Chapter 53
Going back to Chicago probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, but Jecina had nowhere else to go. It was in her name, her home, and it was where she felt the most comfortable. Jon wouldn't come for her. Lilianna would make sure he gave her space and time. Throughout the flight, Jecina stared out the window and let the past 2 years filter through her mind being with Jon. So much had happened…it was overwhelming to go through memory after memory, most of it surprisingly good.
So why was one bad memory overtaking the rest?
Why couldn't she get over these trust issues and be happy with the man she loved?
The plane landed in Chicago somewhere in the early morning hours, thanks to two layovers, and Jecina was exhausted in every way humanly possible. Emotionally, physically, mentally…there wasn't a part of her body that didn't ache, all for different reasons. This was the first time, since Jon had the 2 week trip overseas with the company, she would sleep alone and it broke her heart all over again. Jecina had nobody to blame except herself for this though and she owned her choice. It was the only way because talking to Jon wasn't an option, not with how weak he made her feel. No, she did the right thing by leaving to give them complete space and time, needing the pressure she'd felt with the house hunting and engagement lifted.
Walking through the penthouse, more memories hit her and it was almost as if Jecina was moving in slow motion. The tears poured out of her eyes and she didn't bother wiping them away, needing to let all the pain and anguish, she'd bottled up inside for so long, out. She managed to text Lilianna to let her know she landed safely before turning her phone on silent, not caring who tried contacting her for the next 5 days. The house shows would be Friday and Saturday – Battleground was Sunday. That would give her time to figure out what she wanted to do about this situation and Jon.
The first thing she did was cry and sob her broken heart out, collapsing on the bed they shared together. Everywhere she turned, she could smell him and clutched the pillow he used, burying her face in the softness of it. Her tears soaked through it, her entire body trembling from head to toe and it was hard to breathe. Jecina had never felt pain like this before, it felt as if her heart was being extracted from her chest. She curled up tighter, remembering the morning from hell after the incredible night she spent with both Jon and Dean. They both had given her something different, but Jon had been what she wanted and she planned on choosing him.
Until he revealed his true intentions for her.
If he wanted someone like Layla, a hot sexy Latina, what the hell was he doing with someone plain like her? Why did Jon pursue her? It was always in the back of her mind – that question of why. No matter how many times he told her he loved her or spent hours worshipping her body…Jecina never felt she was good enough for him because of that tainted memory. It always made her wonder if he'd stayed with her just to spite his brother, since he'd used her from the beginning to get revenge on Dean. Jon knew how Dean felt about her, so it would make sense to stay with her for that reason alone, to keep her tied to him. Even though Jecina did not have any feelings towards Dean besides friendship and that had been destroyed over the past couple months with his actions.
Day 3 found Jecina slowly cracking her eyes open to the darkened room, all the shades drawn to keep the sunlight out. That wasn't necessary since it was storming like crazy outside, the sound of thunder rumbling throughout the house. It was oddly soothing as Jecina slowly forced herself to sit up, rubbing her sore, swollen eyes. Jecina felt her stomach gurgle violently, knowing she had to get up and eat something, even if it was crackers. She hadn't moved from the bed in 3 days, which meant no eating or drinking. There was a very good chance she was dehydrated and it didn't help all she'd done was cry and sleep.
No wonder her throat felt as if it was on fire. Hell, maybe she was getting sick and had a sore throat. Jecina slowly rose to her feet, feeling how shaky her legs were and made her way out of the bedroom toward the kitchen. Water. She needed water and then some crackers. A shower was in her near future too. Pulling a box of saltines out of the cabinet, Jecina opened the package and began munching on them while drinking a glass of water. None of it was done with gusto because she'd end up vomiting otherwise, needing to take it slow. After she was done, Jecina felt a little better and her stomach was no longer screaming at her to eat, the salt from the crackers also settling it down.
Grabbing her phone, Jecina remained standing to get the feeling back in her legs while sifting through the countless text messages.
Jeci, I'm here if you need me, sweetie. You're not alone in this. Call me when you get a chance or at least message me back. – Lilianna.
