Author's Note: Takes place during season seven's Undecided. Reviews, as always, are appreciated.


"Not Yet Broken"

I was swimming slowly around my bowl. It was Saturday morning. Saturdays and Sundays were usually pretty boring. CJ rarely came in and nothing fun ever happened. I guess most people would find that restful, but I bore pretty easily.

I turned towards the door and saw a shock of red outside CJ's office. I was puzzled for a moment until I saw Margaret enter the room. Yay! If Margaret was here that meant CJ wouldn't be far behind. I didn't know why she'd be in on a Saturday, but I didn't care. I'd be entertained. And also, I'd probably get a few flakes for a treat. Today was shaping up to be a good day—for me anyway—I assumed CJ was probably in for a bad one since she was here on the weekend.

Unfortunately, no sooner had CJ entered her office than she exited it. It seemed she was there to help Ellie plan her wedding. I couldn't figure out why that was happening. CJ seemed busy enough with her own job, let alone that of a wedding planner, but the more I thought about it, CJ was probably the only option. No one was around anymore. Everyone we knew was out on the campaign and we had a bare bones staff. I sometimes marveled at the thought that the government was running at all given that the smartest people I knew, save CJ, were out campaigning for other people.

I wondered how weddings were planned. This one seemed to be extra special because it was happening at the White House. I wondered if all weddings had so many details. I also had to chuckle to myself thinking about CJ helping to plan a wedding. She wasn't exactly the wedding planner type. I mean, she didn't even have a boyfriend. Although, the more I thought about it, when she was press secretary she had to deal with seating arrangements and protocol so I guess she did have some experience.

I had just gotten used to being alone again when Kate entered CJ's office. I'd come to learn that whenever Kate showed up something bad was happening. It wasn't that I didn't like her, but when she stopped by CJ's face got all wrinkled and stressed. Kate usually talked about things that sounded complicated and were hard to understand. I'd rather Will stopped by. At least he dropped names that I recognized from the press pool.

Just as I suspected, Kate had some dire news for CJ. It was about something involving Russia and China. I'm not really sure what, but it required CJ to hand over wedding planner duty to Will. She didn't seem too broken up about it either. She sat in the office with Kate and talked some things over and then there was a lull, but you'll never believe who stopped by. Josh!

It had been a while since I'd seen him. He looked about as tired as CJ did and for a minute I wondered why either of them bothered with these jobs. Of course he didn't stop by just to visit; he had a request of CJ. He wanted the president to fly to California—the next day. I chuckled to myself even as CJ gave him her standard "I'll ask" answer. She knew it was never going to happen and so did I. Had Josh really been gone so long that he thought it was a possibility?

Anyway, he seemed encouraged by CJ's response and just as he was leaving CJ asked if he'd talked to Toby. I froze in my bowl. It was the first time she'd uttered his name in a casual setting since he'd been escorted from the building. She was really bad, emotionally, for a while after Toby left. She seemed detached and abrupt with just about everyone. I thought it was because she hadn't quite processed everything that had happened. She never said Toby's name anymore, not even to friends who would ask. She had to talk about Toby when Oliver stopped by, but she always brushed off questions about him if it wasn't required that she answer.

It turned out Josh hadn't spoken with him. It didn't surprise me. Josh and Toby had resorted to fisticuffs not that long ago. I figured they hardly spoke anymore. CJ looked a little let down after finding out that Josh hadn't spoken with him. She said she hadn't talked to him either, due to the case against him, but I wasn't so sure that was true. Even if CJ had the ability to talk to him I'm not sure she would have. The pain of his betrayal was still too fresh.

Josh left after that and then Kate came back and a whole bunch of Russia-China talk ensued. I liked having the company, but I sure wish I had clue what they were talking about. I used to be able to follow the plot better than this.

Eventually Kate left and a briefing book came for CJ. I figured it was to get her up to speed on what was going on. I didn't feel so bad that I wasn't up on the details because it looked like CJ wasn't too keen on them either. She started to read silently and it was getting late. For someone who didn't come in on Saturday it looked like CJ was going to be here for a while. She even had to turn on her desk lamp when it got dark outside.

She sat back in her chair and stretched a little when her phone rang. I was hoping it would be someone interesting, though I wasn't sure who that could be. Seeing Josh today was already a bonus, even if they seemed somewhat detached in person.

"CJ Cregg," she said as she hit the speakerphone button. She had sent Margaret home an hour ago since she had told her not to come into work anyway.

"Hey, it's me," Josh said. I snickered at his casual greeting. CJ talked to hundreds of people every day, but he just took it on faith that she would recognize his voice in three words. Of course, she actually did. It surprised me that humans could remember something like that even after not talking for so long.

"Hey," CJ said as she highlighted something in her briefing book. "Did Margaret call you?"

CJ had outsourced the work of calling Josh and breaking the news that the president wouldn't be traveling to California the next day. I wondered if CJ was about to get another earful from Josh about the president. He had a shorter fuse nowadays than he used to.

"Yeah," he said. "Thanks for trying."

"It was such short notice," CJ reminded him again.

"Sure," Josh said. There was a pregnant pause and CJ was opening her mouth to say something when Josh continued, "Did you even ask him?"

"I'm sorry?" CJ replied looking at the phone with a furrowed brow.

"I went to Toby's after I saw you today," Josh explained. "I told him what you said when I asked about the president and he said that was your pat answer for when something isn't going to happen."

