Summary of Events: Hannah, Kakuzu and Deidara are headed west to find the Ring of Four which is currently in the hands of a Kikensai (local mob) leader. Dessie, Itachi, Hidan, Konan, and Sasori are headed south to find the Ikustaka. Leader, Kate, Zetsu, Tobi, and Kisame are headed north to find the Temple of Four.

Dessie, Hidan, Sasori, Itachi, and Konan met up with C-Deidara and have arrived in Amani, the home city of the Okensai.


Chapter Forty-Nine: The Cult of Dessie

Dessie

I kicked a rock and it skirted along the wooden dock and landed with a heavy plunk in the ocean. The city of Amani was a portside town and the home of the Okensai, a powerful yakuza gang that controlled the southern part of Seanova. (Just to give you a quick summary). Half the city smelt like salt and fish and other seafood equally repulsive. Thankfully, the wealthier part of town lived as far away from the port as possible, so we were saved – for the most part – from drowning in the wretched smell of fish.

Today, however, C-Deidara had some work for the Okensai in the docks and he demanded his bodyguards to be present. Itachi and Konan decided to take a day off (AKA Skip the smelly fish port) while Sasori, Hidan, and I accompanied C-Deidara. Now we stood awkwardly at the edge of a dock, watching C-Deidara make underhanded deals with ship captains.

"When are we going to meet the real leader of the Okensai?" I asked wearily.

Despite living in Amani for a week, C-Deidara had yet to introduce us to his boss – the leader of all the Okensai, not just a section leader like C-Deidara. Every time one of us brought up the topic, C-Deidara would skillfully dance around the answer and say he had more work to do. Annoying shithead.

"Soon," said Sasori. "Or C-Deidara may find a scorpion in his bed. One with deadly poison that makes you regurgitate your insides."

"That sounds lovely," I said cheerfully. "Maybe we should try it some time. Hey, Hidan! You feel like puking out your guts?"

Hidan glanced up from where he was crouching on the edge of the dock, prodding a dead fish with a stick. "What?"

"Sasori knows a poison that makes people puke their insides out," I said. "Want to try it?"

"Can I taste Sasori's blood and then try it?"

Sasori scowled.

"Why don't you taste C-Deidara's blood," I said. "That should be interesting."

"Do you two enjoy torturing C-Deidara in Deidara's place?" asked Sasori.

"Yes. Only Deidara could withstand torture better. It's not as fun if the victim gives in too easily."

C-Deidara apparently had finished talking to the ship's captain. He strolled back along the dock and – when he caught sight of me – he cried out in delight.

"Dessie! How are you today?"

"You would think," said Sasori. "That after Hidan and Dessie tortured him time and time again, he would stop trying to flirt with her."

"Are you kidding?" asked C-Deidara. "It's about the breasts – not the personality."

"I told you," I said. "Looks are everything."

"I thought personality was supposed to be everything."

Hidan laughed. "If personality is everything then this bitch is a piece of shit on the bottom of C-Deidara's shoe."

"Why does it have to be my shoe?"

"Because your shoe is more insulting than mine."

C-Deidara's eyes narrowed. But instead of throwing a punch, he walked over to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "How you doing, baby? I know this nice place where they don't mind if we take a little roll in the grass…"

I punched him in the stomach. "Asshole. You can't afford me."

Hidan snickered smugly. So, just for good measure, I kicked him between the legs.

"I'm going for a walk," I announced. "Don't follow me or you'll end up like him." I pointed to Hidan who was rolling around on the ground howling in pain and clutching his privates.

Sasori smirked while C-Deidara gulped and said, "Sure…"

"Good boy." I turned around and stalked over, eager to get away from C-Deidara. Every moment I spent with that shithead was another moment I missed the real Deidara. It was kind of disappointing not to hear "uhn" every few seconds and listen to him shout death threats at anyone and everyone. There are some qualities in people you just can't replace, you know?

The ports of Amani seemed to expand on forever. Ships and boats filling the rocking salt bay water. The molten sun beat down upon me. I yawned and stretched, standing on tiptoes to reach towards the sky.

"You look comfy."

I spun around.

There – standing on the edge of a dock – was the oh so familiar bandaged face of Aram.

"You!" I cried.

"Dessie," said Aram pleasantly. "I missed you, love."

"Yeah, yeah," I said, waving away his comments. "I missed you too. Why are you here?"

"Silly," said Aram. He stepped closer and ruffled my hair fondly. "We're all here."

"All…"

"YOU BITCH! I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE AND LAUGH AS YOU BURN INTO THE INNER PITS OF HELL!"

I sighed. "Really?"

"Sorry," said Aram, shrugging. "When he's not insane with revenge he's really a nice guy."

Hotaru landed on the ground next to Aram, his legs bent, poised like a cat, ready to strike at any moment. Aram waved his hand half heartedly and Hotaru stood upright, glowering at me and Aram.

"Yuriko said she wanted Dessie and the other Hidan alive," said Aram. "We can't do that if you send Dessie to hell."

"Oh, it's fine," I said, waving away Aram's comments. "I'm immortal."

Aram blinked. "So you want me to se Hotaru loose on you… like a wild animal."

"Sure." I shrugged. "It would be interesting."

Hotaru cackled and – before Aram could stop him – launched a column of flame in my direction.

I yawned and didn't bother to move. The flames crackled around me, scalding hot and agonizing. I didn't mind though. Pain was nothing new.

"Is that all you've got?" I asked as the flames subsided. "The air might be a little warmer…"

"Stupid whore!" snapped Hotaru. "I'll kill you!"

"How many times do I have to explain this?" I asked wearily. "I'm fucking immortal. You cannot kill an immortal. Get it through your thick skull, idiot."

