Chapter 52: August 19 – August 31st, 1995, London

The letters from the Order weren't happy about a single facet of the situation. The general consensus seemed to be agreement that the Ministry was probably behind it – that they had been aiming to seriously injure us, or at the least get us all expelled – and, given my condition, it was safest for the four of us to stay at the flat. Still, I knew Mum wanted me home – and I could tell through context clues that Dumbledore was furious about every aspect at play.

"Still, the man doesn't want to tell me anything," Harry muttered, "Can't blame me for trying to deal with things on my own in light of that."

McGonagall sent me a letter reassuring me that she would keep everyone alright with our absence until August 31st. Mr. Weasley also wrote us, reassuring us that there was no word of dementors at the Ministry – and no word of us – meaning that we had managed to get away without getting into trouble. Still, Mr. Weasley was also convinced that the Ministry set up the attack.

"At least we get out of cleaning," Hermione commented that afternoon as we all sat around watching the very small telly, enjoying reruns of Doctor Who.

"Yes, and I am deeply appreciative of this," Harry agreed, "That place was ridiculously dusty and filthy."

"I would like to see Headquarters. Frankly, if the Weasleys weren't all staying there, I'd say we go back," I sighed.

"Yes, but sadly, there are more Weasleys than just the great bastard, and by caring about them all I've put them in danger," Harry muttered irritably.

"It's not your fault," Neville insisted.

"I can accept that I can't keep my family out of danger – or you two – but come on. Everyone else in that house did not have to get dragged into my shit," Harry grunted irritably.

"Again, everyone's friends with you willingly, Harry," Hermione soothed, "We all care about you… you're a wonderful friend and you're wonderful company, present circumstances excluded."

"Do you really think all the Weasleys just latched onto you because you were famous or something?" I shook my head sadly, "You're a great person to be around."

"You're literally the polar opposite of Voldemort," Neville pointed out, "Voldemort grew up with a crap life and clutched to the systems of oppression and privilege that made it crappy in order to rise above. You grew up with a good family, and literally everything going for you – mostly due to that system of oppression – meaning you have everything to lose by wanting to get rid of it… and you actively fight against it."

"In other words, you're kind and compassionate, empathetic to a fault, and you put others – literally, everyone, above yourself," I furthered.

"Stop, guys, you'll give me a big head," Harry muttered.

"I think that rests the case," Hermione snorted.

"I don't want you all to be hurt because of me! I won't be able to live with myself!" Harry shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Yes, but if we don't help you, we won't be able to live with ourselves," I muttered, "It didn't take me long to realize that on the run. Remember? I tried to do the whole 'look after my own skin' routine. It's not in my nature, and I'm willing to bet it's not in theirs."

"Nope," Hermione agreed.

"Couldn't even attempt it, but then again, I don't have PTSD," Neville clarified. I threw him a grateful expression.

"I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happened to you guys," Harry repeated quietly.

"We know, and that's why we're going to do our darndest to survive," I reassured.

"But we love you, mate. If we abandon you, we won't be able to live with ourselves," Neville insisted.

"Alright!" Harry sighed, "Alright. I'll stop trying to talk sense into you lot."

"Really, you're just saving necessary and valuable oxygen," I grinned.

"It's better for your anxiety," Hermione smiled.

"It's important to look after your health, you know, since you are an important part of the war – can't have you dealing with heart problems on top of everything else…" Neville teased.

"You all suck," Harry threw a pillow at us in amusement as we all giggled uncontrollably.

It was surprisingly easy to sneak out and get food. In fact, the daylight hours we were blessed with the crowding of the streets; there was no way anyone would be able to tell it was us, given that we always went out in sweatshirts. While it was normal for Harry to be wearing a hoodie, Neville was amusing to observe – he almost exclusively wore jumpers and flannel. Hermione was the oddest of all – she never wore clothing like that, and she looked awkward and tiny in my large sweatshirts.

"I'm a curvy person!" I responded defensively the first time she got ready to go outside, "You're a twig!"

"Hey!" she protested, "I am petite!"

"Yes! And so you swim in the sweatshirt of a normal sized person!" I teased.

"Hey!" she looked genuinely upset.

"I'm sorry," I admitted, "That wasn't nice. Really, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Hermione nodded, "I don't like that I look like I'm thirteen and prepubescent."

"You look fine," Neville reassured.

"Really," Harry agreed.

"Thanks," Hermione nodded, leaving and going to get food. She came back fine, but I still worried the entire time she was gone that I had been rude to her in her last moments.

Our days were somewhat monotonous in this routine; after all, we didn't want to leave more than we had to. We watched the telly often, but it wasn't like there was really much on that we wanted to see. Hermione would often be seen reading her books in the corner, taking furious notes already.

"What are you doing?" Harry grunted, his entire body on edge from the constant scratching of Hermione's quill.

"Already studying! We have nothing to do these next two weeks, we should really be getting a jumpstart on schoolwork!" Hermione practically screeched with worry, "When else are we going to do it?"

