This chapter is pretty heavy. It explains some things, like exactly why Daryl is the way he is in this story. My internet seems to be back up and running so that's awesome. I was so afraid it was going to go out completely and I'd have to start updating slower. Anyway, thanks for reading!
Chapter Fifty Two
Carol felt helpless as Sophia walked right past her, stopping at the head of the porch steps to wait on Daryl. He kissed her quickly and then the two of them were gone. She stood in the doorway, her arms crossed and a frown on her face. She wasn't sure if she was handling any of this right and his words only added to it. But acting like Sophia hadn't done anything wrong wasn't going to prove anything to the girl.
With a heavy sigh she shut the door and made her way to the kitchen. It was the only room in the whole house that had been updated. She was looking forward to cooking. Cooking at the apartment was more a chore than anything else. There had been no counter space and only two burners worked on the cook top. The oven only heated up to three hundred and fifty degrees and she had found mouse droppings under the sink on several different occasions.
This was different. She could lose herself in this kitchen. Forget some of her troubles and focus on mixing and measuring. It was why she loved her job so much. She was easily lost in the mundane. She decided that the first meal she cooked in this place had to be Sophia's favorite. She planned on sticking with her decision to ground the girl but that didn't mean that she didn't want their first night in this house to be special. Maybe it would thaw her out a little bit and get her to talking. Carol wasn't sure what to do about the silent treatment. She had never been on the receiving end of her daughter's cold shoulder before.
Home made lasagna was a time consuming meal and she was up for the challenge. Ed wasn't fond of it so it had been years since she had made it but Sophia loved it and from what she knew about Daryl's appetite, he would eat anything.
As she worked her mind drifted back to the conversation upstairs. She had never known the details of what had happened to Daryl and Merle's mother. She hadn't wanted to pry into that personal tragedy. It had happened a long time ago. Daryl had lost his mother because of the club and if she tried to tell herself that this fact didn't scare her to death, she would be a liar. It terrified her. She was sure that the reason that it scared her so much was because she didn't know the details. Maybe if she knew the exact reason it had happened she could assure herself that the men were more cautious now. But she couldn't ask Daryl. She had seen his face earlier and she never wanted to see that pain again. She couldn't ask Buck either because Buck had never gotten over the death of his wife and likely, if nearly twenty years hadn't dulled that pain, he would never get over it.
Was she in danger? And if she was in danger then that meant that Sophia and the baby were as well. Would Daryl bring her into a world where her life and possibly the life of her children could end in violence? Surely he wouldn't. If he thought she could get hurt then he never would have asked her to come here. She hadn't tried to force herself into his life. He had welcomed her into it. He had even nudged her more than a few times.
"You need to keep that door locked if your ass is gonna be here alone."
The unexpected voice had her gasping, turning sharply. She dropped the jars of garden tomatoes that June had given her. They crashed onto the tile at her feet, leaving a puddle that looked more macabre than it would have if she had turned on the overhead lights. She was working in the watery light that came in through the large windows. Her hand went to her chest when she finally realized that there wasn't some maniac there to kill her.
"Damn it, Merle," she breathed, willing her heart to slow to a normal pace. "Don't do that to me ever again."
He looked down at the mess and then back up to her eyes. "Jumpy?"
She laughed but there was a hysterical edge to it that even she could hear. "I suppose a little."
He wordlessly helped her clean up the mess and retrieved two more jars from the pantry. "Where's Daryl?" He asked once she calmly went back to prepping the meal.
"He took Sophia to get some paint for that third floor room. She isn't talking to me."
He snorted. "I know how that goes."
She looked up from the oregano she was chopping. "Really? I can't see Piper cold shouldering you."
He shrugged and sat down on one of the bar stools across from her. "Yeah, well, she's a spoiled brat and I'm the only damn one that ever has to set her straight. Daryl ain't never been much help cause he's usually getting in trouble with her or cleaning up her messes so I don't find out about them. Buck treats her like she's still five years old. The girl can do no wrong when it comes to that man. That leaves me to be the hard ass when she fucks up."
"Sophia's never acted out like this before," she said glumly.