Okay, it's been 12 hours and I haven't heard from you. Are you all right? – Lilianna.
Now you're starting to worry me a little bit since I haven't heard from you in over a day. CALL ME. – Lilianna.
2 DAYS?! Where the hell are you? Don't do something stupid, Jecina! You call me immediately as soon as you get these messages, you hear me?!" – Lilianna.
The next message was from Gabriella over 12 hours ago. Jecina, I'm just checking on you. Lilianna is going out of her mind with worry. Please call one of us and let us know you're still alive and kicking. We love you, don't forget that.
The final text message is what made her blood run cold and it was only from a few hours ago.
I love you. And I'm not giving up on us, Jina.
Just when she thought she had no other tears to give, Jecina felt them burn her eyes all over again. He was giving her time and space, but that didn't mean he couldn't communicate with her. Texting and calling, for instance. He hadn't called her yet, just sent that simple text message 3 days after she left. Just reading it caused her heart to both leap in her throat and shatter all at the same time. He wasn't giving up on her. He still loved her, despite the fact she'd crushed him by leaving and didn't even have the courtesy to tell him to his face. Jecina wanted to believe him; she ached to be in his arms again and to feel his lips against hers, to smell him and hear his raspy, gritty voice in her ear.
Instead of answering the messages from Lilianna and Gabriella, Jecina set her phone down on the bed and knew she had to take a shower. That would help wake her up more and then maybe she'd eat something more solid. Wiping her tears away, Jecina had to pull herself together and blew out a breath, eyeing the bathroom. It was time to clean herself up and then she'd respond to her friends to let them know she was all right. Physically, anyway. Emotionally and mentally, she was wrecked. Stripping out of her clothes from 3 days ago, Jecina tossed them in the laundry basket and padded into the bathroom, turning the light on. Within minutes, she was under the warm shower sprays and let the grime and filth wash away down the drain.
An hour later, she finally stepped out, after having another decent cry from spotting Jon's shampoo on the ledge. Would it ever end? Would her heart ever heal from this? Jecina doubted it since she truly believed Jon was her soul mate, but how could he be when she didn't trust him? It was a contradiction of the heart. Pulling out some clothes, Jecina went on autopilot and pulled them on, towel drying her long black hair. She remembered how she always used to keep it short, but once it grew out, Jon loved it and asked her not to cut it. It was now past the middle of her back and she was thinking about chopping it off again; long hair was a pain to take care of.
Grabbing the crackers, deciding they were the only thing she could stomach at the moment, with more water, Jecina made her way to the living room with phone in hand. She had been mindful enough to plug it in before having her breakdown, so it was fully charged. Just as she sat down, the cell lit up and it was Lilianna calling, making her crack the barest hint of a smile. The woman was a worrywart.
"Hello?"
"OH THANK GOD! YOU'RE ALIVE!" Lilianna shouted in relief, ignoring everyone else staring at her on the plane while Seth sat beside her with a smirk on his face. "Shut up, Rollins."
"I told you she was alive. You really should listen to me more often, Lila."
"Again, shut up." Lilianna turned her attention back to Jecina, relief flooding through her. Jon would be relieved too and she had to stop him several times from hopping on a plane to go to Chicago to check on Jecina. "Woman, you really need to stop scaring me like this. I didn't know what the fuck happened to you."
"I know." Jecina's voice remained monotone, her voice rough from all the crying she'd done. "I'm sorry."
The sound of her voice broke Lilianna's heart. This did not sound like the Jecina she knew, though she wasn't surprised either. "Sweetie, what can I do? Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. I hate hearing you like this…"
"Did you do what I asked?" Jecina asked, leaning back against the couch and shut her eyes, listening to Lilianna give her the rundown of her talk with Jon. Good, he knew the truth now. "And I don't think there's anything you can do for me right now, Lili. I appreciate your help with the talk though."