"She has a point," I muttered irritably, my nose in my transfiguration book (advanced level, I had finished learning everything in the intermediate one years ago.)

"Maggie, get out of that book," Hermione snapped, pulling it from my hands, "You don't need to learn that until you're at the N.E.W.T. level. Get your bloody charms book and study it for once! You need to at least pass your charms O.W.L., and you are dangerously close to not doing so!"

"Charms is boring!" I groaned.

"Yes, but we all have to do things we don't like sometimes!" Hermione retorted, "Read! And you, Neville, read transfiguration!" Hermione shoved an intermediate book into his face.

"Mione…" Neville groaned.

"And Harry! You should also be studying transfiguration! You know, Neville is hopeless with it, but if you actually applied yourself, you could be great at it!" Hermione was practically flapping her arms in agitation.

"That was rude," Neville snorted in a corner.

"Hermione, calm the ever-loving fuck down," Harry looked at her earnestly.

"I will not calm down! There are so many things to do – and you're just writing a letter to Ginny!" Hermione screeched.

Neville and I looked at each other in worry.

"Hermione, come on. Outside. Roof," I grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the flat and up the stairs to the roof, her yelling in protest. We stood outside, greatly exposed to the open air and sunlight.

"Now I know you won't want to risk us being spotted by staying out here too long, so, talk," I snapped angrily.

"Talk about what?" Hermione hissed.

"Say it. We both know what you're actually freaking out over," I muttered angrily.

"I'm freaking out over our studies! Do you realize how many things we're going to have to juggle this year? I'm already overwhelmed!" Hermione groaned.

"Okay, while I acknowledge that you are probably freaking out in part over our studies, we both know that's not all," I rolled my eyes.

"Of course that's it!" Hermione looked at me defiantly.

"Mione, I'm doing a lot better. You can burden me with your problems again, I know you need to," I sighed, "Look, it's setting you completely on edge – I won't let you use me as an excuse to not deal with your own shit."

Hermione shuffled irritably in place for a while, looking out over the city, before turning back to me.

"I don't have another problem," she muttered.

"Okay, now you're just pissing me off," I hissed.

"Good," she replied cheekily.

I groaned loudly, running my hands through my hair, "For the love of Merlin, Hermione!"

"Fine!" Hermione snapped, "Fine."

I looked at her expectantly.

"I might not be exactly in the right place to date anyone right now, I'm still getting over Fred. But I can't pretend that it doesn't upset me that Harry and Ginny have been spending a lot of… quality time together," Hermione muttered angrily.

"There. That's all you had to say," I grunted angrily.

"Maggie, it's very hard for me to talk about that out loud, alright? I spent… a good portion of last year, once Fred had asked me to the Ball, trying to convince myself that I was over Harry," Hermione muttered softly, "I don't really like being back in this situation – wondering, waiting if we'll ever be together."

"You will," I responded definitively.

Hermione snorted loudly in disbelief.

"No, you will," I insisted again, "There really is something to be said for how close the four of us all. The bonds forged in the heat of battle and then cooled in the comfort of safety are stronger than any other. We've literally been through everything together – no one else could ever relate to Harry better than any of the three of us, and lord knows, I'm his sister, and Neville isn't going to jump on that crazy bus."

Hermione looked at me shrewdly for a long time. I felt my face flush madly with embarrassment at the clear logical deduction Hermione had made as she continued to look at me intensely.

"What?" I finally asked irritably, though my words came out in a mumble.

"If I had to say it, you have to say it, too," Hermione snorted.

"Oh come on, Hermione, you know I'm not good at this shite," I muttered, kicking at a rock that must have gotten thrown onto the concrete roof.

"Yeah, well, I'm making you, cause he's my friend too," Hermione glared at me angrily. I sighed heavily.

"I'm in love with Neville. Happy?" I threw my arms up in the air angrily. Hermione's face had dropped open in shock.

"In love?" she gasped.

"Of course – what else would I be? You didn't honestly think I just fancied him, did you?" I looked at her in disbelief, my eyebrows furrowed angrily.

"Well… I mean… honestly it was enough of a surprise to see you again and see that you were acting… overly friendly with Neville, I mean – it was enough of a shock as it was –" Hermione frowned greatly.

"Yeah, I'm in love with him, it's really not surprising from almost every facet of our lives," I snorted angrily, "Aren't you the smart one?"

"You don't understand! I – I've spent my entire – oh gosh, if I do this I'm betraying…" Hermione groaned loudly and buried her face in her hands.

"I know Neville's in love with me too," I responded calmly.

Hermione looked at me in greater shock.

"He told you –"

"What? No," I laughed, "He hasn't changed his personality that much. I just figured it out."

"Oh my god," Hermione sighed, "Oh my god."

"He was completely obvious! You should be more shocked I didn't figure it out, I don't know, second year!" I looked at her in bemusement.

"We didn't know how you didn't figure it out either – we just figured you were clueless about that stuff!" Hermione retorted.

"Well I was!" I laughed.

