2: Just a reminder that voting between the 'Alex' name and the 'Liv' name for Brianna's first name is open. Only 1 vote available per reader, and votes stay open until the birth chapter. As usual voting is blind and I won't be voting. Please take a moment to vote in the poll on my lookup as her name is in your hands :-)