"He's not giving up on your relationship, Jeci. You gotta believe that. That man loves you and he said he'll do whatever it takes to win you back, to show you you're the only one for him." Lilianna pleaded his case, promising to help them find their way back to each other. "I know you don't trust him and he understands that now…"
"He texted me a couple hours ago. He said he loved me and he's not giving up on us. It was short and sweet, I haven't responded to him." Jecina didn't know if she would either, not sure she was ready to have any kind of communication with him. "I know I'm gonna probably run into him on Sunday…"
That was a big possibility, but Lilianna made it clear to Jon to give Jecina space and not to bother her at work. "He'll keep his distance for now. But maybe send him a text and let him know you're alive, okay? I had to stop him several times from hopping on a damn plane because he's been that worried about you."
The last thing Jecina wanted to do was have Jon worry about her. "Okay, I can do that. Listen, I…I want to try something. I don't know if you wanna call it a test, but…I need to know, without a shadow of a doubt, he's faithful and loyal to me while we're away from each other."
Now Lilianna was intrigued, raising a brow and held her hand up before Seth could open his mouth. "What do you want to do?"
There was only way one for Jecina to know if he could be faithful to her with them being on two separate shows. It was a test, plain and simple. If he truly loved her and was devoted solely to her, he wouldn't have sex with anyone else. No ring rats, no coworkers, nobody. One month. She would give Jon one month on the Raw roster, away from her, without seeing each other, to see if he held out. Lilianna was now on the Raw roster and would keep an eye on him, but she would not stop him from giving into temptation, if the situation arose.
"So, in a nutshell, you want me to keep an eye on him for you, but don't stop him if he does something shitty?" Lilianna summarized, sharing a troubled look with Seth and bit her bottom lip. "Are you sure this is the ONLY way to settle your trust issues with him or make them go away, Jeci?"
"Yes. I've thought about this over the past 3 days. I cried, of course, and slept, but…until I know he can be faithful to me, to us, to our relationship, I won't give anymore of my heart to him." Jecina had made her mind up and was steadfast in executing this plan, hoping Lilianna would be onboard with it. "Lili, I won't marry him. I won't share a home with him. I won't put myself in that position again where he hurts me a second time. Not until I know he can be faithful. Now, I won't cut contact with him. We can talk on the phone, text each other, but I won't skype or anything like that. Just phone calls and text messaging, for now."
Lilianna had to admit, Jecina was slick to do something like this and didn't blame her after what happened with Jon. She had no doubt in her mind Jon would stay loyal and faithful, but that also meant she couldn't tell him what was happening. Watching him silently was all she had to do. Seth could help out and Lilianna immediately dismissed that idea, deciding to do this on her own. If Jon wanted to make a mistake by sleeping with another woman, while his fiancée was away on another show, then it was better to find out before walking down the aisle and sharing the rest of her life with a cheater.
"Will you help me with this?"
"Hell girl, you know I'm always here for you and I understand why you're doing this. You can count on me." Lilianna was confident in her ability to be a spy, hoping she could pull it off without Jon getting too suspicious. "One thing though, because of the draft bullshit, there's two separate house shows for tomorrow, for some reason, and Jon isn't on the one we are. I won't be able to start doing this for you until Sunday and let you know if the split house show things happens again going forward."
That did not set well with Jecina, but there was nothing she could do and pushed aside for the time being. "Don't go all out with it either. Just watch him whenever you're around him. Don't go out of your way to be too friendly to him or anything like that or he'll get suspicious." Jecina advised, feeling a little more alive with each cracker and sip of water she had.
"You got it. Listen, I gotta go because the plane is getting ready to take off, but I'll call you later tonight, okay? Hang in there, I love you."
"Love you too, Lili. See you on Sunday."
Jecina hung up the phone and went to set it down, but instead she held it back up to reread Jon's text message. To text him or not to text him…she didn't know if it was too soon to contact him. Then again, the month plan started today and she told Lilianna she would remain in contact with him throughout. Calling him wasn't an option, it would have to be straight texting for the time being until she was ready to hear his voice again.
I'm alive. Was the text message she sent to him before moving on to send a text to Gabriella, refusing to leave her other friend hanging.