"Then – how did you figure it out?" she asked in amazement.

"We danced together at the Yule Ball and he said some things that… made me realize," I shrugged sheepishly.

"You've known since the Yule Ball?" Hermione screeched loudly, "I figured you figured it out because he came to find you or something!"

"Nope. I've known for a while," I pursed my lips together.

"Why didn't you say anything? At least to me?" Hermione gasped.

"Well… erm…" I flushed madly, "I… erm…"

"What?" Hermione demanded angrily.

"Erm… I realized that I loved him… at the Yule Ball, too," I whispered.

"WHAT?!" Hermione screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Merlin! Shut the fuck up, Hermione!" I hissed.

"You've been in love with him for that long and you haven't TOLD ANYBODY?!" Hermione screeched.

"Of course not!" I hissed angrily, "I was with the great bastard, and then I was broken! Come on, there hasn't been a moment to tell anybody!"

"Well… that's true…" Hermione frowned greatly.

"And to be frank, I phrased it that I realized I loved him at the Yule Ball. I think I've actually been in love with him for a significantly longer period of time!" I continued.

"How… long?" Hermione asked hesitantly.

"I dunno! Probably since first year honestly!" I sighed, "It was the kind of thing that you don't really realize unless the reality of it is shoved directly into your face!"

Hermione's mouth dropped open in shock.

"Since first year?" she gasped.

"Yeah!" I blushed furiously, "Of course!"

"No, Maggie, you don't understand – Neville's been… this hasn't been easy for him. We've spent a good portion of our lives together trying to figure out if you cared about him the same way because, on the one hand, you acted like it, but on the other hand, you didn't do anything or say anything about it, and you would say really insensitive things sometimes that made us think like you didn't like him at all –"

"Oh I know," I grimaced, "I feel terrible about it. But I honestly didn't know. It wasn't like… the kind of thing you realize. It just sort of… was, and I was an idiot and didn't realize it until I was forced to."

"How were you forced to?" Hermione asked in confusion.

"Well I mean – I was constantly getting jealous of Neville being with Ginny… and I just… when I had been with the bastard for a while… it was getting harder and harder to ignore that I had stronger feelings for Neville than I did for him… and of course being with him made me realize what it actually was to have feelings for someone… and… I was expecting… argh I don't like having this conversation!" I muttered angrily.

"Well I'm forcing you to. It'll be good for you," Hermione smirked.

"I doubt that," I grumbled, sitting on the concrete. Hermione followed, looking at me earnestly.

"With… the bastard… I just… was attracted to him," I muttered softly, "Neville is… different."

"Okay…" Hermione paused.

"It's like… it's like he's a part of me," I whispered very softly, barely audible over the sounds of the city. I nervously played with the frayed ends of my shorts, "It's not… just an emotion. It's significantly deeper than that. It's a portion of my identity, like – being a dragon, or being pansexual, or being good at transfiguration, or being Harry Potter's sister, or fighting Voldemort, or being your best mate… he's… my soulmate," I mumbled very very softly, my voice so tiny it felt like a different person's.

Hermione looked at me with an expression torn between amazement and determination.

"It fills me from my toes to my head and is just so… it's not something I consciously think about that much. So it took – basically a club getting whacked over my head – for me to figure it out," I mumbled, "If he dies, I die; his pain is my pain; his struggle is my struggle; his joy is my joy. I can't describe it any more simply than that."

"You know he feels the exact same way about you, right?" Hermione asked immediately, "As in, I've heard a very similar speech from him."

"Oh," I felt my face color horrifically. My heart was pounding loudly in my chest, though I didn't know why – this wasn't exactly unexpected.

"He just… got the club whacking first year," Hermione shrugged, "And then got to watch you apparently not feel the same for four years."

I groaned loudly and held my head in my hands.

"Why… didn't you break up with the wanker when you figured it out?" Hermione asked softly.

"Because I was scared," I answered immediately, "Not of him – I didn't have that much premonition – but just of the depth of my feelings. And also, I was in a relationship with the jerk. I didn't… I didn't really know if I wanted that to end yet. That was a mistake, though. Everything's m-my fault," I sniffled sadly, looking away from her.

'It's not your fault – relationships take work and it's not a crime to not want to throw one away once you've put effort in," Hermione reassured.

"Well it is my fault that I lied to the jerk about my feelings and caused him to get mistrustworthy and paranoid and –" Hermione cut me off immediately.

"That is not your fault," she hissed angrily, "Not at all. No. Not your fault. Lying isn't a good thing, no, but you had no intention of breaking up with him – so he should have trusted your word. And forcing you to do things – and yelling at you all the time – nothing you could ever have done would deserve that. It is not your fault, not even a little bit, okay?" Hermione reached over to me and hugged me.

"Okay," I mumbled.

"Not your fault," she repeated, "I don't want to hear you say a word otherwise!"

"It's hard," I whispered.