"From what I hear she ain't been given much leeway to act any sort of way before. She's been stuck in a cycle. The cycle's broke and she's got her eyes open to a whole new world. You expect her to be the same after all this?"
She shook her head, keeping her eyes on the herbs. "You sound like Daryl."
He chuckled. "You might be wise to listen to him. As much as I hate to admit it, he knows what he's doin' most of the time. He knows more than he lets on, trust me. He understands the shit that goes on in their heads."
She finally raised her eyes. "Are you saying that he still has the mind of a teenager?"
"I'm sayin' that Daryl ain't as jaded as a lot of people are. I'll be the first to admit that in a lot of ways, the boy has some growing up to do. But then again, that's one of the best things about him. He understands things on a different level than most. He's smart. He's observant. And he remembers what it was like to be a confused kid so he knows how to treat them. You going ape shit on her isn't wrong. She needed to hear it and sure you needed to do something about the shit she pulled. But she ain't gonna respond to that. She's gonna respond to him because he's gonna handle it in a way that makes her feel like she isn't some kid that's fucked up."
"I don't see him getting anywhere with her. I understand what you're saying, though. I really do. But is this how it's going to be now? Am I going to be the bad guy? I've never been the bad guy before."
Merle nodded. "Welcome to hell, little sister."
She shook her head, repressing her smile for all of three seconds. They were silent for a long time but the silence wasn't strained. It was a comfort to have him here. And she realized, as he watched her work, that she could get answers if she really wanted them. She put the knife down and looked up. "If I ask you something will you promise to tell me the truth and not get all upset that I'm prying?"
He rolled his eyes. "Is this where you ask me if I think Daryl has it in him to be a good man and take this whole goddamn thing that the two of you jumped in seriously? Cause yeah, if that's what you're gonna ask I can answer it. He's crazy about you. He's gonna stumble cause he don't know what he's doin' but he loves you and he's gonna try his best. Is that what you wanted to know?"
"What happened to your mother?" She asked quickly.
He looked up sharply, his blue eyes boring into hers and his whole body tensing. She looked back down, unable to hold the gaze. She shouldn't have asked him that. "I'm sorry. I just-"
He let out a breath and shook his head, not giving her a chance to finish apologizing. "You deserve to know."
She swallowed hard, preparing herself for the story. Reminding herself that Daryl wouldn't have brought her here if it wasn't safe.
"Buck wasn't always as careful as he is now," he said, his voice low. He traced the pattern of the granite island top with one finger. "He don't do business here no more but back then the club was where he handled everything. Anything illegal that came through this town came through Buck. He was young. He was cocky. He's a big mother fucker and sometimes it was like he felt invincible. Hell, he was invincible. People were scared of him. People in the business respected him." His eyes took on a faraway look and he paused, like he didn't make a habit of dredging these memories up.
"I was just getting into the trade, you know? I was sixteen, I was chomping at the bit to sink my teeth into the life. I was born for it. I spent most of my time with Buck but Daryl was the baby. He was nine years old when it happened."
"When what happened?" Carol pressed, knowing that remembering was painful for him but also knowing that she needed to know.
"When Buck fucked up," Merle said, shaking his head slowly like he still couldn't believe that it happened, even eighteen years later. "He found out that there was another MC pushing some heavy shit through our territory. It was ballsy. People didn't step on Buck's toes. Never before that. Never since. But this club was fresh. They had a point to prove and what better way to prove how goddamn tough they were by going up against the biggest and the baddest mother fucker in the state? When Buck found out he lost his shit. He got some guys together and I'll be damned if the crazy bastard didn't walk right into the middle of that clubhouse by himself. Made his guys hang back while he went in there to handle it. But their guy didn't feel like talking. He shot Buck twice."
"Oh my God," Carol gasped, like it had just happened.
"I'm not sure exactly what happened after that. When the guys heard shots they rushed the place, guns blazing. We lost three men that night. Three men that were like brothers to Buck. Odin was there and from what I hear he went berserk. Anybody in his way that wasn't one of our guys was either shot or beaten to death. It was like a massacre. But they drew first blood. By the time they hauled ass outta that place, they didn't think there was anybody left breathing."