CJ stared at the phone and put her forearms on the desk. She leaned forward and bit her lower lip. I couldn't tell if she was happy that Josh had seen Toby or if she wanted to wring Toby's neck for telling Josh her secret buzzwords.

"How is he?" she asked. I guess that answered my question. She was more concerned about Toby than mad at him.

"He's…this indictment hasn't changed him if that's what you were thinking," Josh replied. He sounded angry. I assumed their visit hadn't gone well. "Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"Were you placating me by saying you were going to see what you could do about the president?"

CJ thought for a half-a-second and said, "Yes."

It was simple and straight to the point. I thought she'd offer him some explanation for why he got the standard "it's not gonna happen" response, but she didn't. A silence hung over the phone line for a moment.

"Toby seemed to relish the thought of your response," Josh informed her.

"Josh you have to understand that-"

"I get it," Josh interrupted her. "I mean, I was mad when he told me, but I'd have done the same thing if I were you."

"You would?"

"You know I would have," Josh said. "I'd probably have laughed in the face of the person who asked."

"You're not mad anymore?" CJ asked.

"I wasn't really mad at you anyway," Josh said.

That surprised me. Josh was usually one to get mad and make the people he felt wronged him know it. It wasn't like him to turn the other cheek so easily, but maybe he had mellowed with age.

"Don't get me wrong, it would have been nice to know up front that there wasn't a chance in hell of it happening, but I get it."

"Josh you knew there wasn't a chance in hell it was going to happen. When did you become an optimist?"

I thought I heard a muffled chuckle on the other end of the line. "I'm not. I don't know. I guess I thought it was worth a shot."

"So you went to see Toby," CJ fished. She may have been mad at Toby, but she still cared about him. At this point I figured she realized that he was probably in worse shape than she was.

"Yeah," Josh said. "That was a mistake."

"He's not doing well?"

"He's doing fine," Josh said. "He took the opportunity to tell me than Santos isn't going to win the election. That was nice to hear."

"I'm sure he didn't-"

"Don't," Josh cut her off again. "He meant it."

"He's," CJ started to say. "I honestly don't know what to say. He changed over the last year. I don't know if it was David or the job, but he just hardened. I don't even know if he'd talk to me if I could talk to him."

"I should have called him," Josh said. I heard regret in his voice. "I'm doing the campaign, but it was no excuse."

"You and Sam are about the only people who can talk to him," CJ reminded him. "Everyone else is barred from contacting him, including Leo."

"Yeah," Josh said. "He made a comment today about me not being man enough to say I wouldn't see him again."

CJ was silent. I didn't know if it was because she was waiting to give Josh space to continue his thought or if she just didn't know what to say.

"Did you?" CJ asked finally when he didn't speak.

"Did I what?"

"Plan to see him again?" CJ asked.

"I don't know," Josh replied honestly. "You're right though. He's got no one. I mean, I guess Andi and the kids, but he's really alone."

"Yeah," CJ replied. I could almost hear her silently add "I know the feeling" to the end of that sentence. "How did you leave things?"

"He accused me of not being man enough to say I wouldn't see him again and I left," Josh said. "I'm going to go back tomorrow."

I saw CJ's expression and it was one of surprise. "Really?"

"He's a little bit right," Josh replied.

"So you're going to prove him wrong then?" CJ asked with a grin.

"Something like that."

"I'm glad he'll have you there."

"What would you say to him if you could talk to him?"

"I don't know. I want to tell him that I hate him for what he did; that I'll never really forgive him for leaving me here alone, but at the same time I miss him. I miss being able to see him and talk things through with him everyday."

Now it was Josh's turn to be silent. I wondered if he expected such an honest answer to his question. Somehow I thought he probably wasn't really prepared for it. He usually wasn't one for heavy emotion; at least he never used to be.

"It's difficult," Josh said.

"Yeah," CJ agreed.

"So, how's the wedding planning going?" he asked.

"Oh just great," CJ replied. It seemed like she was happy to have a change of subject. "Will has really endeared himself to Ellie and Vic."

Josh chuckled. "Somehow I think he might be a better wedding planner than you though."

"Excuse me? I am the queen of event planning around here," CJ said.

"Yeah, but you tend to forget key people in seating charts," Josh reminded her.

"Okay, that happened once," CJ admitted with a grin. I was happy to see her smile again. It had been a while since I'd seen a genuine smile from her.

"Was it weird? Thinking about planning the wedding, I mean."

"A little," CJ admitted. "I never played wedding when I was little. It seemed so far off the radar even then. I guess I never thought I'd have to worry about planning one."

"Well you'll be ready for your own when the time comes," Josh said.

"My imaginary boyfriend will be thrilled," CJ replied wryly.

Josh and I both snorted at CJ's response. "I'm glad you're going back to see Toby," she added.

"Me too," Josh replied. "Listen, I have to go. I've got a conference call on this speech tomorrow."

"Good luck," CJ said. "And Josh."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry the president couldn't help."

"No you're not," Josh replied good-naturedly.

Now it was CJ's turn to grin. "I hope it goes well tomorrow."

"That makes two of us. 'Night CJ."

"Goodnight Josh."

She clicked the button on her phone and got back to her reading, but when I looked at her face it didn't seem as stressed and worried as it had early. I thought that her conversation with Josh, however brief, made her feel better about the future. I was glad it made her feel good. It made me feel better too. For the first time in a long time I felt like maybe things were looking up.

TBC