"I know, but it really isn't your fault – no one would ever think it was your fault – it is simply the fault of the perpetrator. That's it. Nothing you could ever do would be enough to justify it! No one is entitled to sex," Hermione hissed angrily, "No one. Never. Ever. Not under any circumstances."

"Okay," I mumbled.

"Alright then," Hermione paused, "So is that why you haven't told Neville? Because you're scared after what happened?"

"Not… really," I admitted, "I know Neville would never do something like that… I'm always going to be residually scared, I think, but that wouldn't cause me to not tell him, no."

"Is it some ridiculous nonsense about how you're in the middle of war and you don't want to distract yourselves? Because look, you two are perfectly capable of being together and fighting, and frankly, I don't want to see one of you die without the other knowing because if I am alive I will spend the rest of my life hearing about how much the living one of you two regrets it," Hermione groaned.

"No… it's not that," but I managed to smirk at Hermione's words.

"Then what?" Hermione asked, frowning, "You two already act like a couple, I don't see –"

"I'm still in a very vulnerable place, emotionally," I muttered, "And I don't think I should be in a relationship when I'm like this. I wouldn't be able to set boundaries… I would expect too much of him… if something went wrong, it would kill me… that sort of thing."

"Well… I don't really know… hmm," Hermione frowned more, "I mean, I agree that you're vulnerable, but if there was ever anyone who would understand that, it's him."

"Be that as it may, I also don't want him to think I just… have feelings for him because he's been taking care of me," I shrugged, "I think he… knows, kind of, given everything that's happened. But this could just as easily be 'you nursed me back to health and so I am extremely emotionally dependent on you' as it is 'soulmate,' especially since he didn't know I had realized my feelings for him when I did."

"Oh," Hermione nodded, "Yes, that also makes sense."

"So I want to wait until I've been better for a while – and he'll believe me when I tell him," I sighed, "And there's another thing."

"What?" Hermione asked.

"He's… loved me for so long," I paused, "I… want him to initiate it."

"Why?" Hermione's brow furrowed angrily.

"Because I think he should get the honors of getting the 'yes'. I know he'll say yes. He doesn't… know I will, and I want him to have that joy when I do," I muttered.

"That's complete bull," Hermione snorted, "He'll be overjoyed when you ask, or say something."

"I still want him to do it," I mumbled.

"Well, when all the other good reasons not to do it are gone I'll persuade you off that one," Hermione rolled her eyes, "Honestly."

"Also, I want to know what happened to his parents," I stated quietly, "Look, if we do this – it's the real deal. It's not going to end for some stupid reason. I'm in it completely from the minute it starts. And… I think I need to know that. He knows literally all of my deep, dark secrets – everything about my past. I think I deserve the same courtesy from him if this is a thing that happens."

"Oh," Hermione sighed, "Yeah, I agree with you on that one."

"Do you know?" I asked her sharply.

"No," Hermione shook her head, "He told me he couldn't tell anyone about that. But I think he could be able to tell you, because… well, because of how he feels about you."

"Then I hope he does," I whispered quietly.

"Me too," Hermione rolled her eyes, "You two are already nauseatingly cute and you aren't even snogging yet."

I swatted at her with my arm in irritation.

"Should we go back down? They're going to get irritated with us at any moment," Hermione suggested.

"Irritated? They're probably worried beyond their wit's end. Let's go." We heaved ourselves off of the roof and walked down to the flat. The two of them were, as expected, sitting nervously at the table, and looked visibly relieved as we walked in.

But, Hermione's concerns over our studies were valid, and we immediately got to work studying the material before term began. I focused mostly on charms, so that maybe I wouldn't be constantly struggling to keep up the whole year; Neville actually focused on arithmancy, deciding that transfiguration would be a lost cause without McGonagall helping him extensively; Harry did focus on transfiguration, since he knew that if he focused more he'd be fine; and Hermione just studied everything equally because the girl was annoyingly smart.

"I hate charms," I muttered as I stared intensively at the paragraphs describing silencing charms.

"We know," Harry responded dully, "I hate transfiguration."

"Don't let McGonagall hear you," Hermione snorted.

"I don't actually want a lot in this world," Neville grunted angrily, "But I do want to understand p values better. I want to understand them a lot."

"What I don't get," I commented lightly, "Is that statistics, by itself, is a mathematical way, without magic, of predicting things."

"Yes…" Hermione paused, looking at me.

"What exactly is magic adding to that?" I looked at her in confusion.

"Better… predictions?" Hermione frowned.

"I dunno, but I looked ahead and Bayes seems like a nightmare," Neville groaned, burying his face in his book.

"Well the good news is this is the last year you have to do it if you don't want to continue," Hermione reassured.

"Are you kidding?" Neville looked at her in confusion, "Hermione, I've already used Arithmancy extensively while working with Sprout… we use it to predict exactly which plants are going to have the phenotype we want. This is one of the subjects I definitely know I'm continuing with."

"But you seem to struggle so much with it…" Hermione frowned.

