Rex; None of the Oppress brothers really had any choice, their story was heart-rending. And I'll see what I can think up.

ILDV: Glad you enjoyed. =)

ZXc: It was written from the point of view of Savage Oppress, after his escape from Dooku, before hearing of his brother Maul.

This section was by request of Anonymous Rex. Enjoy...


Emperor Palpatine loved peaches. To the inexpert, this may have seemed incongruous - they may have thought fried electric eel, or piranha pie, or cream of cactus soup more fitting to his evil image. The Sith Lord knew better - peaches were the perfect metaphor for the Dark Side. The colors of flame, deliciously sweet fruit, and a poisonous heart of stone, peaches epitomized a Sith's power. It didn't hurt that they were easy on decaying teeth, either.

He had celebrated his two greatest victories with peaches - first, his murder of his Master and subsequent induction as Master of the Sith, then the death of the Republic and Anakin Skywalker and birth of the Empire and Darth Vader. It seemed only fitting that he celebrate his third great victory - the disposal of an old, worn-out apprentice, induction of a young, powerful one, and annihilation of the pestiferous Rebellion, all in one stroke - with peaches, too. Therefore, as soon as he had dispatched Vader to the insignificant little moon below, he called down to the vast kitchens of the Death Star and ordered a vast amount of peaches, to be delivered immediately to his throne room.

Only the best was brought for the Emperor, and he enjoyed them immensely. Already, he could taste the certain victory, in the sweet juice of the ripe fruit. His timing, was, as usual, impeccable - he had just finished his last treat when he felt the Force-wielding duo depart from the piffling little base below. Satisfied, he summoned a cleaning droid to remove the pits before turning to his vast viewport to watch the shuttle approach. A slight shudder went through the Death Star, and behind him there was a clatter as the droid dropped some of the pits. Swinging around, the Emperor hissed in anger, shooting bolts of lightning from his fingertips towards the hapless droid. "Bumbling worthless piece of scrap!" The poor cleaner trembled slightly as it was fried before, all circuits shorted, it fell to the floor. Palpatine gestured to the Red Guards standing around. "Get this thing out of my sight."

Scarcely had the droid been dragged out by its metal-phorical heels, than the 'vator opened to reveal Vader and son. The two stepped into the room, and Palpatine, gloating, welcomed his new apprentice. The time had come. Indeed, the ensuing half-hour proceeded exactly as the Sith Lord had foreseen - Skywalker's gradual capitulation to his hate and anger, his destiny, and the fury with which he struck at his father. "Good," Palpatine cackled, starting to descend the staircase to the catwalk below. "Good, young Skywalker, your hatred makes you po-OOWW-"

Skywalkers both turned to watch in frozen fascination as the crumpled old Sith Lord tumbled down the stairs, followed merrily by a dozen bouncing peach pits and a bowl in which they'd been resting, forgotten, in the shadows on the stairs. Father and son winced simultaneously at the crunchy finality when the ancient Emperor came to a final rest. A few tardy peach pits, carelessly heedless of the venerable ruler's motionlessness, bounced impudently down to lose momentum and fall still on his body. The throne room echoed with shocked silence as the two sole remaining inhabitants stared at the crumpled black heap.

A blast from a Rebel ship rocked the Death Star slightly, and cyborg sire and cyborg progeny staggered a little before catching each other's arms to restore their balance. The Emperor had no such recourse, and - aided by his slick shimmersilk robes and the insidious peach pits - slid straight into the open reactor pit. Eyes wide as saucers, Luke stepped forward to peer into the chasm, only to be yanked back by his father just in time to avoid being irrationally eradicated by irradiation. Irritably, Vader tugged his shell-shocked son farther back out of danger.

"I think we'd better go, before your Rebel friends blow us into peach purée," the Sith Lord suggested, and retrieved a commlink from his utility belt, activating it. "Piett," he barked into it. "We're coming in. Order the troops to disengage the Rebels - we have what we came for. Palpatine is dead and young Skywalker is with me."

"At once, my Lord," a slightly tinny voice echoed back, and Vader pocketed the comm, before pinning Luke with a stare.

"You will come with me," he rumbled to his wayward offspring. "We shall negotiate a treaty on behalf of the Empire and the Rebellion, and you shall tell me more about your sister."

"Well, her name is Leia," Luke began as they exited the chamber, which resounded with the Dark Lord's yell of "What?!" well after both Force users had left.


I was just bouncing ideas off of my sister for a TPM AU fic - and boy, do I wish I'd had the camera primed and ready. xD She didn't much like my idea of Anakin being Obi-Wan & Padmé's son, and Shmi being Anakin's paternal grandmother. xD Her face...she makes that face relatively often, but only joking around, and never so extremely. xD xD xD

And yes, I went bad and showed y'all some of my oft-employed wordplay here. >:D This is what my poor sister has to deal with daily. Rex, I hope my hastily-cobbled together piece sates your hunger for mundane Palpatine deaths. xD