Carol was so caught up in the story that the timer on the oven caused her to scream and nearly jump out of her skin. She turned it off and took out the bread, returning to her spot and the story. Letting his voice take her back to another time. To another world.
"Anyway, that wasn't the case. Not all of them were dead and these fuckers were young. They'd take in any asshole off the street that wanted to join so their numbers went up quick. They regrouped. And then they started plotting ways to get back at Buck. He'd taken everything from them. They were a fuckin' joke and in our world, that's the last thing you want to be.
"So they came after Buck one night but Buck wasn't at the club. Hell, Buck wasn't even in the country, and I was with him. I was always with him. I don't know if they even checked the clubhouse. I just know that some of them ended up here that night."
"Merle, you don't have to-"
"Randy and his brother were here to look after my mom and Daryl. They were just a couple of prospects back then. They weren't enough protection though. Buck never expected those men to retaliate. He thought they learned their lesson. He wasn't one to fuck over. That wasn't the case, though."
"Merle-"
"Anyway, they busted in. There were ten of them. All armed. All ready to pay retribution. Randy and Mike, they did what they could. Randy was able to take out three on his own. Mike was killed right away but they played with Randy a while. Cut him up. Took his eye. They thought he was dead. We don't know exactly what happened to our mom but she put up a hell of a fight for a little thing. They forced Daryl to watch them do whatever they did. That's probably why she fought so fuckin' hard. But in the end what's one woman against that many men, you know?"
Carol's throat was so tight that she could barely take in a breath. She didn't realize she was crying until he reached across the island and did what Merle did all the time, wiping tears away.
"By the time we got back Daryl wasn't Daryl no more. He was somethin' else. The goddamn rage in that boy was unlike anything I ever saw. He was just gone. Lost in this fuckin' world I don't even wanna imagine. Lashin' out at everything and everyone. He used it like a cloak. I took a different rout. I lost myself in drugs. Buck lost himself in grief. Other charters stepped in after that, tried to keep Buck from losin' the club and his mind."
"What happened to those men?" She asked, afraid of the sound of her own voice. It didn't sound like hers anymore.
"It took a while but Buck hunted them all down. And he got his hands pretty dirty."
"What did he do?" She needed to know that they paid for what they had done. In her minds eye all she could see was a little nine year old boy that had his whole world torn apart in one violent night. And she hoped, hoped with every fiber of her being that those men suffered. The baby kicked, Merle finally raised his eyes.
"He tore'em apart."
She blinked.
"He hunted them down. Him, Randy and Odin. And he broke them in ways that you don't even want to imagine. He took his time doing it. He killed every one of them that were there except for one. He was the ring leader. The big man that called the shots. The one that ordered the hit and lead the other ones here."
"And what happened to that one?"
Merle met her eyes and shook his head. "Buck wasn't Buck back then. You remember that before I answer your question, you understand? You keep in mind that what those men did to her, they did it in front of her boy. My brother."
"What happened?"
"He took the boy with him," Merle said, his voice barely above a whisper. "He was eleven by then."
"Daryl watched him kill the man?" Carol asked, her heart breaking for him.
Merle shook his head. "Buck let Daryl kill the man himself."
Carol's heart stopped. Even the baby stilled, like it sensed the air of despair inside her. Merle didn't meet her eyes.
"Buck regrets it. It wasn't right and he knows it. But after that... it was like Daryl was back. As fucked up as it sounds, he needed to be the one to do it. He was just a kid but there was just too much inside him. Once that was done, even though he wasn't who he had been, some of that rage was gone. Buck never really snapped out of it. Ended up in prison for a while. When he got out I had Piper already and that's when he finally came around. As bad as she is, she saved Buck's life."
Carol couldn't even breath for a moment as she stood there, not saying a word.
Merle stood up, like he couldn't just sit and talk about it anymore and she didn't blame him. "Anyway, things like that don't happen anymore. You're safe. Sophia's safe."
She nodded, unable to speak for the moment.