"Yes, it's hard, but it's definitely useful, which is why I struggle with it. Transfig is a lost cause, I've given up that battle, I'll settle for a passing grade if I can manage it," Neville shook his head sadly, "This I know I can do well in if I keep at it."

"Good for you!" Hermione praised loudly, beaming greatly.

"I'll continue with it too for similar reasons," I shrugged, "But I'm probably going to drop Ancient Runes. I just can't keep up with all these languages anymore."

"Well that's fair," Hermione acknowledged.

"Can we finally drop potions?" Harry asked, "I really want to drop potions."

Hermione sighed heavily.

"It'll be a glorious day, but yes, we can drop," I grinned at him.

"I don't like hearing you lot talk about important, necessary subjects like this," Hermione grumbled.

"Hermione, we assume you'll be taking potions for all of us," Neville grinned.

"Well by that logic, Harry can just take Defense for all of us – oh wait, if we're in the middle of a duel, Harry can't do it all by himself!" Hermione hissed.

"It's not like there's a potion equivalent to dueling," I smirked.

"Yes there is! Poisons!"

"We learned antidotes last year. It was like reverse synthesis in organic chem. I was good at it," I smirked, "Between the two of us we should be covered."

"You all are infuriating!" Hermione got up and went to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. The three of us looked at each other in bemusement.

"She'll calm down eventually," Harry finally declared. Neville and I shrugged and went back to our books.

One day, as Harry went out to get the groceries, I was taking a nap against Neville, actually quite asleep. I still wasn't getting any nightmares, which was brilliant, but I knew it was contingent on a) sleeping next to Neville and b) having Harry and Hermione nearby. It was the feeling of complete safety that did it, not any miraculous recovery. Neville was playing with my bangs, the repetitive motion of which also eventually lulled me to sleep. Still, lying on the couch wasn't very comfortable, especially when I was hunched up like this, and soon I stirred awake.

"I'm telling you, Neville, you just have to tell her," Hermione was hissing.

Oh come on, Hermione, I thought in annoyance.

"I will when she's ready," Neville stated calmly.

"Ready for what?" I asked irritably, stirring and sitting up.

"Nothing," both responded immediately.

"You both are idiots," I grunted angrily, walking into the bedroom and closing the door behind me. I looked around in annoyance, walking back over to Neville's old crib. I picked up the teddy bear and studied it for a long minute, before putting it back.

What were his parents like? I couldn't help my curiosity. I went to the closet that Neville had never opened and looked inside – it was just filled with normal wizard's robes. I sighed and dug around on the floor, kicking up dust as I did so – just shoes. I grumbled in annoyance and closed the door again. They seemed like a typical Wizarding couple – so what had happened to them?

You're invading Neville's privacy, I thought, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted to know. I went to the nightstand and opened it – there were only a few scraps of parchment inside. I picked one up that had writing on it and read a few of the words –

Had to go into hiding today, Alice. We hope you both managed to do so easily. Harry's doing alright, very fidgety – doesn't like staying inside for too long. Maybe we should visit Melinda and Nathaniel together and bring the kids – let them actually be outside for once. It's probably too dangerous. Stay safe, I he

And the note cut off there. I looked in shock; it made sense that this was from Harry's mum. Did they know each other? Were they friends? It wasn't surprising, but it seemed like the kind of thing Mum would have mentioned. The other scraps of parchment in the drawer just had isolated words, so I stuck the other one in and sat down on the bed. There wasn't really anything else around that could hold secrets; Neville clearly didn't want me to know anything about his parents.

Respect his privacy, Maggie, you're being immature.

I groaned in annoyance and stared at the ceiling. Just because I was being immature, didn't mean my frustration wasn't valid. I had told him everything – literally, everything – about myself, and this is what I had gotten in return. More secrecy and hidden information. Still, I couldn't argue that Neville had a right to his privacy. I stood up and left the bedroom, to Neville and Hermione reading books again, neither saying a word about my outburst as I sat down and grabbed my potions book.

Still, most of the days we were pleasant with each other. Hermione, Neville and I were completely patient with Harry's crankiness; Hermione, Neville and Harry were completely patient with my sullen-ness. Hermione's tense nature due to schoolwork was also soon understood; only Neville was completely calm, which was amazing.

"Well you guys need me to be, so of course I am," he shrugged. And indeed, he was sort of like a rock in that sense – he obviously helped me loads, but he also was the best at calming down both Harry and Hermione.

On August thirtieth, I walked up to the roof and stared out at the city, not really wanting to talk to anyone. I sighed heavily, resting my head on my knees. I didn't feel eager to go back the next day – being with my friends was wonderful and lovely, but this was all I needed. Nothing else, no one else. It felt terrible to think, but I was just so overwhelmed by everything on the road ahead that I couldn't really focus on anything else, like getting mentally prepared for the next day.

You could run away again.

The thought was like poison in my brain; I wanted it out. I did not want to run away again – it was a powerful instinct, but I knew it wouldn't end well for me or for anyone I cared about. Running away again just meant that Neville would have to catch me – or Harry or Hermione. Running away again meant nightmares… loneliness… probably relapsing into addiction. Running away was the worst possible idea.