Hotaru opened his mouth to reply, but I cut across him.

"Aram, who do you hang out with shitheads like Yuriko and Hotaru?" I sighed. "And here I thought you were decent."

"Ah, sorry, Love." Aram scratched the back of his head nervously. "Honestly, I only stayed because of Hidan."

For a moment, I had not idea what he was talking about. But then, my eyes narrowed. "C-Hidan?"

"C?" Aram shrugged. "He blackmailed me into joining them. But you killed him. Now I'm here for… I have no idea why I'm here."

"Dessie!"

I didn't have to turn around to know what shithead was running up behind me from the direction of the dock. Undoubtedly two other people were with him – one an annoying copy of a blond and the other a psychopathic puppeteers.

"Hidan," I said. "What do you want?"

"You're being attacked!" snapped Hidan. "I'm coming to rescue you!"

"Who said I needed rescuing?" I asked.

"Well…" Hidan paused. "Aren't you being attacked by the Ikustaka?"

"I wouldn't really call it attacking. Aram is my lover and Hotaru just throws fire at me – I am immortal, you know."

Hidan's face turned a vivid shade of red and he cried, "Your lover!"

Sasori sighed. "That's all you heard, wasn't it?"

"How can she have a lover in the Ikustaka?" cried Hidan. "They're our enemies! They've evil! We're supposed to kill them! Jashin damn them!"

I shook my head in Aram's direction and sighed dramatically. "He's just so sensitive."

Aram stared at Hidan. "You know, the resemblance is really frightening. Between your Hidan and our Hidan."

"My Hidan's better," I said bluntly. "And hotter."

"They're identical!" cried Hotaru. "How can one better hotter than the other!"

"Hotness is not just about looks," I said, waving away Hotaru's comment. "It's about personality. You're Hidan had such a dry and dull personality – he was a shell of my Hidan."

"And I suppose your Hidan had just a stellar personality," said Aram.

"Shut up!" shouted Hidan. "Don't talk about me like I'm not here! Or I'll rip your hearts out and feed them to Jashin-sama!"

"Ah. I see."

"See what? Asshole!" Hidan grabbed Aram by the collar. "Don't fuck with me!"

"Hidan! Put my lover down!" I punched Hidan in the stomach. He doubled over and dropped Aram, who landed on the ground with a heavy crash. Hidan straightened up and glowered at me.

"What the hell is your problem?"

I gritted my teeth and raised my fist to eye level. "What is my problem? What about you? Jashin will kill you! And you! And you! That's all you ever talk about! Quit beating up other people's lovers!"

"He's not your lover!" screamed Hidan. "Jashin forbids you from loving anyone who isn't Jashinist!"

"So basically that means I can only love you because you're the only Jashinist I know!"

"I can't help that, bitch! You should get out more!"

"Fuck you, shithead!"

"You know," said Aram, getting to his feet and brushing some dirt off his robes. "This is kind of fun."

Hidan and I paused in our screaming to stare at Aram incredulously.

"What are you talking about?" asked Sasori. "It's all one giant headache."

"And they're kind of scary," said C-Deidara. "Thankfully, Dessie's hot enough for me to overlook the psychopathic part."

"It's true," I added, nodding enthusiastically. "I am extremely hot."

"I already know that, Love," said Aram. He paused and, after a moment, he turned to Hotaru and announced, "Sorry, but I've decided to join the cult of Dessie."

Hotaru went from white to red in a matter of seconds. He stared at Aram blankly and then – as the rage built up – he let out a terrible cry of: "YOU TRAITOROUS ASSHOLE – I WILL SEND YOU TO HELL AND BACK – LET THE FIRES CONSUME YOU – THEY WILL DEVOUR YOUR FLESH – YOU WILL KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF PAIN – JUST WAIT UNTIL YURIKO FINDS OUT – SHE WILL TORTURE YOU UNTIL YOU CANNOT EVEN SCREAM THE NAME OF YOUR BELOVED DESSIE!"

I yawned.

"You're threats are nothing," said Hidan, scratching his head wearily.

"Leader and Hannah are much scarier," said Sasori.

Hidan shivered. "Fucking nightmares."

"SHUT UP! I'LL BURN YOU TOO! I'LL BURN YOU AND LISTEN TO YOUR SCREAMS AS THE SUN RISES!" He flipped us off and then darted down a side alley and disappearing from sight.

We stared after him in mild surprise, none of us quite sure what to say after that good old death-threat-and-flight routine.

"So Dessie has a cult now," said Sasori.

I sighed dramatically. "Well, I can't help it that men find me irresistible."

"I'm not part of any cult!" snapped Hidan.

"What about Jashin's cult?" I asked.

"Well, yes. But no other cult besides Jashin's!"

"He's not just part of the Dessie cult," said Sasori. "He's the president."

"Oh!" cried Aram, raising his hand in the air. "Can I be Treasurer?"

"You'll have to ask the president."

"No!" screamed Hidan. "You're not part of Dessie's cult! You're one of the Ikustaka!"

"I just quit," said Aram. "So my time, my heart, my being – they all belong to you, Dessie." He knelt on the ground before me and took my hand in his. "Do what you may with me, my beloved idol."

I grinned. "I could get used to this."


A/N: Dessie really does have a cult following. It could be a religion of its own. Dessiism. hahahaha Weird name. Anyways, thanks for all your review for the last chapter - please review this chapter with the same, um, vigor? That's a horrible word. Enthusiasm! Let's go with enthusiasm. Please review this chapter with the same enthusiasm.

Or the Cult of Dessie will come and find you when you least expect it.