Unless they come with you.

I shook my head madly again. As easy as it would be to be on the run with the three of them, it still wasn't a solution. We still needed to go to school. We still were safest at Hogwarts. And none of them had such a terrifyingly powerful need to run as I did. None of them would go along with it.

I shifted, stretching my wings out and yawning. It felt comfortable to be a dragon, more so than it was to be a human. I began pacing on the roof, growling softly to myself. I knew I needed to shift back –someone could spot me like this – but the flat building was tall, very tall; and no buildings nearby were taller. It was unlikely that I would be seen. I looked out over the city again, enjoying the movement of all the cars on the streets below, the walking of the people, and the flickering lights of the buildings. It was a different forest than my youth, but it was a forest nonetheless, and it was one that I had grown to call home.

"You shouldn't stay like that for long," a voice murmured behind me. I shifted and turned around to see Hermione walking up to sit next to me.

"Nervous?" she asked softly. I nodded, resting my head on my knees again.

"Look, we've made it our mission to keep… the jerk… away from you as much as possible," Hermione reassured, "We promise, we're going to take it in shifts."

"You shouldn't have to socialize with him, either, I mean you're probably going to end up killing him," I grunted in annoyance.

"Well… there's that, but our main mission is to sort of unofficially huddle around you. Make sure that there's a barrier at all times. I don't think he should want to talk to you, but we're going to be careful to make sure not to try," Hermione reassured.

"Thanks," I sighed heavily, "I'm still terrified."

"As you should be," she agreed. She rested her head on my shoulder – she was still shorter than me. I grinned and rested mine on top of hers.

"Maggie, is it bad that I'm scared?" she muttered softly.

"Since I'm bloody terrified of everything lately, no," I shook my head.

"I just… I just wish we could have been normal teenagers. Go to school, learn about magic, have fun. Instead we're…" Hermione seemed to be at a loss for words.

"Us?" I offered, "I mean, yeah that sucks, but honestly, I… I'm glad we're so close. We wouldn't be if it weren't for the hell we've been through."

"True," Hermione acknowledged, "I just want us to get out the other side alive. All four of us."

"Ha," I laughed sarcastically, "That's a lark."

"Oh come on."

"No seriously," I shook my head, "I don't think we're all going to survive. That's too lucky. Between our import in this war, and our prominence, and our youth, we'll be luck if one of us survives."

Hermione was crying, I frowned at her.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to make you upset…"

"No, no. You're right; I just don't like to think of the future like that. If I'm not hopeful, I get agitated and upset," Hermione sighed, "I can't keep going if there isn't a chance that we could all make it at the end."

"There's a chance," I admitted, "I just… I know I'll be more upset if we get to the end and we lose someone and I wasn't mentally prepared for it."

"Then we'll agree to think of the future in different ways," Hermione declared.

"Yeah," I agreed, "That's how we'll have to do it."

There was a large wind over the roof; Hermione stood up and nodded at me to follow. I did so begrudgingly, not looking forward to the next day, and facing my family and friends.

And so the next day we all packed up to go, turning off everything in the flat and locking it all up.

"I'm going to ask Gran to keep it like this," Neville paused, "You never know when you might need something like this."

"Smart," Hermione agreed.

I looked around for a long moment before turning to the others, "Hey guys. Can I talk to Neville a minute? I'm just… I need to say goodbye to this place, I guess."

"Yeah," Harry nodded.

"Of course!" Hermione urged, grabbing Harry and pulling him out into the hallway, closing the apartment door behind them. I looked at Neville for a long time.

"Thank you for everything," I managed to choke out. Neville pulled me in for a long hug, holding to me tightly.

"Maggie, I would do anything for you. You know that," Neville whispered. I pulled back from the hug and nodded at him, tears coming to my eyes that I quickly wiped away.

"I would do anything for you," I whispered in response. Neville had tears in his eyes, too. I really, really, really wanted to kiss him. But I also wanted – I don't. It wasn't time. His face was very close to mine, and I could feel his breath on my lips. My heart began pounding loudly in my chest and I pressed my face into his chest, which is how high he was compared to me. It was very annoying. But I wasn't ready to kiss him yet. I wasn't ready for everything that would mean.

"We should get going," Neville mumbled softly, his voice kind of high-pitched.

"Yeah," I choked out. I hugged him again, tightly wrapping my arms around his stomach, before pulling back entirely. I couldn't move back that much, though. I couldn't bear to have that much space between us. Neville reached out and held my hand tightly.

"We won't arrive like this," he clarified, "Don't want to attract the attention of the jerk too much. But until we get there, I want to comfort you as much as possible."

"Thanks," I whispered, pressing my forehead into his arm again as we left the flat. Hermione's eyes lit up momentarily when we came out holding hands, but I almost imperceptibly shook my head and her facial expression returned to normal.

We all headed out to the tube together and rode out to the edge of the city where Headquarters was. I was shaking like a leaf and they all could tell, constantly comforting me and reassuring me. I must have looked odd, with my trunk, knapsack, bow and arrows, but I didn't care much, I couldn't focus on that much. Neville rubbed his thumb on the top of my hand and Harry rubbed my shoulder comfortingly as the train continued through the city.

My heart was now pounding in my chest as we got up and walked down the streets out to the missing house. Neville handed me a piece of paper that said,

The Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix may be found at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, London.

Neville took the paper from me and actually ate it, which was very surprising. Hermione snorted out loud.

"You gotta get rid of it someway," Harry chuckled.

"Think about what you read," Neville urged after swallowing the paper. I did, thinking hard – and when I reached the bit about number twelve, Grimmauld Place, slowly an extra house inflated between numbers eleven and thirteen, growing and growing and pushing out the other two, without notice of the muggles on either side.

"Come on, quickly," Harry urged. We walked up into the house and I stepped inside a nearly completely dark hall. I looked around in bemusement when suddenly footsteps were rushing towards me and the lights of the hallway were turned on –

"Maggie!" cried a happy and excited voice. I looked in surprise as Ginny ran towards me and essentially tackled me with a hug; I laughed joyfully and hugged her back tightly.

"Ginny!" I greeted in response, "I've missed you so much!"

"I've missed you too!" Ginny beamed at me, tears in her eyes, "Oh it's so good you all are here - I've missed you all so much! Come on, come on, everyone's waiting – will you be okay, Maggie? The moment you need to leave to go somewhere else in the house you do so, you don't even need to say anything –"

"Thanks," I mumbled quietly, pausing for a minute, "Everyone?"

"Everyone," Ginny nodded, "In the kitchen and living room – Mum thought we'd have a party… should they all leave?"

"Well, is everyone everyone I know is living here, or everyone who lives here and the Order, or –" I rambled.

"Everyone in the Order, which is everyone," Ginny nodded, "Should I send people away –"

Neville's face fell into a glare. Ginny looked at him in shock.

"Who should I send away?" she asked quietly.

"You can't send anyone away," Harry shook his head, "Neville, stop."

"It's fine," I muttered quietly.

"What's going on?" I heard Mum call from a far off room.

"Nothing Mrs. Johnson!" Hermione called, "Here, I'll go talk to them all – what's our official policy?"

"I thought you guys were just going to guard me," I muttered.

"Guard her from who?" Ginny hissed.

"Should we tell Ginny?" Harry asked softly.

"Oh my god this is ridiculous," I hissed, "You guys had a plan before we got here –"

"And then we got here!" Neville grumbled.

"And the reality of what we were going to throw you into hit us!" Hermione muttered.

"Who – what – what happened?" Ginny demanded, "Guys, seriously –"

I was shaking in my spot – the stress of this was hitting me greatly.

"Guys, if we had just gone in and dealt with it all at once I'd probably be fine – this discussion is freaking me out!" I moaned – memories were coming back to my head without trigger – I gripped the railing of the stairway and groaned loudly.

"Fuck," Harry groaned.

"Could someone please tell me what – who –" Ginny gasped.

"Neville, carry Maggie upstairs until she comes back from this. Harry, take Ginny upstairs too and tell her. I'll go out and talk to everyone," Hermione ordered quietly. I felt Neville pick me up and the next thing I knew I was in another creepy, dusty old room – now with a bed, that I was lying on. I groaned softly and sat up, rubbing my head.

"So this is Headquarters," I muttered, looking around, "Seems like Voldemort's kind of place."

"Right?" Neville laughed, before looking at me, "I'm sorry Maggie. You're right. We shouldn't have hesitated."

"It's okay," I sighed.

"It is not okay!" a voice screeched. I looked up to see Ginny walk into the room, her hands balled into fists, looking extremely furious.

"Ah," I muttered.

"Ginny knows that extreme anger at the person in question is not the way to go," Harry muttered irritably. Ginny looked at him and glared furiously.

"Yes," she grunted begrudgingly.

"Look, I really don't want to tell anyone else, okay? So if we could just have the party and go back to school that would be great," I muttered irritably, looking down at my feet.

"How are we going to have the party without him getting anywhere near you?" Neville hissed.

"I'll do it. It's fine," Ginny said through clenched teeth.

"You fucking will not," Harry rolled his eyes, "Look, you already look like you're going to claw out his windpipe!"

"I won't claw out his windpipe," Ginny grunted, "I'll just rip out his heart."

"Okay, come on," I muttered angrily.

"What Maggie needs from us – and I don't like it either, but we have to put her happiness in front of ours, here – is to act like everything is fine," Neville stated calmly, "It was my mistake for not doing so when we got here. Ginny, if you can't act like that, then you should probably leave, or at least, not attend the party."

"No, I… I can do that," Ginny sighed heavily.

"Good," Neville nodded, "Now we have you on our team, here, we can all work together to keep him away from her. When we get to Hogwarts, this should be easier. We are not telling anyone else, that's the exact opposite of what Maggie wants. Got it?"

Harry and Ginny nodded in unison.

"Then let's go downstairs and have a nice party," Neville muttered irritably. We all got up and I walked downstairs, and into the kitchen and living room, which was very grungy and foreboding – I mean the amount of dark magic that must have gone on here at some point – still. It was filled to the brim with people who all cheered when I walked in, feeling embarrassed and sheepish – I couldn't even see the person in question.

"Welcome home, sweetheart," Mum greeted, walking up to me and pulling me into a hug. I was relieved to see her; I felt tears pour from my eyes and I held onto her tightly.

"Hi honey," Dad smiled, and I cried even harder as I hugged him.

"I missed you guys," I whispered.

"We were so worried," Mum sighed.

"I wasn't," Dad answered proudly. I looked at him in shock.

"You're a survivor. I knew you'd be fine. I just wanted you to come home," Dad smiled kindly at me. I felt tears come to my eyes again and I hugged him even tighter.

"Thanks Dad," I whispered softly.

"Well, this is a party, everyone! Come on, come on, Hermione said to not crowd her!" Mrs. Weasley urged from somewhere in the crowd. Everyone began million about and I wiped off my eyes, still sniffling somewhat. My dad patted me on the shoulder comfortingly, leading me over to a tall black man who was chatting with (the real) Alastor Moody.

"Maggie, I want you to meet Kingsley Shacklebolt – joined the Order this time, wasn't with us last war," Dad introduced. I held out my hand and Kingsley shook it, smiling at me.

"I've heard wonderful things about you – it's a pleasure to meet you, Maggie," Kingsley smiled.

"Nice to meet you too," I smiled in response. Truth be told, I spent most of the party meeting new people – the Order was huge, and there were just an innumerable number of members. I also got to run into some friendly faces.

"Maggie! It's so great to see you again! Wow you have grown since I last saw you!" Tonks beamed. She had spiky pink hair and was dressed in flannel and torn jeans – one of the few adults present not in robes.

"It's good to see you too," I smiled slightly, "How's being an auror?"

"Oh brilliant – if you ignore the whole Ministry acting like prats bit – I'm much too clumsy, though, I wouldn't have passed if it weren't for my metamorphmagus skills –"

I also saw Lupin again, which was wonderful – he immediately asked me if there was anything he could do to help me. I reassured him there was not, but the sentiment was still greatly appreciated. Sirius was ecstatic to see me – truth be told, I just think he was glad that there was something else going on in the house he had hoped to never return to.

I also saw Sam and Luna again, who were happy to see me – well, Luna was happy; Sam was the same as he always was, though he did ask me quietly how I was. I was still avoiding Weasleys – I suppose my guards people thought it would be better if I just avoided the whole clan.

People were milling about and I saw Hermione nearby and ran to her. She looked at me in worry.

"I just want to go pee, and don't want to go alone," I muttered in explanation.

"Right," Hermione nodded, "Ginny, come with us." Ginny followed us, looking over her back nervously as we went off to the bathroom.

"I'll go in with you – oh don't be like that, I won't watch – and Ginny, you guard the door," Hermione explained. Ginny nodded, her face serious, and I went in to pee.

"This is really awkward, Hermione," I muttered in annoyance. She was facing away from the mirror and from me, staring intently at the door.

"Yes, well, if he comes, I want a double defense," Hermione hissed angrily.

"What are you doing here, then?" I heard a voice on the other side of the door. It was Fred – when something happens to you like it did to me, you tend to tell even the most similar voices apart.

"Waiting for Maggie."

"Can I see her? I've missed her, too," Fred snorted.

"No," Ginny answered simply.

"Oh bullocks –"

"No, Fred. Now go."

"Can I see her?"

I felt all the blood drain from my face; I was suddenly in the library again –

Hermione had put her hand over my mouth, instantly knowing what was happening, to stop me from screaming. The difference in conditions jolted me back to the present and I looked at her in terror, breathing heavily.

"No, not you either. Go."

"What the fuck, Ginny?"

"You can't see her, now don't argue unless you want me to curse you! Go!" Ginny shouted angrily.

"Maggie, count to ten," Hermione urged. I nodded, feeling humiliated being on the toilet as I was, counting to ten in my head and thinking of Neville.

"You good?" Hermione whispered. I nodded; she got up and let me finish. I walked, shaking, to wash my hands.

"This is going to be difficult," Hermione murmured kindly. I nodded, looking at her fearfully.

"How am I supposed to go back to school?"

"You just have to," Hermione sighed heavily, "Avoid the common room as much as possible –"

"I can't go to the library, either!"

"Right," Hermione frowned, "You're just going to… I dunno… find another place."

"Hogwarts isn't that big, Hermione," I muttered angrily as I washed my hands.

"You'd be surprised," she answered shrewdly. As I stared at my pale, haggard reflection in the mirror, I certainly hoped she was right.

AN: Thank you for the reviews I got yesterday! Please review again! Thanks!